Yeah acidtest... just forget about your ex and your friend, I understand that it sucks that your friend went behind your back, but you've moved on and I don't think it's worth the trouble beating his ass will cause. Just consider it a lesson and enjoy what you have now.
In a similar fashion, I met a girl in one of my classes who's beauty is second only to the prior mentioned girl. In fact I can't remove this girl from my thoughts; the whole goal of my "mission" in finding the first girl in my dream last night was to get the contact info of the girl from my class... Even when I find I've stopped thinking about her for an hour or two, I find myself doing so again involuntarily in moments of pause or boredom... This girl seems like the most interesting girl I've ever met, she seems like she uses drugs (which is unheard of in hot women where I live) and she dresses sexier than any woman I've ever met and she holds herself in some way that just draws me to her... I thought she seemed interested in me, so I asked her out for coffee and haphazardly expressed my infatuation with her, to which she replied "I have a boyfriend." This set me off for about a week or two, me not knowing if she had a boyfriend (which would suck, but at least she wouldn't be lying) or if she was lying so as to not have to tell me "You're fuck ugly." It was miserable, and lead to my getting black-out drunk a couple times the past week or two...
Ouch man, that sucks.
Worst of all, I'm caught up over this girl, when I've been seeing my girlfriend for 5+ years now... I plan to marry my girlfriend as no one else has ever been so compatible and loving towards me... and I do love her, with all of my being. Even so, I can't rid my mind of this girl who has a boyfriend. It's pure infatuation, but I feel like infatuation is almost a stronger emotion than love is. I've discussed my issues with my girlfriend because I believe in openness in our relationship, but all it means now is that she knows exactly what's bothering me when she sees my eyes drift off and become blank and morose... I'm fucking depressed. I want these obsessions with girls to end, but there seems to be none in sight, even with the passing of years of time.
Infatuation is definitely a powerful emotion, it makes you kind of crazy I think. So does love but in different ways. That kinda sucks that your girlfriend knows about it... it's awesome you're so open with each other though.
xorkoth, it seems to me that the girl in this story isn't for you. the other girl, the one you've been successfully seeing, connects with your soul. but the girl in this story, it seems like it won't ever be a soul-deep connection. even the mental attraction you have for her is a physical thing when compared to soul attraction you have with the other girl.
maybe have sex with this girl once just to get it out of your system, but i don't think she'd be good for you in the long term.
Yeah man you're right, the other girl does connect in my soul. It's weird, I never felt that sort of infatuation with her, and I still kinda don't. I liked her as a person when we first hung out but I wasn't sure if I was attracted to her (mostly because she dresses in really baggy clothes so I couldn't see her body
), and then she made a move on me and I went with it, and then it was like, whoa, that works really well, AND we fit together snuggling perfectly and like all the same kinds of physical contact, and we're both super drama-free and chill, and it turns out I'm attracted to you? Hmm, yeah this is a good thing. I kinda feel like I am attracted to her on a deeper level but it's not 100% romantic, like my relationship with my ex felt completely different, way more intense, way more feelings, from the very beginning, starting with infatuation. This one is like, I don't know, hard to explain. I really like her and I care about her but it's almost like an energetic connection. It's like I love her but I'm not in love with her, but it feels like we are when we're touching or snuggling or having sex or kissing or whatever. Sounds weird when I say it but it is kind of weird. But I like it.
I don't want to be in love with someone and have a girlfriend right now in my life, I want to be an independent agent so I can be completely in control of my own development. This girl is great for that and I get to have the parts that I miss about a relationship, the closeness, feelings, etc.
I have decided that I will keep being friends with this other girl, it doesn't feel right to me to stop being her friend over this, plus I pretty much dealt with the feelings over the past 2 days, I'm not stressing about it anymore. If she wants to have sex with me I'll do it but I'm not going to think about it that way.
Well here's a thought on the general theme on this thread right now: I think the theory that love is a mechanism to make sure we don't stay with the same person might just be true..
xorxoth: Your train of thought really reminds me of the times I thought a girl and I would be really amazing together, but that the girl wouldn't see it that way. That hardly ever works out the way I pictured it.
I can also really relate to her, because my girlfriend and I also both have ASD. I feel a deeper personal connection with her than I've ever felt with anyone else, a lot of our communication together is really intuitive. She gets the way I feel, she understands my mistakes and doesn't patronize me in any way for having a different brain. I don't really seem feel that way with other people, and for the girl it must be really freeing to meet someone like that.
That doesn't mean it doesn't suck, but if she really feels like I do towards my girlfriend then you're up against a mighty thing.
Yeah I think that's the connection she felt with him. Though she's about as anti-relationship right now as anyone I've ever met, she feels really strongly about not having romantic attachments at this point in her life (which is where I'm at too). She wants friendships and she is open to having sex with friends if that energy is there.
Ironically, during my writing of this post, she called me and was pretty upset and said that Adam (my guitar player) just wanted to get in her pants, not actually be her friend. Apparently they hung out yesterday and she discovered she actually didn't want to have sex with him after all, she just thought she might, and he got mad at her and told her she was leading him on and left. Then she started lamenting about how she's so different and wishes she wasn't and I told her that it makes her unique and interesting. And we talked about growing pains, just learning lessons and sometimes they hurt. I think I helped her feel a lot better, which makes me feel good.
I do care about this girl, in fact I find myself feeling kind of protective of her... she's a few years younger than me and something about her energy makes me want to watch out for her.
Still I can't deny I was happy to hear it.
I really didn't want to know one of my good friends and bandmates was having sex with her, it would have been difficult for me and I REALLY most of all didn't want resentment for Adam to develop.
