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General Heroin Discussion 20 v. Walking Around in Women's Underwear

i got my 2nd vivitrol shot exactly a week ago and was reading about how suboxone has a higher affinity than naltrexone so I decided to try and shoot up some suboxone and I actually do have a slight buzz. and I havent done nothing all day, no benzos, no weed, nothin.

and I definitely feel a little buzz going

it's sad that I consider this a big deal in my life
 
subotai said:
i got my 2nd vivitrol shot exactly a week ago and was reading about how suboxone has a higher affinity than naltrexone so I decided to try and shoot up some suboxone and I actually do have a slight buzz. and I havent done nothing all day, no benzos, no weed, nothin.

and I definitely feel a little buzz going

it's sad that I consider this a big deal in my life
Click to expand...

I always thought suboxone would break through the vivitrol because of its insane binding affinity. I think Fent would break through it as well. Not that I'm advocating you doing that. If you do the sub again remember that less is usually more if you want a rush.
 
subotai said:
it's sad that I consider this a big deal in my life
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sad but true. its sad that we would even get a vivitrol shot to stop us from using and then try to find the drugs to break through the shot. we are sick fucking people, right? seriously, we are fucking insane w/ what we do and how we go about it.
 
it's a self fulfilling prophecy. you get the shot because you feel shitty about the dope use> but then you feel worthless you need the shot to begin with > youre only coping mechanism is drugs > you feel shitty enough that youre doing drugs > you get the shot.

substitute subs, 'dones, whathaveyou for the vivitrol.

every single one of us is plagued by a hyperactive comprehension of reality...kinda like the South Park episode where stan starts drinking. everything is shit. everything sounds like shit, tastes like shit, looks like shit, its shit.

the only time we ever get clean is when we find something (atleast in the short term) that makes us happier. usually its a person/job/etc. however, we know that heroin is like our mothers (sans any mommy issues you have). it's warm, comforting, and will always be there. the only issue is that its far easier to get/do heroin than it is to get out of it.

fuck, how many times do i post "trying to get clean," then disappear, then come back high as a motherfucker.

it's a worse cycle than a female's goddamn period.

since sunday. its been heroin, monday i hooked up with a female and didnt want dope, and now today i didnt even go to work. im just chewing valium and trying
to find any way to get heroin short of sucking a dick.

fucking more power to the ones that truly break the cycle. all i do is step away long enough for good shit to build up to the point that i can destroy it.

we're a hyperintelligent, very emotional, VERY fucked up group of people.

feel free to correct me if i didn't hit the nail on the head with this post. or maybe its just all the valium, klonopin, and weed in me right now. idk anymore.
 
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dude, thats a great post.. and you surly hit it right on the head. I love your reference to South Park; that was a great episode, and its so spot on. everything around me is shit. ha.

and you mention the only time we get clean; well, I've never been clean. not for more than 5 days, and those 5 days I was in detox and was taking drugs to get me off the dope as is; so it was far from clean. for the last 10 years, maybe more, I have always been on some type of drug; if not heroin, its something to block the use of heroin, like suboxone or methadone, both which are drugs themselves but something given to me at such a cheap price I can afford to take it daily.
 
I dont stop doing drugs I just cycle them around with benzos being the somewhat constant

do I feel bad about it?..... not really, but I guess you could say im selfish. but only because ive been forced to because of how heroin is looked at by society

when im high I will give you the shirt off my back and listen to your problems for as long as you want

when im not, I dont know you and dont care to know you.

I wish I could just take the positive effects of my heroin use and have that without, you know, fucking my life up and everything, but I cant

so I do it

and it feels good. and its easy to get. and that feels good.

so fuck it

and I like to shoot up, that's just become exciting in and of itself. watching the blood just shoot into the barrel, its kind of visually appealing in a way if you dont mind blood. or like just jerkin the thing around in your arm trying to hit a vein, I used to be afraid of needles and now I just dont care. and that feels kind of good too.
 
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Ohhhh heroin. Poison. The cure. Lover, but abusive as hell. I stay in the relationship because its what I know. I'm most comfortable when I'm on h, and have another shot on deck. I can't seem to let go! I got on sub again last night/early morning and then Fucking shot some h around noon. Waiting for a friend to finish some employment tour and then call me to let me know if he can spare another shot. Id like to save it for tomor morning but my will is weak. We'll see.

I used to only need to wait 16hours to dose sub... but for whatever reason this last tine I had to wait 30some hours. That suuuucks. Here I go again. Anyone have any idea why w/Ds are taint longer to increase severity? I hate it! That's a long wait! Is it maybe Cuz the h lately has longer legs?
 
jeebis said:
all i do is step away long enough for good shit to build up to the point that i can destroy it.

we're a hyperintelligent, very emotional, VERY fucked up group of people.

feel free to correct me if i didn't hit the nail on the head with this post. or maybe its just all the valium, klonopin, and weed in me right now. idk anymore.
Click to expand...

SO TRUE! It kills me to see how many of us come back even after we've repaired the broken relationships, repaid the debts and asked for forgiveness for the lies.

BostonBrownTown said:
the minute you see that blood you are already HIGH before you even push.
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Yep. It's guaranteed to make the withdrawal go away before the dope even enters my system.
 
jeebis said:
it's a self fulfilling prophecy. you get the shot because you feel shitty about the dope use> but then you feel worthless you need the shot to begin with > youre only coping mechanism is drugs > you feel shitty enough that youre doing drugs > you get the shot.

substitute subs, 'dones, whathaveyou for the vivitrol.

every single one of us is plagued by a hyperactive comprehension of reality...kinda like the South Park episode where stan starts drinking. everything is shit. everything sounds like shit, tastes like shit, looks like shit, its shit.

the only time we ever get clean is when we find something (atleast in the short term) that makes us happier. usually its a person/job/etc. however, we know that heroin is like our mothers (sans any mommy issues you have). it's warm, comforting, and will always be there. the only issue is that its far easier to get/do heroin than it is to get out of it.

fuck, how many times do i post "trying to get clean," then disappear, then come back high as a motherfucker.

it's a worse cycle than a female's goddamn period.

since sunday. its been heroin, monday i hooked up with a female and didnt want dope, and now today i didnt even go to work. im just chewing valium and trying
to find any way to get heroin short of sucking a dick.

fucking more power to the ones that truly break the cycle. all i do is step away long enough for good shit to build up to the point that i can destroy it.

we're a hyperintelligent, very emotional, VERY fucked up group of people.

feel free to correct me if i didn't hit the nail on the head with this post. or maybe its just all the valium, klonopin, and weed in me right now. idk anymore.
Click to expand...
Lot of truth in this post. You got a way with words man.
 
Well I'm back .... All it took was an old friend calling me and like the addict I am made two stops 1for rigs 2for dope.... Not only was it exactly what I wanted but as quickly as I started old habits my only connect in bham stole my money and fucked me over now here I am again using with no connect or way of connecting uggghh
 
thanks for the kind words about my post, guys. it makes me feel a *little* less like i wasted a full ride through a prepschool then a full ride through college.

but once again, im sitting here busting out bags on my laptop, listening to some Disco Biscuits, just popped 3 mg of klonopin, and am chainsmoking the very rare and legendary haze strain Liberty Haze (the real one, not the bougie ass seeds you see online). super silver haze x real ny sour diesel.

im hoping today is my last time with dope though. ive finally gotten back with the absolutely love of my life. i would be ecstatic to marry this girl but she deserves better than me. so i need to be better for her.

luckily she's also down as fuck, loves Phish, ketamine, and has huge benzo/adderall scripts + has known me for years/used to be a dope head her self so she atleast understands my struggle. luckily she cant smoke weed so i dont have to share that....unless its the super strong CO2 shatter i get. fastest method i know to make the panties drop, lol.

but like i said before....the only thing that will remotely stop us is someone or something who makes us happier than heroin does.
 
I hear you on the Liberty Haze jeebis im about to get some of that myself. I thought I would have it today but no luck so I wound up just helping my friend get some bags down the city in exchange for 2 8mg sub strips.

I introduced my friend to my dealer and he was like "yeah I can meet you up the road if you want, or just dont wear what youre wearin every time"

and I didnt even think of it but my friend had literally came straight from work and was in a collared shirt and khakis whereas I was in jeans, a raggly t shirt, and rock a goatee.

so we get his shit, I get my dude to hook him up because I told him he'd probably buy more tomorrow (he wont), and he shoots up right where we parked down the road a bit (not my idea but w/e) and he's like "Im a good driver when Im fucked up" and then he puts the shifter in drive and im just like

"dude, you didnt even start the car"

and we're just rolling towards this minivan in front of us and im like BRAKE BRAKE BRAKE

and he caught it just in time. so he drives me 3 minutes down the road to the chinese store to get my suboxone. the guy straight stays in the chinese restaurant and sells suboxone like he must have some kind of agreement with the owners.

so after that we stop in a McDs parking lot because I have to shoot my shit and then my friend says "I think im gonna do 2 more"

and I cant say shit because im shooting suboxone next to him so im just like "yeah go for it dude"

so as we're leaqvin McD's he nearly sideswipes another minivan and im sitting there like "fuck dude I hope this kid has a tolerance"

but we were all good, just a bit of swerving but no accidents. We stopped by the transportation center because I told him I had 75 cents in my pocket and could get a lucy and he was fiending for a cig all day.

So im at the transportation center and there's literally cops everywhere. no idea why but they were there. so I go into the Dunkin Donuts to make it look like im doing something and as im going in the guy coming out is like "lucys, lucys" and I was like "yo turn right back around I got you"

and lucies are only 50 cents but I just gave him the 75 because I didnt feel like counting anything

so we split the newport and he dropped me off at my house and the entire ride home he just kept asking me about his Apple computer that wasnt working and I must have told him like 50 times "yeah id have to look at it really" and he just kept talking about it because he wants to sell it for dope money.

by the time im home from work tomorrow I better be high as shit on some tree or im just going to wind up drinking this pint of Smirnoff I have laying around

at least you can get high jeebis, im still on vivitrol so suboxone is the only thing that will get me a really slight buzz
 
Weed becomes so much more important once I quit doing dope. I was for real freaking that I might run out this weekend before I finally found so e from a random aquantence.
 
Monchhichi said:
I've found that when running out, that last bit never works because the fear of waking up feeling like shit overpowers anything good you could feel.
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I feel you there. I often will sit there and save a "get well" dose just for the morning if I can get more the next day. Then even if shit gets delayed the day won't be horrible. But, then I'll be sitting there close to bed time and look at the little I plan to save, I think 'not worth, might as well get real high now'.

So then I do it and leave myself nothing for the next day. I just did what is probably 50% larger than my average dose...Yet, I won't get a good high. I just decided to leave myself nothing for the next day and that mind fuck takes over and brings you down, ruining the high.

Very similar is if I need to take a $ or tolerance break and I know it'll be the last high I have in a while. I always do more, and it always seems I don't get as high as I was anticipating. In that case the fear of switching to Subs and waiting until I'm sick enough, plus the couple days I will be mildly sick, will take away from my last high. I think it s a combo of over expectations for getting high that one last time and dreading how once this wears off I am sick for a day or 2.
 
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