Stimlover22
Bluelighter
Hey BLers..
I'm going to try to make this as short as possible as I hate burdening people with long posts. Roughly 4 months ago, I tried to donate blood. It was my first donation and I left successfully. 1 week later, I get a call from the RN telling me they need me to come in for results. I started panicking. So I went to the blood bank, spoke with the RN on duty and she spilled the beans about my blood. She told me that my blood tested positive for Hepatitis-C. She then informed me that they would be doing a confirmation test on the sample and I will know in a few more days if I actually have the virus. I didn't waste time, I immediately went straight from the blood bank to my PDOC and he did his own blood work. I got the same result, positive for Hep - C. Lastly, he said he wanted to do a test called the "Viral Load" to see if and how much of the virus is in my body. They called 3 days after that viral load test and told me that I DO NOT have active Hep-C in my body but am positive only for the antibodies of hepatitis and that I probably contracted the virus at some point in time ( I hadn't shot up in 3 years at this time) and that I will always test positive for antibodies of it.
Soo... present time.. 3 weeks ago, my neighbor and I were just hanging out and chillin. He is an active IV drug user and we broke out a bottle of sleeping pills and we both were popping them like candy. He breaks out his rig, and shoots up one of the pills.
This is where it all went VERY bad...
I wasn't anywhere near the right frame of mind at all but somehow the urge to shoot up again resurfaced and being under the influence of zolpidem, I succumbed to the urge. I told him to let me use his rig because I couldn't stand watching him shoot up drugs anymore and I wanted a taste. He told me to wash it with bleach first and OF COURSE I didn't.. I shot up zolpidem with my neighbor's HEP- C positive blood. As soon as I woke up, I rememebered everything and what I had done. It's haunting me now to this day because I don't know if I contracted the virus again and im too scared, ashamed, and mortified to possibly go back to my doctor and get retested again.
To make matters so much worse, my wife is a nurse and has no idea that I am a closeted drug user/nor that I once had in IV addiction to crystal meth about 3 years ago. How in the world can I get this weight off my chest now. My friend tried reassuring me that " Well man, maybe I don't have hep-c anymore, idk".. but his attempted was short lived. I can't sleep at night, i'm on edge and it's all my dumbass fault. Months ago when I first found out I atleast had the antibodies for hepatitis, I was blown away because I had never shared needles with anyone before and the last time I had shot up before this whole fiasco was in 2012...
Jesus, what am I supposed to do now? This incident that happened a few weeks ago is the first time I've EVER shared a needle, and had I had a sober mind at the time I sure as hell wouldn't have shot up and especially would have never shared a needle with a friend, let alone with one who claims to have hepatitis C.. I'm lost and broken.. don't know what to do or how to go about it. Thanks for any advice.
I'm going to try to make this as short as possible as I hate burdening people with long posts. Roughly 4 months ago, I tried to donate blood. It was my first donation and I left successfully. 1 week later, I get a call from the RN telling me they need me to come in for results. I started panicking. So I went to the blood bank, spoke with the RN on duty and she spilled the beans about my blood. She told me that my blood tested positive for Hepatitis-C. She then informed me that they would be doing a confirmation test on the sample and I will know in a few more days if I actually have the virus. I didn't waste time, I immediately went straight from the blood bank to my PDOC and he did his own blood work. I got the same result, positive for Hep - C. Lastly, he said he wanted to do a test called the "Viral Load" to see if and how much of the virus is in my body. They called 3 days after that viral load test and told me that I DO NOT have active Hep-C in my body but am positive only for the antibodies of hepatitis and that I probably contracted the virus at some point in time ( I hadn't shot up in 3 years at this time) and that I will always test positive for antibodies of it.
Soo... present time.. 3 weeks ago, my neighbor and I were just hanging out and chillin. He is an active IV drug user and we broke out a bottle of sleeping pills and we both were popping them like candy. He breaks out his rig, and shoots up one of the pills.
This is where it all went VERY bad...
I wasn't anywhere near the right frame of mind at all but somehow the urge to shoot up again resurfaced and being under the influence of zolpidem, I succumbed to the urge. I told him to let me use his rig because I couldn't stand watching him shoot up drugs anymore and I wanted a taste. He told me to wash it with bleach first and OF COURSE I didn't.. I shot up zolpidem with my neighbor's HEP- C positive blood. As soon as I woke up, I rememebered everything and what I had done. It's haunting me now to this day because I don't know if I contracted the virus again and im too scared, ashamed, and mortified to possibly go back to my doctor and get retested again.
To make matters so much worse, my wife is a nurse and has no idea that I am a closeted drug user/nor that I once had in IV addiction to crystal meth about 3 years ago. How in the world can I get this weight off my chest now. My friend tried reassuring me that " Well man, maybe I don't have hep-c anymore, idk".. but his attempted was short lived. I can't sleep at night, i'm on edge and it's all my dumbass fault. Months ago when I first found out I atleast had the antibodies for hepatitis, I was blown away because I had never shared needles with anyone before and the last time I had shot up before this whole fiasco was in 2012...
Jesus, what am I supposed to do now? This incident that happened a few weeks ago is the first time I've EVER shared a needle, and had I had a sober mind at the time I sure as hell wouldn't have shot up and especially would have never shared a needle with a friend, let alone with one who claims to have hepatitis C.. I'm lost and broken.. don't know what to do or how to go about it. Thanks for any advice.
