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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

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I know you would like a positive answer to that, I did too. I would lie to you but my morals tell me not to. MINE to worse over time. I had no floaters. Then I started having white 'webs'. Then then I got one black spot, then two. Now it stalled there. Hasn't gotten worse. In all honesty. Yours could only gets a little worse and stop there too. Anxiety trully make them more visible. I dont even care if they get worse, what i'm hoping for is someone telling em they diapeared after x time.
 
me2point0 said:
I know you would like a positive answer to that, I did too. I would lie to you but my morals tell me not to. MINE to worse over time. I had no floaters. Then I started having white 'webs'. Then then I got one black spot, then two. Now it stalled there. Hasn't gotten worse. In all honesty. Yours could only gets a little worse and stop there too. Anxiety trully make them more visible. I dont even care if they get worse, what i'm hoping for is someone telling em they diapeared after x time.
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Dont you read man?
Mine are gone...
Wake up.....
Your not getting a time perspective becouse your the one who makes them go away, not time.
 
@bogeyman sorry I didn't read your response, I didnt know visual disturbances would leave. I didn't hear your story, have you been in a LTC? What were your symptoms? I'm not addicted or whatever. I don't feel affected by the text you said earlier. I Thook one pill and thats it.
 
Hey guys just a question, im closing in on my 3 month mark. From that dreaded night my comedown started (aprox 400-500mg MDMA + a lot of drinking).
My therapist thinks its best to go to work and at least do something. I tell myself im incapable of working but i think ill physically manage 4hrs/day to work.
When was it you guys felt that you could live somewhat normal timewise. Last month i havent really seen much improvement and the dp/dr is killing me slowly.
Feels like im stuck in a repeat mode on a daily basis consisting of crying and feeling like shit. The worst feeling is like im looking at the environment things through a piece of glass.
Like it doesnt stick to my brain properly. You guys whos been in this for 6+months, how was life at that point? I often think of giving up and moving home. Atleast id have my mother there.
Does it really get better over time or do you guys feel that you just get more used to the symptoms?
 
Hi guys. I just want to make an update. I would say im nearing the 2 year mark, I really dont keep track anymore. Its just not any helpful to count days.

But anyway, I just want to give a huge message to everyone. At one point, I really thought I was a gonner. I thought I had the worse case of this thing than anybody else in this forum. I thought my brain was fucked, I thought I would never feel happy again, I thought I would never feel smart again, I thought I would never feel emotions or love again. I thought the headaches would never go away, or the brain fog feeling or the endless number of symptoms we experience, I thought I was gonna live my life that way till the day I die or kill my self out of frustration.

But at this point, I can honestly say I've never been more wrong in my life. Everything is coming back to me. My mind is so free of negative thoughts and fears. I can enjoy friends and relax and love my days again. I truly love my life right now. There is so much mystery in life and I absolutely love the direction things are going.

I feel my brain is working to the point I used to be when I was an engineer 2 year ago. I have amazing insight in life and I feel smart again. My memory has improved sooooo much. I have no anxiety anymore except normal anxiety that comes with everyday life. Its a normal anxiety that I am learning is just another emotion that makes me feel alive. Im not afraid to feel anymore. Im not afraid of life anymore.


I want everyone to know that life is not over. Its actually just begun. Ive used this experience to help me restart my life to create it exactly how I want it to be. This "Long Term Comedown" has been my clean slate, my restart button that I never knew how desperately I needed it.

Ive been working on creating my life exactly how I want it, and its been the most beautiful journey.

Embrace the struggle you are experiencing. It is so good for you in the end. And there will be an end to this. I firmly know this. I dont even believe it. I know it based on the amount I have improved over the last 2 years. and Im so excited for the next 2 years to come and more.

You need to know the most important part of recovering from this experience is learning not to fight it. In fact do not fight anything in life. Because what you fight, only comes back even stronger. Allow this thing to just flow through you. Do not cling on to it. Do not let it become your identity.

You are still you. Never forget who you are. And if you were not happy with the person you were before this, you now have the option to become anything you want. From this experience, I have never been more social and outgoing, I have never been better with talking to girls and making friends and connecting with people. I am now this way because I focused my energy on becoming who I want.

Use your time to figure out how to be what you want to be, do not focus your time on trying to not be what you now are. This will all pass.

Just do your very best to learn how to relax. Take your time with everything. Go slow. This is a slow healing process. You cant force a tree to grow, all you can do is water it and give it nutrients and it will naturally do what it is meant to do. That goes for us. Stimulate your mind. Read, socialize, watch inspirational videos, be around positive people, learn new skills or hobbies.

This is all possible to do while you are experiencing this. I feel like I am a completely new person now and I love who I am.

I did all this without medications. I let myself naturally heal.

I will add, I have been smoking pot now daily. I honestly think that pot has been helping me. Its helping me to learn how to relax and enjoy things more. I dont feel like I need it. But I enjoy being high now. There was a point that I couldnt get high. It just didnt feel right to me. until one day I smoked again and just allowed my self to relax. I stopped fighting the high and a major shift happened. I relaxed into the high and felt really good. This proved to me that there wasnt something wrong with my brain. I was holding on to a certain anxiety that was not allowing me to enjoy the high. I can now smoke when ever and as much as I want. In fact, Ive even taken mushrooms and acid recently and had all positive experiences. This once again proves to me that I am not broken. I am not telling anyone to experiment with drugs. But I have gotten to a point where I can mentally handle anything that comes my way now. And my recent mushroom trip has truly opened my eyes that life will honestly be just the way I want it in all due time.

Just allow things to happen. Let your self relax. Thats it. Just do your best to go slow and relax. Your mind has been shaken. Just allow it to settle. You cannot force this.

Life is good. Learn to love yourself again. You are still there. You will emerge again and appreciate life like never before. Look forward to the future rather than struggling with the past. It will all be amazing.


<3
 
Dawglaw said:
PMZ! Great news bud! I told you this day would come.!
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Thanks dude! I really didnt wanna believe it back then, but things will all go back to normal in time. This I am sure of.

My vision is still weird with static in it and I still feel slightly wonky during the day. But it doesn't prevent me from anything I want anymore!!!!!
 
PMZ, I have been here for 10 months now. And my heartrate goes up to 180 when I do like... a 10m run, or I go up the stairs really fast. Did you experience any heartrate changes in your ltc? It's scary and it kicks the anxiety. Also I have shoulder and arm pains... My mind feels a heart attacking coming anytime... just annoying man
 
Tommy Vangelis said:
Hey guys I need help, in August about 3.5 months ago I took two hits of Molly on a weekend then followed by a pill of white domino the next day, so Molly on Saturday then a white domino on Sunday. That was my first time doing any drug of the sort. Comedown was terrible but after a month I was almost back to Normal and two months in I was 95%! I began drinking on weekends again after abstaining for a month then randomly a couple days ago it's like all the comedown affects came back to me after months! I woke up randomly on Thursday feeling depressed and anxiety was back too. Is this Normal what do I do? Pls help
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UPDATE: about a month and a half later...im doing way better. I work and excercise without any problems. Anxiety is gone. Some scary thoughts every now and then but those two mainly because i try to spectate myself and test if they come which idk if makes sense but yeah lol. My setback was pretty disappointing and scary for me but time has done me wonders. Winter break from college came at the perfect time. I drank lightly a couple of times during these two months of recovery and was fine. Have started 5htp this week, only 50mg a day. I will take it for two weeks and see where I am. Don't expect much from it at all tbh but even the placebo is great for me in my opinion. if anyone else has any advice on how to get over setbacks, or atleast avoid em in the future, PM me or just keep on here in the forum. Also when do you guys think it would be safe for me to go out partying and drinking on a weekly basis? Like once a week type of shit.
 
I used to have really bad heart palpitations when I had my anxiety. But thats like a year long gone now. But I would say heart rate changes are normal. Obviously when your running or going up stairs its gonna rise. I would not focus on it. Its not a bad thing. In fact, I think that the normal heart rate elevation you experience while running (which is normal) you might be "feeling" it more due to your anxiety. Just tell you self anytime you feel it, that it is normal.
 
I feel wonky almost every day - its called getting older and being tired. Remember, before the LTC we had good days and we had bad days. Fuck depending on what hour it is I feel up or down. It's life. As soon as you realize that you aren't supposed to feel 100%, the easier it is to realized that you've been recovered for months but your mind has not moved on.
 
pmz said:
Thanks dude! I really didnt wanna believe it back then, but things will all go back to normal in time. This I am sure of.

My vision is still weird with static in it and I still feel slightly wonky during the day. But it doesn't prevent me from anything I want anymore!!!!!
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That's all great to hear. I've only had relatively short though very brutal after-effects, even with abuse, so I don't have a lot of things to say in this thread because I lack experience with things like this. But I've been reading every single reply since it started, so I kind of followed your story as it went along. You've really come a long way man, glad to hear it. I think when someone overcomes something like that, they come out of it stronger than ever, so I think this experience will benefit you in the future. And because you use your experience to give advice to other people in here, bluelight benefits directly as well, which is what harm reduction is all about, the wisdom of the crowd. All positive things out of a negative situation =D kudos to you sir
 
@pmz:wow! Big ups dude! Glad you found youre way! Any reading matter you could recommend? Seems like you learned a much about Anxiety and mindcontrol, where did you get this from?
 
I've said it before and I will say it again.

Make sure to get a full hormone work up guys to rule out endocrine HPA dysfunction. That includes a 4x saliva cortisol test but also a blood cortisol AM test.
 
Hello everyone my name is truly blessed and this is my 1st time posting here. Although I have been following this thread for two years now I have not posted here before but now I feel I need someone to talk too as I cannot take this anymore. To anyone reading this I apologise for the mistakes as this is done from a cellphone. I have not touched any drugs for 2 years now after this incident I even quit smoking cigarettes. I was very ignorant about molly I quit an addiction to opiates in which I fully recovered from . Then a friend introduced me to molly in which I used .6 g which was very high which I learned afterwards. What followed is what I call the worst experience that blurred the lines between life and death to me. I developed what I thought were heart problems but after an echo and ekg holter that were normal. I developed a severe hypochondria to the point where my doctor thinks I'm crazy. I am extremely sensitive to all drugs which I believe shows that I am far from healing. I have light sensitivity which is so bad at night. I have very tight muscles especially my shoulders and chest even my doctor doesn't understand why. Being fatigued is a understatement. I am so groggy that I am borderline disabled. A large problem that I have is I have to support my dad and my mom because my dad was forced into early retirement and he is older and cannot work. Also I am suppose to bring my wife from overseas in 7 months. If I continue to feel like this I will need to make a decision to maybe leave her which will be devastating in itself. Basically is there any hope or should I just start making plans for disability. I had a bright future before this as I am educated but now I cannot use my degrees for anything. I am worried as this thread show people have had problems from a much lower dose. My perception is destroyed and I feel physically disabled. PM me if you can offer any help. I would like to thank ro4eva for helping me out a couple months ago. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
Two years? oh god thats bad news for me lol. 100mg and it was done ahah. Don't lose hope man. ''making plans for disability'' kinda gave me a instant heart attack. Man that's scary. I felt wrecked and fatigued like 6 months back, but now I wake up just fine. I hope my mindset doesnt go down the hole like you. Damnit you are scaring the shit out of me!
 
Sorry man I did not mean to scare you I have read your posts and you did a very small amount you should be on the verge of a full recovery. I abused other drugs when younger and I made a full recovery before this happened
 
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