i am in detox hell... any help is appreciated

[cobainsgurrl]

i almost wish i could die and be with God. i want to lie in a field of poppies and never wake up. coming off of so much opiates....all i do is cry...i've cried 5 days now. i take narantin 300mg by the handful. i take trazodone 150mg to knock myself into the next world...until i wake up and cry again. i cant shower...i cant eat...i cant any dman thing. i took my last adderall today. i need help or i might just pop all of my enderall and really fucking do it. i'm sorry i just really need something.

 

[flyhighk]

Hi, I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through but sourcing (including asking for connects) is strictly prohibited on Bluelight.

I'm gonna move this to The Dark Side.

Good luck, and don't lose hope!

 

[herbavore]

Hey, cobainsgurrl, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so desperately trapped.

What have you tried so far?

 

[fizzymk]

i almost wish i could die and be with God. i want to lie in a field of poppies and never wake up. coming off of so much opiates....all i do is cry...i've cried 5 days now. i take narantin 300mg by the handful. i take trazodone 150mg to knock myself into the next world...until i wake up and cry again. i cant shower...i cant eat...i cant any dman thing. i took my last adderall today. i need help or i might just pop all of my enderall and really fucking do it. i'm sorry i just really need something.

Im sorry to hear your in this boat...Im in a bad spot myself, I cannot keep my H addiction under control, spend all my money on dope, dope comes before bills, gas, even food now! I HATE living like this, but every single time I get some money in my pocket, Im texting my connection to cop, I try to fool myself and say Im only going to use this amount of money for dope, NO MATTER WHAT, but the w/ds always get the best of me, and by the 2nd day with no dope, Im texting my dude again.

Every single night lately, Ive been asking God to take my life and let some of the truly sick people live, like this one girl in my area, she determined to beat her cancer, in college, and is VERY strong willed, she is trying so hard to do all she can to be positive, has gained alot of public support for the level of strength she has, but she knows she only has months left, I would be more than glad to let her have my life and I die instead, my life is only dope now, Im basically just existing as a useless junkie, who most of the people I know hate to see me calling, as they know I will be asking for money. I HATE my life, its going nowhere, but I have no doubt, if that young girl with cancer had a long life in front of her, she would actually do something with her life.

Unfortunately God has not answered my prayers, and doubt he ever will, he will make sure I go on and on and on suffering with this crazy addiction.

Ya know, Ive said it many times, but will say it again, IF these damn heroin w/ds were not so fucking horrible and each day actually got better, instead of getting worse the longer you go without using, I could probably beat this, but I guess thats WAAAYY too much to ask for!!! Plus, its not like I can even get any relief when sleeping...its like your body forces you to suffer AS MUCH AS FUCKING POSSIBLE, every minute of every day!! GEEZ! how does anyone have the will to make it thru this shit?!!! if I knew each day was going to get better the longer I went without using, I have NO doubt I could beat it.

 

[Erikmen]

I imagine you must be going through hell everyday. I´m much older now, but I have been in a very similar boat like yours.
I had to lose everything, job and girl included only to start thinking about recovery. But I only thought about it, didn´t actually do anything to solve it.
A lot of shit has happened in between the years. I had an OD, had to be miserably alone and without any money. Went to rehabs, nothing.
What I´m trying to say is that everyone has its own timing, and I believe your prayers will make it through any day. I know I never believed when they told me shit like this, but it happened.
I only regret that it took so f..king long for me to realize the only solution was to cope with that in the only way that was possible. It took my best years. But that´s life.
I´m really sorry to hear what you are going through. It makes me look back and see how hopeless I was. And it took more than a couple of years for me to stable. And up to this day I have my cravings and crazy thoughts. But with all I have lived with I should know better.