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How long do/did you expect to live?

JessFR

JessFR

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Ok so I'm a bit high right now so if this is the wrong forum for this thread or anything feel free to move or close it.

I was just outside having a smoke and thinking to myself... I'm 26, at one point I somewhat doubted id even live this long, now I somewhat doubt ill live much past my 30s. Just to be clear I'm not talking about suicide, at least not exclusively. I can't exactly explain why I expect to die young. Just a combination of dangerous lifestyle and poor mental health and a history of self harm and suicide attempts. I just never really expected to live very long. As a teenager I expected to die in my early 20s. Almost died at 22 when I tried to kill myself and was in hospital for a while.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way? Feeling like you just know you'll probably die fairly young, and if you defied that expectation or haven't found out yet or whatever. And why you might feel that way. I can't be the only one who feels like this. I don't feel suicidal anymore, but I still can't picture living to middle age. I'm not afraid of it or afraid to die. If anything I'm probably more afraid of getting old. I've lived a lot of my life under the assumption I had no future so I'm not very prepared for the prospect of having one.

Anyone else relate to what I'm saying?
 
We're not all young, though I'm 51 and you probably think that's ancient. It isn't, I assure you. However, I can easily see myself as having not much longer to live. My parents died at 50 and 53, cancer and heart attack. Throughout my life this has coloured my vision of how long I will live and I've lived life accordingly, ie to the full.

At 48 I got cancer. I'm rid of it but am under no illusions it will return, probably within the next ten years. And! This particualar cancer, it's one of the most common killer of men there is. Along with this I have Peripheral Vascular Disease, two blocked arteries in my legs. You only have three. My walking is becoming more restricted. So I continue to live life to the full. Just back from second sixth month world trip and have another six weeks away planned for driving through Europe in the summer. I still take certain recreational drugs too, I've spent my life taking them and don't intend to stop now. My problems are down to bad luck and bad genes. Not drugs. Drugs are a major positive in my life and have been for 35 years.

No 'hunch', no existential angst to bring on suicide, just dealt a shit hand and determined to make the most of it. I can't think of a better, more positive bit of advice to give to any of you. Life is short, mine looks like being even shorter haha.
 
GetMeBackToNormal said:
Lay off the drugs, including weed, and just live -_-
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See there's the problem I have. I don't know how too. I live with a lot of mental illness like depression, PTSD, etc, and I'm not sure id have lived as long as I have without the drugs. Being sober for me feels like a life not worth living. Sure heroin and other opiates might well kill me too, but in the meantime they've allowed me to cope with shit I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Yes the drugs have been a source of pain too. But without it I might well have killed myself by now. I guess im just not strong enough to cope sober. But you can see how it might feel like an unwinnable battle where all I'm doing is delaying the inevitable.
 
Keep taking drugs, they are part of life. Delaying the inevitable? None of us are immortal you know.
 
Indeed. And as you seem well aware, some of us weren't born into a path destined to live a long life.
 
When I was a kid I didn't think I would see 25. Now at 26 I have a more nuanced view. Life is long espicially when you fuck it up good and proper. Then again many of my junky friends are dead so who knows.
 
Being 21 currently, I never saw myself making it this long. At 16 I was addicted to pills, and after that it was alcohol. I'm currently battling alcoholism to no avail. Throw in a long standing bout with depression, self harm, and suicidal thoughts, and my chances seem to just get slimmer. I know I'm hurting more than just myself by living a lifestyle based around the phrase "let's get fucked up", but you don't consider that in the moment. All in all, I'm alive today. For me, that's good enough. I couldn't ask for much more.
 
I'm 61 and so if my genes follow a certain side of the family I have about 10+ years to go and on the other side I could have 30+. Then of course there is what some call fate and I call random occurrences so who knows? All I know is that 1 year at my age feels like 1 minute when I was in my teens and twenties so whether it is one more day or 3 more decades, I'm with StoneHappy--I'm grateful and greedy and giving it all I can give. Drugs have been a big part of my life early on but have not been for many years. A little pot for sleep, a little caffeine in the morning and the occasional adventure once every blue moon. I don't miss being high. For me it gets in the way. That's subjective and won't be everyone's reality but it is mine. Having lost a son at barely twenty years old I am aware every day that I am graced with the gift of life that I wish I could trade and give to him. I can't though, so I try to love it enough for the both of us.

@StoneHappyMonday--I was not aware of your physical problems. I'm really sorry to hear that but it sounds like you've got the perfect attitude for dealing with them. If your travels ever include the west coast of the US, PM me. I love showing people the beauties of this part of the planet.

@danksinatra--keep trying. Alcohol is a bitch but it's beatable. I'm glad you are here.<3
 
@herbavore I really appreciate the kind words. It's been really hard as of late. I'm really sorry to hear about your son. I lost my daughter Austin before I ever got to meet her. I know how you feel when you say you wish you could give him the gift of life. I wish everyday I could trade places with my daughter. Even as I type this, I'm crying. Just stay strong. It certainly seems like you have the right mindset.
 
Crazy I was just speaking with my other half earlier today about this exact topic. She was talking about how at the rate I was going I would not live passed the age of 50, and I made a comment about how I did not even expect to live that long. She got really angry about this, but just like you OP it is very difficult for me to imagine living a long and fulfilling life. I have used drugs to cope with my own problems, many of which have been created by my own negative personal outlook on myself as well as poor decisions made repeatedly again and again, throughout the last going on eleven years now of my life. Keep in mind I am terrified by the thought of death, though I know many who are not, or at least they claim not to be.

The thing that bothers me the most about my death is that it will probably be at my own hands, though not purposely. Thinking about leaving my family behind makes me very depressed, because they love me so much. This is the thing that has kept me from ever even toying with the thought of suicide. Dealing with life/reality without the help of Xanax or other drugs belonging to the benzodiazepine class also scares me immensely. I had an uncle die at the early age of 27 from a massive heart attack, and he did not even use drugs. After everything that has happened and everything I have put myself and my family through, I really don't know how I am still alive at the age of 25. But I am, and continue to try to just take life one day at a time, and not obsess about death. We can't control our fate, so might as well just enjoy life and take it for what it is.
 
Cosmic Giraffe said:
Crazy I was just speaking with my other half earlier today about this exact topic. She was talking about how at the rate I was going I would not live passed the age of 50, and I made a comment about how I did not even expect to live that long. She got really angry about this, but just like you OP it is very difficult for me to imagine living a long and fulfilling life. I have used drugs to cope with my own problems, many of which have been created by my own negative personal outlook on myself as well as poor decisions made repeatedly again and again, throughout the last going on eleven years now of my life. Keep in mind I am terrified by the thought of death, though I know many who are not, or at least they claim not to be.

The thing that bothers me the most about my death is that it will probably be at my own hands, though not purposely. Thinking about leaving my family behind makes me very depressed, because they love me so much. This is the thing that has kept me from ever even toying with the thought of suicide. Dealing with life/reality without the help of Xanax or other drugs belonging to the benzodiazepine class also scares me immensely. I had an uncle die at the early age of 27 from a massive heart attack, and he did not even use drugs. After everything that has happened and everything I have put myself and my family through, I really don't know how I am still alive at the age of 25. But I am, and continue to try to just take life one day at a time, and not obsess about death. We can't control our fate, so might as well just enjoy life and take it for what it is.
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The idea of hurting the few people who care about me is a motivator not to die for me too. But where we differ is the idea of dying by accident appeals to me. I'm pretty sure I'm not afraid of death, it doesn't feel like I am. But I am afraid of hurting the people who care about me. But if I died in some kind of accident or something, that seems kinda appealing. The peace of death, without the guilt of suicide. Like you though, I just try to take it day to day. Most of the time I don't 'want' to die as much as I just want the pain in my head to stop somehow.
 
Ya know, when I was ten I thought sixteen was so old, when I was twenty I thought thirty was when life would settle down, now I'm in my thirties & feel a decade younger...

I've never really had a picture of the life I want, I'm pretty happy go lucky most of the time, I guess it's always difficult to try to envisage were you'll be at a certain age, but life goes on as long as you're living it my friend ❤️

Rtp
 
"It's death that gives this world its point. We love a rose because we know it will soon be gone. Who ever loved a stone?"

A profound thought on death. Limits are what give to life its urgency and meaning.

I’m a strong believer in the fact that people want most what they cannot have. I would be surprised to find anyone who would disagree with that or who hasn’t heard or thought about it before, so for that reason I’m going to skip the explanation of this concept.

There’s a side of this that I think gets overlooked though:

People also want what they can possibly lose. The higher the chance of losing something, the more we want to keep it.

I would just like to note that is this not ground-breaking, and I take no credit whatsoever for the ideas discussed. This is a simple explanation of an already discovered quality of human nature. I also strongly recommend watching “A Nice Place To Visit” which is a Twilight Zone episode written by Charles Beaumont. I can think of no better example of this subject than this.
 
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forever,I am young,healthy,my grand grandparents average life is around 87 and they got nearly no healthcare.I expect in next 15 years a technology that will allow to modify dna of already born humans to make them stable and not accumulate the metabolic thrash/dna damage.Later technology will be made that will upload my memories and soul into either electronic or bioidentical brain in case of fatal event,if this universe isnt stable,I believe there are other universes where we can escape or we can make this one stable or atleast small part of it
 
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