I want to start obtaining my benzos the right way. Please help me

[switchtop]

What's up everyone.
I have a pretty bad problem with anxiety that I've been dealing with my whole life, and only in recent years have begun self medicating.
However, I really don't have time to keep up with coming up with money to buy things like xanax/kpin off the street all the time, as I am taking upper lever college courses, and will be for a few more years.
Even before I started buying them off the street, I had been trying to fix my anxiety the right way for a couple of years.
Here is a list of things I've done:
1. Gone to 2 psychiatrists and explained my daily anxiety issues and panic attacks
-Neither of these doctors wanted to help. One even had the nerve to prescribe me atarax...
2. Tried lexapro for a couple of months
-Made everything worse, and caused a lot of agitation
3. Have now been on Busiprone for about a month, but nothing has changed.

Here is why I'm actually worried:
1. My anxiety is affecting my grades and my ability to get ahead in life. I'm always too anxious to focus on my tests in the testing lab, and sometimes I pussy out of going to class because I don't like being around so many people. I also can't go to an interview without looking like I'm about to start crying, and it's embarrassing.
2. I'm actually beginning to have some sort of "chronic" chest pain issue. As in, about 2-3 times a day my heart will ache for about an hour after a spike in anxiety.
3. I don't think a doctor will ever take me seriously. I think I'm done for, my 4 years of busting my ass in a great school won't do anything for me because I can't even network in my field without turning into a mumbling, sweating, embarrassing looking loser.

A couple of people in my life have benzo scripts, and although I shouldn't give in to envy, I get extremely upset because they really don't need them. My girlfriend gets mad benzos from her doctor, but has refused to give me any for months now, because she thinks she's some sort of fucking doctor who can detect "drug seeking behavior." Literally, she will have 10 mg of ativan and 15 mg of xanax left over in a month, and she will refuse to give me any. I can't even go out to dinner with my own girlfriend because I get so fucking nervous that I can't have a conversation in public. I'm starting to think I'm never going to go anywhere in life, and the sad thing is, I work harder than anyone I know. I've worked so hard to get where I am, and I have grades at the top of my class, and I'm doing a double-major that should land me a 6-figure job. All of this going for me, except I can't even communicate with other human beings without having a nervous breakdown.

Can someone please help? Does anyone have any suggestions?

By the way, I don't even have a way to make money to buy benzos off the street anymore.

 

[T. Calderone]

You have to be willing to give other medications a try because many doctors don't like to prescribe benzos right from the start. We can't advise you what to say to your doctor. But on your next visit you can tell him that the current meds aren't helping you. It would benefit you to start talking to a therapist as well so you can get to the root of the problem.

 

[Erikmen]

Agree. You have to keep trying different medications and have patience. It's a complicated issue and it takes time to resolve or get better. Try some psychotherapy, it can always help IMO.
Good luck.
Erik

 

[Burnt Offerings]

If you live in the US then just go to an MD (not a psychiatrist), say that you suffer from anxiety, and that lexapro and buspar didn't help you at all. It won't be a lie because you do suffer from anxiety, right. Most likely they'll start you off on a low dose of something, probably xanax or klonopin.

They're great drugs with remarkable practical applications but they're best taken on an "as needed" basis. It's good to develop coping skills because for whatever reason you may not have access to your pills.

 

[12monkeysnyc]

My own anxiety issues are very very similar to what you described. It was effecting everything in my life, especially college and relationships. I also was on lexapro and it did not help at all, although i didnt get any bad effects like agitation. Most recently I was on buspar, which I found worthless as well. I realized that my anxiety was getting so bad that I needed a new doctor and new medication. So, what I did was find a psychiatrist that specializes in psycho-pharmacology (which means he is a specialist with medication) I am not sure how easy this kind of doctor is to find depending on your location, but my doctor is in NYC so of course there are a lot of doctors there to choose from. I explained my issue and told him about all my past doctors and meds (which were zoloft, prozac, lexapro, buspar, trazodone, and one more i cant remember)
So, first of all, he told me in his experience he thinks buspar is worthless. So that may be a factor for you. And then he told me about Effexor and how it is better for anxiety rather than depression like the other meds, although it does help with depression I believe. First visit he gave me a script for it and after 3 weeks I really started to notice an improvement in my anxiety. I went back to see him after a month and I explained how the effexor was starting to help, but was not doing enough and that I was still having panic attacks. He upped the effexor and i asked him what we could do about the panic attacks. I told him I used to take xanax and that it helped. He explained that he doesnt prescribe xanax because it doesnt last long enough, and he prefers Klonopin. My panic attacks were mostly in the morning, so he prescribed me a large dose of klonopin to take at bedtime, and he said it will still be in my system through the morning because it has a very long half life. He also gave me a script for a smaller dosage of klonopin to take up to twice a day as needed throughout the day. This ended up working exactly as he said. Within two weeks after this visit (when the higher dose of effexor kicked in) my anxiety was pretty much completely gone. By the end of the month I found myself not even needing the extra klonopin during the day. This is the first time in my life that I feel like mu anxiety is totally under control. Now, of course everyone is different, but you should find a new doctor, explain thr situation and ask about trying effexor. Like I said before, try to find a doctor that specializes in psycho-pharmacology. Good luck I hope everything works out. (I didnt post dosages because i am notsure if it is allowed, so if i can post the dosages i am on someone please let me know so I can edit this and put them in. Also, if the OP is in the NYC area, am I allowed to give him the info for my doctor.)

 

[switchtop]

My own anxiety issues are very very similar to what you described. It was effecting everything in my life, especially college and relationships. I also was on lexapro and it did not help at all, although i didnt get any bad effects like agitation. Most recently I was on buspar, which I found worthless as well. I realized that my anxiety was getting so bad that I needed a new doctor and new medication. So, what I did was find a psychiatrist that specializes in psycho-pharmacology (which means he is a specialist with medication) I am not sure how easy this kind of doctor is to find depending on your location, but my doctor is in NYC so of course there are a lot of doctors there to choose from. I explained my issue and told him about all my past doctors and meds (which were zoloft, prozac, lexapro, buspar, trazodone, and one more i cant remember)
So, first of all, he told me in his experience he thinks buspar is worthless. So that may be a factor for you. And then he told me about Effexor and how it is better for anxiety rather than depression like the other meds, although it does help with depression I believe. First visit he gave me a script for it and after 3 weeks I really started to notice an improvement in my anxiety. I went back to see him after a month and I explained how the effexor was starting to help, but was not doing enough and that I was still having panic attacks. He upped the effexor and i asked him what we could do about the panic attacks. I told him I used to take xanax and that it helped. He explained that he doesnt prescribe xanax because it doesnt last long enough, and he prefers Klonopin. My panic attacks were mostly in the morning, so he prescribed me a large dose of klonopin to take at bedtime, and he said it will still be in my system through the morning because it has a very long half life. He also gave me a script for a smaller dosage of klonopin to take up to twice a day as needed throughout the day. This ended up working exactly as he said. Within two weeks after this visit (when the higher dose of effexor kicked in) my anxiety was pretty much completely gone. By the end of the month I found myself not even needing the extra klonopin during the day. This is the first time in my life that I feel like mu anxiety is totally under control. Now, of course everyone is different, but you should find a new doctor, explain thr situation and ask about trying effexor. Like I said before, try to find a doctor that specializes in psycho-pharmacology. Good luck I hope everything works out. (I didnt post dosages because i am notsure if it is allowed, so if i can post the dosages i am on someone please let me know so I can edit this and put them in. Also, if the OP is in the NYC area, am I allowed to give him the info for my doctor.)

This actually gives me hope, I really needed to hear someone with a similar story that was able to normalize their life. It's also inspiring (while disheartening at the same time) that you also tried so many medications and were able to finally achieve something useful. I've been getting into this worrisome rut, where I think I'm doomed to a life of nervousness and anxiety. In regards to the Effexor, I actually have a blister pack sample that my girlfriend gave me a while ago, after a doctor gave it to her. However, it's only 7 days worth, so I did not want to take the chance that taking something that is meant to be a long term medication for only one week would mess with my head somehow. Do you think I should use this sample pack, or is 7 days not even enough for me to notice anything?

Also, I'm not in the NYC area, but I wish I was from the sound of it. I really wish I could find just ONE doctor who is the SLIGHTEST bit empowering and empathetic. Oh and this might sound a bit off topic, but did you have a problem with scaring/starting easily as well? For example, at night I can get pretty paranoid about noises to the point that I cannot sleep, and I am also startled easily during the day (ie, jumping from car horns/phone rings in an exaggerated manner).

 

[switchtop]

Also I just wanted to say that this whole ordeal is starting to turn into depression for me. I've never experienced depression before in my life, but as of late I haven't been able to not be pessimistic. For a month or two now, all I can think about at the end of the day is how the situation is only getting worse and how I cannot do the things I want to. I have always had very big dreams in life, dreams of grandiose, but for the first time, the thought of not being successful in life because of my anxiety is starting to seem possible. I barely even leave my room anymore, and I don't have many friends either. On top of this, all I hear from my parents all day is (paraphrasing) to stop being a pussy and talk to more people. I have been so pessimistic to the point where I actually put off posting this thread for days, because of an overwhelming belief that nobody would give a shit.

 

[12monkeysnyc]

This actually gives me hope, I really needed to hear someone with a similar story that was able to normalize their life. It's also inspiring (while disheartening at the same time) that you also tried so many medications and were able to finally achieve something useful. I've been getting into this worrisome rut, where I think I'm doomed to a life of nervousness and anxiety. In regards to the Effexor, I actually have a blister pack sample that my girlfriend gave me a while ago, after a doctor gave it to her. However, it's only 7 days worth, so I did not want to take the chance that taking something that is meant to be a long term medication for only one week would mess with my head somehow. Do you think I should use this sample pack, or is 7 days not even enough for me to notice anything?

Also, I'm not in the NYC area, but I wish I was from the sound of it. I really wish I could find just ONE doctor who is the SLIGHTEST bit empowering and empathetic. Oh and this might sound a bit off topic, but did you have a problem with scaring/starting easily as well? For example, at night I can get pretty paranoid about noises to the point that I cannot sleep, and I am also startled easily during the day (ie, jumping from car horns/phone rings in an exaggerated manner).

I'm glad I was able to help. I know how hard it can be but trust me you will get through it. About the 7 day sample of effexor, don't bother because it takes 3-4 weeks to start working anyways. And, while im writing about effexor, I wanted to let you know the one bad thing with effexor is that once you are on it (as in after the 3-4 weeks for it to kick in, if you stop it cold turkey about 24-36 hours after your last dose there are some withdrawals. (stomach cramps, nausea, diarrhea, etc) but i think the pros clearly outweigh the cond.

And in response to the question about getting scared/startled easily, yes, i do have that issue and it's not so bad anymore, but i can relate to the paranoia about noises at night, or feeling nervous walking around my own neighborhood. Another personal example of this is that when im driving, im always worried about getting in an accident, even though I know I am a proficient and careful driver.

Have hope, I swear things will get better once you find the combination of medication and coping mechanisms that work for you. Ive been right where you are, at points spending days in bed feeling hopeless and miserable. I used to look at my friends or even strangers who seem so confident and calm and i would just think "why me? why can't I be like that" Like i said before, i do finally have the anxiety mostly under control but of course not completely and I still have days where I struggle. If you want, feel free to PM me if you ever have a question or want to talk about it. I am posting below a link to info about effexor, as well as a link to the site that i found my doctor on. Oh, and I don't mean to repeat myself but i really dont recomend taking that 7 day supply, but I would hang on to it in case you do get an RX for it. It will be good to have for the withdrawals i mentioned in case you run out early or leave your bottle somewhere, etc.
Also just wondering, do you use any other drugs on a regular basis (that your not prescribed)

To find a doctor, go to this link : http://www.healthgrades.com/ and where it says find doctors search for Psychopharmacology. Put in your zip hopefully you can find a doctor close to you.

Effexor info: http://www.drugs.com/effexor.html

 

[switchtop]

Yes, I also take Ritalin and Ambien. But before anyone says anything, I would like to express my trials with the Ritalin. I've been taking it for 14 years (more than half of my life), and I can 100% assure that my anxiety is the same regardless to whether I take it or not. Actually, sometimes if I am lucky, the Ritalin can quell my anxiety in that it can get me to focus on something so much that I do not "remember" to think about my anxious thoughts. But, after taking it for so long, I kinda act pretty much the same regardless. And for the Ambien, I actually have that prescribed for insomnia (unrelated to the Ritalin, tested and debunked), which of course was caused by my anxiety. Sadly, after the half-way mark of most days I start to look forward to taking my Ambien dose, 5-10 mg, because it is the only small window of time that I feel anxiety-free in a day. Also, around 4 years ago, in high school, I started drinking a bit heavily to self-medicate, but I stopped about a year ago, due to people being on my case about it. Then, late last year I started using Oxymorphone daily, but I stopped this viscous cycle because I cannot really handle it. Dealers are unreliable, and for someone like me, the raise in anxiety in even a subtle withdrawal is crippling. I often miss drinking, opiates, and such, but I know that self-medicating in this manner is only counterproductive, and I'm glad I got off that train. Btw, I will definitely PM you. And also, point noted on the Effexor sample, that was my worry. Glad I got that tip, lol.

 

[maxade]

Phenelzine works a treat but the side effects are pretty messed up.

 

[femaletrouble]

the only trouble with benzos is that after 6 to 8 weeks the lose their effectiveness... then you start to increase those mgs to sum stupid level. unless you take them as an when needed! but like i say if youre gonna be takin them every day is a no no

 

[switchtop]

Phenelzine works a treat but the side effects are pretty messed up.

Hmm. I had never heard of it until now, so I researched it a bit. It doesn't sound very attractive considering all of those side effects, which seem to be pretty common. I could deal with it being things like headache or weight gain, but some of them are pretty crazy/scary. Anorexia!? What the fuck! It also doesn't seem very fun that after "successful treatment" you need to take a maintenance dose every/every other day for the rest of your life.

 

[switchtop]

the only trouble with benzos is that after 6 to 8 weeks the lose their effectiveness... then you start to increase those mgs to sum stupid level. unless you take them as an when needed! but like i say if youre gonna be takin them every day is a no no

I've taken benzos many times before, usually daily, on and off in periods of about 2-4 weeks at a time. There's been periods where I would take klonopin 1 mg, almost every day, but actually a couple of weeks in I would sometimes even take 0.5 or 0 mg per day. Maybe this has to do with the long half life. It's kind of sad that these are the only periods of my life where I feel like a normal human being. I get a sense of accomplishment from benzos in the sense that I think to myself, "oh my god did I just talk to that stranger, I'm like a normal person!". Lol my idea of a good time is just being able to go to class without being a fucking pussy...anyways do you think something like klonopin could help me if prescribed? Considering I wouldn't even take the full 1 mg and only take it as needed. Also, I have noticed a raise in tolerance after taking xanax for only one week, but taking klonopin for however long doesn't show a change in tolerance. Probably the long half life. I don't have have much trust in antidepressants in the first place, as I'm uncomfortable with the idea of changing my brain chemistry. I knew I shouldn't have tried Lexapro, and all that happened was me LOSING 8 pounds (which I cannot afford to lose) and becoming an irritable dickhead.

 

[12monkeysnyc]

And for the Ambien, I actually have that prescribed for insomnia (unrelated to the Ritalin, tested and debunked), which of course was caused by my anxiety.

If you are prescribed ambien, and the insomnia is caused by anxiety, if you do end up seeing a new psychiatrist and explain i think they most likely will give you a benzo for sleep. I used to take trazodone for sleep (and my insomnia was most likely caused by anxiety as well) and that is part of the reason my dr. gave me klonopin at bedtime, and took me off the trazodone. I feel like it would be common sense if somebody can't sleep due to anxiety, then they would be given something that reduces anxiety and helps you sleep, which equals benzo!

Also, I PM'ed you back. I tried to send another message but it said I have to wait 180 minutes for some reason. Maybe because I am still a greenlighter?

 

[pally pete]

Whatever happens, Good luck. I feel your pain.

 

[switchtop]

You have to be willing to give other medications a try because many doctors don't like to prescribe benzos right from the start. We can't advise you what to say to your doctor. But on your next visit you can tell him that the current meds aren't helping you. It would benefit you to start talking to a therapist as well so you can get to the root of the problem.

Thank you for the input. Do you know of any forms of therapy that are very cheap? I have horrible insurance and basically no cash. I'm kind of limited to my GP and the uninterested free university psych's.

 

[Mycophile]

Agree. You have to keep trying different medications and have patience. It's a complicated issue and it takes time to resolve or get better. Try some psychotherapy, it can always help IMO.
Good luck.
Erik

Didn't you hear him say that he has already tried a few different medications?

This shit is ridiculous and it INFURIATES me that someone with serious anxiety like this has to try a dozen medications because doctors are intolerant and unwilling to prescribe benzos.

To the OP: I really hope you find a doctor who prescribes you benzos.

Fuck these doctors who are treating patients like drug addicts.

 

[KINGCRIMSON]

get off buspirone or buspar. that drug sucks big time its and ancient shitty anxiolytic psychotropic drug of the azapirone chemical class. I took it once and it was one of the worst drugs ive ever taken. its not a benzo or a barb so i dont think itll do any good. I would say go see the school counselor or psychologist. Here in canada its free, Im sure they can help you with recommendations for a gp or psychiatrist for proper script. I know here psychiatrists will often follow the recommendation of a psychologist. Keep getting referrals from gp for different psychiatrists until u find one who will help. Ask friends on benzos who their psychiatrists are and specifically ask ur gp for referrals to those psychiatrists. Buy research chemicals related to benzos. Off the topic, if i were you i would get a new gf she obviously doesn't care about you much.

 

[switchtop]

Didn't you hear him say that he has already tried a few different medications?

This shit is ridiculous and it INFURIATES me that someone with serious anxiety like this has to try a dozen medications because doctors are intolerant and unwilling to prescribe benzos.

To the OP: I really hope you find a doctor who prescribes you benzos.

Fuck these doctors who are treating patients like drug addicts.

Mycophile, I 100% agree that the word to describe these situations is INFURIATING with capital letters.
Doctors take the Hippocratic Oath, and a quotation from it is as follows:

"I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick."

Doctors don't give a fuck about serving to benefit patients in the best manner. What they really care about nowadays, is staying in practice as long as they can without overstepping any boundary even slightly, which might cause them to lose their licence. I understand that this is in part caused by overregulation by the government, but when it comes down to it, a doctor should be willing to do whatever it takes to serve society in the best way possible. If you're not willing to take what seems to be the slightest of chances in prescribing at your own will, then don't become a fucking doctor.

Their focus should be to do the best for not only the patient, but for the benefit of those around them and the life that they live. For example, my first real relationship with a girl was ruined in part because I could not stand to go be in public, as it makes me too anxious. Who the fuck wants that from a man? My current relationship is also on a rocky road because of the same reasons. My anxiety has increasingly caused me to isolate myself, and sit around wondering what I could be doing all day if I was normal. I've also strived my whole life excelling in schoolwork, but what good is this going to do if I cannot fucking communicate with another human being effectively? I feel as if my dreams are diminishing every day.

Something that is despicable and deplorable to me, is that basically both of the psychiatrists I've been to have treated me as if I am being silly, or not making sense. Literally one of the psychiatrists was smirking at me as I explained my anguish, and the other replied in a manner that showed me he was not hearing a word I said. The way I have been treated by doctors has lead me to not trust them.

How successful at SERVING TO BENEFIT SOCIETY does the medical profession look, if so many people, in similar shoes to mine, are mistreated to the point that they develop a deeply held MISTRUST for the entire profession.

And the fact that some people abuse medications, well WHO GIVES A FUCK. So fucking be it. That sounds like a necessary side effect to the main effect of saving lives. Are you going to ban the sale of vehicles, just because some people drive irresponsibly? Anyways, that's a political issue and for another argument.

To be honest, I really don't even give a fuck if the medication is a benzo, or a fucking magic potion from the 7th dimension, as long as it fucking works. If the cure for my problem was smoking plastic, then I would fucking smoke plastic every day to live life anxiety free, even if it knocked down my life expectancy 30 years. My problem has been getting worse and worse every day, and it's taking a toll on me. For example, today in the computer lab two girls started giggling. Jesus Christ I spent the next 30 fucking minutes sweating my ass off thinking that everyone was staring at me.

Even though I probably shouldn't have, I became proactive a few years ago at what I called "prescribing myself." I didn't buy benzos to get high (btw, who the fuck gets high from benzos? the only "high" I get is the giddiness of being able to socialize), I bought them to allow me to succeed in life (presentations, networking, and such). My god the way people around me noticed...even my own mother, who strongly disapproved, told me I was a brand new, happier, more comfortable looking person.

 

[switchtop]

get off buspirone or buspar. that drug sucks big time its and ancient shitty anxiolytic psychotropic drug of the azapirone chemical class. I took it once and it was one of the worst drugs ive ever taken. its not a benzo or a barb so i dont think itll do any good. I would say go see the school counselor or psychologist. Here in canada its free, Im sure they can help you with recommendations for a gp or psychiatrist for proper script. I know here psychiatrists will often follow the recommendation of a psychologist. Keep getting referrals from gp for different psychiatrists until u find one who will help. Ask friends on benzos who their psychiatrists are and specifically ask ur gp for referrals to those psychiatrists. Buy research chemicals related to benzos. Off the topic, if i were you i would get a new gf she obviously doesn't care about you much.

I've begun working to put multiple plans in place. I actually stopped buspirone today, as it's as useless as eating chalk. Sometimes I wonder, when doctors prescribe shit like that, if they're just trying to see if their patient is some sort of fucking pussy who gets placebo effects and is thoroughly convinced their problem is fixed.

I'm also trying to make an appointment with my GP to discuss starting to take this issue a bit more seriously.

I'm also starting to sell shit on ebay, so just in case nothing works out, I can buy some Etizolam online.

Ideally, however, my problem could be solved to the point where I don't need any fucking meds, but sadly life doesn't work like that.

Don't even get me started on the girlfriend thing, that shit infuriates me too. Still trying to figure out why I'm such a passive fuck.

Oh and btw, in regards to the school psych's, I guess you could call me unlucky. The university psychologist referred me to a psychiatrist who treated me like trash and scripted me hydroxizine. I used my "one free pass" to switch to another psychiatrist, and he didn't even listen to what I was saying. No more free appointments unless I go with him, and trust me, that's not happening.