Opiates (Fentanyl) destroying my life (Wish me luck)

[opiatehell]

Looking back i would've never seen myself writing something like this, but here i am.

For some interested welcome to my story. I became "addicted" to fentanyl 3/4 months ago when being
legitimately described it arthritis of the knee. I have been addicted to other opiates a lot longer, but nothing has affected my life as much as fentanyl has.
I now want to quit it, it is destroying my life. I cannot function without opiates any more. (since about
4 months ago, longer probably..)

I’ve been taking tramadol for my knee (self-prescribed) for more then a year. In the end i took it in upwards of doses of 1000mg a day,(I use valium and clonazepam to lower seizure possibility)
I knew this was going nowhere. I went to my physician and got prescribed
oxycodone 20mg twice a day.(6 months ago) And also instantly(fentanyl) 50mcg nose spray 2 puffs a day. (usually in the morning)

I was having intermittent dosing withdrawal with the oxycodone 2x 20mg. It never worked 12 hours for me. I still kept taking the tramadol, it kept me feeling good, and helped me when facing though life choices and depression. (obviously partly to do with the anti depressant part of it)

I told my physician about the intermittent dosing withdrawal. So i got prescribed 3* 20mg oxycodone. I still abused it regularly and on weekends would go on huge binges of oxynorm/oxycontine and tramadol. (2000mg+) (I got some of those online, costing me an fing fortune)

Finally i could never get the nod any more, however i chased it. If i would nod i was always near OD territory seeing as i puked my guts out and was afraid to sleep due to my laboured breathing. (Also luckily tramadol kept me up in huge dosages)
So i would always go on these huge binges, i knew this was an escalating situation. I finally said enough, let’s get my pain under control, and I am not going to abuse is any more. I just want consistent pain relief. (I told myself 8))

I came clean to my physician and was put on 12mc fentanyl patches every 3rth day. That obviously wasn’t enough. Was build up to 25mcg every 3th day, was having withdrawal on the last day and first day, so got prescribed every 48 hours. (Al the while was still taking low dosages of about 200/300 mg tramadol)

Also was escalated to 100mcg instanyl nose spray 2 doses a day. (60 doses per month)

Sadly you get it, this did not suffice any more. I would usually fill my script early and use the instanyl almost instantly.(no pun intended) I would use the 60 doses in almost 2 days, this was the only way for me to get the nod again. I usually nodded and puked my guts out every beginning of a script. (I always used the instanyl within a day or 2, you know how it goes when being addicted)
Still trying to chase the nod, and trying to help my pain. (The fentanyl doesn’t help much for the pain anymore(due to my obvious huge tolerance))(I know I have only myself to blame for this)

Because i always used my instanyl within 2-3 days i started cheeking used fentanyl patches. (First only in the morning to get a kick start for the day and the lack of the breakthrough instanyl) I started with used patches, that soon escalated to parts of new patches, that soon escalated to whole patches, that soon escalated to me having to have cheeck 30 mins every 1.5/2 hours to stop going in withdrawal. (next to the constant 25mcg an hour patch on my chest(usually i put like 1.5 patch near the end))

That soon started me to take more tramadol again to sleep at night, then oxycodone and tramadol again.

Then cheeking at night, which let to a few close calls with death.

I am so lucky I haven’t died yet, I had a few close encounters when I woke up at night due to withdrawal and put a patch or part of it in my mouth, but that relief sometimes instantly put me to sleep. (I am also prescribed remeron and clonazepam for depression (3 years+(That is a whole new story, if somebody is even remotely interested about it I can divulge it if somebody would like that)

When I fell asleep I sometimes woke up in the morning with still the patch between my mouth, I was so scared a few times, I could’ve easily died, luckily my huge tolerance finally came trough on some moments of my life.. I think I also had the luck that when I woke up my gums were completely dry, so not having much contact with the patch that prevented me from dying. All the while this has been going on I am writing my thesis, so me being almost constantly in withdrawal made me have to use fentanyl in excessive ammounts eventually to even get something done in the day.

The opiates have taken over my life, I need to cheek continually every hour now to stop me from going in withdrawal.
I had a lot of missed days at the company and the school I did my thesis for, luckily with my doctors notes of the huge amounts of medication I am legitimately prescribed(I am also in sever recurring depression and primary insomnia, for which I’m being treated for almost 3 years.) I got a postponement of my thesis and work to be done.
Now I am here knowing I NEED TO QUIT, this will lead me to death or failure of my life. (Also, the fentanyl is not helping for pain anymore, I need to reset my receptors and go back on my normal dosage of pain medication. (Without cheeking))

After my thesis I plan to come off completely. (don’t know when)

But now I am going to see if I can reset my tolerance a bit, I have 6 days for it, which will obviously not be enough, so I have taken drastic measures.

I now put half a patch on me 12mcg this morning, haven’t cheeked in nearly 2 hours and am ready to suffer almost cold turkey like withdrawal that is sure to come within the coming minutes. I will not put a new patch on till Saturday evening/Sunday morning.

So the bottom line is. I am now going semi cold turkey from 25mcg an hour patch+ every hour cheeking and about 300-400mg tramadol. (I now only have 12.5mcg on me, and plan to cheeck not a single bit anymore.)

I hope that before Monday I am able to stick to just 25mcg patch every 48 hours. (I know i will still feel like shit the comming weeks)

Obviously as many as you, I have tried a lot of cold turkey quits during my brush with opiates.
I know what hell I am in for, my hell is beginning now again.

I just wanted to get my story of my chest. (For those interested) Also I feel a need to talk to someone about this. Nobody that I know uses opiates.

Now looking back at it I should’ve never started opiates, yes they gave me pain relief, happiness and an almost complete stop to my depression symptoms. (at first) But with people with an addictive personality this is not a way to live, also the increasing tolerance due to my stupid use of the medication has put me on a one way path to hell.

Before this I have been addicted to speed, mdma and cocaine for 7 years. (From my 15th till my 22nd(used daily))

Then I discovered working out, I quit everything, even smoking, lead an enormously healthy life style till my 26^th(started using steroids near the end, but personally i see no harm in it, when used responsibly(I usually read myself in about a subject for months/year))

About my mid 26th year of life i first got introduced to opiates. Now I am here, almost on the eve of my 28 birthday, seeing that this is no way to live. (or die)

I NEED TO QUIT!!!! I hate being in constant withdrawal every hour of every day. I know the cheeking has put the highest dent in my tolerance, it is sick how much the cheeking effects your tolerance. I can take easily 1000mcg/1mg instanyl before feeling some nice effects, and usually finish my first day of the script with using 15 doses @ 100mcg to begin a semi-nod.

I will first try to establish a baseline for my tolerance again. Hopefully I will survive the coming 6 days, I know this will probably never be enough for me to reset my tolerance. But hopefully when I put a 25mcg patch on Saturday evening I will be back to some sort of baseline. (I know I am in for hell, I have experienced this many times, as many of you have before me)
I am already feeling first signs of withdrawal after couple hours not cheeking. The yawning, the teary eyes,the cold and heat/sweat. the general feeling of life having no meaning, I know I am in for a lot more. (I don’t care, I feel the beginning of withdrawal almost every hour)

I know I will go through hell, with the ANTIDOTE only a feet away from me, just putting a patch in my mouth will stop my withdrawal, I know that. But this HAS TO STOP!!!

I am ready for no sleep the coming 6 days, I don’t care. This needs to stop.

And hopefully this will be my first step. I know it is wishful thinking of me to now be able to use my medication as prescribed, but I have every intention to try to normalize my use again. (Oww how many times have we kid ourselves with this thought, I know that. BUT THIS ENDS HERE. (Or at least my first steps))

For anyone willing to have read my story, thank you for your time.
I just needed to write this of my chest, if nobody has read it, it doesn’t matter. At least this hopefully will be another warning for someone seeking to just use opiates for fun. There is no limit if you have an addictive personality like mine, I hope you all are well.

Also I have taken phenibut 2 grams now, hopefully to help a little with the withdrawal. (I found this was one of the only ways to slightly help opiate withdrawal without taking another opiate/loperamide or some other thing that works on opiate receptors.)

Drug wise I have to my availability: Diazepam (10mg), Clonazepam (2mg), flunitazepram 2mg, zoplicon 7,5mg , temazepam 20mg gelcaps, remeron 30 mg soltabs, concerta 36mg a day. I can get any benzo or opiate here within 48 hours, but i know none of these drugs will help me,(i have taken 120mg diazepam during cold turkey, and besides making me fall all the way through my house this did nothing for my opiate withdrawal symptoms, it gave me fucking scary brain zaps and shit though, so I know I will find no help in going full GABA now)

I will only take 1.5-2.5gr phenibut a day, 10mg diazepam, 2mg clonazepam, and 30mg remeron. (But that is what I normally take to survive a day or night(except the diazepam and phenibut(self-prescribed again..)))

The benzos will do nothing for the hell I’m soon to be in, I know that.

Furthermore I will take OTC.
Nightly:
-Melatonine time release(lol, I know, this will do nothing, but I always use it anyway for its projected neuro protective properties)
Daily:
-A b complex in the morning(Again yes, lol)
-Magnesium citrate(just cause)
5g creatine monohydrate. (atp f* yeah, even if you quit exercising there is no need to quit creatine!!)

Also I just tried to eat as much complex meals as possible and will try to do so until the inadvertent vomiting will begin. (I give it an hour or 2 before that symptom will begin)
Furthermore I just know I have to tough it out.

I know I HAVE TO TOUGH IT OUT!!

Sorry for the long story.

At these last letters I leave you, I feel the withdrawal coming on pretty hard now, going to try to lay in bed and/or take a shower. (Although I can’t stand because of my knee pain, jeeej)

Wish me luck, i wish you all luck as well!!

I just wanted to get this of my chest, i will now lock myself away from society, i will occasionally be checking in on this thread, so maybe some people have some advice although i know it will just be a question of toughing up and dealing with it. (I HAVE ONLY MYSELF TO BLAME FOR ALL OF THIS)

I dont know if i will be able to reply back when i am in the worst stages of withdrawal. I hope i make it till sunday, i have never reached more then 3 days before i Fed up again and started because of the severity of the withdrawal. I know this will be the worse one i have ever suffered till now. (Damn, why did i start cheeking... (in hindsight it is always easy to see our mistakes)

I never wished to be in this situation, and i will never wish it even upon my worse enemy's. I just need to not F this UP.

I will not go on living like this, i am most scared of the depression though, i have severe depression next to everything constantly as well. Opiates always offered me a (temporary!!)way out. Wish me luck!

Tl dr;
Went this morning from 25mcg an hour fentanyl patch worn + cheeking full 25mc patches every hour(for 30 min or more, usually i just have a full patch in my mouth and 1.5 on my body all day every day, this just to function as a normal human being 8(...) + a BOATLOAD of tramadol to a mere 12mcg patch worn since this morning. I consider this an extreme dose reduction. (I normally go in withdrawal in a mere 1.5 hours if i dont cheeck)

I need to go back to my normal dosage.(25mc an hour) (And hopefully eventually quit. (In a few weeks i have time to try to come complete cold turkey, i consider this severe doisage reduction as much a cold turkey as anything i tried before though, i'm in for hell and i know it!))

God i am so scared again, bleh enough.

I CAN DO THIS
I CAN DO THIS
THIS IS NO WAY TO LEAD A LIFE.
I WILL SUCCEED ONE WAY OR THE OTHER!

I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS, I NEED TO QUIIIITTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These are my final letters for now(yes again), severe withdrawal now. Wish me luck. You all, we must be able to live, i see no merit in life this way. Wish me luck as much as i wish you all the same. Goodbye. (Hopefully not for good obviously)

 

[David Wooderson]

Get stable!

First and foremost, good luck! It's great that you have come to this conclusion now and not in the hospital after an overdose!

Second, I am not a doctor, my opinion is just that and coming from my own experience.

In my struggle I used and abused for many years before I came to the realization that I was an addict. I would use anything no matter the potency in ridiculous amounts because I was chasing after something that wasn't there. I can relate to you chasing a nod because I went t extremes as well. However there is a point where, like you said be borderline od'ing to reach that state and in the end is it really worth it? In my experience it wasn't.

I had to lose everything before I realized that I was gambling with my life. I hit many bottoms and realized one day that it's just not worth it. I would get suicidal in my use and try to overdose. Then I felt I couldn't deal with the damage I caused, and would use to escape the shitty things I did.

I have been through methadone maintenance twice, and suboxone "therapy" twice.

In my experience you might be setting yourself up for failure in the fact of your cutting down way too fast, you have been using heavily, and you have a very short term goal. I would put the thesis off until your stable. You need to stabilize yourself here, and not be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, but you're still breathing, so you have the opportunity to change.

I was the same way with opiate meds. I would eat them all up in a few days and then panic, and resort to extreme measures to start the whole process over the next month. The only thing I could ever control was suboxone and that took a year.

I would highly consider a methadone maintenance for your situation. You need to get stabilized, if your not able to control your intake, which in your post you explain, going to a clinic is your best bet. Just don't start associating with the other clients. Get on a dose that holds you then try to get on suboxone as soon as possible. Nobody wants to be on methadone or suboxone, but its better than the alternative which is bottoming out, getting institutionalized or dying. You may not have hit your bottom, but your use is dangerous so you need to be able to go to extreme measures to solve the problem if you want to be free. Just getting to a controlled point with your current intake most likely will not work and even if it temporarily does you might end up in a repetitive cycle and lose lots of years coming to the realization that opiates are a life waster.

Losing years, loved ones and countless opportunities is the ultimate motivation, but do you want to pay that price for pain relief?

I am mentally stable, but there were a few times when I would get to sky rocket tolerances and then have access or financial problems and wake up in full wd's in a psych ward. You really don't want to experience that.

There are allot of tools at your disposal, if you want off this ride. Give them a shot. You need to have a long term plan and approach if you want to live a happy productive life after this, that includes looking into getting your knee fixed permanently. If you truly feel that it needs it. I live in extreme pain and found I have to deal with it as I just cant use pain killers of any degree. Consider another doctor as well, I think you know why, fentanly is a shitty drug in my experience it shoots your tolerance to insane levels for little gain.

Best of luck.

 

[neversickanymore]

You certainly can do this!! Benzos will help more than you think.

medications for acute opiate detox

The medications I would explore the use of for detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE< >here<
OR >Lyrica<
OR >phenibut<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol
Senokot S is a stool softener and laxative. If you do not want the laxative you can go for strait stool softenerDioctyl sodium sulfosuccinate.

(Opi Withdrawal) what is the best comfort meds for opiate w/d?

Your Personal Opiate Withdrawal Arsenal

Have to push trough at some point as we all pay the piper. You got this.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Have you considered getting on Suboxone to help with the withdrawals?

I know when you find yourself constantly self-administering opiates that you wake up one day and you realize you don't want to live that way anymore

best of luck in getting off fentanyl, stay strong

 

[WantToBeReborn]

Hi

I used to take Fentanyl and morphine and it started as legitimate pain management prescription and descended into the same utter hell. It brought me to my knees. I am now 8 months clean from opiates. There IS a way out. It's very, very tough. But please know this, there are others here that have walked in your shoes and have found their way out. You CAN do it. There's a lot of support here, keep coming here and keep talking about what's going on for you, we can't do this alone.

 

[opiatehell]

In my experience you might be setting yourself up for failure in the fact of your cutting down way too fast, you have been using heavily, and you have a very short term goal. I would put the thesis off until your stable. You need to stabilize yourself here, and not be so hard on yourself.
Just getting to a controlled point with your current intake most likely will not work and even if it temporarily does you might end up in a repetitive cycle and lose lots of years coming to the realization that opiates are a life waster.

Losing years, loved ones and countless opportunities is the ultimate motivation, but do you want to pay that price for pain relief?

Thank you for your advice my friend, i know i am probably going to relapse again, i need to get stable indeed. I feel what you said about relapsing and throwing away my life really hit home. I already ruined 7 years of my younger years addicted to speed and cocaine, i dont want to ruin anymore.

But, no DRUG EVER made feel as good as when i discovered opiates, i am really scared of throwing more years away, just relapsing as you said. I already went to so much cold turkey withdrawals just to go on the repetitive cycle you described again, L i Don’t want to be dependant on it anymore.

You need to have a long term plan and approach if you want to live a happy productive life after this, that includes looking into getting your knee fixed permanently. If you truly feel that it needs it. I live in extreme pain and found I have to deal with it as I just cant use pain killers of any degree.
fentanly is a shitty drug in my experience it shoots your tolerance to insane levels for little gain.
Best of luck.

Sadly the knee fix isnt going to happen my friend, i already had multiple surgery’s, injections. Everything, i also tried to get enrolled in some research things with cartilage transplants, knee distraction and stem cell stuff, but sadly i am not eligible for it. I have no cartilage0 whatsoever in my right knee, the damaged area is just to large. I also have severe back and hip pain due to my walking weirdly to not have pain in my knee. My knee problems started about 10 years ago and aggravated in the last 2 years.
I just hope that they will find a cure for cartilage repair in the future.

fentanly is a shitty drug in my experience it shoots your tolerance to insane levels for little gain.
Best of luck.

Yes indeed, fentanyl is so powerfull its insane. Nothing made my tolerance go as high as this shitty drug..

You certainly can do this!! Benzos will help more than you think.

medications for acute opiate detox

The medications I would explore the use of for detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE< >here<
OR >Lyrica<
OR >phenibut<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol
Senokot S is a stool softener and laxative. If you do not want the laxative you can go for strait stool softenerDioctyl sodium sulfosuccinate.

(Opi Withdrawal) what is the best comfort meds for opiate w/d?

Your Personal Opiate Withdrawal Arsenal

Have to push trough at some point as we all pay the piper. You got this.

Thank you for your reply, sadly i find not even the slightest help with benzos. Phenibut somewhat, nothing really for the really physical side effects.

I already take laxatives everyday 3*, otherwise i cant go to the toilet. I just quit them today actually because when I’m in withdrawal i feel that i can go to the toilet normally within about a day of 2 within withdrawal normally. Also take a sorta nsaid for the pain(arcoxia, more of an cox2 thing I believe), but it doesn’t help. I cant lay on my bed, my hip hurts so much just touching my mattress.

I read a lot about clonidine and lyrica before within my try’s to quit, sadly my physician wont write these out. He is really easy to prescribe these enormously strong pain killers, yet wont write out these things that i know that can help. Especially read a lot in the last year of the clonodine with regards to the cold/sweat and RLS. Sadly my doctor really downplays withdrawal symptoms. Also when I asked about clonidine he didn’t want to prescribe it, because my BP was really low at that time/ (But I smoked a really big laced cigarette with fentanyl before the appointment in the morning, so, that is an explanation...)

Also I really don’t want to say that I abuse these pain killers in this way, I am afraid I will be black-flagged. And I don’t want to stop them prescribing me the stuff in the future. (God just writing this made me feel I am still a junky just looking for new highs in the future. L)

I am in extreme withdrawal now, I didn’t sleep at all last night. The fucking agitation with my arms is sick, I really at night want to bend them till they break, its even worse then the RLS.

Also tore my last half patch off this morning, I just said fuck it. You have to suffer for this, maybe I will learn from this, but ive been at this point so many times its sad. I never made it past the 3th day before. Im now on my 2^nd day and my withdrawal is worse then ive ever felt it.

I’m really scared, im starting to hear voices calling me. Like my mom saying close the door or something, but nothing is there. Its really life like, like not in my head, but I actually hear these voices. Its pretty scary, I think I might have reduced my dosage too much really, but im already in so deep now, im just saying fuck it. When I tore the last bit of me this morning I know I am setting myself up for even worse symptoms.

I just think I need to punish myself for getting this far again, but ive reached this point so many times. I just need to pay my piper as you said!!!

The hard thing is, I have so many “cures” less then a feet away from me. 1000’s of mgs of tramadol, so many fentanyl patches, my own home made fentanyl sprays, cigaretes laced with fentanyl. And so much oxycodone still..

I’ts really hard knowing that if I just take some of it again my pain from the withdrawal will finally be gone, BUT I KNOW I WILL JUST BE POSTPONING THE INEVITABLE.

Also have loperamide and stuff, but really just dont want to take anything that hits my opiate receptors.


I just hope 6 days cold turkey is enough for me to go back to just use 25mcg/h patch normally again.
Also if I feel after 6 days the worse is behind me, I will ask more days of. And try to come off completely.

Have you considered getting on Suboxone to help with the withdrawals?

I know when you find yourself constantly self-administering opiates that you wake up one day and you realize you don't want to live that way anymore

best of luck in getting off fentanyl, stay strong

To you and david wooderson, I read an a lot about it. And it seems the withdrawal from these substances seem even longer. From what I read the withdrawal seems a lot longer, and personally I would rather suffer really hard for a short amount of time, then suffer longer.
I don’t know, maybe I should look into it more.

But thanks a lot everyone for you kind words, really means a lot to me.

I can do this, just 2 more day and ive broken my withdrawal record.!!

Hi

I used to take Fentanyl and morphine and it started as legitimate pain management prescription and descended into the same utter hell. It brought me to my knees. I am now 8 months clean from opiates. There IS a way out. It's very, very tough. But please know this, there are others here that have walked in your shoes and have found their way out. You CAN do it. There's a lot of support here, keep coming here and keep talking about what's going on for you, we can't do this alone.

Thank you for your kind words and support my friend, i really have no one near me to talk about this, nobody i know does opiates.

A friend of mine had a funeral last month though, a friend of his, that i knew remotely had died in a methadone clinic. He OD'ed on something or another and that really made me consider what i was doing with my life, especially seeing as i had so many close encounters with dead with fentany already, i need a way out of this.

It really means a lot to me that there is support for me here, SO THANK YOU ALL from the bottom of my heart.

Im laying on bed again, the withdrawal is pretty sickening currently, in extreme pain, and i know this is only the beginning.

I think i will put a half patch on in 3/4 days(Have to go back to work Tuesday), i think i really made to big a dosage quit, from cheeking every minute of the day and constant fentanyl patches on me to nothing might have been to rash a call of me.

And i dont think 6 days sadly will be enough for a complete withdrawal secation(im curious about the PAWS that will come/or not), although never know, never made it past third day, so i will see how i feel in about 4 days.

Thanks everyone for your support!!

I will stay up tonight completely, i took 10 grams phenibut, 40mg valium and 6mg clonazepam, but i still feel like i am dieing. (Also started drinking since yesterday, really strong liqour, that seems to help a little, just drink myself in a coma tonight perhaps(I never drink normally, maybe 3/4 times a year))

Im just scared gonna trowh the cigarettes laced with fentanyl away i think, i dont want to OD tonight when i might be drunk as shit an smoke a fentanyl cigarette.

Thanks everyone, i will be checking back, this all really means a lot to me!!

 

[neversickanymore]

You can do this and you're doing great!! fight fight fight!! Freedoms on the other side of this tunnel.

Lyrica or gabapentin are the medications that do the best for RLS. If you decide to try them then I would only use them briefly.. like a week or two and then taper off to avoid getting into any physical addiction with those.

Fent is a very strong detox, but at least its pretty much the shortest there is.

 

[Runtoparadise]

You got this buddy, set your sight on day four & you'll have broken your record! Go hard, stay strong, & get those temptations outta the way.

I have experience with Fent, but it's not my doc, oxy is. I suffer chronic pain too & although I am prescribed a very generous dose, rip thru it too soon every month so atm I'm in acute wds also. Luckily I'm prescribed Lyrica which I stockpile for such times. Usually gives me a stoned feeling or I just fall asleep wherever I am lol.

BUT, today, it's almost six am here & it's the first time I've never slept at night. Luckily I get some comfort hearing the early traffic & am grateful I don't have to go to work.

So, I'm at day three & have to wait it out til day six. My doctors suddenly gotten strict. What no one has yet mentioned is that with a high tolerance, there's really nothing to do that can lower that, six days, mths or yrs. you may initially feel pain relief, but rapidly your tolerance goes straight back up.

Can you ask your doctor to change your meds? To something you find less abusable?

You're very strong minded, I wish you well,

Rtp

 

[David Wooderson]

Sorry to hear about your knee, sounds painful.

Opiate withdrawal psychosis is a very real thing. I went through it a few times and it is scary as hell. If you are planning on going back to fentanly after the detox I would consider taking just enough to make the voices go away. In my experience I ended up in a psych ward, and then again 3 more times from withdrawal psychosis. Those experiences just made my addiction worse.

One benefit to suboxone is that you never have to worry about overdosing and dying on it. If life is unbearable without painkillers I can understand, but there are alternatives. http://www.tamethepain.com

That is why I suggested methadone as I was cut off my script and suboxone wasn't approved yet, and then my doctor started perscribing me pain meds while on methadone for break through pain. But I had to go to a clinic because I couldn't control my intake. Got up to a ridiculous dose anyways but by going to a clinic you do limit your chance of overdose to a extent. Plus it can stabilize you. I was perscribed up until a few months ago, huge amounts of benzo's and I can relate to you not feeling anything because your tolerant to them.

The thing I came to is that I could never, ever, no matter the effort, go back to taking what the recommended dosage was after a certain point. You sound like you want to live which is great but the meds you are on can kill you by accident relativley easily. People have died from smoking fentanly out of the blue. I did want to die, just being honest but I couldn't od. Then I found out about what happens besides waking up or death after an od. Being brain dead, pinning you limbs, massive brain damage. That scared me into dealing with my pain and addiction. I almost pinned my legs once, didn't scare me into anything because I didn't know about "pinning" until years afterwards. I know what its like going through this struggle and not having anyone you know to talk to that has any first hand knowledge, pm me anytime if you want.

 

[WantToBeReborn]

Pain meds cause increased physical pain over time. Look up opioid induced hyper algesia. In the withdrawal period, of course, pain is very severe. But once you get through that it is likely the pain level overall will reduce. My chronic pain has reduced, but it took a lot of time and patience.

 

[neversickanymore]

Pain meds cause increased physical pain over time. Look up opioid induced hyper algesia. In the withdrawal period, of course, pain is very severe. But once you get through that it is likely the pain level overall will reduce. My chronic pain has reduced, but it took a lot of time and patience.

QFT.. treatment of pain with chronic opiate therapy ends up causing way more pain then it ever "treats."

 

[opiatehell]

You got this buddy, set your sight on day four & you'll have broken your record! Go hard, stay strong, & get those temptations outta the way.

I have experience with Fent, but it's not my doc, oxy is. I suffer chronic pain too & although I am prescribed a very generous dose, rip thru it too soon every month so atm I'm in acute wds also. Luckily I'm prescribed Lyrica which I stockpile for such times. Usually gives me a stoned feeling or I just fall asleep wherever I am lol.

BUT, today, it's almost six am here & it's the first time I've never slept at night. Luckily I get some comfort hearing the early traffic & am grateful I don't have to go to work.

So, I'm at day three & have to wait it out til day six. My doctors suddenly gotten strict. What no one has yet mentioned is that with a high tolerance, there's really nothing to do that can lower that, six days, mths or yrs. you may initially feel pain relief, but rapidly your tolerance goes straight back up.

Can you ask your doctor to change your meds? To something you find less abusable?

You're very strong minded, I wish you well,

Rtp

First and foremost thank you for your kind words! And you good luck as well!

And i sadly know what you mean, i didn't sleep at all last night, not even a second. Combined with the night before it of no sleep it's really making me want to start using again. It always next to the depression was my primary reason to start using again, dammit. Also the extreme RLS with my knee and constant cold/sweats. Its sickening.

I don’t know about the other meds, i will surely find a way to abuse it. Knowing me i will surely try to inject suboxone if im ever on it. Or use increasing dosage of more pain meds to just feel it all again.

Sorry to hear about your knee, sounds painful.
Opiate withdrawal psychosis is a very real thing. I went through it a few times and it is scary as hell. If you are planning on going back to fentanly after the detox I would consider taking just enough to make the voices go away. In my experience I ended up in a psych ward, and then again 3 more times from withdrawal psychosis. Those experiences just made my addiction worse.

The thing I came to is that I could never, ever, no matter the effort, go back to taking what the recommended dosage was after a certain point. You sound like you want to live which is great but the meds you are on can kill you by accident relativley easily. People have died from smoking fentanly out of the blue. I did want to die, just being honest but I couldn't od. Then I found out about what happens besides waking up or death after an od. Being brain dead, pinning you limbs, massive brain damage. That scared me into dealing with my pain and addiction. I almost pinned my legs once, didn't scare me into anything because I didn't know about "pinning" until years afterwards. I know what its like going through this struggle and not having anyone you know to talk to that has any first hand knowledge, pm me anytime if you want.

Thank you again for your words!

You sound exactly like me, i can’t control my intake whatsoever. Even if i experienced hell withdrawing, i still would go back on hug binges and start using again, just for the temporary relieve and the chance to nod.

Yes im really scared, the voices have gotten pretty more frequent now, its not like scary voices in my head. And not the voice of myself just saying smoke the fent it will give you relieve within the first inhale.

These are real life voices i am hearing, in my ears. Like close the door, or i am here. And all seem like people i know, i went to the door a few times because i thought i heard someone calling me. Also ive been seeing things move, like my phone in the corner of my eye.

It’s really scary I don’t know what to do.

Im really thinking about going on at least a patch again, just to make the withdrawal slightly more tolerable. I quit from cheeking every minute and 1.5 patch on me. To nothing within a day, I think it might have been too much??

I don’t know what to do my friend, I never made such a huge dosage quit in my previous tries.

But I don’t know, I’m afraid I’ll soon be from 1 patch to cheeking again. I am afraid of throwing my life away, but i think this has just been too huge a quit. Maybe i should try a more slow taper?

Pain meds cause increased physical pain over time. Look up opioid induced hyper algesia. In the withdrawal period, of course, pain is very severe. But once you get through that it is likely the pain level overall will reduce. My chronic pain has reduced, but it took a lot of time and patience.

QFT.. treatment of pain with chronic opiate therapy ends up causing way more pain then it ever "treats."

Yes, ive read about t a lot in my previous attempts at quitting. It’s also the reason why my constant cheeking isn’t providing any pain relief anymore. Because of my continually increasing dosages and me being in constant “light” withdrawal almost all day it is one of the reasons I want to quit.

I know opiates might not be the answer, definitely not with an addictive personality like mine.
[If I ever will be able to quit I also will ask my psyc for Wellbutrin next to my remeron for my depression. (or something more snri like tramadol, because that always worked, next to the opiate stimulation), opiates are not the answer either sadly.]

Thanks everyone, you are the only reason I am still doing this, I had the cigarette in my mouth at 06:00 in the morning, just saying, one inhale. You’ll finally sleep an hour, its no problem. But I DIDN’’T.

I don’t want to come here and say I stared using again.

I am really depressed, really want to end it all. I cried watching a Seinfeld episode for god sakes..

I don’t know if I can handle another night of no sleep again though, I have been psychiatrically committed before because of no sleep due to my primary insomnia. This next to my treatment resistant depression made me lose my girlfriend of 4 years about 2.5 years ago, which spiralled me into a deeper depression, I have had girls after here, but I still think about her, its really sad and one of the reasons I haven’t been able to be engaged in true lasting relationships anymore, its one reason I started abusing more opiates too. I require sleep and someone there for me. (But my depression is a whole different story, never mind that. I HAVE TO SURVIVE THIS WITHDRAWAL!!!)

Thank you all for being here for me, you are the only reason am still trying this.

 

[WantToBeReborn]

The lack of sleep is one of the hardest parts of withdrawal. Your body will make you sleep eventually but this part has to be pushed through. The crying is totally normal and is your brain readjusting. The body and mind go through massive changes in withdrawal but it then starts to get so much better. You can only take things one hour and one day at a time during this period. We know how hard it is as we have been through it and you CAN come out the other side. Try hot baths, as hot as you can stand it, it may help with sleep. I found my mind constantly racing during withdrawal almost drove me insane, along with massive anxiety. That does start to get better as detox progresses. Stick with this. You got this! Remember, the further along you get, the closer you are to freedom. Everything passes, in time. And you'll never have to go through this again once it's done. Go back, and you are resetting that clock of misery. Dig deep!

 

[nygiants1313]

No offense but i dont see how you wont take that fent that is only a foot away at the 24-48 hour mark. But if you got that willpower all the more to ya . Stay determined and keep reading your original post when times get tough. Good luck you will need it. Keep updated if possible i know itll take a lot of effort to even sign on

 

[StaffWriter]

Dude, I hope you're doing okay. I've been addicted to fentanyl for the past 3-4 years, getting it off the street. I'd buy boxes of the stuff with every last penny I had. I'd usually wear them but when I first bought a box, I'd start cheeking them. Never had any close calls with OD since I have a very high tolerance because I have been addicted to opiates for almost 15 years now. But yeah, it's hell with fent. I'd wear them at first and they would last all three days (75mcg) then it got to the point where they stopped working after 36 hours. Sweats would start, high blood pressure, just the minor wds. Some could have been psychological. But recently I've gotten on Methadone at the clinic and I'm on 60mg, which keeps the cravings at bay much better than suboxone. But now I have found out for some reason, the Fentanyl does not get picked up in my drug screens at the clinic so it's so easy to slip back into the Fent habit and I have been using again. Fucking sucks man. Good luck to you and I will be praying for you! You can do it, but I DO KNOW how hard it is!!!!!!!!
SW

 

[mr.buffnstuff]

I can relate more than you think here mate. I was lucky I managed to see the bigger picture, the picture beyond the day to day fiending.
The fentanyl was the turning point for me too, all I can say is do your best to kick that. That took me further than I ever intended or wanted

 

[opiatehell]

Made a lot of headway, but not stable yet

Hello guys, sorry for not checking in earlier. I went back on the patch saturday evening(25mcg)(as semi planned) and use 100 mg extended release tramadol to sleep(although i wake up in withdrawal i still haven't cheeked yet!) I would say i am still in semi heavy withdrawal, the dosage cut was much too big i see that now.

Luckily this whole ordeal was not in vain!! My starting dosages were: (1,5 patch(transdermal)(37,5mcg) + 1 patch continual cheeking(every hour for about 20/30 min) + 300-400mg tramadol/(or some oxy when i still had left))

I am now on just 1 patch 25mcg/hr(every 48 hours) and the slow release tramadol. I quit the tramadol yesterday as well. I had to go home from the company where i do my thesis a lot of times this past week, i was still in really sick withdrawal. Luckily they were understanding.

At least i have broken my record of cold turkey and no longer cheek! %) Also reduced my tramadol and fentanyl by a lot. So it was not in vain. Sadly i had to get back on saturday realizing 7 days wasn't enough to quit the huge dosages i was taking. (I had to go back to the company i do my thesis at)

My heart has been giving me really scary palpitations as well, but i think that might be something to do with the phenibut which i continued to take for more then 2 weeks in total. (Quit the day before yesterday)

I now quit the tramadol yesterday (Haven't slept again since yesterday) but i do not know if this is smart of me?? Seeing as i just have 1 more week to go and then can try to taper. But the tramadol is really not working with me any more, i get really weird chest pressure and missed beats of the heart, although i know this might just be anxiety. But i know i am not stable on just the patch 25mcg. The tramadol does something, because it at least gives me sleep.

This will be my last week at the company and i have to work extra hard to have all papers in order to finish my thesis at home. But i really dont like how the tramadol has been making me feel. I really feel like i have too much serotonine or other brain chemical. (I also take remeron 30mg, although it is an antagonist of certain receptors of serotonine i do not feel comfortable taking it with tramadol) Although in the beginning of my treatment 1.5 years ago i was taking massive dosages of tramadol with 15mg remeron, i just do not like how i feel on tramadol any more. (I may just be phenibut rebound don't know) My doctor assured me in therapeutic dosages serotonin syndrome was very rare. (Meaning 15mg remeron +200mg tramadol. (Not the 1000mg+ i used to take obviously))

I have omeprazole and loperamide, but i really would prefer not to take it. Also over the last week i have been scooping out balls out of the tramadol capsules very minutely, so i think in the end (3 days ago) i was on about 50-75mg tramadol twice a day.

Do you guys think the arrhythmia and general anxiety can be attributed to me still being in withdrawal? Or maybe something to do with the rebound of phenibut. (Taken 5-10gr first 5 days, last 5 days tapered it off to 1 time 500mg before bed)

I dont know what to do, i feel i made real headway in quitting the fing toxic fentanyl.(I think minus the cheeking and tramadol i am now on 1/4 of the dosage of 10 days ago(stupid guestimation))

I only have 1 week to go(At the company) and can finish my thesis at home within a extended time frame.

So i do not know what to do now, should i start using loperamide at night? Or should i start cheeking again and try to increase the cheek intervals? (I know this might seem like a stupid plan, but in a previous attempt to quit fentanyl i just increased my cheek intervals, till i was in really heavy withdrawal, then cheek for 30 min and have 4 hours of sleep, i know this is dangerous cause i know i have fallen asleep with a patch and/or parts of patches in my mouth before when the instant release combined with the lack of sleep made me just doze off immediately)

I really dont want to go back on using oxy and tramadol, they make me feel like my heart is missing beats continually.

But seeing as i am obviously not stable yet and have a really hard week ahead of me. (make or break time!) I am wondering what to do, obviously i have proven my willpower to myself by making this huge reduction, but i think if i need to work the coming week i need to be on a stable dosage at least.

So what do you guys suggest to stabilize? Should i put an extra 1/5th patch on me? Making a total of30mcg/hr to stabilize?(So i can easily cut the tramadol completely(And still be able to sleep)) Or endure still pretty heavy withdrawal and/or combining other drugs? I would rather just have 1 (type of) poison in me. I really dont know what to do, but the coming week i need to function!

Also really want to thank all of you for your support and replys, i could've never made it this far without you guys. Whenever i was about to cheek i would look back at this thread and saw replys, people around the world trying to help each other. It is human kindness in it's most beautiful way to me.

Also i am still crying constantly, i know the depression is here to stay with me for a while, it has become my unwelcome but well known friend in the last few years.

But really just now scared of the chest palpitations and extreme anxiety, maybe its just because i'm still withdrawing, i sadly do not know.

I have also been looking at alternatives for pain treatment, found cannabis tea or oil can help via studys i saw(Also might be able to sleep better on it), but i dont want to start something new again when i'm on the eve of perhaps the most important week of my life.

Thank you all for your continued support guys.

No offense but i dont see how you wont take that fent that is only a foot away at the 24-48 hour mark. But if you got that willpower all the more to ya . Stay determined and keep reading your original post when times get tough. Good luck you will need it. Keep updated if possible i know itll take a lot of effort to even sign on

Thank you for your support. It was f ing hard, i threw the cigarettes away luckily. It's stupid though, i still safe all my worn patches, i think it is just a habit. (Luckily i haven't cheeked yet) But im just so scared to just run out one day and have nothing. (That might be the addicted person talking inside of me)

Dude, I hope you're doing okay. I've been addicted to fentanyl for the past 3-4 years, getting it off the street. I'd buy boxes of the stuff with every last penny I had. I'd usually wear them but when I first bought a box, I'd start cheeking them. Never had any close calls with OD since I have a very high tolerance because I have been addicted to opiates for almost 15 years now. But yeah, it's hell with fent. I'd wear them at first and they would last all three days (75mcg) then it got to the point where they stopped working after 36 hours. Sweats would start, high blood pressure, just the minor wds. Some could have been psychological. But recently I've gotten on Methadone at the clinic and I'm on 60mg, which keeps the cravings at bay much better than suboxone. But now I have found out for some reason, the Fentanyl does not get picked up in my drug screens at the clinic so it's so easy to slip back into the Fent habit and I have been using again. Fucking sucks man. Good luck to you and I will be praying for you! You can do it, but I DO KNOW how hard it is!!!!!!!!
SW

Thank you my friend, i hope you are able to quit again, the way we live is no way to lead a life. It sucks hard being dependant on something you'd rather never have known to begin with.

I can relate more than you think here mate. I was lucky I managed to see the bigger picture, the picture beyond the day to day fiending.
The fentanyl was the turning point for me too, all I can say is do your best to kick that. That took me further than I ever intended or wanted

Thank you for your support. Are you entirely off now? I can't wait to get this poison out of me. It's just sad that i began to realize this when i am busy with one of the most important things of my live, finally fing graduating!!

But better learn it one day or another, it makes no difference, the hell to quit will be the same.

 

[Erikmen]

I can relate more than you think here mate. I was lucky I managed to see the bigger picture, the picture beyond the day to day fiending.
The fentanyl was the turning point for me too, all I can say is do your best to kick that. That took me further than I ever intended or wanted

I have also experienced fentanyl and its addiction. It's an stronger opiate and you don't have a choice and remain increasing Fent.
You just have to find a way to quit! A huge turning point for me a while back.

 

[CfZrx]

OpiateHell!! Thanks for your story. I am finding these Hell of Withdrawal stories motivating as I begin day 12 of my taper from 120 mg IV and 45mg oral to only 60 mg oral. Benzos pretty much get your mind off it ime. Peace, once you get out of hell don't go back

 

[WantToBeReborn]

You are still withdrawing. The palpitations were the last symptom to go for me, along with breathlessness. Those are some huge reductions to be making on this coming week you have described where you need to be functioning.

You may have to choose between continuing this taper or being functional for this week.