close friend has come off the rails...how to help

[mickeyfinn79]

Basically my child hood friend has been a "recovering" addict/alcoholic for 3+ years.He has a few mental problems but he's been keeping on top of but he's recently moved out of his dads to his own place and in the last few weeks he's been smoking b but says he can take it or leave it (cough) and the last couple of days he's started drinking vodka swearing never again each time he stopped taking his naltroxone and his antabuse and just seems to have pressed the fuck it button whilst pretending everything's fine.Now I'm clean/sober for 4+ years and I feel its affecting me too.Question is do I step away for my own good or try and help even though he's in denial himself ?? He's come full circle it'd be a shame to see him wreck it all again.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

You got a sober friend you can meet up with him with? Safety net so you don't get tempted and all that. Obviously don't risk your own sobriety but don't cut him off either. If you can get him out and spending time with you it's going to help him a lot.

 

[mickeyfinn79]

Just me he really trusts (and his dad) I'm doing pretty well temptation wise as long as I'm not exposed to it I'm ok.I can see he wants to tell me but he's probably thinking I'll distance myself he has bipolar and he's had a few manic episodes but used weed/mdma/benzos which didn't last long what worries me is a week or two on b and vodka he'll get physically addicted and it all begins again.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

Do something about it then, be a friend and give him a reality check. Sometimes people need to hear shit whether they want to hear it or not, the best friends you can have are the ones that tell you what you need to hear not what you want to hear imo.

 

[mickeyfinn79]

Yeah I suppose your right I'll have a word if he chooses to ignore it then that's his choice if not hope it runs its course and he sees sense.

 

[THECATINTHEHAT]

This is it, I'm not saying being that annoying cunt that goes on and on, but sometimes people need telling to sort it out. Like you say, whether he chooses to listen is up to him.

If he's anything like me he'll take no notice and then realise months later that everyone was right and be fucked but if that's the process that needs to happen then so be it. Dangerous as it is people are going to do what they're going to do ultimately, but you can try to make them see sense. Some people listen.

 

[Rhombus]

Do you and your friend go to any kind of meetings? I know it sounds cheesy and american. I have no personal experience of this since I've never tried to do the difficult and downright brave task you guys have done by swearing off drugs/alcohol. But I do have a friend who's a successful actor/writer who is an ex smackhead and alcoholic, and the only thing that keeps her on track sometimes is the meetings she goes to. Might be worth looking into.

 

[Sammy G]

he has bipolar and he's had a few manic episodes

This is the bit which you really need to be thinking about, rather than trying to tackle your friend's substance issues alone.

You say he's 'keeping on top' of the illness - is he taking his medication every day without fail? Is he meeting regularly with the local mental health team; either a psychiatrist or a community psychiatric nurse?

If he is keeping up with his meds, then it sounds like they may need to be adjusted. An adjustment of 200mg lithium was enough to stop me losing my shit in the wake of my father dying. Moving out of the parental home is a similarly traumatic and triggering experience.

If he's not keeping up with them, then forget about any improvement otherwise. It just doesn't work that way with bipolar. That monster will eat you without you even realising it. Bitter, horrific experience speaking here.

I hope your friend gets help. Even if it takes a visit to A&E. They probably won't hospitalise him, but it's a good route to talking to a qualified psychiatric professional if your friend isn't already under the care of the local services.

 

[mickeyfinn79]

He used to do a bit of AA but it wasn't for him.he was with a drug support agency but since he completed his subutex taper they deemed him to be ok so he doesn't have to go there anymore (silly really)........he sees someone once a week from the snap team so hopefully they'll notice too.....he's been good with his meds and seemed to be getting on well with them he must of premeditated his drinking because he stopped his antabuse a week previous so it was out of his system trouble is he won't say to much to docks/mental health team because they will revoke his motorcycle license and it took him ages to get it back......I'm gonna ring him and see if he's still on one chances are hell be hungover and he might listen see sense.

 

[Sammy G]

Being honest with the people who are treating you is the ONLY way.

Glad he's on his meds, but it sounds like he's got a whole lot of stress in different areas of his life, which won't help.

I'm a little wary of the fact he's on Antabuse. Antabuse is not a good thing for bipolar people to be on, really. One of its most-reported side effects is mood swings.