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staying clean without a support system

mrsnowygrainius

mrsnowygrainius

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 2, 2013
Messages
426
Location
jersey
has anyone done it? i cant seem to connect with other addicts in recovery i dont know what is wrong with me. i hate meetings and i recently quit my IOP program and started using again. I had a sponsor, tried the whole non- NA/AA approach with religious groups instead.. that didnt work either. whenever i am around other addicts in recovery i just feel as if i have nothing to say to them or i dont feel like sharing my thoughts. i can not relate to anyone its all the same garbage "yea i feelt the same way as you man, itl get better" or "just keep coming and share". those statements dont make me feel any better at all and instead just make me angry. And being 100% honest here being around people in recovery makes me WANT to use which i think is really fucked

its been over 48 hours since my last shot and honestly if i didnt have the respect i do for my parents i would kill myself. does anyone else feel the way i do about not connecting to traditional recovery support like NA? has anyone managed to stop using completely by themselves? if so what did you do to stay clean
 
Why can you not relate to other addicts? What makes you different? And when people tell you that stuff, they are being honest. Nobody starts going to meetings because they want to. NA/AA/SMART/IOP etc are not places people end up because shit is going great for them.

Why did you quit your IOP program? Not trying to be a jerk, but you either want to get clean or you don't. Its up to you.

Yes, people have stopped on their own, but its rare. Its rare to recover in general using any method. Most people do not make it. Think about that... the large large large majority of people do not recover from addiction. They die or live miserable lives or end up in prison. That is basically what you are faced with. Its not going to be fun, but you can recover from it. Its not fucking easy and takes work but it is so worth it.
 
phactor said:
Why can you not relate to other addicts? What makes you different? And when people tell you that stuff, they are being honest. Nobody starts going to meetings because they want to. NA/AA/SMART/IOP etc are not places people end up because shit is going great for them.

Why did you quit your IOP program? Not trying to be a jerk, but you either want to get clean or you don't. Its up to you.

Yes, people have stopped on their own, but its rare. Its rare to recover in general using any method. Most people do not make it. Think about that... the large large large majority of people do not recover from addiction. They die or live miserable lives or end up in prison. That is basically what you are faced with. Its not going to be fun, but you can recover from it. Its not fucking easy and takes work but it is so worth it.
Click to expand...

That's the reality of it. I stopped on my own, but in exceptional circumstances. It was a desire for better while care taking for my grandmother (omg all the drugs that were showing up at the time at the front door that..... smh) and being unable to accept letting her down, coupled with friends that extensively ridiculed my ways and the revelation that I didn't want to be a "junkie" all my life and go out in a bad way (already happened one time). Start down the road, screw the pain and keep putting one foot in front of the other to get there. It's all you can do. The meetings didn't help me, it seemed so insincere especially since you see so many that continue to make excuses to keep using. Your mileage will vary, but you'll either realize you need this or you won't. There's only two ways it can go.
 
I think one of the big keys to quitting and staying clean is finding a really good reason to quit. For me, at least, (and I think this is true for a lot of addicts, at least in the beginning) I need to find something outside of myself, some other reason to quit since at least right now I don't have enough self respect to quit for myself. So until I garner enough self respect to stay clean because I'm worth it! because I deserve it! and all that shit, I have to do it for someone else. And without anyone close, without anyone you start by being honest with, that's really tough.
There are resources here on the board but I don't know that it would be even close to enough, man. But you could give yourself a challenge, if you're into that sort of thing: make it three days, make it a week, make it two... and then, the longer you go (especially after the acute withdrawal), the more you want to stay clean and not use that time. But you have to spend at least as much time DOING recovery than you did DOING being an addict (hustling, copping, doing, being high, etc), I think. So you'd have to find something for and with yourself that entails actually being actively in recovery.
Perhaps you just haven't found the right group or sponsor yet. I'd say keep giving different groups a try. Don't give up on that. And even meeting one person with whom you can connect is something.
 
Its totally possible. I really have no support in place I stopped talking to basically everybody a few years ago. Even though it was hell being alone 24/7 not having anybody at all give a fuck about me. I basically just had accept the fact that bad shit was going to eventually going to happen if I continued to use like I did. I guess it was mind over matter for me. Once I was able to gain some clarity by staying away from that shit it became a million times easier. I really hope this helps kinda distracted at the moment but your more then capiable of quitting.
 
Getting clean off opiates was my best disicision ever life has gotten so mucg better its fucking unbelievable. Been able meet some of the coolest people ever in my city and have oppertunities to date / hook up with some of the hottest women in the city. NA didn't work for me at all that people over personalities is complete bullshit in my books. I may come off as shy anti social or just a straight up stuck up dick to some but I know I'm not. You dont need NA or AA to get clean. I'm not saying it doesn't work for people just in my own expericance it didn't do much. I respect and understand there basic fundamental concepts.
 
You absolutely must talk about your addiction … with someone, individually … in a group … online.. anywhere.
Human contact is better if possible
Even if it's with a counselor or therapist once a week. Keeping it all inside is what drugs do, there has to be a grief cycle process you go through in recovery…as addiction is partially about loss. Very important ime/o. :)

Good luck, hang in there.
 
Lucylovesmolly1 said:
Getting clean off opiates was my best disicision ever life has gotten so mucg better its fucking unbelievable. Been able meet some of the coolest people ever in my city and have oppertunities to date / hook up with some of the hottest women in the city. NA didn't work for me at all that people over personalities is complete bullshit in my books. I may come off as shy anti social or just a straight up stuck up dick to some but I know I'm not. You dont need NA or AA to get clean. I'm not saying it doesn't work for people just in my own expericance it didn't do much. I respect and understand there basic fundamental concepts.
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Its "Principles over Personalities" essentially meaning that the good of the group comes before an individuals self will. It exists because people tend to want to make things "theirs". In my area there are two meetings that have on central figure that is dominating over them. Guess what... nobody shows up. NA is fully of shy and anti-social people. I was when I came in and it turns out that when I am clean I am really outgoing.

And yes, getting clean is very different then staying clean. I would quit frequently and I would stop using one drug or the other all the time. But I was still using and for me that doesn't work.

NA isn't the end all be all, but addiction is a disease of isolation and man is a social animal. We need some kind of contact human coming from somewhere.
 
quitting without a supportive system is mostly the "pain in the ass"-way, often leading into relapses. we are social beings therefore we depend on each other.
 
mrsnowygrainius said:
has anyone done it? i cant seem to connect with other addicts in recovery i dont know what is wrong with me. i hate meetings and i recently quit my IOP program and started using again. I had a sponsor, tried the whole non- NA/AA approach with religious groups instead.. that didnt work either. whenever i am around other addicts in recovery i just feel as if i have nothing to say to them or i dont feel like sharing my thoughts. i can not relate to anyone its all the same garbage "yea i feelt the same way as you man, itl get better" or "just keep coming and share". those statements dont make me feel any better at all and instead just make me angry. And being 100% honest here being around people in recovery makes me WANT to use which i think is really fucked

its been over 48 hours since my last shot and honestly if i didnt have the respect i do for my parents i would kill myself. does anyone else feel the way i do about not connecting to traditional recovery support like NA? has anyone managed to stop using completely by themselves? if so what did you do to stay clean
Click to expand...

Hey. Just wanna share my experience with you guys.
I don't consider myself a heavy user at the time I was using. There was a period of about 1 year where I would have 5 days bender, slept and ate 2 days and started again. I didn't think of anyone else but me, my stuff and my fuckbuddies when I was high, until I broke up with my partner and moved back to my old place on V Day 2012. I did have a break for about 2 months and I got back into it so hard that I thought I was going to die. I would go on 10 days bender, only slept when I fell asleep and would continue when I woke up and I looked literally like a zombie but miraculously, I still have all my teeth.
Then one afternoon, I woke up from a long sleep after one of my benders and was sitting in the lounge room and staring at the TV and there was a preview of a documentary about Ben Cousins (Aussie will know who he is) and his addiction to ice. Being intrigued, I looked and found the documentary on the internet and started watching it. I remember I started clutching my pillow and tears were pouring down my face and my chest at the part where he said something like this: "Im happy if I can help 1 person with this documentary". I don't know what it was that made me wanna get clean so I started the cleansing rituals that I have done so many times in the past including smashing my gears, flush the rest of the ice down the toilet, cleaning my room, resetting my phones to get rid off all the unwanted contacts and changed my numbers. One thing left to do was searching for an MA group and I found one in Surry Hills which I called but no one picked up. There was an address so I decided to turn up and see if there was anyone there. I became quite anxious thinking about it so I decided to walk instead, when I got there standing at the front door, I thought to myself: "Am I being defeated? Have I lost? Has it finally beaten me that I have to get help to win?". I didn't want to admit to myself that I lost and I wanted to win so badly that I turned around and walked home. I chuckled and said to myself that it was a waste of time and I fell asleep on the sofa. It was the best and longest sleep I ever had because it was around 5pm when I woke up and I got home at 7pm the night before. I already felt so much fresher and incredibly hungry so I got some pizza and Coke and watching some movies on Foxtel. And I have never looked back
I did, however, relapsed once during the Mardi Gras weekend

SxCrAvEr said:
Ive been up since Sat Mar 2 and Ive been on meth since early Monday morning till now which is Mar 7 so thats a bit over 3 days. I was feeling fine up until 2pm this afternoon that I got this feeling of remorse, regret of what Ive been doing and I started feeling really heavy on my shoulders as if I was carrying massive amount of weight, but I felt that before and I knew I had to get myself out of that zone.

Ive been eating a lot today plus multivitamins and wild krill oil, whatever is in my sight, downed 2lts of water and on my 1 litre of Chamomile tea to help me sleep tonite.

I havent experienced any extreme psychosis episodes like other posters have. I find that if I look at something for more than 3 seconds, space around that spot/object starts to ribble outward, but I guess thats the result of not sleeping for more than 5 days rather than the affect of meth, I could be wrong. Total amount of meth i used was 0.45g, 2 shitty pills and around 20mls of G. (It was indeed Mardi Gras weekend :P)
Click to expand...

Since that MG weekend, I have not touched anything at all and I completely immersed myself in work and fitness. I did miss it terribly in the beginning where I would think about it and amazing sex I had, and the train of thought would always turn back to the point where I stood in front of that MA office trying to win the battle and I realised I did the right thing. My weight slowly returned to 78kg from 61kg. Thats a whopping 17kgs

These days, my life is quite "tame". I have a normal routine of going to the gym after work, dinner with friends every other weekends, spending time with family and I have yet to meet anyone but thats ok as I have done a lot of travelling since then and not having a partner is ok. No biggie

I guess I was lucky to go on this far without relapses *touch wood* :) but what I find helped was that I completely cut all contact with those that might influence me. I went "off the grid" for about 6 months as well. Except family, no one knew where I was living or working and I also deactivated all my social media accounts just to be sure

As phactor said:

phactor said:
...but you either want to get clean or you don't. Its up to you....
Click to expand...

Good luck and let us know how you are progressing
 
^I agree. I always get the shivers when a person relates a time in their lives where they finally listened to themselves, without ego, without the superficial chatter and self-denial that we usually talk to ourselves with--but the true voice. It can be about addiction or about an unhealthy relationship or anger and resentment, but whatever causes us to finally clear away the mental clutter and face our own truth is a profoundly change. Once you do this, there is a strength inside that cannot be lost.

OP, I do believe that there are people for whom a group experience (of any kind) is not productive. But having said that, recovery is so much harder without a support system of some kind. One of the benefits of a group is that every person that is receiving is also giving help simply by showing up. I believe that helping someone else, with true listening or kind words or honest words etc. does as much to help you as it does the other person. By isolating yourself you deny yourself that experience.

Pursue other group situations that focus on the body such as a yoga class. True recovery is emotional healing. Emotional healing often takes place as much in the body as in the mind and spirit.
 
i dont have much time right now but i have found the key to quitting is finding some passion outside of using..you have to find some outlet to put your time and energy into, something you feel really interested in..i also have a hard time talkig to ex addicts about our old war stories as its just depressing and doesnt get me anywhere..plus, i find many of them are just as addicted to the meetings as they were the drugs themselves..

i definitely believe you do need some type of support system, if it isnt NA then just a few sober friends that get you...going at it alone is a very tough thing to do and i know because ive tried it that way for many years..bottom line u need to surround yourself with the right supportive people and those can be very hard to find..
 
^So true! If you cannot create a life you love, you have nothing to recover to (and no motivation for staying sober).
 
herbavore said:
^So true! If you cannot create a life you love, you have nothing to recover to (and no motivation for staying sober).
Click to expand...

Absolutely bang on. I tried the going it alone route several times and managed abstinence for long periods but I did no recovery work and inevitably relapsed again and again. This time I am doing the recovery work and have put the white flag up and realised I cannot do this alone. Learning to trust others and let others in and give something back is beautiful. For life to really change, we have to change and that means finding new passions and hobbies and altering our behaviours and avoiding old using associations. It's tough but recovery is worth it.
 
mrsnowygrainius said:
has anyone done it? i cant seem to connect with other addicts in recovery i dont know what is wrong with me. i hate meetings and i recently quit my IOP program and started using again. I had a sponsor, tried the whole non- NA/AA approach with religious groups instead.. that didnt work either. whenever i am around other addicts in recovery i just feel as if i have nothing to say to them or i dont feel like sharing my thoughts. i can not relate to anyone its all the same garbage "yea i feelt the same way as you man, itl get better" or "just keep coming and share". those statements dont make me feel any better at all and instead just make me angry. And being 100% honest here being around people in recovery makes me WANT to use which i think is really fucked

its been over 48 hours since my last shot and honestly if i didnt have the respect i do for my parents i would kill myself. does anyone else feel the way i do about not connecting to traditional recovery support like NA? has anyone managed to stop using completely by themselves? if so what did you do to stay clean
Click to expand...

In short, I think it´s already too difficult to accomplish being sober with all the support you need. If you are alone during this period there will be lack of support, knowledge, experience, methods, motivation, etc.
I think what you are experience is the routine resistance everyone normally has in the beginning. Or maybe that you should look for another sort of support. Not everyone finds N/A that helpful, but being here is already part of the package. It starts with sharing. And if that makes you wish more, it means that you need to work that out imo.
 
Instead of looking at the differences between yourself and others, find the similarities. Do you want to quit for the right reasons AND are you willing to commit to changing your entire lifestyle? Have you hit your rock bottom? Have you looked into anti-depressants to help your recovery? When I decided I wanted to be sober, it was for me and it came from contemplating suicide. I had thought about it for months, but there was always a reluctance to do so. Some call this reluctance "hope". The time that changed everything was when that reluctance wasn't there, I wasn't just ready to die, I had accepted that I was already dead... If YOU want to be sober, then YOU can do it. When I wanted to take a shot, I did what it took to get it. When you WANT to be sober, you will do what it takes to make it happen. Hope this helps.
 
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