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Am I weird?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Bigthinker
  • Start date Start date
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Bigthinker

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Hi, I am 15 years old, and I think a lot.
I don't know any other place I can let my thoughts go loose, so here we go.
After I am done you may ask me anything as long as it doesn't intrude my privacy.

Soooo, where to begin.

Lets start with my idea of life what its meaning is and what I believe in
First of all, I am not religious and haven't been raised that way either.
My father is atheïst and my mother is protestant.
I don't think a god exists and I believe in general theories about the birth of the universe.
The weird thing about this is, that I somehow believe that death isn't the end.
Everyone has self-consciousness, everyone thinks of himself/herself as "me".
So in a sense everyone is "me" and everyone is the same person, thus we
all live every life that has ever been on earth is here now and has to come yet in the same moment.
The self-consciousness will never go away, neither will death.

I think of life as a meaningless thing, what defines a human life is what you do with it.
That is why if you live a boring life you could just as well be dead.
Life is one of these all the things in the universe that accidently developed and doesn't really have a use.
The universe itself doesn't have a reason for existing, there no such thing as "a goal", or "an end".
And that is why I want to make something good of my life, or just commit suicide and skip to my next self-cosciousness.

The way I look at other people is rather degrading, there aren't a lot of people I respect,
because if life itself doesnt have a meaning, why would other people be important?
That is why I have a big ego and I am not really empathic or sentimental.

The next thing I want to discuss is that the modern world is just an endless chore:
Wake up, study or work, eat, sleep, wake up etc. (Except for special events of course)
On top of that there is religion, I find religion to be a bad thing,
something people with a weak mind and personality cling onto.
My ideal world is a world with one ideology and one country in which
everyone can lead one of these meaningless lifes and don't have to stick to the routine of modern life.
If possible I am going to try to implement this idea in the world,
even if the methods may be radical: "The end justifies the means"

One of the great dangers in the near future will be immortallity:
If people dont die, the world will be overpopulated in no time at all.
That is why I am going to dedicate part of my life to research into immortality,
make myself immortal and after that start killing anyone who tries to achieve the same thing.
And if in this self-consciousness I succeed in making myself immortal the problem of changing the world won't be that hard anymore,
since no-one can possibly oppose someone who can't die.

I am going to stop writing down my thoughts here. All comments, critics, questions and oppinions are welcome.
Sorry for my bad English
 
"That is why I am going to dedicate part of my life to research into immortality,
make myself immortal and after that start killing anyone who tries to achieve the same thing.
And if in this self-consciousness I succeed in making myself immortal the problem of changing the world won't be that hard anymore,
since no-one can possibly oppose someone who can't die."
yep ..You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling :D
you are 15 and have some deep thoughts ..its all good,when you dont think about stuff like this all the time. You are too young for this stuff,get more friends,have fun,experiment..dont slip in this state of abstract thought circles
 
Up until the immortality part i'd say your ok, maybe slightly sociopathic but you can use that to your advantages, not being hindered by morals and empathy can rocket you ahead in life. As for the god thing, that's even more common; I am an atheist as well and i've come to accept that there is no way to know what happens when you die and no way to find out, so I don't worry about it. Some food for thought: are people even remembered by their actions? Unless you do something deemed atrocious you will be forgotten. (And not a school shooting, people won't even know your name 3 years later, you would need to try genocide on some sort of Caucasian race). When I was 15 I wanted to live forever; now (even at 23) I assure you you don't, life gets tiring and death is a much needed reprieve.
 
Yeah, I agree with the above post.

Thinking about this stuff is good!
I would recommend you nourish your youthful mind as much as you can by reading philosophy and about the history of modern thought.
Or whatever else inspires you.

As for immortality - it can be achieved, by creating something that lives on after you die!
That's my take on it anyway. It's particularly illusive, because you can never really know what will gain (or maintain) relevance after you die...it needn't be a bad thing.
I think it is more than memory of you (as a person) - but what you achieve or create.
As far as things worth striving for, it's not a bad aim in life!

Food for thought I hope. Being weird is a good thing - keep it up :)
 
You dont sound that 'weird' to me, I was your age at one time, I know how the brain works at this age.

Regarding immortality, I did recently watch a documentary about how science is getting fairly close to being able to 'download' a persons 'self or conscious being' onto some kind of bio-electric database or something like it, I was surprised at much of what they were saying, but I guess they know what they are talking about, I will say, if this is true, in another 20-30 years, it MAY be common for people getting close to death, to be able to go in, have their conscious self downloaded into a 'storage device' and then be 'installed' into another bio-mechanical body, or some kind of computer, in which they will still be able to communicate and talk to other living people...not sure of the details of this, as most of it was way over my head.

Also, if this come to fruition, Im sure it will be the most expensive procedure EVER...probably be the biggest thing in the entire human history, as they will be able to literally beat death...Ive got a sneaky feeling though, even if they do have all the science nailed down with this, nature may 'find a way' to throw a wrench into it, I mean, death is something we all have to deal with, if technology finds a way to beat this, that may cause some other HUGE problems with our existence.
 
I used to fear death, now it's more like an always-available cop out i can use when shit hits the fan.
 
^^^ The biggest thing that scares me about death is NO ONE really knows what happens when you die, Ive read plenty of near death experiences, but all those people came back to life, so they didnt really die in the permanent sense, although most NDEs seem to be a positive thing, as people claim they felt at peace, saw loved ones, what appeared to be loving angel type beings, but there were others who said their NDE was VERY bad, and they saw and heard some very bad things, and said they were at Hells gates, some of these, the torture being done to the people was worse than anything anyone can imagine!

A good friend of mine had an NDE a few years back, he was CLINICALLY dead for like 7 minutes, his NDE was bad, scared him so much, he was a different person after getting out of the hospital, Ive told his account before, but if anyone is interested, let me know and I can tell his experience again, it may help someone after all.

Im not a religious person either, but I do believe SOME kind of intelligent being created us, whether or not its 'God' like in the bible, I have no idea, but anything is possible.

If we are judged, I know I have done alot of bad things, Ive never killed or hurt anyone, nor anything super evil, but who am I to even guess what a creator type being would consider to be super evil though? Maybe only a small percentage of people living are worthy of a peaceful afterlife..no one knows?? I mean, we could be SOOO wrong about our speculation on death, heaven, hell, God, Satan, etc.

It also scares me that even though Im not religious, it MAY not even matter what I believe in personally, I mean, even if someone doesnt believe in God, or Satan, that does not mean they dont exist, and also doesnt mean heaven and hell dont exist either, hell COULD be so fucking bad, it would make our lives on earth seem like a walk in the park, and if we end up in some horrible place, it is FOREVER, and will NEVER end.

I have read a couple NDEs, where people who live lives like mine end up seeing what they called 'demons' literally ripping people to pieces, blood and guts everywhere, and these people were feeling the pain, just as if they were alive, Im not saying their accounts were true, but just the fact that it COULD be true is really frightening...but at the same time, I dont know what to do, I mean, do I suddenly start going to church, even though I dont really know if I believe in the bible, or would it even make a difference?

IDK, I dont even like thinking about this, but have pretty much accepted that wherever i end up at death, there will probably be many others who have lived similar lives, and maybe this will make it somewhat more bearable...but still, even thats a BIG IF.
 
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I am going to say the same thing as the rest, when I was 15 I pretty much said "when I go the way I go is I'm going to take as many people out with me as possible". Shit calms down as you get older especially after having kids I realized how immature those thoughts were (yet I still get into fights that couldn't be considered anything more than school yard fighting). But hey someone lecturing to me when I was younger about how things change when you get older I'd give a default "yeah I understand" while saying to myself "this doesn't apply to me". So your best bet is this, you're not weird, you're not strange, you're a kid and you are experiencing what likely a lot of people around you are also experiencing they just keep it to themselves and work through it or they seem equally as weird. You should approach those guys, likely you will have fun debates and learn shit you never thought about before as long as you keep an open mind and actually hear what they say. Those people who were like that are still my best friends, I went to high school post columbine and I walked around with hair half way down my back (long hair was out of style) in all black wearing a leather trench coat, oddly a style I still sport :D but with a beard now and instead of a leather trench coat I wear a black overcoat.

TL;DR no you're your own version of normal, almost to the point of cliche.

Oh and on immortality, we have been saying we are close to that for THOUSANDs of years, as another poster pointed out the closest we have to that is "downloading a conscious" but with a very heavy software background the decision tree coding into doing that would be immense and it simulating chemical actions would be equally futile, essentially what would be downloaded wouldn't actually be you but it may respond *similar* to you. Big pharma is no where close to making us immortal no matter how many conspiracy theories out there say otherwise, but hey if medicine/chemistry is what you want to study you came to the right site :D.
 
I was gonna say you sound like a normal kid right up to the immortality part and the part of you killing anyone else that is immortal. Why would you want to kill someone who has done nothing to you? That's pretty illogical as well as kind of psychopathic really.

Everything up until that point sounded like your average existential crises which i have been going through for the better part of my life really. Try and stop over thinking things. Just take life as it comes instead of worrying about what people expect of you and over thinking everything to the point where your giving yourself anxiety over it. I was like that but now that i am older i give much less of a fuck then i did when i was younger. My advice would be to try and give less of a fuck about things and not kill people for no reason or preferably any reason.
 
I believe that NDEs are quite differnt to actual death, as you are still clinging on and technically still alive during NDEs. Once death has occured though i believe that there is nothing left of your consciousness, its all just a black nothingness, it would be nice to belive in notions like the soul, and re-incarnation, it may offer some solace and comfort to those that do believe, but for those that dont all the more reason to make your 75 lease of life count for something.
 
mydrugbuddy said:
I believe that NDEs are quite differnt to actual death, as you are still clinging on and technically still alive during NDEs. Once death has occured though i believe that there is nothing left of your consciousness, its all just a black nothingness, it would be nice to belive in notions like the soul, and re-incarnation, it may offer some solace and comfort to those that do believe, but for those that dont all the more reason to make your 75 lease of life count for something.
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I understand where you are coming from, but I just cant believe that at our death, everything just goes black and we are no more...whats the point in life then?

The only thing Im 99.9% sure about is 'something' intelligent DID create the earth and all of us, whether earth was 'seeded' by some alien civilization or whether its the God of the bible, Im fairly sure the lives we lead here while alive make some kind of difference.
 
Well at least you're a thinker!

With regards to your ideological ideals, I'm sorry to break it to you but you're not the first on that one. See: mao zedong, josep stalin, pol pot etc
 
At first you connect all people and consciousness as if we are all one and then you turn around and say other people don't matter and for your thoughts on the world and immorality there was another guy who thought the exact same way and his name was Hitler and you sound as if you too have a final solution. You are fairly normal but I suggest you try to gain a little empathy for other people and see the important role that everybody plays in building a better world.
 
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