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acid ruined me

O

Odamiani

Greenlighter
Joined
May 26, 2015
Messages
22
hello, I already posted in the psychadelic forum about a week ago but my problems seem to be progressively getting worse and I don't know what else to do. I dropped acid a little over a month ago, the next day felt depressed, suicidal, but I knew that was sometime a side effect of acid. I realized I didn't feel emotions anymore, towards anyone. especially the people I love most such as my mom, my boyfriend, my friends. when I posted about that I got many supportive responses telling me that it was a common side effect. that made me feel better until things took a turn for the worse. I know self diagnosing is not something you should do, but I honestly believe I deceloped HOCD. I know it strikes when a persons brain is most vulnerable and that fits with my situation. for those unfamiliar to HOCD-it is a type of OCD that attacks straight people and tries to convince them they are wrong about their sexual identity. while deep down the person knows their identity, OCD is illogical and will use anything to trick the mind. anyways, this triggered a breakdown, as I am sure of mysed and these thoughts are killing me. I also have terrible depressing thoughts about honestly everything. I have never been se depressed in my life. Before acid, I had so much going for me. I was so motivated. now I feel as if I don't even know myself. don't know how long I can put up with this. does anyone have experience with this:( I feel like my problems are just layering on top of eachother and that more are being created.
 
I had a really bad reaction to a trip that sent me off into personal madness for a while. I didn't have hocd but looking back it was pretty bad and seems like an almost schizophrenic in that I had visuals for over a year. They were minor and were much like a mild trip in that I couldn't stare at anything for longer than a second because it would start breathing and melt. It was like I was permanently on a light trip for over a year but it was no fun. On top of the minor hallucinations I started getting crazy anxiety and started staying home more, I felt like a different person. Things got better and it went away thank god but people say that what happened to me is bullshit, or that I had a underling mental illness, but I didn't have any before the incident and it went away, I haven't had any problems sense. So I truly think its like this, some people get shell shock from war, but not every soldier does. I totally believe that you can have even more intense experiences than a war on hallucinogens. So having a bad trip I think can have more of an effect that people give it credit for. I totally believe you can get PTSD from a bad trip, but thats is just my opinion.
Did these thoughts originate during your trip? I've had thought loops that happen when I tripped that wouldn't go away and soe was healthy some was not. LSD opens doors in your mind that don't always close after the trip. If you're young it could just be a thing that is running its course. All I can say is give yourself some time. Don't do anything rash and try and find ways to fill your time up with not thinking. If things get uncontrollable than see a doctor, but give yourself some time.
 
David Wooderson said:
I had a really bad reaction to a trip that sent me off into personal madness for a while. I didn't have hocd but looking back it was pretty bad and seems like an almost schizophrenic in that I had visuals for over a year. They were minor and were much like a mild trip in that I couldn't stare at anything for longer than a second because it would start breathing and melt. It was like I was permanently on a light trip for over a year but it was no fun. On top of the minor hallucinations I started getting crazy anxiety and started staying home more, I felt like a different person. Things got better and it went away thank god but people say that what happened to me is bullshit, or that I had a underling mental illness, but I didn't have any before the incident and it went away, I haven't had any problems sense. So I truly think its like this, some people get shell shock from war, but not every soldier does. I totally believe that you can have even more intense experiences than a war on hallucinogens. So having a bad trip I think can have more of an effect that people give it credit for. I totally believe you can get PTSD from a bad trip, but thats is just my opinion.
Did these thoughts originate during your trip? I've had thought loops that happen when I tripped that wouldn't go away and soe was healthy some was not. LSD opens doors in your mind that don't always close after the trip. If you're young it could just be a thing that is running its course. All I can say is give yourself some time. Don't do anything rash and try and find ways to fill your time up with not thinking. If things get uncontrollable than see a doctor, but give yourself some time.
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how do you feel now? and no the only rational thought I can remember having was a very scary one when I thought I was the only person alive, that I was every person in the universe all at once, my best friend hated me. wasnt a good trip. I just want to go back to how I was.
 
I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way I am just trying to better understand this.

So, before acid you were a female who was attracted to men and now a month later you're a female who wants to become a man?

Are you still attracted to females?

Based on your description of the trip if the drug you took was lsd it must have been a rather large dose.

The disorders in the DSM-5 are not like a physical law. (<understatement) Although, given your situation I would consult a mental health professional.
 
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Mustapha Mond said:
So, before acid you were a female who was attracted to men and now a month later you're a female who wants to become a man?

Are you still attracted to females?
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"HOCD, also known as Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a form of OCD that a person has when they have a fear of unwanted thoughts that they might somehow be attracted to the same sex.

@OP

time will definitely help, as will interrupting the momentum of thoughts leading to depression and anxiety (experience fully the sensations of breath/of walking/of touch/feelings inside the body). i felt traumatised for months after a difficult experience on lsd a year ago. now i look back on it as a tremendous growing experience for me.
 
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Oh, thanks^. I wasn't sure if it was a transgender thing.

Perhaps op has just realized that she likes women, and the acid had nothing to do with it.
 
well, even if she does on some level have a sexual interest in women, it seems like her mind is strongly averse to the idea.

seems to be more of an anxiety thing to me. like i could worry about being ugly, and i might be ugly or i might not be ugly, but my fear of being ugly will consume me and taint daily interactions with worry.
 
I understand that part, similar to cognitive dissonance. It was not clear to me what HOCD is.
 
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OP, try not to focus on the problem so much. Focus on the solution. Realize that you are in control of your mind. You have the power to overcome this. In spite of what your feelings and thoughts are at this time, these experiences are valuable experiences. I'm not talking about having a bad trip, when we go through mental battles it gives us resilience and strength. This may be the hardest thing you ever go through and you can let it ruin you or decide to overcome it. I know you have it in you to overcome this. It may seems like it's never going away but time will heal this. You have more control than you give yourself credit for. I have no doubt that you will make a full recovery. The dark side can be troubling, but there is quite a bit of light in it when you overcome these things. Hoping for a speedy recovery for you.
 
The first and only question for anyone who has experiences these symptoms would be: Were you getting 100% real LSD-25?
 
^Well, it was certainly some strong stuff. When I first read this I thought she might give a whole new meaning to the phrase "tripping balls"
 
EnlightenedOne1 said:
I highly doubt it was LSD.
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Maybe so, I can fully sympathize with your position. No need to have more non-sense circulating about LSD than is already out there. I feel you on that.

At this point, it doesn't really matter what she took, just so long as she can muster up the strength to get through it.
 
I swear this happened to me but not cuz of any drugs. The HOCD thing. I'd constantly be getting these fucked up thoughts about being attracted to men and catching thoughts saying "he's cute" coming out of my head. It was fucked and I had done a low dose of DXM around then and legit saw CEVs of boys and sparkles and gay shit. Was fucking concerning to say the least.

Eventually I found enough evidence to support that I indeed am straight and have emotional connections to only women and well my friends. Basically this is the mind losing faith in it's preference and then triggers anxiety.

You have to realize that you are NOT all of your thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts. Don't let your mind beat you. You have to beat your mind. Ask yourself. What is it you like about girls? You find them attractive? That's completely normal. I find like Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds attractive. As do most people. They are generally just attractive people. Insecure people will never be able to admit it.

What else you like about girls? Can you love another woman and be with them? I realized I definitely couldn't do that with men. Can you comfortably have sex with another woman WITHOUT regretting it and feeling like it's wrong? I've never even tried but I've had gay experiences when young but it wasn't anything to turn me gay I guess.

You must logically show your mind how you truly feel about the situation. Do you watch gay porn? I've done it but it felt weird so it wasn't right for me.

I'm at the stage where I still get those thoughts randomly but not often. I don't think I'm gay. Being gay is counter-productive towards humanity so it's not right IMO. Having gay sex on the other hand can be normal depending on how you treat sex. There's lots of men who start the porn industry doing gay porn but that doesn't mean they're gay.

Ask yourselves these questions.
 
OP if I were you I would not try to dwell on the subject that is discomforting you by over analyzing it too much. I have had a lot of strong LSD trips effect me in very odd, profound ways. I agree with the notion that thoughts are just thoughts, and are only as powerful as you make them out to be.

I had a lot of issues dealing with anxiety due to PTSD caused by abusing a lot of hallucinogens and empathogens, really any drug I could get my hands on. My abuse was the worst probably between the ages of 15 and 22. By that point my ego had been dissolved so many times I didn't have a clue as to who truly was supposed to be anymore. I completely lost myself, but not in a good way like I had thought I would.

My point is, if you do your best to recognize these obsessive thoughts for what they are, then eventually things will get better for you. I have had similar thoughts, feelings...so have countless others. You are not alone. It's completely normal.
 
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