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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Another.. don't go IVing things you 'stupid morans' thread..

infantannihilator

infantannihilator

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2013
Messages
899
Location
Canada
Finally did it.. Not H but M1

fuck.

I cant look at anything the same ever again.

dont take that plunge kiddies, once you do you can't take it back. evne if I never IV a drug again.. Ill always know.
 
Methylone? GROCE

But really, come on man, you can avoid ever using the needle again. You're just mentally craving it now, but stay away from it and you'll forget about it in a month.
 
I I/Ved good speed as a younger man the effects were incredible thats why I only did it once. I can see why people get addicted. I would try most things once
 
pbuilder said:
Methylone? GROCE
But really, come on man, you can avoid ever using the needle again. You're just mentally craving it now, but stay away from it and you'll forget about it in a month.
Click to expand...

certainly. I just meant that, as far as admin routes go.. it really is all its chalked up to be.

I'm going to check myself into the hospital later tonight.. ive thrown my entire life away and I figured fuck it why not try to shoot up for the first time. what a mess, but I got it now rofl.
 
well from my perspective pricking myself a million times tryinf to find the vein, trying to hold it right so i could register.. gah

nerves more than anything I spose
 
Im one of those people.

Those people whos posts you can go back through and find them saying they could/would never use a needle.

lol
 
If this was your first IV experience, unless you're otherwise ill why go to the hospital? Trust me getting marked as an IVDU (intravenous drug user) is a bad, bad, bad thing. You'll get over it, but the medical professionals who treat you will possibly know - forever, long after you've forgotten, esp., w/ the newer electronic medical records (even if they don't use them now, expect your data to end up there eventually)

Do you really need a medical reputation as an IVDU? I wish I didn't have my history at every drs. office I'll ever visit, even ERs and after hours care clinics can see that shit about me in my e-records (I'm mid-western USA btw - these records just started showing up , a year ago nobody knew if I didn't tell them). Fuck... I'll never get pain relief again. All b/c I had to go to ER several times when I was using, those I couldn't avoid. So nothing I oculd have done.

Consider it.
 
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^ are you still under the influence? If so, is there a friend you could call? As long as you're not in immediate physical or mental danger I would avoid making any rash decisions. If you need help, there are many options.

speedballs_over said:
If this was your first IV experience, unless you're otherwise ill why go to the hospital? Trust me getting marked as an IVDU (intravenous drug user) is a bad, bad, bad thing. You'll get over it, but the medical professionals who treat you will possibly know - forever, long after you've forgotten, esp., w/ the newer electronic medical records (even if they don't use them now, expect your data to end up there eventually)

Do you really need a medical reputation as an IVDU? I wish I didn't have my history at every drs. office I'll ever visit, even ERs and after hours care clinics can see that shit about me in my e-records (I'm mid-western USA btw - these records just started showing up , a year ago nobody knew if I didn't tell them). Fuck... I'll never get pain relief again. All b/c I had to go to ER several times when I was using, those I couldn't avoid. So nothing I oculd have done.

Consider it.
Click to expand...

While I agree that treating minor issues at home can be best if you're an IV user and it's safe to do so, let's not advise against treatment without knowing the full situation. Harm reduction is our main focus here in OD and this is a case where "better safe than sorry" applies. In the case of a first time IV user, we should find out if there's anything wrong before saying they don't need treatment... they may have complications that we're not aware of or they don't know to look for. I know you had good intentions, just remember that the people could interpret it differently and countless people lurk BL for advice.


Moving this to TDS so the OP can get more support.
 
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Well.. I was heavily suicidal and everything had been leading up to that night. I'm now homeless and in a shelter. I ended up in the crisis ER at the center for addiction and mental health (had planned to go there anyway) fucked out of my mind. Did probably another 2+g over the next 8 hours - which I guess to some isnt a lot since I saw people shooting like 200+mg when I was researching how much to take.. even though thats a standard oral dose, high for some even. Anyway, I started at 50 and worked my way up to around 150.. and then to the point where I was in a park in -10 trying to dissolve unknown quantities on a spoon, and then trying to inject with a now horribly dulled needle. Dull needle + being fucked = lots of rolling veins. At one point I was so frustrated.. just couldnt get one. Easy veins were getting a little swollen and I didnt want to hit em again.

My arms looked fucking savage. I thought I may lose both of them. They didnt even look at my arms at the hospital after I fully admitted to doing a research chem (that was actually really fun to explain to an interested psychiatrist).. heck they didn't even ask. I think they figured I just did it once.

Finally got some rest last night. Can finally think straight.

Well, what can I say. I can't get it out of my mind. I've been thinking about every drug ive ever used and how it would be. I keep thinking of how I know now how to perfectly do it. I know the sensation of a perfect pin. Its just there. Its always going to be there now. Any time I think of anything remotely sad I end up bawling my eyes out. System trashed.

I am just so fucking glad I did not shoot that 5mg of 2c-e I had planned.. I was under a train bridge overpass over a river and was going to there.. but something stopped me and I tossed it. I don't know what.. but thinking now how much I know those 2c phens potentiate with methylone for me.. man. If I hadnt fallen to my death I'm certain I would have probably had a heart attack or some sort of liver/kidney failure.

Looking back this is the most depraved disgusting thing I have ever done and I am incomprehensibly guilt ridden and shameful... the fucking image of repeatedly trying to stab myself to find a vein it getting harder and harder.. to do so. The frustration. The desire.. the.. fucking lunacy. I even thought one of my arm tendons was it at one point I was that fucked. I heard the sheath pop and was like NOPE.

Honestly though, aside from the rolling veins I didn't have any misses because I did make sure to register. But.. I also pretty sure I shot into my arm arteries, and being on the comedown of a 15 hour methylone binge + 2 days no sleep led to some seriously bad ideas and feelings. I literally thought I may lose my arms as I read about clots and NOT shooting into arteries.

I knew all that before hand. I knew you shouldnt use a needle more than once. I know people use it multiple times, and truthfully without all the rolled veins it would have been hard.. but at the end it was hard to get even that 29g into my arm. I am so lucky nothing got infected.

There's a reason I sat on this 3.5g baggie for nearly a year now, after a few oral doses that led to some binge snorting, that led to terrible come downs.

If you want my take on harm reduction within the context of my thread and my experience:

- dont be suicidal
- dont fucking shoot methylone or any speedy drug because the second you do all that HR shit goes out the window, at least for me it did. You can't hold a needle steady. You may not wait until shit is fully dissolved, fuck I dont even know if I was getting any into my water at the end. At that point it was just fucking depravity. Its probably not feasible to have a baggie of 20 needles on you, so you're going to end up using a dulled as fuck needle by the end.

Anyway, yeah. I lived. Somehow. I probably won't be around for a long time to respond to any questions, so sorry about this being so long.

Dont fucking use a needle. Please. I know some people jsut see it as another means.. but I cant get it out of my head at all.. its just there and always will be now. Anytime I am stressed and considering using drugs or fuck anytime I consider using drugs from now on I'm going to consider. I can't EVER see myself doing anything speedy/cokey again without it now that I know that feeling.. Hell even just that cool feeling as it flows into the veins.. fuck me.

Oh FYI my shit was pretty pure, crushed very fine and smooth and easily dissolved into room temp water at a ratio of 3ml/500mg (what I remember using to be "safe" as I knew I could dissolve into a lot less, but I figured I'd give a little more to shoot and more room to keep shit in solution). No pain at all. I used a piece of cotton from q-tips I brought in their own little baggie. That plus the slinpin is probably the only thing that kept me from straight up injecting undissolved particles. Even still near the end I couldnt fucking do anything steady and I was basically scraping the needle along the spoon through the cotton.

Just fucked.

Absolutely fucked.

I hate myself.


edit::

I'm going to my first NA meeting tonight and I have appts and shit set up all this week at the mental health hospital.

Dont know if I am marked here in Canada.. but.. I mean.. seeing as they never saw the injections.. and just took my word,, and its more a mental health hospital (they kept me there overnight to make sure I didn't have complications.. sidenote: if you feel like your heart is beating out of your chest, like its pumping molasses and struggling, and you;re on methylone, your BP/HR are probably fine.. I personally had to ask one of them to check for me because I started to feel that fucked.

Oh btw, I know why there are so many homeless addicts now: hostel I am staying in is free, gives meals, but you gotta leave by 8am and it doesnt poen til 4:30. Get dat public assisstance monies and you got money for gear. Well, I have enough to research all the shit I want in the world and get high ALL fucking day. There are no rules regarding coming back high or anything, just a curfew. Lets be honest though, this shit is dehumanizing as fuck.. I guess another reason people just give up and bang drugs and end up living in these places in perpetuity if they can get in.

There you have it folks. Yes, I lay in the hostel bed all night thinking about how I could go get some K and try that now. Or maybe just get some H. Or a load of other research chems.

Jesus fuck. I cannot stress this enough, if you have not do not. I know its pointless to say but my god maybe the imagry I gave you will help.

Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
 
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I am just glad it wasn't something overly addictive like heroin like i had originally wanted to OD on killing myself..

In a way.. all the excess stabbing leading to sepsis and limb loss isnt a fun idea either..

But really, I don't think I would have finally got the urge to commit myself and come clean and totally honest with everyone about everything had I not been whacked out on an empathogen..

so I guess things have a funny way of working. I really have no idea what stopped me from shooting the 2ce but.. I really do think I would have died there under that train bridge. I realyl do
 
I wonder why..
I felt bad for him, living in a shelter. Up and out by 8, not to mention how cold.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
2c-E would be very unpleasant if shot. I am glad you got some help.

Feeling any better?
Click to expand...

Yeah I've snorted it before and its felt like I've driven a railroad spike into my nose with a sledgehammer.. not quite sure how that would have felt in virgin veins.. but I can only imagine.

CfZrx said:
Sounds like it's only up from here
Click to expand...

Erikmen said:
I wonder why..
I felt bad for him, living in a shelter. Up and out by 8, not to mention how cold.
Click to expand...

Yeah the cold snap hasn't really hit yet, I expect temps to drop by another 20 degrees or so in january/february and then things will really be rough. The shelter isnt that bad and I am eating better than ever.. its just sleep thats really hard to get. Its a dorm and the "snorchestra" as they call it is in full swing every night. Theres no avoiding it either, a ton of guys go to bed even before the dorm lights go out..

Right now I've lost my phone and am still waiting on social assistance to get back to me/the shelter and its pretty fucking tough not having a phone... I've spent my days in libraries or coffee shops or at appointments..

I'm currently seeing a team of the crisis doctors about once a week so they can nail down my issues and get me into appropriate programs, so far some addiction ones and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be put into an intensive behavioural therapy program.. a lot of my issues stem from my inability to handle stress and negative situations, as well as my inability to focus and see things through.. its been going on pretty much all my life and things have just snowballed and spiralled out of control.

Im trying to take things a day at a time, but its pretty damn tough.. but I know theyre going to get better and I'm glad Im finally getting help and people are finally listening and realizing that I truly do have problems.. I'm a pretty intelligent, articulate, non dishevelled individual and people just look at me like I'm fine but thats not the case at all so its been a struggle to find help. Even if I could find it, with working full time and just life in general Ive never had the time or means to do anything but see someone once a month or so which just does not help at all for me.. and if I get into a depressive episode I usually miss appointments or whatever which exacerbates the issue, then I start doing drugs which makes it worse and so on..

I'm only 26 and I've got a mountain of regret causing anguish and grief on my shoulders, to the point that as soon as something negative in my life happens the flood gates open and i just get crushed by it all, I dont know how else to explain..

So yeah day at a time, see what kind of programs I can get involved in and then work out some way to make money, and I'm thinking about going to school finally.. get used to this down-level roommate poor person life and just hack out school once I get some action plan in order. But even with that I can't decide what I'd wanna take because Im literally interested in everything.. If I could Id major in mechanical, electrical and chemical engineering, with minors in history, linguistics, logic, biology,.. the fucking works. Idk.

Sometimes I wish I could just give myself a lobotomy and be dumb. being smart isn't all its cracked up to be :\
 
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