MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

[me2point0]

Well at the moment i only get anxiety when i hype my self about the pains, ATM it throbs and hurts constantly, and at the moment dont even know how im going to go to University like this. Looking at this thread makes me grateful though my mind set is pretty straight apart from occasionally being called crazy by my parents from constant complaining about pains. Is there any medicine for the pain? will this pain go away?

I thought about continuing school, and so I did. My first semester started ok, taking my adhd medication and the school itself was ok after the first two days. By the end of the semester I couldn't do it anymore. I was having extreme pains not only in the chest but in the arms and would always have anxiety after school. Moral of the story is, if you think you can postpone life for a semester and take a break, do it. If you decide to go to school, fully commit and have no regrets.

 

[nnzo]

I thought about continuing school, and so I did. My first semester started ok, taking my adhd medication and the school itself was ok after the first two days. By the end of the semester I couldn't do it anymore. I was having extreme pains not only in the chest but in the arms and would always have anxiety after school. Moral of the story is, if you think you can postpone life for a semester and take a break, do it. If you decide to go to school, fully commit and have no regrets.

I have another month off, after all us LTC sufferers are fucking troopers, im not gunna take my medication (Dexamphetamine) purely because i know its going to rock me!. atm my chest isnt that sore its my ribs (wtf) oh well ill pop some pain killers and see if it does anything

 

[me2point0]

I have another month off, after all us LTC sufferers are fucking troopers, im not gunna take my medication (Dexamphetamine) purely because i know its going to rock me!. atm my chest isnt that sore its my ribs (wtf) oh well ill pop some pain killers and see if it does anything

if ur talking aderall or vyvanse, i'm on vyvanse and tried them. After using for 3 weeks my body starting vibrating (literally) like I had 10 cellphones in my abdomen. And the comedowns made me feel like having a stroke, lightheaded and stuff. Maybe won't happen to you! Altho, the initial 3 hours kick of the vyvanse gave me euphoria and EXTREME wellbeing and relaxation feeling. Might try them again! Stopped taking them after I sat at the computer and was so lightheaded I thought I had no blood into my brain ahah, anxiety again.

 

[g.real]

Am I the only one having dried out symptoms. Like my skin gets flakey. My eyes bloodshot from being to dry? Tongue feeling like sandpaper? Any solutions to this.?

 

[Strangestuff]

Well at the moment i only get anxiety when i hype my self about the pains, ATM it throbs and hurts constantly, and at the moment dont even know how im going to go to University like this. Looking at this thread makes me grateful though my mind set is pretty straight apart from occasionally being called crazy by my parents from constant complaining about pains. Is there any medicine for the pain? will this pain go away?

I mean you can go to the dr right and describe the pain. There probably is a medication for the pain that you can get. I mean if they find nothing wrong physically they will probably just say fibromyalgia but why not just get tested for other stuff? I am not a dr of course but I think certain antidepressants and also meds like gabapentin can help with pain. (besides the standard opiate pain killers or NSAIDs) How do NSAIDS work for you? How about benzos?

Btw regarding my HCG treatment--it has been 1 week and I think I am getting high estrogen symptoms already. My emotions are numbed out and I feel low, although anxiety has been reduced significantly (except the lows/depression states are worse than anxiety to me--I can handle anxiety to an extent). This is likely due to a sensitive serotonin system and serotonin is known to be connected with estrogen

 

[me2point0]

I always complain about my heart beating fast as hell and all, I turned on the heart monitor on my smart watch and it seems I do 46 bpm laying down. Such a paradox

 

[taxflax]

And wow taxflax u experienced this after ur second time rolling?? That's pretty crazy cuz I would literally go 50 weeks in a row doing at least 5 pills a week and never felt any ill after effects. And even after I stopped doing it after about the 300th time I had nothing for 2 years. I guess it goes to show that everyone is different and some people are more predisposed than others. I'm happy to hear you are improving tho. Did u have to get on any meds or is this all without them??

Yes, I know. But I endured a lot of stress after my last time rolling so I think it caught up with me. I have now realised that I had problems with anxiety even before I started rolling due to my childhood so maybe I was more capable of having this shit than other rollers.

I went to the doctor for very mild anxiety meds to help me calm down because I recently returned to school (Physics.........) and somedays when I come home from school I don't know what to do with myself so I felt that I needed help to relax.

Workout, eat healty, quit drugs and alcohol, caffeine etc. and get some hobby or something to do like a job. If it is to hard, take a break from your job and just focus on taking care of yourself. I took a break from school for 2 months before I returned but kept myself busy by studying at home. It was really difficult because after just an hour or so I couldn't concentrate no more. But I kept pushing and after a week I could concentrate a little bit more etc.

What I have realised now is that I almost don't have any real friends that I can turn to. It makes me sad but when I recover I will focus on meeting pure friends. People with nice souls.

Sorry about that hehe. In your case I suggest you meet with a doctor or something. Speak with someone who knows their shit and someone who has the "duty of silence". Because you have taken alot of pills and maybe for you it's best to start with SSRI. I don't know.

Good luck!

 

[McBird]

I have to go soon and I won't be on the internet for a while so I just wanna say a quick word here before I go. I haven't detailed my LTC anywhere on BL so far, but perhaps some time soon I will if I get an opportunity. But I can give you guys some pointers and detail what I have learned from my experience.

My LTC started in August 2014 and the most hellish symptoms took 1.5 months+ to fade. After that I experienced several more months of slow recovery, but now at about the 6 month mark since my experience from hell, I consider myself fully recovered and I feel completely normal again. There is some very slight residual tinnitus but it doesn't bother me and my experience with a different type of tinnitus tells me it will fade as the years go by also.

I most definitely believe that if you've not been abusing MDMA hardcore for years (done it ~<50 times) then basically 100% of the suffering you are experiencing is purely a psychological phenomenon induced by the intense neurological experience that MDMA puts you through. Everyone who has an LTC that has done MDMA less than a dozen or so times, as far as I have ever seen, has a pre-disposed risk to anxiety and hypochondria and MDMA has set off a massive episode of this. You are learning, as did I, that MDMA has the power to trigger an intense anxious reaction in those who might be at risk of it, and deep anxiety is definitely one of the most hellish psychological experiences one can have.

The biggest hallmark of deep anxiety is it causing you to experience all types of mental, physical and emotional symptoms that you never suspected could be caused simply by episodes of anxiety, and thus you are not prepared for it either. Anxiety can manifest itself in almost literally any symptom you can imagine, and the best thing you can do is try to keep it off your mind as much as possible and give it time. You need time for your deep subconscious to heal into believing that the world is a safe place again. I've written another post up of tips to get you through an LTC so I urge you to have a look at the ways I got through mine.

I know that it's difficult not to obsess over your condition especially when it is intense and as long lasting as MDMA can cause, but at least if your anxiety keeps you resistant to the tips and explanations I and other LTC recoverers share, then at least I can be another voice of support and 100% honest reassurance from someone who has been through it that this will not last forever and your life will return to 100% normal in time, and that you can reduce that time somewhat by looking after yourself as best as you can manage.

Good luck guys! My thoughts are with you.

 

[me2point0]

Very nice post, i'm glad you shared your experience with us. I guess the people having much longer recovery are the one who had anxiety before it happened. I know my brain is fine, I just know it. My heart has calmed down the last week, i'd say my body is 80% normal, just gotta wait for the mind to do so aswel. Good luck out there, enjoy life for the rest of us waiting!

 

[Rollin2341]

Well I have been off all drugs since September. Working out almost everyday since then and on a rediculously good diet. Although coffee once a day and chewing tobacco are 2 things that are very hard to stop right now especially after quitting iv heroin. It's weird tho cuz one of the only times throughout the day when I feel "normal" is when I'm at the gym. I dunno I just hope this social anxiety gets better cuz it's seriously pissing me off. I was the most social person before 2013 I mean I was always around people. Now it's hard to even work anymore it's so bad. I'm on clonidine(blood pressure med) which helps somewhat. I just hope things get better....

 

[jusjenn21]

Anybody or know anybody who has recovered from the LTC with ssris. but they are off them now. I want to get on meds for this hellish anxiety but im afraid im gonna be on the meds forever!!! Or once i get off the meds the anxiety will come back

 

[Deltronpedro]

Jenn, I can comprehend why you hesitate. SSRIs combined with a therapy has very good succes chances. I know how bad you are feeling the last time and I would recommend trying to take them for at least one month. You wont destroy any healing abbilities by taking them.

 

[Tpchan85]

Anybody or know anybody who has recovered from the LTC with ssris. but they are off them now. I want to get on meds for this hellish anxiety but im afraid im gonna be on the meds forever!!! Or once i get off the meds the anxiety will come back

Ro4eva waited his symptoms for over a year before taking an SSRI and slowly recovering afaik. Sometimes you have to go against your own instinct, anxiety tells you that SSRI might change your brain etc but from evidence in this thread it seems like it is the fastest route out of this bad situation. I had a friend that went through severe depression after a terrible break up, no amount of counselling got him out of his slump, but after 8 months on high dose of Venlafaxine he just suddenly decided he didn't need it and stopped cold turkey, surprisingly had no withdrawals and is in a much better place now.

 

[Strangestuff]

If you are scared of an SSRI there are other meds out there like Buspar, Wellbutrin, lyrica, etc. Avoid the sexual dysfunction issues...

 

[nnzo]

I have to go soon and I won't be on the internet for a while so I just wanna say a quick word here before I go. I haven't detailed my LTC anywhere on BL so far, but perhaps some time soon I will if I get an opportunity. But I can give you guys some pointers and detail what I have learned from my experience.

My LTC started in August 2014 and the most hellish symptoms took 1.5 months+ to fade. After that I experienced several more months of slow recovery, but now at about the 6 month mark since my experience from hell, I consider myself fully recovered and I feel completely normal again. There is some very slight residual tinnitus but it doesn't bother me and my experience with a different type of tinnitus tells me it will fade as the years go by also.

I most definitely believe that if you've not been abusing MDMA hardcore for years (done it ~<50 times) then basically 100% of the suffering you are experiencing is purely a psychological phenomenon induced by the intense neurological experience that MDMA puts you through. Everyone who has an LTC that has done MDMA less than a dozen or so times, as far as I have ever seen, has a pre-disposed risk to anxiety and hypochondria and MDMA has set off a massive episode of this. You are learning, as did I, that MDMA has the power to trigger an intense anxious reaction in those who might be at risk of it, and deep anxiety is definitely one of the most hellish psychological experiences one can have.

The biggest hallmark of deep anxiety is it causing you to experience all types of mental, physical and emotional symptoms that you never suspected could be caused simply by episodes of anxiety, and thus you are not prepared for it either. Anxiety can manifest itself in almost literally any symptom you can imagine, and the best thing you can do is try to keep it off your mind as much as possible and give it time. You need time for your deep subconscious to heal into believing that the world is a safe place again. I've written another post up of tips to get you through an LTC so I urge you to have a look at the ways I got through mine.

I know that it's difficult not to obsess over your condition especially when it is intense and as long lasting as MDMA can cause, but at least if your anxiety keeps you resistant to the tips and explanations I and other LTC recoverers share, then at least I can be another voice of support and 100% honest reassurance from someone who has been through it that this will not last forever and your life will return to 100% normal in time, and that you can reduce that time somewhat by looking after yourself as best as you can manage.

Good luck guys! My thoughts are with you.

Honestly can vouch from this, at times when im distracted i feel better... i was predisposed to anxiety as well from little! its starting make sense, this has triggered a massive pulse of anxiety through my body... another thing i found really weird and strange (dont think ill of me) when i was in the car and i had to hold my urine, the distraction and kind of annoyance of that allowed me to forget my symptoms completely (wtf) obviously cant do that consistently without doing damage to my bladder but still very interesting, also have only rolled like 5 times in my life. I have anxiety but its not obvious, at a party the other night i suddenly got this huge wave of paranoia that suddenly overwhelmed me, i felt as if i had to leave as soon as possible. All in all was a scary situation, in a way i feel greatful that my symptoms are purely based on a physical aspect, although i am starting to notice these floaters more often now (fuck.) Hopefully with time these chest pains go, but tbh i think i could live with it for a good year before i break and try meds.. thanks for your advice though mate, have a good one !

 

[nnzo]

I dont know what Benzos and NSAIDS are ??? At least your anxiety has reduced! i just need this sensitive weird shit to go away, everything does feel sensitive and hurtful and my arm feels numb its so fucking annoying!

 

[Deltronpedro]

Honestly can vouch from this, at times when im distracted i feel better... i was predisposed to anxiety as well from little! its starting make sense, this has triggered a massive pulse of anxiety through my body... another thing i found really weird and strange (dont think ill of me) when i was in the car and i had to hold my urine, the distraction and kind of annoyance of that allowed me to forget my symptoms completely (wtf) obviously cant do that consistently without doing damage to my bladder but still very interesting, also have only rolled like 5 times in my life. I have anxiety but its not obvious, at a party the other night i suddenly got this huge wave of paranoia that suddenly overwhelmed me, i felt as if i had to leave as soon as possible. All in all was a scary situation, in a way i feel greatful that my symptoms are purely based on a physical aspect, although i am starting to notice these floaters more often now (fuck.) Hopefully with time these chest pains go, but tbh i think i could live with it for a good year before i break and try meds.. thanks for your advice though mate, have a good one !

For me, any kind of distraction and may it be something bad like the break up with my ex girlfirend makes us think about the recent problem. I noticed that, too. I hurt my self while doing sports a few days back and cause of the badass pains I forgot completely about my "LTC".
In my opinion MCBird is absolutely right!
This overwhelming trip we all once had changed the unconscious massively, so it needs to learn again that absolut normal things arent dangerous. Thats a reason for feeling bad in absolut normal situations without having any clue, where depression and anxiety comes from. Its triggered by processes running in the background of our consciousness. SSRIs/other ADs are a way to regulate this problem on the chemical way and Meditation, exercise and learning to live with/confront the anxiety is the natural way to get things in balance again. I think there is no overall fix, but I think there is one for everyone. If you should take SSRIs or try it on the natural way depends on circumstances like your job and family and if you can stand it without the relief a AD may give. Everyone has to find his own way out of this hell, but Im sure everyone will succeed!

 

[Strangestuff]

I dont know what Benzos and NSAIDS are ??? At least your anxiety has reduced! i just need this sensitive weird shit to go away, everything does feel sensitive and hurtful and my arm feels numb its so fucking annoying!

Lol just look them up. Benzos are anti-anxiety medications but they also have muscle relaxant properties which is why I mentioned them. Examples are Xanax, Ativan, Valium, etc. However, they are addictive so you probably shouldn't go this route.

NSAIDS are over the counter pain relievers (non steroidal anti inflammatory drugs) like Advil, Tylenol, etc.

Other pain medications include gabapentin for nerve pain, etc. It also has an calming effect although its primary use that it is approved for is epilepsy/nerve pain. Just see a dr dude and describe your symptoms, ask about these meds. You mention sensitivity and numbness--so if this is like a nerve pain gabapentin could help, but again I must stress that you should see a dr.

 

[PJ2]

The sexual dysfunction issues associated with ssri's is mostly concerning men and getting or keeping erections. I do not believe it has much to do with females although perhaps it can alter their libido. I'm not a doctor.

Anyway, Jen, just wanted to tell you that, in addition to the message I sent you, you don't have to stay on an anti-depressants forever either. You can take them for months or years. True, the longer you take it the higher chance that you will have more symptoms coming off of it, but that's about it.

I've taken anti-depressants off-and-on for a number of years as I just have a depression problem even before this damn LTC. Now, it's sort of a maintenance thing for me and to deal with the symptoms of the LTC. I'm telling you this because I've taken them for a couple of years in the past and then stopped for a couple of years. I've never gone through anything traumatic either way. Well, the worst time was starting ssri's 6 months into the LTC. It will help with your anxiety almost immediately, but be prepared for side effects like severe nausea, headaches, etc... Stay the course! I almost didn't make it to the other side of feeling really good again. Your experience may be completely different than mine as well. I just want to prepare you so you don't quit on them immediately because I think you will feel so much better after just a few short weeks.

Like I told you in the private message, I'm just past 1 year since my LTC started and I'm about as good as it gets and better in a lot of ways. A little head pressure here and there, maybe a slight headache when tired that I wouldn't have gotten pre-LTC, but it gets better and better and I seriously don't think about it ever anymore. The nightmare has pretty much ended for me. I fully expect whatever very minor symptoms remain on occasion to disappear in no time at all.

^^^ This is why you never see me post in here anymore! Just like almost everyone else who has gone through these threads pretty damn sick and needing help, eventually you get better and move on.

 

[me2point0]

This might seem like a straight up dumb question but here we go: I react both physically and mentally really bad/weirdly to any drug or chemicals now, even if its caffeine, amphetamines or whatever. I've gotten ACL surgery before my ltc and might need another one. Do anyone knows if theres a risk that my body reacts very very poorly during procedure where they inject anesthesia stuff? It doesn't scare me because I won't have to get surgery anytime soon but it's still bothering me to see myself as a very very weak individual.