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Caved in at 36 hours. Start over 100%????

nygiants1313

nygiants1313

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 22, 2014
Messages
589
Location
New York
I know everybody is different and im deff upset with myself.

I've gone through hard core IV heroin withdrawals cold turkey and high dose oxy withdrawals. They were hard to say the least.

In another bout with opiate wothdrawal i was just 36 hours in and took a 30mg oxy 20min ago and im very dissapointed with myself.

Will it stary it over 100 percent. I only had (edited price) on me and with prices being expensive i had the choice of getting my brother a bday gift or an oxy. Of course i chose the oxy like a fucking parhetic piece of shit.

Does it start all over.

Btw those CTs were when I was 19 and 22 healthier with a little more youth in me then present day at 25. Regardless i kkow im in for a few more days of hurt but im just curious.

You can be blunt with me that's how i give it, and that's how i take it. That sounded weird but wutevs

Thanks

Oh yea i was on 2mg subutex a day forca few months but chipping the whole time between 60-90mg day oxy. Some more others less, the latter being when low on funds. So on average is say 60mg a day oxy or bupe.

What they say rings true. Even though it's not as heavy as prior withdrawals, going through it for the 15th time is harder then the first. I feel like I gotta quit my job because I won't be good to go by monday now. If only I didn't fuck up tonight godamit.

Thanks again
 
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Dont beat yourself up nyg this shit is hard<3

Yeah you have started over.<3 six or seven days out. But freedoms on the other side. have to draw that line in the sand.."not going to use no matter what"

You got this.. there is no "fail" its just a a never ending battle till we win.
 
Thank you so much for the fast response. Truly appreciate it. Not what I wanted to hear obviously lol but I'll enjoy the few hours of slerp and get ready to dig in a little harder again tomorrow.

Thanks again.

NYG
 
And never sick im just wondering where to start a blog in this forum if you can help point ne in the right direction.

I believe writing the withdrawal out in a timeline will help me, along with others who may be struggling. They can see someone else going through it which might help them.
 
Quitting for the 15th time is always HARDER than the first. That is mother fucking true, with any fucking DRUG. I feel you, even though I am not addicted to opiates, everytime I take xanax I feel like the most dirty/guilty motherfucker ever.

To be honest, I never got into opiates, because >no prices< for a 40-60mg dose was way too much money for me. And what really sucks is that 30mg barely gets you high. I never do opiates, and when I took 20mg of Oxycodone last year I was like...Wut? That's it? Fuck, IM NOT ITCHY ENOUGH!!!!

I can't even imagine the stress. My poor sister is addicted to like 40mg of Oxy a day, and when I see her only take 5mg and cry, it fucking breaks my heart.
 
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Nyg, i feel for you man. Been there. Dont beat yourself up, its not you, its the drugs. I did this recently after 2 days, and felt so crappy it ruined my high. But it's one more reason to last a cupl more hours next time. Best of luck, you are certainly not alone.
 
nygiants1313 said:
And never sick im just wondering where to start a blog in this forum if you can help point ne in the right direction.

I believe writing the withdrawal out in a timeline will help me, along with others who may be struggling. They can see someone else going through it which might help them.
Click to expand...

I have not blogged anything yet.. so not sure if this is the exact right way, but click on yourself and then there will be an option of latest blog posts.. click on that and then there should be an option for posting.

If not when you come across a person who has a few/bunch of blog posts then consider sending them a PM or maybe post a thread in support.
 
Aw, NY, I'm sorry. Lots of hurt in your post and I hate to see that. To write in Blogs you can just click Blogs as opposed to Forums at the top of the page when you open Bluelight. It helps me a lot to write. I hope it helps you to get it out.

You are also welcome to write it all out in this thread--your choice, whatever feels best. Stay well, buddy and be compassionate with yourself.
((<3))
 
Thank you everybody for taking the time to respond in this thread. I read and re-read all your posts and will prob read them a few more times throughout the day lol.

Thanks again!!
 
Are you all sure it means he has reset himself back to 100%? As far as time, maybe, but isn't it more like he has turned this from cold turkey quitting into a taper? Assuming he is committed to going cold turkey again, will it be easier this time since he hasn't had very much in 36 hours?
 
socko said:
Are you all sure it means he has reset himself back to 100%? As far as time, maybe, but isn't it more like he has turned this from cold turkey quitting into a taper? Assuming he is committed to going cold turkey again, will it be easier this time since he hasn't had very much in 36 hours?
Click to expand...

It's funny you say this because although im only at 24 hours again I feel almost worse then yesterday it feels like im at the 48 hour mark because I felt like to garbage this morning when it would have only been 12 hours it still felt like I was at 36 last night befire i caved.maybe this is wishful thinking and a little confusing my bad.

But regardless Im at 24 again and will be at 36 im the morning ALTHOUGH. It sure feels like im at 48 because i go through 24hrs on a daily basis and im in a lot worse shape now at this restarted 24 then most 24s.

Sneezing like a freak, severe leg pain, and pectoral and back pain, diareah, heart racing, sweats but freezing, in and out of 45 minute naps if possible. Im just saying I usually feel like this at 48hrs + but it's tevhnically been 24 again.

And yes im commited again. Im thinking by wednesday I'll be good except for the months of lingering insomnia and rls but cross that bridge when it's time.

Who knows im going to lay down. Thanks again everybody.
 
^^^^^thats probably confusing as fuck but im also at the point where I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Once again maybe wishful thinking
 
nygiants1313 said:
It's funny you say this because although im only at 24 hours again I feel almost worse then yesterday it feels like im at the 48 hour mark because I felt like to garbage this morning when it would have only been 12 hours it still felt like I was at 36 last night befire i caved.maybe this is wishful thinking and a little confusing my bad.

But regardless Im at 24 again and will be at 36 im the morning ALTHOUGH. It sure feels like im at 48 because i go through 24hrs on a daily basis and im in a lot worse shape now at this restarted 24 then most 24s.
Click to expand...


No it makes total sense. Think about half life.

you added one dose.. so one half life. Stacked up half lives will end up setting you down easier, but one will drop off quickly.. but it still will take six seven days to complete.

I hope i'm wrong and you get through quicker:)

EDIT: Just say fuck it.. no matter hell or high water your going to push through and don't worry about the exact time. You will make it through. In a few days you're going to feel much better. In a few months you will feel better 95% 0f the time compared to 100% of the time in physical dependence. =D
 
^^^^yes makes perfect sense unfortunatly. I can always count on you to tell me everything I don't want to hear lol :)) i do appreciate it. And you are right. How old are you btw?? Just curious because im bored idk.

Like my court ordered drug shrink dude says...

"You can go through the short period of torture now and get it over with Or be tortured your entire life" and I totally agree with him

Easier said then done obviously he has never gone through it, but watching him cry as he told me how many young people he got calls about dying from addiction or suicide which obviously there is much correlation between the 2 rings strong in my head.

The no sleep part having to be up for work in 6 hours sucks the big one but looking up and down the dark side shows nobody is alone in this many are going through it and it's better then kicking in a jail cell or the streets so I hope everybody finds the peace we all deserve one day

Good luck everyone

I always get weird and Listen to evanescence at night during withdrawsls it's very calming

For the day time I recommend a song called "just keep breathing" by we came as romans when it's time to get amped up energy wise!!

Ok im done, nyg out pzz
 
Didn't fall asleep until 4am it is now 525 im dressed and showered for work but idk if I can do it last night was brutal 1 hour sleep maybe, drenched in sweat in painful agony idk what to do about work ugh

Have a good day everyone
 
So you're at 36 hours now, right? From experience, that first night would be the worst. Today will be awful too, but it you can slog through it, I hope the worst should be behind you. If you are on your feet all day for work, it will actually feel good to lie down tonight, and you might be tired enough to sleep some and the restless legs/restless body syndrome won't be so bad. I'm just making this up, but that's how it was for me the last time. I was in agony after only 24 hours, but if you can do that regularly, the worst might be over. Hang in there.
 
socko said:
So you're at 36 hours now, right? From experience, that first night would be the worst. Today will be awful too, but it you can slog through it, I hope the worst should be behind you. If you are on your feet all day for work, it will actually feel good to lie down tonight, and you might be tired enough to sleep some and the restless legs/restless body syndrome won't be so bad. I'm just making this up, but that's how it was for me the last time. I was in agony after only 24 hours, but if you can do that regularly, the worst might be over. Hang in there.
Click to expand...

Hey man, thanks for writing, and yes im almost at the 2 day mark. I came home from work because i was scared I'd fucking snap on a client OR since im in so many different houses a day i walk past lots of bathrooms and kitchen tables full of pill bottles and ya know!! So i Hadda get outta there. Im deff at that peak right now of scouring my room for anything but we all know where keep our shit. Im a little worried tonorrow as i know day 3 can be hit or miss. But can't really worry about tomorrow when today is today. No doubt i see the light but at the end of this week i get a check of 2500 and the true tests begins. I Been giving my money to my dad that he puts in an account for me that I have no access to that he pays my bills with and fukkd my gas tank up with because the second im flush with dough i have no control lol.

Thanks for writing again
 
NY, I'm glad you had the option to leave work--sounds like a good move for now.

Here is something you could try when you start worrying about the future. The worry brings thoughts of negative outcomes (like, I'm going to have 2500 and I know what I'm going to want to do). When you have that thought, try to replace it with envisioning yourself having a positive outcome. Even if it feels totally unrealistic, simply letting your mind get used to having the positive thought conditions it to generate such thoughts. So you could think, "In the past, having money has always been too tempting. Now that I have had to go through this again, it isn't going to be as hard to resist that temptation." Be aware of your thoughts that feed the addiction and when they come, as artificial as it may seem, plant thoughts that starve it. Learning to truly manipulate your own thoughts is a trip--very surprising outcomes!<3
 
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