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Drugs: always broke cant take it anymore

nygiants1313

nygiants1313

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 22, 2014
Messages
589
Location
New York
How do you guys deal with always being broke during drug addiction? It makes me want to put a bullet in my head. Get the paycheck every 2 weeks. 10 days later its gone. And you say ok next pay check this wont happen.

And again it does. Ive probably spent i dont even know, 40 grand over the last 6 years on drugs. I should have a new car, and being ready to put down payment on a house. Problem is i cant take time off work to do the whole withdrawal process while feeling like shit for however long after. Its been going on for so long.

Even when i give my money to my dad in an account i always manipulate ways to get it back. Then i spend half of it and give the rest back and say dont let me have it. This continues. I make good money i do work hard and the feeling of working for free i cant take anymore. Idkk why im writing this, i guess im at that point where i cant live like this anymore, but i cant take off work and need the drugs to keep my job.

Maybe i just need to push through the withdrawals at work ? But then the not sleeping for months and fatigue will drive me back. Idk i feel for anybody living like this its no way to live and im just sorry
 
Don't be sorry, it's good to vent.

If I had every dollar I spent on drugs I would be sitting behind the wheel of a large automobile, with a beautiful house, and a beautiful wife, at least I know why I didn't get there.

I spent all of my money on drugs, I'm just starting to learn how to manage my money and feel like an idiot, due to my age, but I'm breathing and in a better state of mind today.

Today I am more capable of making even more money than when I was on autopilot, and so can you.

There was an engagement ring I could have bought outright, there were massive debs I should have paid and a car I would hide from getting repo'd until I caught up on payments.
I would be ashamed, sure but only when I realized what I was missing. All the dope shit in the world wasn't as good as shitty dope when I was into it.

Put it this way 40g in 6 years is only on average 555/month. It's nothing to sneeze at for sure, but don't beat yourself up so bad.

You didn't take your car to the ghetto for a couple rocks. I have seen someone burn his family so bad that they went from upper class to a shithole, parents died in debt over what this guy did. He stole all their money and possessions. Ended up on a stick up spree robbing a bank, dude's in jail now. He's fucked and should be saying sorry. Even he's going to get another chance to succeed.

You might be way ahead overall in life because you'll never put yourself in that position once your clean.
I know I feel that way, I feel so much stronger and wiser as a result of the shit I put myself in.
Withdrawals at work, doesn't sound doable in the long run and thats all you should consider is long term success.
Suboxone sucks but it does seem to give people more success in the long run. Ever consider treatment?
Fuck yesterday!

Keep this anger close to your heart and you won't forget it, just know it's what dope made you do, versus soberly deciding to gamble everything away.

I needed to come to terms like you are before I was able to successfully detox and recover. Your making big positive steps even if you don't see it.
Take care man
 
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^^^^^thank you so much for the only response to my thread lol. You don't even know how much what you said helped me. Ive read it all 10x over already and book marked it. Coincidentally i just found out I'm getting 1500 back in taxes and will hopefully achieve my new car in 2 months.

I must run right now and didnt type much but just wanted to let you know that you truly changed somebody's life today man.

Thanks again
 
If your paycheck lasts 10 days (not 10 hours) and you've only spent $40K over 6years.. I wouldn't worry yourself too much, gets a lot worse than that..

I used to be addicted to gambling.. that was truly fucked, I cannot even describe the level of broke being addicted to burning your money causes.. And when you're addicted to gambling, let me be clear - the addiction is to losing, to the despair and hopelessness that comes with it.
 
mostly-human said:
If your paycheck lasts 10 days (not 10 hours) and you've only spent $40K over 6years.. I wouldn't worry yourself too much, gets a lot worse than that..

I used to be addicted to gambling.. that was truly fucked, I cannot even describe the level of broke being addicted to burning your money causes.. And when you're addicted to gambling, let me be clear - the addiction is to losing, to the despair and hopelessness that comes with it.
Click to expand...

No offense dude dont downplay 40k like its have no effect on someone. That money held me back years in life and the "working for free" aspect sucks. The debt, the constant loser type mentality blows. Its probably more honestly like 60-70k but typing that makes me want to vomit and churns my stomach i know at one point 6k was gone in 2 weeks.

i didn't create this thread to debate how much money lost is allowed to be upset about. Im sure people get the same feeling whether it be 50k or having spent the last 50.00 that was needed for a phone bill but went to drugs instead.

Your post is garbage
 
I have had both a really bad heroin addiction and a just as bad gambling addiction so you can imagine how broke i was
Point is if i can keep that my past then i have no regrets other then the harm i have caused to my friends and family as for me if i stay sober and dont gamble then i am grateful i learned and overcame addiction while still in my 20's
I do not want to be that guy that ruines his family due to drugs or gambling so if anything i should be glad i passed that stage in life while still single and hopefully when i do get married and have kids i will be stable and in recovery
I havent got high in almost 30 days and havent gambled in like 6 months
So what im saying is dont be hard on yourself whats done is done and just look at it like a really expensive leason you learned
Hey you cant learn this shit in college you know ;)
All the best to you as you move on in life
 
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placid space said:
His post is more or less exactly the same as the one above youve just praised only coined in slightly different terms.
Click to expand...

I edited out the gambling reference as I didn't mean to have people posting off topic over dick sizing. The post is about the the op, not people's gambling habits.

Hey Giants you'll know your on your way to the life you want when your behind that new ride. =D
 
I can relate to drug addiction, gambling addiction, and being broke all the time. Have you ever thought about Methadone Maintenance? Not sure how the clinics are where you're at but I'm in Seattle and there are some good clinics around here. Have an appt. on Tuesday for a psych eval and hopefully I can start dosing on Wed or Thur (after I go into bad withdrawals to prove I'm not just trying to get high.) Here they start you out on a 6 month taper, and they have all sorts of resources such as acupuncture and counseling, which is mandatory during treatment. You may not have to pay anything if your insurance covers it and even if you don't have insurance, $400 per month on a drug that is overlooked by a nurse in a Methadone clinic dispensary where you know what you are getting and are working toward a goal of getting clean over time without having to go through withdrawal when you can't get any dope is much better than spending it all away on drugs that may be cut with who knows what, all the while hopelessly putting your money into a black hole. I'm pretty sure most Methadone clinics have an option for Suboxone or Subutex as well. Maybe you could do a quick Google search for clinics in your area. If you want help, I can also take a look for you. I've been stuck on RX painkillers since I was 23, I'm 27 now, and recently started smoking heroin. I know how helpless it can feel. Just know that you are not alone. Also, you may feel like shit for spending all of that money, but there are ways to change that behavior if you have the desire to change. The fact that you are even reaching out with this forum is allowing you to help build a support base for yourself. I hope you feel better soon and I will post an update to my situation once I start on the Methadone. I think one thing that makes things more difficult is when we have enablers in our lives. Myself, I've had family members give me pills and also money for drugs occasionally. We drug users are very good at being manipulative, even if we aren't trying and don't mean to hurt others. Hang in there man, you are not alone.
 
Sorry if my post was off ill edit it and take out the gambling
I only mentioned it cuz of the being broke part but i guess you guys are right the thread does start with the word drugs.
 
No! you're not alone. We have over $7,500 in income after taxes each month and are BROKE. We both just decided it's time to quit and took some time off work to try and get it under control...no income means no drugs.

Our fall from financial grace has included a bankruptcy multiple repo's, behind on rent, utility shut offs and owing every family member I have money.

Before drugs we owned our home (nothing fancy) I had a brand new in 2008 Tahoe and Chevy 2500, boat, trailer and lots of cash. You're not alone at all it's just a matter of planning and committing to stop it, much easier said then done though and I currently have no income coming in this week and a bank account that is over drawn by $44.80 and just took a $75 loan from my dad to get food for the week.
 
xxjadedxx said:
No! you're not alone. We have over $7,500 in income after taxes each month and are BROKE. We both just decided it's time to quit and took some time off work to try and get it under control...no income means no drugs.

Our fall from financial grace has included a bankruptcy multiple repo's, behind on rent, utility shut offs and owing every family member I have money.

Before drugs we owned our home (nothing fancy) I had a brand new in 2008 Tahoe and Chevy 2500, boat, trailer and lots of cash. You're not alone at all it's just a matter of planning and committing to stop it, much easier said then done though and I currently have no income coming in this week and a bank account that is over drawn by $44.80 and just took a $75 loan from my dad to get food for the week.
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Thank you for your post. I hope you find a way back out of the mess, i know you will .

Literally, i chuckled outloud at the end, because im 47.00 overdraw an in my account and 30 minutes ago borrowed 60 from my dad til i get paid tomorrow, no joke the exact same thing as you. 25 years old barely any expenses. Pathetic lol.

I know its not good situation but the similarities to the tee made me laugh out loud haha.
 
while I am not addicted to gambling or spending specifically , my dad handles my finances for me ... and im 30 god damned years old -_-, so I know the feeling of having to call my dad to transfer me money lol

to be fair, my bills are mostly automatic, he simply swoops in and transfers the majority of my paycheck out before I even realize its pay day.

I wish I could tell him how much I love him and appreciate the support, it just feels too awkward :/
 
tocooperate said:
while I am not addicted to gambling or spending specifically , my dad handles my finances for me ... and im 30 god damned years old -_-, so I know the feeling of having to call my dad to transfer me money lol

to be fair, my bills are mostly automatic, he simply swoops in and transfers the majority of my paycheck out before I even realize its pay day.

I wish I could tell him how much I love him and appreciate the support, it just feels too awkward :/
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I can relate. I get my paycheck and 65 percent goes to my dad to an account i cant access to help me save. The rest i pay my bills with and use on drugs. Then i manipulate him with having to go to work so needing my money out of the account for drugs just to be able to function at work.

Its basically working for free.

When hurricane sandy hit NY few years ago i was working 16hr shits at either 25 or 40 an hour getting 7000 weekly paychecks. No one knew about my addiction and i was spending 300 or more every other day on oxy.

Long story short, "working for free" all those years with nothing to show drains you hard as fuck.

Hope everyones doing well. Appreciate all the posts.
 
Hugs. I've been there. Now I have the opposite problem, withdrawals and I know NO ONE where I live that I can even vent about it to, because I'm the hard working girl, the reliable one, the one who never messes up. No pressure, right? Just to play Devils advocate
 
Hugs. I've been there. Now I have the opposite problem, withdrawals and I know NO ONE where I live that I can even vent about it to, because I'm the hard working girl, the reliable one, the one who never messes up. No pressure, right? Just to play Devils advocate, you could have a far worse car and house having never done drugs if that beautiful wife had divorced you.
 
Bet if all of us put down how much $ we've spent on our habits, we'd make Bill Gates look poor.

Withdrawals suck. I used to get absolutely emo going through mine, seriously...plus, I thought of my trauma, then that made me almost suicidal, so I feel ya there.

Look...you gotta have a plan to wean off drugs and until you make a committment to, yer gonna stay broke and sick.

Have you considered short term MMT, seen a Dr. who can RX suboxone, tried to wean down with valium/benzo combined with rest, tramadol, etc. , or are you always going cold turkey?

You can do this, I can sense the strength you have just in your words, even if you keep relapsing, you desire it...but until you can buckle down, go through the pain, then come out with a clear head, you'll continue on the path to no where.

You can do this!!!
 
I started to answer your question based on how I actually dealt with it and realized I was about to give you horrible advice. It doesn't matter how I dealt with it. Ultimately that wasn't enough either and the only answer was to get a handle on it. I stopped being broke when I realized that some substances just aren't meant for me and ditched them altogether. It doesn't matter if you spent 50 bucks or fifty grand. If it feels like the chemicals are making the decisions for you then it's probably time. People say you gotta bottom out first before you straighten up. But I don't believe that. I've seen plenty of people do it with their life/family/career intact.

If you can score a long weekend somehow. Maybe taper down for a while and operate half ass sick for a week or so and then try to kick going into a 3-4 day weekend. To me that would be better then trying to get on some kind of maintenance chem. You sound like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. The things you are feeling with this about wanting to change and being sick of the struggle. Those feelings are a light shining inside you. Make em brighter and you will be ok.
 
mostly-human said:
If your paycheck lasts 10 days (not 10 hours) and you've only spent $40K over 6years.. I wouldn't worry yourself too much, gets a lot worse than that..

I used to be addicted to gambling.. that was truly fucked, I cannot even describe the level of broke being addicted to burning your money causes.. And when you're addicted to gambling, let me be clear - the addiction is to losing, to the despair and hopelessness that comes with it.
Click to expand...

I agree, it can be way more than that, specially if you count it in years. We can't really think like that because it will make you feel worse than you already are.

I stopped counting when I realized my expenditures were already on a level that it wouldn't matter beating myself up.

Instead try to find your ways to end this. It's possible. Or start thinking how would you do it.
 
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