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  • EADD Moderators: Shambles

Monday thread - bangles, boomtown rats, you takes your lyric you takes your choice

Right - first - no unprescribed drugs all week apart from a small bag of cannabis purchased last night - hasnt helped - my script doesnt pin point my pupils for the full 24 hours but i still look like a wretched junky

Second - teeth - got the 3d strips you recommended. Didnt get anything else - im a drug addict i cant afford to spend more than a tenner a month on oral hygiene - half result though - i now have a front row of manky broken teeth that are largely white

Third - hairs cut - beards gone - i am clean shaven for the first time since before my bithday last june. With the price of gillette sensor blades ill be restarting my beard of the centuary entry tomorrow.

despite being a massive clart when we used to go out, she has said that she doesnt go anywhere near drugs any more and that the spinnout from her prevoius use plus her ex husbands ( my old mate) paranoia contributed to the break down in their relationship. I dont know how well shes going to take my suggestion that massive amounts of heroin and benzodiazepines have all but cured my fatigue from the overuse of club stimulants...

cant see this getting any further than tonight but heyhey

12 hours to go

thanks for maintaining an interest. i have =D

Stee
 
Well that went as well as possible - so why am i so upset over it all

she took the news really well but it still sunk me. After she got the dutch couarge to admit it she was honest enough to tell me that she always liked me, she always thought i was fit (???!!!) but what she really needed was to be fucked by a 'bad boy raver'. Well, that part of the job was pleasant enough - i havnt been close to anyone in a long time so it was nice to wake up curled around someone nice, but after one of those really nice wake up shags, it was coffee and goodbye. if you hadnt already guessed, she told me that im not of course boyfriend materialand that i have to keep out of hers and her boys way.

I know i dont deserve any more and i was of course suspecting this so why am i so upset? that sinking feeling started the second i left so i scored on the way home to try and get it all out of my head. Never works - just bottles it up now the gear and the methadone has worn off i cant stop crying.

im sorry for being so pathetic but i am. that will probably the last time i ever end up in a beautiful womens bed, so it really is just a case of waiting to die now. Hopefully there will be plenty of drugs to distract me from this in the meantime, but any chance of getting a life back sailed away a long time ago

Stee
 
My darlin, You can't really think this is all you deserve!!!! That was a bitch move she pulled if you don't mind me saying. What you do deserve is so much better. <3
 
I can only recommend the love of a good women (or whatever), 30 years into what started as a teenage romance and I have nit a single regret,,,well letting her down over and over I suppose but I try not to let that stuff break me apart, she knows I try and love her so very much.

It mat not be for everyone but a life partner had been the only truly stable thing in mylife, even at times if my worst breaks from reality I never doubted her despite doubting the very fabric of the universe.

Its also meant that unlike many men (not all I accept) I didnt spend much of my younger years simply trying to gain access to the underwear if any female in their vicinity, that kinds thing was never me anyhow but it did mean that within the party scene we were into had many close female friends and still find women easier to talk to than men in general,maybe its about tiime I started watching football and drinking.

Shes kept me from total self destruction, in short without her I would be nothing, if I do half of what she does for me id be a happy man,if you have a a shot at that kind of happiness give it your best shot, if she loves you she'll accept you're a work in progress;)
 
Sadie said:
My darlin, You can't really think this is all you deserve!!!! That was a bitch move she pulled if you don't mind me saying. What you do deserve is so much better. <3
Click to expand...

Thanks Sadie, but im a 35 year old junkie thats thrown away his life and professional career. To even get some attention from somebody as beautiful as that is called punching above your weight. I dont deserve the roof over my head
 
I've known the feeling. :\

You know you can find much support here though. The blokes are blokey but sensitive. However pretty much all us BL girls are nurturers. If ever you need a shoulder or an ear I can pretty much say most of us are a good port of call my dear.

Please listen though when I say, you're worth so much more my lovely.

And please, stop putting yourself down boy!!!!! Every one has a past and most find a present that they're not happy with. Does not mean you're not worthy of happiness, that is your personal opinion. NOT the opinion of others. Don't beat yourself up m'darlin!
 
Awh that's nice. Sadie, I think you're one of the loveliest most caring poster in EADD. <3

steewith2ees said:
Well that went as well as possible - so why am i so upset over it all

she took the news really well but it still sunk me. After she got the dutch couarge to admit it she was honest enough to tell me that she always liked me, she always thought i was fit (???!!!) but what she really needed was to be fucked by a 'bad boy raver'. Well, that part of the job was pleasant enough - i havnt been close to anyone in a long time so it was nice to wake up curled around someone nice, but after one of those really nice wake up shags, it was coffee and goodbye. if you hadnt already guessed, she told me that im not of course boyfriend materialand that i have to keep out of hers and her boys way.

I know i dont deserve any more and i was of course suspecting this so why am i so upset? that sinking feeling started the second i left so i scored on the way home to try and get it all out of my head. Never works - just bottles it up now the gear and the methadone has worn off i cant stop crying.

im sorry for being so pathetic but i am. that will probably the last time i ever end up in a beautiful womens bed, so it really is just a case of waiting to die now. Hopefully there will be plenty of drugs to distract me from this in the meantime, but any chance of getting a life back sailed away a long time ago

Stee
Click to expand...

What a complete **** to treat ypu like that. You'll find someone better than her. She's trash to treat you that way n you deservre much better.

Evey
 
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Allein said:
I can only recommend the love of a good women (or whatever), 30 years into what started as a teenage romance and I have nit a single regret,,,well letting her down over and over I suppose but I try not to let that stuff break me apart, she knows I try and love her so very much.

It mat not be for everyone but a life partner had been the only truly stable thing in mylife, even at times if my worst breaks from reality I never doubted her despite doubting the very fabric of the universe.

Its also meant that unlike many men (not all I accept) I didnt spend much of my younger years simply trying to gain access to the underwear if any female in their vicinity, that kinds thing was never me anyhow but it did mean that within the party scene we were into had many close female friends and still find women easier to talk to than men in general,maybe its about tiime I started watching football and drinking.

Shes kept me from total self destruction, in short without her I would be nothing, if I do half of what she does for me id be a happy man,if you have a a shot at that kind of happiness give it your best shot, if she loves you she'll accept you're a work in progress;)
Click to expand...

Again, how do I miss your posts???

That has to be one of the sweetest posts I've ever read! <3 Tomboy I may be but I'm still such a romantic and that is so lovely. Lucky girl you have there.
 
Eveyvibe said:
You'll find someone better than her. She's trash to treat you that way n you deservre much better.

Evey
Click to expand...

Cheers evey x

Where tho? The clinic? the crackhouse i buy my things out of? that was kind of my last chance at finding a nice girl before im 40 and that boat sailed straight off as soon as the gangplank shut again

I hate my fucking guts i swear to god i do
 
steewith2ees said:
Cheers evey x

Where tho? The clinic? the crackhouse i buy my things out of? that was kind of my last chance at finding a nice girl before im 40 and that boat sailed straight off as soon as the gangplank shut again

I hate my fucking guts i swear to god i do
Click to expand...

My dear, there are loads of places to find someone to love who loves you. I'm a couple of years older than you. My life consists of work and sleep basically. And sadly a minimal family life as well..... I work and sleep so much and my hours keep me from being part of "normal" sociable times. I never go out, I don't see my friends anymore as I simply am not available. I still found love. It finds you, trust me. And you're never too old. Do you think that after 40 you get blacklisted for love? BTW, I'm not 40 yet!! Not for a few years :p

I see the good in you, others will too. Well someone special will. Please don't put yourself down or beat yourself up because one girl really just wanted a booty call but did it in the most heinous way only a girl would do. Yeah, women be bitches. This is why I usually keep the company of blokes or pretty down to earth awesome women. * waves at Kate and MissFlo*

Please don't take the despicable actions of one woman hurt you like this.....
 
Stee!!! Please!!!!! Do you really compare yourself, a drug user, to a person who desires to harm and sexually abuse children??? NO!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not having this anymore. There is feeling bad then there's just pulling yourself down into a pit!!

You are not a bad person. You're a lovely person who is going through a bit of a time. Breathe m'darling. Take a minute and reflect. You're not bad. Please see this....
 
I know i know wallowing in self pity isnt going to help a god damn thing but it doesnt matter what i write - actions speak louder than words - with my dsp basically refusing to even consider lowering my methadone (they want to push me up 10mls every time i go, thinking an increase will satiate my thirst for opiate nirvana) ive resisted so far - yes a 10mg increase will take 24 hours and give me about 2 days of methadone niceness before im back up to tolerance only id need an extra 2 months to reduce - they can take you up in one day but wont consider reducing any faster than 5mg a month

What exactly do i have to aim for here?
 
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