Ok, so to start this off i want to say that growing up I thought I would never be "that guy". The one who couldn't stop and ended up ruining everything but most importantly his own brain. And I'd to apologise in advance for the life history.
I'm not the average recreational drug user. I am an addict. Have been since 16. It started though in 1st grade when I was prescribed ritalin. The first mind altering drug to enter my system. I didn't like it at the time but I feel it started the cycle in my brain that said chemicals are good. Anyways I started smoking pot at 13 and from the first time I truly got high (giggles, music sounding like heaven, munchies, everything feeling beautiful) I vowed to myself that this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. BIG MISTAKE. What started out as daily pot smoking and Ritalin soon turned into extreme drug binges (age 16). I would find as much amphetmines as possible such as a full bottle of 30mg xr aderall get a couples fifths, about an ounce of weed, vicodines, and xannax. Then stay awake for a week straight. Writing, reading, playing video games, and listening music. I 'd do this pretty frequently, like once or twice a month. In between these binges I was still getting fucked up daily though. I used anything I could get my hands on. I also started using ecstasy twords the end of when I was 16 at festivals and just for fun with friends. Eventually I got arrested for drug related charges.
I got sent to a junvinille detention home for 5 months. Here I began huffing axe body spray and freeon (from air conditioners). Not because I liked it but because it was the only thing around. Anyhow, when I got out of there and came back home (Detroit) this is when things really got bad. I found heroin. I starting shooting heroin at age 17. It quickly took over. I was banging about a gram a day by the time I was almost 18. At this time I was also introduced to shooting crack. On a Daily basis I was shooting anywhere from $60-$120 of heroin and $50 of crack. Toppled with various other drugs like Xanax, weed, XTC, aderall, mushrooms, DMT, and smoked my fair share of spice (synthetic weed). I also went a little overboard when some research chems came into my area like 2-ce,2- cb, 4 ako dmt. Did those for almost a month straight.
So now I'm 20 and most other drugs died out except the heroin, crack, weed, booze, and benzo's. Heroin was a MUST everyday or I'd get dope sick. Iv been through the ringer at this point. Contracted hep c and liver was failing (turned yellow from jaundence. Was In the Hospital for 2 weeks), jail time, homeless and sleeping in parks, about 4 overdoses ( needing narcan to bring me back along with CPR) and 2 or 3 concussions from being knocked out in fights. I was getting sick of the life style and when I turned 21 I went into rehab. 3 month stay then sober house for 7 months. When I got out I started drinking and smoking bud again which I thought was fine. But I also did mdma 3 times in one month. during those rolls I was also drinking about a fifth and smoking almost a half ounce of really potent weed. First roll was fun. Second was great. But after my third roll that month everything changed. I started not being able to register things in my head, became paranoid, forgetting things right after I did them, had extreme headaches, and my vision is weird now. My eyes don't focus on things. there always shifting. Also everything I see seems not register in my head. I can't read because i can't comprehend what is being said, conversations with people are hard for the same reason. It's frustrating because I was extremely smart. Was tested multiple times with a I.Q. Of 126 and in the 97 percentile for reading comprehension and writing skills. At 16 I was at a sophomore college level for English. Now a days just reading the label on a candy bar is difficult. It feels and though my brain is fried . My gut instinct is it's permanent and I hope to god it's not the case. I haven't read any other peoples story's about drug use that extreme and recovery in the brain because I can't find them. I need serious help. It's like I'm trapped in a brain that just won't do the things I want it to do. I literally am unable to think now. No planning , no opinions, no reflexes , can't even watch a movie if I wanted. Has anyone hit this point before and bounced back? Is it even possible? Can my brain ever be at least 50% of what is used to be?
Iv read also that extreme emotional trauma causes brain damage as well and I have a lot. I grew up with a physically and emotionaly abusive father who terrorized my whole family. Was also mollested as a child by a relative, and have had 6 of my good freinds die in the past two years. One of which was the closest freind Iv ever had. There's more but those are the big ones. Is there anyone who has had anything similar happen to them ?
P.s.- I'm really sorry if this post might seem disorganized and all over but it's the best I could do with what I remember. I really need advice.
I'm not the average recreational drug user. I am an addict. Have been since 16. It started though in 1st grade when I was prescribed ritalin. The first mind altering drug to enter my system. I didn't like it at the time but I feel it started the cycle in my brain that said chemicals are good. Anyways I started smoking pot at 13 and from the first time I truly got high (giggles, music sounding like heaven, munchies, everything feeling beautiful) I vowed to myself that this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. BIG MISTAKE. What started out as daily pot smoking and Ritalin soon turned into extreme drug binges (age 16). I would find as much amphetmines as possible such as a full bottle of 30mg xr aderall get a couples fifths, about an ounce of weed, vicodines, and xannax. Then stay awake for a week straight. Writing, reading, playing video games, and listening music. I 'd do this pretty frequently, like once or twice a month. In between these binges I was still getting fucked up daily though. I used anything I could get my hands on. I also started using ecstasy twords the end of when I was 16 at festivals and just for fun with friends. Eventually I got arrested for drug related charges.
I got sent to a junvinille detention home for 5 months. Here I began huffing axe body spray and freeon (from air conditioners). Not because I liked it but because it was the only thing around. Anyhow, when I got out of there and came back home (Detroit) this is when things really got bad. I found heroin. I starting shooting heroin at age 17. It quickly took over. I was banging about a gram a day by the time I was almost 18. At this time I was also introduced to shooting crack. On a Daily basis I was shooting anywhere from $60-$120 of heroin and $50 of crack. Toppled with various other drugs like Xanax, weed, XTC, aderall, mushrooms, DMT, and smoked my fair share of spice (synthetic weed). I also went a little overboard when some research chems came into my area like 2-ce,2- cb, 4 ako dmt. Did those for almost a month straight.
So now I'm 20 and most other drugs died out except the heroin, crack, weed, booze, and benzo's. Heroin was a MUST everyday or I'd get dope sick. Iv been through the ringer at this point. Contracted hep c and liver was failing (turned yellow from jaundence. Was In the Hospital for 2 weeks), jail time, homeless and sleeping in parks, about 4 overdoses ( needing narcan to bring me back along with CPR) and 2 or 3 concussions from being knocked out in fights. I was getting sick of the life style and when I turned 21 I went into rehab. 3 month stay then sober house for 7 months. When I got out I started drinking and smoking bud again which I thought was fine. But I also did mdma 3 times in one month. during those rolls I was also drinking about a fifth and smoking almost a half ounce of really potent weed. First roll was fun. Second was great. But after my third roll that month everything changed. I started not being able to register things in my head, became paranoid, forgetting things right after I did them, had extreme headaches, and my vision is weird now. My eyes don't focus on things. there always shifting. Also everything I see seems not register in my head. I can't read because i can't comprehend what is being said, conversations with people are hard for the same reason. It's frustrating because I was extremely smart. Was tested multiple times with a I.Q. Of 126 and in the 97 percentile for reading comprehension and writing skills. At 16 I was at a sophomore college level for English. Now a days just reading the label on a candy bar is difficult. It feels and though my brain is fried . My gut instinct is it's permanent and I hope to god it's not the case. I haven't read any other peoples story's about drug use that extreme and recovery in the brain because I can't find them. I need serious help. It's like I'm trapped in a brain that just won't do the things I want it to do. I literally am unable to think now. No planning , no opinions, no reflexes , can't even watch a movie if I wanted. Has anyone hit this point before and bounced back? Is it even possible? Can my brain ever be at least 50% of what is used to be?
Iv read also that extreme emotional trauma causes brain damage as well and I have a lot. I grew up with a physically and emotionaly abusive father who terrorized my whole family. Was also mollested as a child by a relative, and have had 6 of my good freinds die in the past two years. One of which was the closest freind Iv ever had. There's more but those are the big ones. Is there anyone who has had anything similar happen to them ?
P.s.- I'm really sorry if this post might seem disorganized and all over but it's the best I could do with what I remember. I really need advice.
