socko
Bluelighter
Do you think the desire to create the image of never being alone is behind the success of social media taht make someone look popular but don't seem to be based on any kind of deep and meaningful relationships like "Facebook?" Behind the popularity of Fraternities and Sororities in college?...
Loneliness is so incredibly powerful. That deep drive to be seen and heard and acknowledged can make us individually and collectively completely lose our bearings (and end up with the horrendous world of image over authenticity, possessions trumping knowledge and compassion, etc, etc). But In my experience loneliness, when fully embraced, can be the most liberating learning experience of this whole little set of years we call a life. I feel like most little kids don't feel lonely unless they are abused or truly neglected. I never remember feeling lonely as a young child. It was comfortable, even desirable, to be alone and I was as happy playing by myself as I was playing with my siblings or a friend. But adolescence changed all that and suddenly loneliness became so threatening that without even realizing the change, I would do anything to avoid feeling it. I would hang out with people that made me uncomfortable, stay with a boy that I didn't really care for and do anything I could to create the image that I was never alone--all the while feeling more and more lonely.
Do you think most people in modern cultures go through this? I felt horribly lonely as a child, but I got over it in college. I realized that I don't like being around most (99 % ) people for various reasons. I have never had a FAcebook account or been in a Fraternity, and I've tended to not care what anybody thinks about me irl. I don't mind being the person who sits alone with a notebook or sketchpad or whatever. Since then, I can spend a year alone in a cabin in the desert and not feel lonely.Looking back now I see that it wasn't so much that I wanted to feel loved as it was that I wanted the world to see that I was loved. That is probably when I started to lose that deep and unconscious relationship to myself, when image started to replace substance. I think my whole trajectory is pretty common for young people in modern cultures and I feel lucky to have had interventions that derailed it. I know plenty of people my age that seem to be still stuck in that rut.
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Even where I am now, I don't care what if I project the image of a loner ... but this is the first time since childhood that I felt lonely and I've really felt the need to have a friend or two. I had to learn the language, and I find myself doing social activities all the time and have made a few friends.
Of course, I am extremely selective about who I make friends with - even more now than when I was in college. I think because I'm in a city without daily access to nature other than something like le jardin du Luxembourg. The nearest thing to the wilderness I'm used to is 4 hours away by train.
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