First off sorry for the long ,potentially boring post but I'm a hurtin scene. If any body hates I'm just gonna remove this . Ok so I'm not exactly sure if I can be considered an addict or if I'm just becoming one. So here it goes
I've been around drugs all my life . My dad is a semi-clean alcoholic speed freak loaded up with prescribed (to him )meds that he abused on the regular. He was prescribed clonazepam ,zoplicon, aswell as a ssri that he misused for some reason? He stole my moms ADHD meds aswell as her lower dose script for clonazepam. Oh yeah he also dabbled in coke and loved his hash.
My parents split up I was 7 . So basically slept at moms on the school days but he would always be there right after school to pick us up . After school from when I was 7-10 ish we always hung out at his place while he chain smoked his funny smelling "cigarettes" and grew his "tomato" plants in the spare bed room . He would also use the bathroom alot, leaving a trail of white powder. Did I forget to say he would also be drinking a 24 pack of bud to himself?
At ten he offered me my first joint . I smoked it then every day after school I would chain smoke joints with dad . Then when I was 11 I kinda walked in on my dad with a straw up his nose . I just said what the hell are you doing? Then he offered me a line. I thought long and hard cause honestly I remember it I wanted to so bad but eventually refused because I thought since I was only an 11 year old kid I would die.
Then It slowly got worse for my father. More more people would show up to buy whatever he could hustle . He could sell ice to a Eskimo literally . I've never scene so many drugs moved so fast. I remember he would get me to weigh him up his oz's apon oz's of pot for him in baggies . There would be a solid 20 + bags that I would be asked and enjoyed weighing it for him every 3 days or so . Back then I just dident realize how much dope actually cost.
He would start snorting pills with the door open not even relize and my younger sister would see . It was really fucked. Drinking,popping pills while watching movies with us. Then we start stealing regularly with him . We would steal groceries and TVs from the same damn store. Anything we needed we stole . Pretty much. Except when winter came then he bacame the local black market for snow blowers And snow tires . Again sipping on a beer the whole time .
Eventually got caught for stealing and luckily got off on house arrest .then his insane girl friend jumped Infrount of his car drunk . And almost got charged with attempted murder and growing pot.
Eventually ended up literally in his parents basement 10 hours drive and a ferry ride away from me .
He's been gone since I was 14. Since 14 I have still smoked weed one a steady basis . At 16 I started experimenting with physcidellics and liquor . Then to any drug I could get my hands on but heroin (mostly opioids,benzos, speed pills and dxm.) the first time you use it .
Now I'm 18 and been using any where's from 1-6 speeders a day with usually a couple hours sleep a night for a month . I stopped and said I think I'm done with speed for a bit. 4 days later I find a script of vyvanse and Went threw a script of 30 30 mgs vyvanse in 2 1\2 days . I don't know how I'm alive right now. I post up my doses aswell as how I felt .bluelighters reply with get to an ER now. I read it don't care the pop 2 mgs of clonazepam . Then blacked out . In the sense I can't remember hours of that night/early mourning. But at the same time I know I was not asleep . Because next thing you know I'm sitting in 2nd period class in my pjs wondering how the fuck I got here .
Anyways I'm on the 2nd day of come down and I still don't care ? I'm very well liked and literally don't have a single enemy at my school . I dident notice untill today that everyone is unbelievably concerned for me . I mean people who I have literally never said more than 2 words to me were asking to talk to me in private . Every single class today my teacher told me they were worried about me . And that I look like a pile of shit . And that I need to go to an in patient program because I'm going to far. both the principles and the guidence consoler seen me today in the hall and asked me if I am sick and then told me they know what's going on . So now I have a meeting at the school . Tomorrow in the mourning so they can tell me possible options if I choose to get some help. Which I already told them that I don't want help and that I'll be laughed at rehab like come on I'm not that into the shit .
Reflecting on my day when I got home I asked my self ,am I procrastinating/sugar coating my drug use? Do I have a problem ?
This is the first drug type other than pot I am really grabbing ahold to . I don't believe I have a physical dependency . Just when I don't have Amphetamines I want them so bad and I always no Matter what end up buying more and more shims .
I forgot to mention that also with all that jazz about my dad that at the same time I was being physiological abused and beat up by my moms now ex. aswell as that my Father only drinks and smokes pot now .
Ok so I take sertraline for depression . And doctor also thinks I'm ADHD. Have had anxiety issues in the past. I am very bad tempered for certain things but I have never really gotten physical with people even when I'm angry because I'm totally against fighting.
What should I do . Rehab ? Go live with my father on the rock Where I will have no access to uppers ?
I just don't know what to do . Please help I really need to figure out what I wanna do .
Again sorry for this absolute mess of a thread I'm just very upset.
I've been around drugs all my life . My dad is a semi-clean alcoholic speed freak loaded up with prescribed (to him )meds that he abused on the regular. He was prescribed clonazepam ,zoplicon, aswell as a ssri that he misused for some reason? He stole my moms ADHD meds aswell as her lower dose script for clonazepam. Oh yeah he also dabbled in coke and loved his hash.
My parents split up I was 7 . So basically slept at moms on the school days but he would always be there right after school to pick us up . After school from when I was 7-10 ish we always hung out at his place while he chain smoked his funny smelling "cigarettes" and grew his "tomato" plants in the spare bed room . He would also use the bathroom alot, leaving a trail of white powder. Did I forget to say he would also be drinking a 24 pack of bud to himself?
At ten he offered me my first joint . I smoked it then every day after school I would chain smoke joints with dad . Then when I was 11 I kinda walked in on my dad with a straw up his nose . I just said what the hell are you doing? Then he offered me a line. I thought long and hard cause honestly I remember it I wanted to so bad but eventually refused because I thought since I was only an 11 year old kid I would die.
Then It slowly got worse for my father. More more people would show up to buy whatever he could hustle . He could sell ice to a Eskimo literally . I've never scene so many drugs moved so fast. I remember he would get me to weigh him up his oz's apon oz's of pot for him in baggies . There would be a solid 20 + bags that I would be asked and enjoyed weighing it for him every 3 days or so . Back then I just dident realize how much dope actually cost.
He would start snorting pills with the door open not even relize and my younger sister would see . It was really fucked. Drinking,popping pills while watching movies with us. Then we start stealing regularly with him . We would steal groceries and TVs from the same damn store. Anything we needed we stole . Pretty much. Except when winter came then he bacame the local black market for snow blowers And snow tires . Again sipping on a beer the whole time .
Eventually got caught for stealing and luckily got off on house arrest .then his insane girl friend jumped Infrount of his car drunk . And almost got charged with attempted murder and growing pot.
Eventually ended up literally in his parents basement 10 hours drive and a ferry ride away from me .
He's been gone since I was 14. Since 14 I have still smoked weed one a steady basis . At 16 I started experimenting with physcidellics and liquor . Then to any drug I could get my hands on but heroin (mostly opioids,benzos, speed pills and dxm.) the first time you use it .
Now I'm 18 and been using any where's from 1-6 speeders a day with usually a couple hours sleep a night for a month . I stopped and said I think I'm done with speed for a bit. 4 days later I find a script of vyvanse and Went threw a script of 30 30 mgs vyvanse in 2 1\2 days . I don't know how I'm alive right now. I post up my doses aswell as how I felt .bluelighters reply with get to an ER now. I read it don't care the pop 2 mgs of clonazepam . Then blacked out . In the sense I can't remember hours of that night/early mourning. But at the same time I know I was not asleep . Because next thing you know I'm sitting in 2nd period class in my pjs wondering how the fuck I got here .
Anyways I'm on the 2nd day of come down and I still don't care ? I'm very well liked and literally don't have a single enemy at my school . I dident notice untill today that everyone is unbelievably concerned for me . I mean people who I have literally never said more than 2 words to me were asking to talk to me in private . Every single class today my teacher told me they were worried about me . And that I look like a pile of shit . And that I need to go to an in patient program because I'm going to far. both the principles and the guidence consoler seen me today in the hall and asked me if I am sick and then told me they know what's going on . So now I have a meeting at the school . Tomorrow in the mourning so they can tell me possible options if I choose to get some help. Which I already told them that I don't want help and that I'll be laughed at rehab like come on I'm not that into the shit .
Reflecting on my day when I got home I asked my self ,am I procrastinating/sugar coating my drug use? Do I have a problem ?
This is the first drug type other than pot I am really grabbing ahold to . I don't believe I have a physical dependency . Just when I don't have Amphetamines I want them so bad and I always no Matter what end up buying more and more shims .
I forgot to mention that also with all that jazz about my dad that at the same time I was being physiological abused and beat up by my moms now ex. aswell as that my Father only drinks and smokes pot now .
Ok so I take sertraline for depression . And doctor also thinks I'm ADHD. Have had anxiety issues in the past. I am very bad tempered for certain things but I have never really gotten physical with people even when I'm angry because I'm totally against fighting.
What should I do . Rehab ? Go live with my father on the rock Where I will have no access to uppers ?
I just don't know what to do . Please help I really need to figure out what I wanna do .
Again sorry for this absolute mess of a thread I'm just very upset.
