did i fry my brain on mdma??

[braindead777]

I need a little help guys.. I use to do a lot of molly and would atop my SSRI for 3-5 days to roll and usualy couldn't get any effects from the drug at least like I use to. I thought maybe I depleted my serotonin or damaged the receptors themselves over the coarse of my year long substance abuse. After I had done molly the last time and had been on the ssribfor a week, I quit cold turkey and now I'm facing worlds of problems and the symptoms I'll describe have been consistent and haven't gotten better for 3 months.. I have insomnia some nights to the point of sleep paralasis and where my para sympathetic nervous system kicks in and wrapps around my head sending a terrible shock of electricity through my whole body that makes my legs kick.. I have definate signs of low serotonin like poor memory, feeling cold and uncomfortable, anxiety, and paranoia. I did use alcohol quite agressivly in an attempt to combat the SSRI withdrawl and to my suprise i had no zaps or vertigo. No I thought maybe I lowered my gaba and my serotonin both which has made it impossible to make my inhibitory receptors dominant over dopamine and glutamate, how ever when I supplement tryptophan I feel the effects very strongly and almost like a quick fix that lasts an hour and then I feel drained. That let me to beleive that I had damaged my gaba system so I began supplementing gaba and taurine to fins the effects very intense as well to where it took my breath away, then proceeding I would calm down. Feel great, then start to get the brain zaps I never got with SSRI withdrawl?! So I have been attempting to raise the gaba levels to sorta get my brain to realize I need to activate some more receptors or even just let the serotonin levels rise rather than burning out. However I've started to notice that after a few days of doing this, the gaba will just drop to compensate with the low serotonin And I will be even more hyperactive than when I went I took the gaba.. The unfortunate thing is that before MDMA use and before SSRIs I only ever had a slight social anxiety issues and now I feel like I'm unfixable and many doctors who dont have any answers have caused me to think that maybe an SSRI for longterm may be my only solution.. Or maybe I can use it to make my levels rise and lower the glutamate? Thenbslowly tapper? I know 3 months is a long time and that has to be enough to at least fix me a little bit.. But why do I feel so stuck?? What can i do?? Please help..

 

[Maya]

I was in the same situation before, 2012 i over used and took too much and suffered for about a year. Like you, i thought i am stuck and never got better. All you can do is wait and it does take time to get better. Recovery is differenr for everyone so do not compare to others. Be as healthy as yoi can. Eliminate all drugs as possible and most importantly, exercise, do yoga and meditation. The calmer your mind is, the better.

The electric shocks you are experiencing are called brain zaps and I have also experienced that. I believe it's the brain's way of re-wiring your receptors to get back into it's original state. Just live it alone and let it do it's job.

 

[Allein]

Time is a great healer, I hammered this stuff week in week out for 9 years with ever increasing dosing.

I can't tolerate SSRI at all and TBH I don't think medication is the answer.

Maya's wise words are all you need, good living, somekind of relaxation / meditation activity, I did Tia chi as I could get on with the meditation thing.

I never suffered brain zaps from MDMA but I sure did when I came off the AD Venlafaxine, they lasted 6-8 weeks but did eventually subside, they are unpleasant but a sign your brain is finding a more natural chemical balance.

Whilst I've know a number of people take some time to feel they have recovered from such situations I know of no one who feels they have serious long term effects. I'm not suggesting it doesnt happen but I know 100s of people who took a great deal of this substance and damage wise is has a pretty good profile.

I certainly has psychological issues relating to my years of use, for a long time nothing in my life compared to that feeling and this contributed to depression that had started many years earlier. Now I accept that I enjoyed those times and I hold them dear to my heart but I've moved on, I had a good go at it and I think it had little else to give.

10 years later and I'm doing fine, I'm not proud of the amount of this drug I used but given it was beyond 500 doses it seems likely that of it was as nontoxic as a few reports would have you believe I would be in serious trouble, neither me nor the people from back then I'm still in contact with seem to have problems that could be directly linked to MDMA. I'm in no doubt I must have changed my brain in some way but I genuinely feel I gained more than I lost, don't let go of the good times.

Keep busy and don't obsess about what MDMA may or may not have done to you as you will never know. Give it 2 or 3 months and see how you are, if you still feel low and anxious you may want to seek treatment, I would try a talking therapy first, CBT for example. You may think that because you believe these issues are to do with brain chemistry you need medication, I'm not convinced it is that simple at all. I used MDMA to provide happiness and fulfillment, without it there was an empty space and anxieties and long standing problems filled the gaps, I have used ADs but talking therapies have been far more effective.

Good luck

 

[braindead777]

Thank you for your guy's responses, I just feel so hopeless.. I feel like the gaba isn't working for me any more to bring back the SSRI withdrawl and Im having issues where no matter what I do I can't sleep ,I get this sensation of hyperactivity and burning hot electricity in my neck that keeps me awake.. Its much different from the head zaps I some times get after taking gaba, its like high glutamate and hypertension that keeps me in fight or flight mode. Its just so unbearable and I haven't seen much recovery in the past 3 months..

 

[Allein]

I would honestly cease all medications, brain chemistry is a complex thing that is far from well understood. I've taken numerous ADs and all of them gave really quite extreme side effects.

I would really try and take MDMA out of the picture, it may well have triggered some or all of your problems but there is no treatment as little evidence exists and it will vary wildly from one person to another.

Like many people that post here in similar situations, I do wonder how much is being caused by anxiety and worry about what damage you may have done to yourself. Do you think about this often ? what makes you so sure MDMA has damaged your brain ? Anxiety comes in many forms, it took therapy for me to just understand that I was anxious as I never had panic attacks or even recognized how it was affecting me.

Have you seen a doctor and just presented you symptoms without mentioning MDMA ? if this has been going on for 3 months I would start being more proactive, for all you know these issues are nothing to do with MDMA and may be something that can identified and treated.

 

[braindead777]

That's the thing! Before the ecstacy and SSRI use I only had mild social anxiety.. And now its such a big mess that I can't figure out if its just going to take time ,if I made it harder to recover from the SSRI by using alcohol, or if I've caused permanent damage to my brain from mdma

 

[Erikmen]

I was in the same situation before, 2012 i over used and took too much and suffered for about a year. Like you, i thought i am stuck and never got better. All you can do is wait and it does take time to get better. Recovery is differenr for everyone so do not compare to others. Be as healthy as yoi can. Eliminate all drugs as possible and most importantly, exercise, do yoga and meditation. The calmer your mind is, the better.

The electric shocks you are experiencing are called brain zaps and I have also experienced that. I believe it's the brain's way of re-wiring your receptors to get back into it's original state. Just live it alone and let it do it's job.

I agree with you, it takes time and everyone is different. I have been fighting hard to recover my endorphins from quitting opiates, and exercises made me feel significantly better. It's difficult in the beginning but the results will be your motivation.
Good luck!
Erik

 

[F1n1shed]

Funny how MDMA makes you the most social creature while on it, but after quite the opposite. I became socially retarded from rolling every month or two and pot usage. Like i forgot who I was, what was my personality? Weird shit, i would not continue to roll at all it is NOT worth it. Plenty of other drugs to do with great euphoria and less consequences. Also if after a couple months you are seeing no improvement, staying on an SSRI might not be a bad idea.

 

[Allein]

That's the thing! Before the ecstacy and SSRI use I only had mild social anxiety.. And now its such a big mess that I can't figure out if its just going to take time ,if I made it harder to recover from the SSRI by using alcohol, or if I've caused permanent damage to my brain from mdma

This says a great deal, you had an existing issue and now it is more acute, there seems no real connection between the 2 other than timming.

Both SSRIs and MDMA affect the behaviors of certain receptors in the brain and so alter the balance of those chemicals, these mechanisms are not fully understood and from peoples varying reactions to these drugs (especially ADs) it seems we are are all different as well.

It has been suggested that MDMA can diminish serotonin receptors in the brain although evidence isnt conclusive, if that was a cast iron effect then it would seem that SSRIs would help but I could tolerate them and it seems you havent got on well with them either.

Are you drinking now ? alcohol won't help with anxiety or your general well being although I doubt it would effect your symptoms from ceasing SSRIs.

What we do know is you have anxiety issues before and now further down the line it's worse, that isnt unusual for such a condition, my depression built up over many years before becoming a serious issue.

I assume you had some depression as SSRIs would do little for anxiety, some recent tests have shown that talking therapies are just as if not more effective than ADs. It really sounds like you would benefit from come counselling / therapy, so you can start dealing with this long standing issues and talk through your concerns about these drugs you have used. You may feel this is unlikely to be of benefit as you have a damaged brain but such treatments normally benefit anyone, show me a person who has no anxieties or self doubt etc and I'll show you a lier.

Your brain will sort out whatever imbalance it may have, new pathways and connections are being made all the time but the balance is directly related to your anxieties, stresses and all the rest of it, you can't fix one without the other.

If your brain is damaged by MDMA mine must be as well and I'm getting by, I do have my own mental health problems but I never dwell on what may have caused these as it doesnt help in moving forward.

Your thoughts seem very much confused and mixed up with this, ( I say this with compassion ) talking it through with a therapist may help gain some clarity so you can start making positive changes

 

[braindead777]

Thank you, that is encouraging, and no I'm not drinking at all since 3 ago, I exercise everyday and eat a very healthy diet, its just concerning when I get rebound days that seem as bad as the first. I agree I think therapy would be helpful, I think my biggest problem is the physical pain from the electricity from trying to sleep, and the insomnia that keeps me up for up to 4 days and drives me crazy.. It seemed to me that by drinking I had damaged both the gaba system and mdma damaged the serotonin, and I had gone off the SSRI many times before with no problem but with the use of alcohol it illimated the withdrawl that I feel like I needed to recover. I really hope time fixes this. Its just at the point where its so unbearable that its making me set my life aside to deal with it, and I dont want to see it pass me by..

 

[Allein]

Sleep issues can really grind you down, I've had both a benzo and alcohol problem in the past and ongoing long tern issues with stimulants so my sleep is dreadful.

I used Diazepam heavily for a couple of years on and off and drank heavily during some of that time, it;s hard to say if it's had a long term effect, possibly although my sleep had been a problem for a long time prior, I have problems switching off and can be lying there worrying about stuff at 3am

I tend to wake in the early hours having only got off after 12, I just get up these days and go down stairs, watch TV use the net and maybe get a bit of a dose. I work full time but manage OK on 4-5 hours on average, it's not ideal but its better then blacking out on benzos and booze every night.

It sounds like you've already come a long way in removing drugs from the equation, I was honestly astounded at the improvement I got from one to one CBT treatment and I avoid such things normally ...all that people stuff ( I suspect you know what I mean). Amongst some really practical things to get me more active and feel better about myself he managed to dig deeper and get to some deep seated issues that I just didnt realise were so central to how i felt about myself, without trying to explain all the relationship with my father or lack of was tearing my life apart and had been since childhood, just knowing made a massive difference as I could start to understand what I had been feeling about myself all those years and how having a son of my own had added to the whole thing.

Nothing was ever raised by any therapist, doctor of psychiatrist suggesting anything other than some of my drug use had been self medicating, albeit medicating that was ultimately counter productive.

Getting back on an even keel when you've been having a hard time isnt an easy ride and improvement can be difficult to see in the early days. You'll get through this to a better place, I'm not without my problems but it's been a while since I genuinely fell to bits and I hope not to go back there again.

Please let us know how your getting on and feel free to PM me if you like

 

[braindead777]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it, I'll definitely keep you guys posted. Thats encouraging knowing that you got through all that Allein, and Who knows, maybe this is the last cloud in the storm, just got to keep pushing there's no turning back now. Do you have any recommendations for dealing with the insomnia? Or insight as to why it could be as bad as electricity surging through my head every time I relax? Melatonin doesn't quite seem to cut it for me

 

[Allein]

I tried prescribed meds, Zopiclone and Zolpidem ( in the UK benzos are rarely provided) neither worked. My own Bnenzo use (illicit supply) di work to tart with but it got a long way out of control, amounts I'm embassed to post, then I started drinking a bottle of whiskey a day, over all it just made things worse.

My problem isnt getting to sleep which is mostly OK but I often wake at 3-4am, I just get up. Iy=t orks better for me than the frustration of lieing there awke fro hours, its nt really a solution but I live with it and rarely feel tired . I would avoid sleeping tablets, the effects soon diminish. Whe you say electricity surging through your head does it feel like a buzzy electric charge, you can hear it and really does feel like an sustain electoc current for a few seconds and it repeats over and over?

 

[braindead777]

I'll feel ok until I'm just about to drift off, then I get this electric feeling that grips my head, almost like that weight that is suppose to be above your eyes that makes u tiered gets lifted super quick, then I feel this electricity at the same time that doesn't leave , usualy stays the whole night but I'm more aware when i try to sleep again, its like a buzz and hotness in my neck that has to do with my nervous system. So scary. Vegitable juice and gaba seem to help sometimes

 

[braindead777]

Its very different from zaps, when I have enough gaba I actualy get the zaps, with this its more like a lack of gaba.which makes sense because gaba controls neuron firing speed, and if I have no serotonin when my gaba is higher I can uld be aware of that and get zaps, then it tries to readjust so gaba drops to serotonins level and I can't sleep due to an over powering para sympathetic nervous system

 

[Erikmen]

I have sleeping problems ever since I´m sober. It gets better with exercises and good habits but I always wake up 2 to three times every night and don´t sleep right away when I go to bed.
I feel this is getting less severe each every month. Not as much as I would have expected but better.

 

[CfZrx]

^Hi Erik! Last week I found that a tea of valerian root, skullcap, and jatamansi is suuuuper sleepy. The Jatamansi must be the magic trick because I never slept like that from valerian or skullcap.