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How did you Stop?(Smack)

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fightingthetoot

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 26, 2015
Messages
330
Hey guys. As it says, how did you stop? If you have, even if you have not pitch in. Or if you any kind of additction.

I have been on the gear the last 3 years. The first year I was mostly just flirting with her. Taking it and leave it. But at least the last year I hate it but also love it. I have a bird who doesn't take, when I started going out with her I never took smack. She knows though, but she thinks I have kicked it but I think she turns a blind eye a lot of the time. I do want to stop, I know this can't go on. But how do you stop? I have been the docs, I ended up with a key worker it was terrible I did end up on subbies. I was 3 month on them but I came on them just to end up back on the gear a week or 2 later. But my key worker was hopeless in manys way, but I do think looking back that the subs did help me, I tried using while on them twice after the second time I said to myself fuck this don't feel nowt so I stopped even trying and was just going through life on subs they did take away issues that I use as an excuse to use gear so they where good in that sense, but my key worker was a dick so it was never gonna be long term or the help I need, so I came on the subs I did think to myself I have bet the demon, but now I think I may have wanted of subs so I could use. But the problem is for mostly STAYING OFF it getting off it is easy compared to staying clean. All I do is think about gear when I am not taking it. Its my every second thought and I fucking hate it. But I can't stop it I try but it happens again. I only feel normal after I have had a smoke. The way other people feel in life, happy content I only feel like that with gear. Also having to put a face on for everyone I can only do that with gear. But surely this can't be it for me? I can't be destained to being a junkie for life can I ? It wasn't suppose to be like this, never is eh? But what happened!!! Eventually it will cost me my bird, and I do love her and she loves she has put up with a lot of shite from me, even saved my life I snorted to much back in the day and OD'D phoned the ambulance, there is loads more stuff as well. But I don't want to lose anyone. I want to get better. Be my old self. But its how do I change that? I would like to hear some success story hopefully give me some motovation and maybe somethings I could drive on my road to recovery.
 
Its taken me 20 years of bouncing from speed to smack to methadone to speed to benzos to smack to crack to methedone to smack to methadone... And now I think I've finally cracked it (no pun intended). Trouble is I'm back on stims and benzos. Will this fuckin merry go round ever end? Probably not...

Edit: my 'success' story is that I've not had heroin for 5 years, I've not injected heroin for 6 years, I've not had methadone for about 3 weeks. Is that success? Who fuckin knows...
 
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I'd say I've detoxed and relapsed at least twenty times between benzos and smack. Things are slowly moving in the right direction at the moment, using is becoming far less frequent.

How? Because I made the decision I preferred life without those things and took action to move away from the people , behaviours and situations that lead me to want to use.
 
I used codeine and kratom to get off a .5g a day(sometimes upto 1.5g a day if I had it) habit that was going on for the best part of a year, nothing compared to others here I know, What really helped me was finding my gf, having that support and a complete different scene, it allowed me to see what was important in life and running a molten beetle up n down foil wasn't it, not saying this will work for everyone, but it did for me, don't even miss it if I'm honest, looking back now all I was doing was isolating myself, wasting money and just going nowhere, it was starting to affect everything.. relationships with friends n family n my work, it needed to stop and luckily I found the motivation to do it

THECATINTHEHAT said:
I'd say I've detoxed and relapsed at least twenty times between benzos and smack. Things are slowly moving in the right direction at the moment, using is becoming far less frequent.

How? Because I made the decision I preferred life without those things and took action to move away from the people , behaviours and situations that lead me to want to use.
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pretty much sums it up, you have to want it to do it
 
Well I've been taking heroin and oxycodone from the end of 2011 so around 3 & 1/2 years now.

I started taking the Oxy about two months (if that) prior to trying gear.

First off just trying it smoking it on a comedown when me and my mate had been up all weekend seshing on whisky and cocaine/3-mmc. He knew that I'd been doing a little flirting with Oxy for a little while, and I think that influenced his decision, so he reached down under his bed and produced something that looked like a sticky resinous substance stuck to a piece of tinfoil, evidently with lines already been smoked from it. Being completely opiate naive and always just being a recreational stim head I'd never seen heroin before and had no idea what it looked like so I didn't even know what it was at first!mi asked him what it was to which he replied 'the proper stuff' he'd been Akins if hinting towards it earlier so then I instantly knew it was gear.

I smoked it with him, it was a £15 bag between us. I was amazed at the fact that it absolutely obliterated my comedown. I was blown away....I can go outs and party all weekend then just smoke some of that and my comedow. Would be gone! Why had no1 showed showed me this earlier, all those terrible terrible comedowns I'd suffered through, I felt great! Where before I smoked it I was on a hellish comedown , I had no idea it could do that at the time. I'd had quite a bit of experimenting with codeine (which has never done anything for me from day ONE with zero tolerance).

After that I started using it after all my comedowns, then it started once or twice In The week, then a couple more etc etc...

Before I knew it I was waking up sneezing my whole body aching, I should have quit then really but I worked so had to get myself onto MMT ... Since lost my job and a lot more, but since the first time I tried it on that comedown, I've never been clean, I've never done my rattle. Too scared of the physical side of it. Terrified.
 
That is exactly how I feel. Isolating myself, friendships going to fuck. I was always real close to my boys but smack has made me not want to go out on nights out and whatnot because I know they will be blasting through the drink and coke. I don't want that though I want smack. But I used to want to be with the boys. In days gone past at this time on a friday I would be buzzing, either just starting to go onit, but here I am sitting with another gram and a roll of foil. Only one other mate turned to the brown. And after the silly bastard lost his leg because of playing with needles. He done that on his own I have never jagged wouldn't know where to start and neither did he really that's why he lost his leg the rest of the boys are coke/crackheads. Its nothing to do with them its me who is isolating myself. I get up in the morning, sit and feel the rattle creep in while the bird gets ready for work. She leaves at half 8! My man comes usually between 9 - 9;30 get a tray sorted that is my day. I need the gear to make me normal, to go out and do the stuff in my life I need to do, I can't without gear! Even when I am not physically addicted all that is in my head is smack, I have dreams and all the rest of it. I am in a pure cunt of a mood constant. I take it out on everyone else. But when I use I am not like that its not fair on anyone.

What I was thinking of trying was use benzos to district me from the gear. I have issues with valium in the past. I stopped using valium on top of gear because the person that it turned me into, and I nearly died after blacking out for 3 days I nearly died swallowed my tounge etc, I then was in a coma for 5 days before waking up that was due to phazepam though. Its so easy to get valium in scotland valium dealers are as easy to find as smack dealers but its fake boxes the boxes look top notch but there has been iffy moments, so I would like to try a RC benzo I have never fucked with RC benzos because I have had valium constantly there, but would like to go down the RC benzo route, what one would be best for a junkie as best as it can be anyway to use to replace smack? I have been able to go through runs of month living totally fine using benzos daily, and since I will be trying to use them to cut out kit I will be extra careful. I just need to try get away from kit it won't hurt to try and the price I have seen RC benzos I will at least save some doe that alone would be nice.
 
That sounds pretty similiar, I started taking oxy back in like 2011 too, a friend of mine was getting them really cheap so i was using them daily n on the days without I would take codeine (cwe n linctus) I continued that for a few years with the odd bit of opium too as i was able to get lovely stuff at the time, i was very hesitant to try gear as i was already in love with the feeling from oxy but curiosity got the better of me, it was as i expected it to be, complete escape from reality, then I found panda and realised there was more to life n thats when i decided enough was enough, luckily I just rode it out with codeine n got off, had i went onto bupe or methadone i'd still be using now.

I think the fear of the withdrawal is scarier than the actual thing, it is shit but your mind makes it a whole lot worse, if you are intent on stopping you can do it though, just be prepared for a few weeks of feeling shit, occupying yourself with something that takes priority is essential i found
 
breakcorefiend said:
I used codeine and kratom to get off a .5g a day(sometimes upto 1.5g a day if I had it) habit that was going on for the best part of a year, nothing compared to others here I know, What really helped me was finding my gf, having that support and a complete different scene, it allowed me to see what was important in life and running a molten beetle up n down foil wasn't it, not saying this will work for everyone, but it did for me, don't even miss it if I'm honest, looking back now all I was doing was isolating myself, wasting money and just going nowhere, it was starting to affect everything.. relationships with friends n family n my work, it needed to stop and luckily I found the motivation to do it

pretty much sums it up, you have to want it to do it
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this

You're welcome silly :p <3
 
That's cute! Love over everything!!

I have my missus. She doesn't use at all, like her weed/hash and the odd time a bit of speed she uses that for bird reasons lol but part from that she uses no drugs at all, I liked that about her. She is what you want in a missus, she's great at being a 'house-wife' and if it wasn't for her I would probs slip deeper into my addiction she keeps my life half normal. I have been a total cunt in the past, cheating, me disapearing on drug/drink benders and just basically been a cunt, but she has stood by me and now I truly realize she is the one I love and want to be with and grow old with(if I live to an old age) but I need to beat the addiction. She will not be able to put up with it forever and why should she have a junkie bf? She didn't deserve it. But I can't give up for as much as I love her.

I am going to go crawling back to the addiction services in my area and she about subs. I need a different key-worker though. I can stop but its how long I manage to stop for. Do the thoughts of gear ever stop when your not on it?
 
fightingthetoot said:
That's cute! Love over everything!!

I have my missus. She doesn't use at all, like her weed/hash and the odd time a bit of speed she uses that for bird reasons lol but part from that she uses no drugs at all, I liked that about her. She is what you want in a missus, she's great at being a 'house-wife' and if it wasn't for her I would probs slip deeper into my addiction she keeps my life half normal. I have been a total cunt in the past, cheating, me disapearing on drug/drink benders and just basically been a cunt, but she has stood by me and now I truly realize she is the one I love and want to be with and grow old with(if I live to an old age) but I need to beat the addiction. She will not be able to put up with it forever and why should she have a junkie bf? She didn't deserve it. But I can't give up for as much as I love her.

I am going to go crawling back to the addiction services in my area and she about subs. I need a different key-worker though. I can stop but its how long I manage to stop for. Do the thoughts of gear ever stop when your not on it?
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That was my thinking, luckily I managed to quit, cuz it just wouldn't be fair, and panda is the same as yer missus, likes her weed n speed but thats bout it, the best way tbh, and yea I kow what you mean bout keeping you feeling normal, it was that that made me realise i didn't need gear and life has been so much better since.

if you really wanna quit, but it has to be for you at the end of the day, any other reason n you're just kidding yourself n inevitably will slip back into it, good luck to all you who wanna get off it!
 
Just wanna give a shout out to my now, ex girlfriend, although we're still really close mates.

She started her use the some time as mine, and; apart from a 20mg Oxy on Sunday, she's 13 days clean today!

She went over to the NL for a gabber rave and they were starting her on subby's at the same time she was going to be coming home she knew she'd wanna smoke a bag when she got home coz she'd be rough though and the methadone wouldnt quite be out of her system, thus precipitating withdrawal. (you can't take methadone to NL, even with a script; fuck knows why).

Anyway when she got back from the NL she just went straight down to 10ml for three days then Stopped taking it.
I was helping her out in the beginning with Oxy and pregabalin's and she had Valium, clonazolam and hundreds of etiz which she vowed (and stuck to) to use for no longer than 2 weeks. Anyways the past couple of days Shes feeling pretty much back to normal!

Still not sleeping though so she's seen her doc as she doesn't wanna continue past 2 weeks with the benzos and end up trading addictions and he's give her mirtazipime which helped her sleep last night. Told her as long as she takes a week break I'm the middle or so she can take them for two weeks, just make sure to have that break
And rotate it with pregabs and mirtazipine.

She's got much more self control than me like she's got loads of be benzos sat there and she doesn't feel the huge urge to get benzed out her skull, I would haha.

Anyway big up to her coz she's done really fucking well!!

She asked me but I don't know much about subby's that if she had a line now would they help her sleep if it came to it?

She's also terrified of using again, which she DOES want to do, but she keeps asking me will it put her back to square one, like will she wake up WDing after wards, I've told her she won't and the only ay that would happen is if she got physically addicted again.

I'm right in saying that aren't i? Now that she has done her physical rattle she could smoke a bag of H and she's not gunna suffer physical WDs again is she?? The only reason she wants it is for after a crack sesh tomorrow.

She can't get it herself now and I'm the only person who can get it for her and I wouldn't let her get addicted again away.

I know slippery slope yada yada, she just wants it to soften the crash of the crack......she's not gunna wake up next morning back in physical wihdrawal is she?
 
well i dunno man, i found that once you have a habit, you can't really go back to occasional use, its like your brain remembers the withdrawal and will kick it all back into action when you dabble again, everyone is different tho,

Someone with more experience can give a better answer, i would advise not though if she has gotten this far, it would just seem like a step back

Congrats tho, that's a massive effort! she should be proud of herself :)
 
She's got scores of benzos Im gunna try and persuade her to use them, she says they domt take the edge of a stone like a bag though.

She's a strong minded individual and she's the most sensible I've met when it comes to drugs, might no sound that way but believe me she is. She could blow thousands of overdrafts and credit cards etc on it all but she knows commitments, that's how she's kept her job the whole way through as well!

I just don't wanna give her advice that she can smoke a bad after she's had Her stone and still be jfke then she wakes up next day rough as fuck, how long do you have to give it. I would have though once you were no longer physically addicted , you would. Have to get physically addicted again to feel WDs again, sure it may be easier this time rounds but I wouldn't think a bag would put her back oto physical WD.

More opinions?
 
You are right mate. I will only be able to quit properly if it is for myself.

Also, your pal wanting to use ad say if she's been at least 7 days clean she won't get any WD well not full blown. May get slight sysmtoms. In my experince though after a short time being clean and I use it makes me use the next day because I can't handle the way it makes me feel. The mood and sometimes the restlessness gets the better of me. I usuaslly buy gear by the G, is it just a bag or what she gets? And I see she can't get on her own so can't contuine to use. I suspect for the most part she will be fine maybe with a cunt of a mood though. She has done well to even get where she is, I don't think dabblin here and there work, just tells me she wants to use still and isn't finished with the smack game, and till you are truly finished with it I still think we are slaves to the sweet sweet heroin.
 
she should be fine and not suffer physical withdrawl for 1 or 2 days use no more. but the mental craving will be a bitch. if she does it once again she 'l think she can control it, and use now and then and soon have ahabit agian.seen it so many times. b
 
I remember reading something, prob here, about withdrawal memory, basically your brain remembers how bad you felt at your worst and the smallest dabbling will bring back that hellish mindstate and you have an instant cure.. more.. I dunno man, if it was me n I had gotten through all that I wouldnt wanna tempt fate by using again as it would feel like being back at square one, like I said though, everyone is different n you said she is a strong minded person, she may get away with it, but it just seems like quite a gamble
 
You're right BCF, it's a trick of the mind.. I could of been clean for months, use 3-4 days on the bounce and ill start to feel withdrawals, nothing major but it's enough to convince you to use again and then the cycle begins again....
 
Yea scotch, that's it, it just starts that cycle off again, ahh you off tomorrow is it? best of luck dude! hope this will be the thing to get ya well :)
 
Also gonna have you in my thoughts these next few weeks, Mr Mist <3

Dunno if you'd really call me "stopped" in any kinda absolute sense but I've only used heroin a scant handful of times over the last decade and a bit. I've used other strong opies on and off (binges, no extended use) throughout this period and the same for "minor" opies only far more frequently. Still no habitual use, mind. As things stand I am currently back on Subutex but I'm genuinley using it for analgesic purposes only had to go via addiction services because people with my medical history don't get prescribed pain relief unless they decide to relapse to get it. Fukkin stupid and deeply shite system but such is the way of things :\

I used heroin itself from the age of 15 up until my late 20s with an overlapping extended period of prescribed methadone addiction too. Also a pretty major crack habit but that's a bit of a side-issue so will simply include it as a complicating factor. I eventually got away from this excuse for an existence by moving across the country to a place where I knew nobody leaving everybody and everything I'd known behind. This was mean to be a temporary stopgap but just over a decade later I'm finally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. So much wasted time. I'm deciding to decide this was ultimately for the best as I'm not approaching a far brighter future than I'd ever have thought possible but it has truly been a slog and there's still some way to go.

My honest advice to anybody still in the relatively early stages of addiction to anything is to get out now. Do it immediately. In only gets worse and not in anything like the somewhat romantic and/or flamboyantly self-destructive/tortured genius/rebel soul/related bullshit imaginings y'all likely have at this point same as everybody else did at that point. The reality of full-on addiction is just plain dull. Dull, miserable, lonely and filled with endless fukkin drama. Worst of all possible worlds. Quit whilst you're ahead. You won't thank me for it cos you'll ideally never know just how shitty the alternative is but know you won all the same if you happen to do so cos you really and truly positively did win if you did.

Best of British to all <3
 
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