I wish research chemicals never happened.

[Joey24x18]

I'm a 20 year old male. When I was around 15 is when synthetic marijuana first hit the market in my area. I had been smoking weed for maybe 6 months, and one day a friend showed up with a bag of "madhatter". From that point forward, spice was everywhere. I remember an Indian gas station that had atleast 50 different varieties of bath salts and spice. I never did the bath salts, just the spice.
I was a smart kid, so eventually I ended up ordering pure jwh to make my own blends with That was when everything just got so much worst. I was a spice crackhead. I've had 4 or 5 legitimate seizures from overdosing on spice. I got onto a fight with paramedics after waking up on the side of the road after hitting a bowl. They took me to the hospital, I got out, and imediatly got more spice.
I do not remember much between 15-18. Only that it was crazy as fuck. I ran away from home, and supported myself by selling 2c-e and spice. I put my family through hell, and caught a felony in the process.
Now im 20. You could not pay me $1,000,000 to hit a bowl of whatever spice is on the street now. I'm 2 1/2 years sober from spice and I feel like my brain is just gone. The first year off it, was a constant panic attack. I had an intense fear of death 24/7. I'm terribly worried of the long term effects I've caused my body. And I'm sure I'm going to die young at this point.
I needed to kill the anxiety, but my doctor won't prescribe me anything. So my dumbass is 6 months in to a daily phenibut addiction. I'm trying to taper, but it's hard.
But yeah. Fuck research chemicals. I wish I was born 15 years earlier. So when they hit the market I'd of been grown and known not to do them. I was one hell of an idiot as a teenager. Fml

 

[herbavore]

I can understand how you feel, OP. No one can convince me that the world is not getting harder to grow up in. I did so many, many dangerous and risky things when I was around 15 but back then the pool of dangerous and risky things to choose from was a puddle compared to the ocean it is today.

The most important thing that you can do for yourself now is to have faith that you can restore your health. I truly believe that with time and healthy habits of nutrition, exercise and good sleep that you can reverse almost any damage. The important thing is not to focus your mind on fear. Fear has a way of keeping you stuck. Just work on creating the kind of life you really want, especially the kind of relationships you want. Have things improved with your family?

Look into things like yoga and meditation for stress. Read books or listen to podcasts about mindfulness. Many people find that the tenets of mindfulness, when deeply internalized, can be life-changing when it comes to anxiety. It's simply a method of changing your thoughts so it takes practice and is not an over-night fix by any means. Once you realize that you can change your life by changing the way you think, life tends to get a lot easier.

Hang in there and let go of any shame you may be holding onto for decisions you made in the past.

 

[Ignot]

Considering that cloud-9 shit gave me a heart attack, , but for some reason, I survived. It was the worst experience of my life. Man my heart was flying, going fast as fuck.

Two years ago, some guy I know was in rehab for Spice, He was hardcore addicted to that stuff, the Gas station clerk would front him a bag and everything.


It sucks being sober for two years and you still feel "burned out" hang in there.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Can you talk to your doctor about how you're addicted to phenibut, and how you have lots of anxiety? Would talking to a friend or counselor about your anxiety help? Hang in there, the brain and body do some remarkable things and if you stay away from spice, JWH, etc. you will be OK. A guy I know is or was addicted to it, and he's in his early 30s and it still happened to him since he got into smoking it since it wouldn't show up on drug tests for his job.

 

[CrazyPants]

I'm a 20 year old male. When I was around 15 is when synthetic marijuana first hit the market in my area. I had been smoking weed for maybe 6 months, and one day a friend showed up with a bag of "madhatter". From that point forward, spice was everywhere. I remember an Indian gas station that had atleast 50 different varieties of bath salts and spice. I never did the bath salts, just the spice.
I was a smart kid, so eventually I ended up ordering pure jwh to make my own blends with That was when everything just got so much worst. I was a spice crackhead. I've had 4 or 5 legitimate seizures from overdosing on spice. I got onto a fight with paramedics after waking up on the side of the road after hitting a bowl. They took me to the hospital, I got out, and imediatly got more spice.
I do not remember much between 15-18. Only that it was crazy as fuck. I ran away from home, and supported myself by selling 2c-e and spice. I put my family through hell, and caught a felony in the process.
Now im 20. You could not pay me $1,000,000 to hit a bowl of whatever spice is on the street now. I'm 2 1/2 years sober from spice and I feel like my brain is just gone. The first year off it, was a constant panic attack. I had an intense fear of death 24/7. I'm terribly worried of the long term effects I've caused my body. And I'm sure I'm going to die young at this point.
I needed to kill the anxiety, but my doctor won't prescribe me anything. So my dumbass is 6 months in to a daily phenibut addiction. I'm trying to taper, but it's hard.
But yeah. Fuck research chemicals. I wish I was born 15 years earlier. So when they hit the market I'd of been grown and known not to do them. I was one hell of an idiot as a teenager. Fml

15 years earlier wouldn't have done you any good.....Trust me, I was there. Drugs are everywhere, always have been, always will.....The only difference with the chemicals is there is less known about them, but in my years of shooting heroin, who knows what the fuck I stuck in my veins. No use crying over spilled milk....or spice.

 

[jammin83]

Spice is a special breed of fucked up though. I still have memory problems from it, like forgetting what I am saying in the middle of a sentence. Used to happen sometimes on real weed, but with spice, that thought isn't just gone it's entirely black and it ain't ever coming back. Still happens two years off of it. Had a seizure on one kind off of one hit. Super addicting too. Crack head status. Gnarly stuff.

 

[Voyager3]

I reckon you need to find a doctor who 'listens', doesn't just write you off as 'an addict' or 'a junkie'. Nobody should have to live with panic attacks in this day and age! I remember the first ones I had, many years ago, the horror was indescribable - and I relied on begged, borrowed and stolen benzos for a long while, to even basiccally function. I did however find another way in the end, involving a mental procedure and visualisation. I learned to do this after reading a book called 'Mysteries' by Colin Wilson, in which he vividly described his own experiences with panic attacks, and how he managed to beat them - without drugs. I seriously recommend this book to anyone afflicted, not guaranteed, but a truly fascinating book whatever! Good luck, and don't give up!