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I am not sye if this is HELP...or just statement
- Thread starter jkmkaye
- Start date
jackie jones
Bluelight Crew
I am with you.
The scary part is, I have been sober for almost a year.
I am thinking about checking out early.
So, yeah... no advice, but you're not alone
The scary part is, I have been sober for almost a year.
I am thinking about checking out early.
So, yeah... no advice, but you're not alone
I tend to view my life as an exercise in damage (my own) limitation, but there are times when I know things are getting more extreme than they should.
what things are you doing or are happening that make you feel so concerned and out of control ?
jkmkaye
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2011
- Messages
- 62
I am just so down and get downer (I am pretty sure that is incorrect English). I am just getting close to where I can bear it. I would be gone now for sure it I did not have a 10 yr old son who loves me so much. I just wish I could be happy. I did tons of MDMA in my 20's (just turned 40). Now I have moved on to opiates. Goodness I love opiates.
The MDMA use we certainly have in common, amphetamines are the ones that I've never really left alone since I came across them 20+ years ago.
I guess in retrospect my depression and other less well diagnosed mental health issues really started about 10-15 years ago, although I honestly believe these problems (like so many peoples) do stem from my childhood and just who I am.
I've been through come very low points in recent years, darker and lower than I had ever considered possible, so dark I was convinced there was no way I would ever see better days. Of all the people I spoke to at the time one persons words stuck with me, not a psychiatrist or a counselor, they don't do 'sound bites' it was a simple family doctor.
I'd been desperately depressed for some time but had never sought any help, I was drinking heavily and taking stimulants but somehow managing to work and almost everyone around me thought I was fine. I some how plucked up the courage to book an appointment, she wasnt my normal doctor who had ignored me mentioning how low I was feeling during 2 recent visits to review an ongoing skin condition.
I credit that doctor with changing or maybe even saving my life, she seemed to realise within minutes I was in crisis and called reception to cancel her next 2 appointments, I ended up telling her everything, the drink, the drugs, the plans for suicide and just how hopeless and desperate I had been for so long.
I don't recall the exact words but she told me that whilst she couldn't promise that all my problems would simply go away or that I'd become a completely happy person with no problems she could promise me that things would get better, that this current situation was not permanent and would improve in time, I wouldnt be stuck forever in this dark and empty place.
She was, of course right, although things did get worse before they got any better, I really had left it far to late to seek help. I still suffer from depression and anxiety but through various treatments and inner thought the last few years have been better and I'm recognising problems earlier and trying to work through them or at the least talk to my loved ones about them.
I too have children and at times when thoughts of suicide are prominent in my mind I think of them and my partner, of how much I know they love me and how they need me in ways that I don't even know about yet and of how by fighting on I'm being all the things I often feel I'm not.
We are around the same age, you've come this far and no doubt through some tough times, be a survivor, the fight makes us stronger and more understanding people, I'm sure your son and other people think you are a wonderful person and that's because ....you are
I guess in retrospect my depression and other less well diagnosed mental health issues really started about 10-15 years ago, although I honestly believe these problems (like so many peoples) do stem from my childhood and just who I am.
I've been through come very low points in recent years, darker and lower than I had ever considered possible, so dark I was convinced there was no way I would ever see better days. Of all the people I spoke to at the time one persons words stuck with me, not a psychiatrist or a counselor, they don't do 'sound bites' it was a simple family doctor.
I'd been desperately depressed for some time but had never sought any help, I was drinking heavily and taking stimulants but somehow managing to work and almost everyone around me thought I was fine. I some how plucked up the courage to book an appointment, she wasnt my normal doctor who had ignored me mentioning how low I was feeling during 2 recent visits to review an ongoing skin condition.
I credit that doctor with changing or maybe even saving my life, she seemed to realise within minutes I was in crisis and called reception to cancel her next 2 appointments, I ended up telling her everything, the drink, the drugs, the plans for suicide and just how hopeless and desperate I had been for so long.
I don't recall the exact words but she told me that whilst she couldn't promise that all my problems would simply go away or that I'd become a completely happy person with no problems she could promise me that things would get better, that this current situation was not permanent and would improve in time, I wouldnt be stuck forever in this dark and empty place.
She was, of course right, although things did get worse before they got any better, I really had left it far to late to seek help. I still suffer from depression and anxiety but through various treatments and inner thought the last few years have been better and I'm recognising problems earlier and trying to work through them or at the least talk to my loved ones about them.
I too have children and at times when thoughts of suicide are prominent in my mind I think of them and my partner, of how much I know they love me and how they need me in ways that I don't even know about yet and of how by fighting on I'm being all the things I often feel I'm not.
We are around the same age, you've come this far and no doubt through some tough times, be a survivor, the fight makes us stronger and more understanding people, I'm sure your son and other people think you are a wonderful person and that's because ....you are