Opiates and lingering effects of quitting them

[Light_at_the_end]

Hi there. I just wanted to share my experience and see if anyone has had this problem. I had been having severe stomach pain for a few years and it only happened once or twice a year. After having my children however, it started happening every couple of months. I went to my doctor and he have me zantac and prilosec. Well, neither worked. I had gone to the ER about 4 times because the pain was so intense and debilitating, I couldn't do anything but rock on my hands and knees (to relieve pressure on my stomach) and cry. They would give me and IV injection of morphine or dilaudid every time and it took it away instantly. I wouldn't eat for a few days because it would come back if I did. We did all kinds of testing, ultrasounds, endoscopy, CT scan, the gall bladder test, xrays, full panel blood tests, crohns disease testing, gluten allergy testing... Nothing. All the while my doctor was prescribing me norcos. Started off at 20 5/325mg to last a month. It wasn't enough and he gave me more as I asked. This went on for about 7 months until I reached 90 pills (same dosage). I had started taking them as a preventative and we all know that's NOT what norcos are for. I started being really happy, worry free, social, motivated to clean the house. Hell, my stomach didn't hurt and I had nothing but happy feelings going on! Until that one pill stopped working. Then it was 2, every 4-5 hours. Then uh oh, running out too early... Withdrawal.... Trying to get my doctor to give me more... Well, he caught on. I didn't realize the rabbit hole I had gone down. I didn't realize that I was growing a great relationship with my toddlers because I was happy with life, it was because the pills made me feel everything was okay. We ha e financial problems in our household big time. We have a few legal things going on that further the stress. We're down to one vehicle and no way for me to get to work so I stay with the kids. We're struggling, but everything was okay.
Until my doctor called me out. He was very kind as I'd never had an addiction problem with opiates before. I didn't think ANYTHING could take over my life like this. I've been on Xanax, Adderall, Klonopin... I've been on percocet for my csections, vicodin for wisdom teeth and back surgery. How in the world did this spiral out of control?
He said my anxiety (hence the xanax and the klonopin) was taking over me. I've been on every SSRI in the book and decided after I had my kids I would NEVER go back on them again as they changed my personality entirely.
He told me the norcos broke my barriers that I had built to control my stress without meds. He said my stomach got worse while I was on the norcos and he believes that's mental. I convinced myself I hurt so I could justify taking them. And he was right.
He gave me 60 more and said get off of them. Taper off and I'll be fine. I was on Gabapentin before pregnancy for anxiety instead of an SSRI and it was WONDERFUL. It worked better than any mood stabilizer I had taken. He put me back on it not only for anxiety but also to decrease the withdrawal effects of norcos (it helped a lot for the aches and pains). I of course had one last good time and for about a week went through 40 pills. I cut my last 20 in half, took one have twice a day for about a week then one half once a day for the remaining pills. I had a few days of intense trips to the bathroom and some strange headaches but otherwise, no problem. Or so I thought.
2 months later here I am, norco free. I don't really crave it anymore and I don't think about them. However, my anxiety that used to be quiet, standoffish, unnoticeable anxiety turned into rage. Screaming, yelling, taking everything out on my kids and husband. If any little thing stressed me out in the slightest, BOOM, explosion. I could not believe how horrible I was acting, this was not me. I am not a B word. I am not a bad mom. But the norcos had truly destroyed all my coping mechanisms and there I was, back at square one.
I saw my doctor last week. I told him what was going on. He said no one, especially my kids, deserves these outbursts just because my brain is adjusting to life without opiates. He put my back on Klonopin (I was on it about 5 years ago) 0.5mg 2x a day. I have early mornings and long days with my kids so I've been taking half in the morning, half in the afternoon. I take my full pill in the evening, the full one helps me fall asleep without laying there stressing and worrying for hours.
So my question. Did anyone else get this severe change in personality after stopping an opiate? How long until I adjust? Is it just my anxiety has taken a different course? I plan to get off the benzos as soon as I can control my anger but I'm not sure how long it it will take. Advice? Experience? ?

 

[Azure Cloud]

Totally normal while your brain is readjusting to sobriety. I quit taking pills 11 months ago and while I regained most of myself after 8 months (i came off a 15 year addiction so it shouldn't take you this long) I still can't stand for my cat to touch me. I loved this cat and he is a beautiful Russian Blue that everyone compliments but since giving up opiates and amphetamines I can't handle the feel of him on me.

Great job getting off the Norco by the way!!!

 

[Light_at_the_end]

I'm glad you responded. I was so worried that no one felt how I did, I thought maybe I was just going crazy. Norcos are just terrible! Without them, I'm just a jerk and my kids don't deserve it. Thank you though, I'm so proud I got off then. I see so many horror stories of people going from norcos to percs to oxy to heroin. I saved myself but the depression and anger really takes it's toll. Good job for getting off them too, I'd imagine it would be super tough after 15 years. The struggle is so real.

 

[Need4speed]

you never truely get " off " opiates

 

[Azure Cloud]

you never truely get " off " opiates

I did. I certainly don't crave em anymore (never say never...I know). From too many relapses to count I finally learned that opiates do not help my life. My wife is prescribed 90mg per day of morphine for pain management and 10 mg Adderall per day for fatigue and add, I have not taken nor have been tempted to take her medicine for almost a year now.

L.A.T.E. You are suffering from PAWS at the moment. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. This is the truly challenging part of active sobriety. It is easy to not take opiates while suffering active withdrawals and feeling like death. But now you are not physically suffering, only mentally as you brain continues to heal. Depression, fatigue, loss of motivation characterized this state for me. Anger and short temper is probably not uncommon either as you are dopamine deficient right now. This does get better. For most there is a big turn around at 3 months. For those of us with longer habits it can be significantly longer. But the good news is that it does get better. Eating healthy and exercising help tremendously!!!!!

 

[Need4speed]

dopamine stimulation, how do you gain it back with supplementation ?

 

[Azure Cloud]

dopamine stimulation, how do you gain it back with supplementation ?

In the log run, it's best to go about it naturally. However I found l-tyrosine extremely usefully my first few weeks off amphetimine.

It's a dopamine precursor and needs to be taken on an empty stomach - at least 2hours after food and at least half an hour before food.

 

[Light_at_the_end]

I couldn't do it on my own though, which makes me sad. I'm content on Gabapentin and Klonopin right now but even with my mix of meds, the anger and depression kicks in. I don't want the benzo effect, being relaxed and zombified isn't what I like or need. I liked having energy, I liked being able to clean the house happily, I liked the social butterfly effect that norcos gave me. I'm struggling with doing all these tasks now because everything seems meh. I know it will go away and I know I won't relapse. I would have already, I have some one I can call at anytime. But I'm stronger than this... I just can't wait until it goes away. I'm so NOT a depressed person. Anxious, yes. But this depression stuff is for the birds.

 

[Light_at_the_end]

I've also changed my diet and I eat so much healthier. No pop, no fast food, no greasy pizza or anything. Exercising is tough because of my two toddlers, they never give me a break and I always have things to do. I'm taking them for walks and what not but that's about it. We play outside a lot though, the fresh air and sun helps. I've been reading and getting a lot more into anything spacey and relating to the universe. Learning about all the fascinating things that makes us up really helped open my eyes to the bigger picture. Currently reading a few books by Stephen Hawking and it blows my mind! There's so much more to think about than drugs and my sad thoughts!

 

[cj]

Yeah it's called Post acute withdrawal syndrome or PAWS as it is commonly caused. It will last up too a year for some people. It's just your brain trying to reestablish homeostasis in your endorphin center. The koloopin should help along with the gabapentin. I also suggest getting n with a therapist to help you rebuild some coping mechanisms.