steewith2ees
Bluelight Crew
After the moderate success of my first friday thread im starting a monday one.
Want to keep this positive - I know its the most depressing morning in the 7 but i want to try and put a positive spin on this
What do you want to achieve by the weekend?
Obviously my first priority is to resist taking any drugs, prescribed methadone aside. Ive been taking alot of benzos tthis last fortnight and although ive been mixing up 4 or so different types last night i worked out that ive been taking the average equivalent of 40 -70mgs of diazepam every day. No more benzos untill saturday at least me thinks. I need to give the weed a rest as well - its supposed to be a weekend thing for me but its funny how quickly ones weekends start stretching from thursday to monday. As for the gear - dont even go there - i have a test at my dsp on weds so what little money I have to spend on it will have to wait untill friday anyhoo. The last lot I had was average at best so im in no rush to get any more.
Ok so onto my 'issue' - as a relatively reclusive junky approaching middle age fast i dont have any social life to speak of, interacting with only delears and such when i need to
(right you can skip this next part as its fairly rose tinted and misty eyed).
During my 20 odd years of clubbing, raving, call it what you will, i did the dnb/hardcore thing as a teenager, helter skelter, pure x, hysteria, dreamscape, alot of nights at bagleys, the mk sanctuary etc. Of course there was a crew of regulars of whom i was a part, some in relationships, some just along for the ride (dont take that last comment as lewd). My girlfriend and i were big mates with another couple who we saw alot of whether their was a night out on the cards or not. The 90's ended, the members of my 'crew' changed as i moved onto house clubs, techno nights and twice yearly visits to ibiza, and i lost contact with X and Y - the couple we had been so friendly with.
My last relationship lasted 5 years and finished 3 years ago - since then i havnt even looked at a woman - as im now back as a full time junky my dick is just about useful for pissing through, never mind anything else.
Now 'Y' has appeared out of the facebook woodwork, has heard that ive not had the best decade of it and wants to catch up. Shes gone out of her way to let me know shes single, after leaving 'X' about a year ago, and she has a 2 year old little boy. 'Back in the day' she used to bosh down brown speckled mitsubishi turbos and flatliners with the best of us, so while shes not entirely unschooled in the art of clart, im naturally anxious as to how she will react to my heroin adventures over the last 11 years.
Shes seems really keen, shes messaging me every day. Shall i follow through with the chance of netting a beautiful girl, probably the last chance ill ever get before im totally past it, or should i do the right thing and disengage before things develop any further.
Nobody wants a smackhead in their life, especially when theres a little boy to take into consideration.
I just want to be happy but its difficult chasing happiness when you dont deserve it
Want to keep this positive - I know its the most depressing morning in the 7 but i want to try and put a positive spin on this
What do you want to achieve by the weekend?
Obviously my first priority is to resist taking any drugs, prescribed methadone aside. Ive been taking alot of benzos tthis last fortnight and although ive been mixing up 4 or so different types last night i worked out that ive been taking the average equivalent of 40 -70mgs of diazepam every day. No more benzos untill saturday at least me thinks. I need to give the weed a rest as well - its supposed to be a weekend thing for me but its funny how quickly ones weekends start stretching from thursday to monday. As for the gear - dont even go there - i have a test at my dsp on weds so what little money I have to spend on it will have to wait untill friday anyhoo. The last lot I had was average at best so im in no rush to get any more.
Ok so onto my 'issue' - as a relatively reclusive junky approaching middle age fast i dont have any social life to speak of, interacting with only delears and such when i need to
(right you can skip this next part as its fairly rose tinted and misty eyed).
During my 20 odd years of clubbing, raving, call it what you will, i did the dnb/hardcore thing as a teenager, helter skelter, pure x, hysteria, dreamscape, alot of nights at bagleys, the mk sanctuary etc. Of course there was a crew of regulars of whom i was a part, some in relationships, some just along for the ride (dont take that last comment as lewd). My girlfriend and i were big mates with another couple who we saw alot of whether their was a night out on the cards or not. The 90's ended, the members of my 'crew' changed as i moved onto house clubs, techno nights and twice yearly visits to ibiza, and i lost contact with X and Y - the couple we had been so friendly with.
My last relationship lasted 5 years and finished 3 years ago - since then i havnt even looked at a woman - as im now back as a full time junky my dick is just about useful for pissing through, never mind anything else.
Now 'Y' has appeared out of the facebook woodwork, has heard that ive not had the best decade of it and wants to catch up. Shes gone out of her way to let me know shes single, after leaving 'X' about a year ago, and she has a 2 year old little boy. 'Back in the day' she used to bosh down brown speckled mitsubishi turbos and flatliners with the best of us, so while shes not entirely unschooled in the art of clart, im naturally anxious as to how she will react to my heroin adventures over the last 11 years.
Shes seems really keen, shes messaging me every day. Shall i follow through with the chance of netting a beautiful girl, probably the last chance ill ever get before im totally past it, or should i do the right thing and disengage before things develop any further.
Nobody wants a smackhead in their life, especially when theres a little boy to take into consideration.
I just want to be happy but its difficult chasing happiness when you dont deserve it
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i know that feeling, never had a heroin habit my mum n dad were into it back in the day easy to put me off tbh , hope u get clean and things work out, if u wanna drop us a pm feel feel to bud , u seem in a similar situation to me so i can relate to alot ur going through..
