Will this ever get better?

[funlover]

I posted a few weeks ago about my gastritis diagnosis and that my doctor told me I can't drink at all for three months. I am about a month through it, but not sure what my long term plan is (after the three months). I haven't used coke either since I only like to do that with alcohol. At first it was ok, though it was challenging to resist drinks, I felt proud of myself and liked the new feeling of not being hungover a lot of the time and just waiting for the next party. Recently, though I've been feeling very depressed. I feel left out of everything--my husband and all of my friends are out without me all the time, I don't go because I'm too afraid of temptation. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. On the one hand, I don't miss the terrible feeling of going home at 10am on a Sunday drunk and coked out of my mind and the guilt feeling for days after. I also don't miss the feeling of missing so many beautiful weekend days because I'm sleeping through them. But on the other hand, to put it plainly, I'm bored. I like my job, but not enough to keep me going--what used to keep me going was the crazy, fun nights every weekend. I am trying to do new things, I'm exercising a lot, learning a new language, doing some volunteer work. But there's still this emptiness and depression and feeling I just have nothing to look forward to. Part of the problem, maybe, is I'm spending a lot of time alone because my friends are really all party people and I don't know a lot of people (anyone) who will hang out with me on the weekends and not drink. Is this a physiological reaction to stopping cold-turkey after a decade of alcohol and drug abuse? will I ever start to feel better? or is this just my "new life?" I am sorry to whine and be pathetic, but I am having a very hard time.

 

[Maya]

^I would accept it as a new life if I were you. You should be happy that you are no longer feeling bad and living a healthier lifestyle. Are there any other things you would love to do like watch tons of movies or travel? Even just long weekends or a weekend getaway long drive will be cool

 

[T. Calderone]

Good on you making it through the first month! I can't drink either but sometimes I have a couple n/a beers. I think that if my husband went out partying without me, I would feel left out. But yeah, getting sober after so many years is hard, and it does get boring. I'm kind of in the same boat, but not married. I'm staying busy since I got into this intensive outpatient program. Plus I'm starting physical therapy Thursday. They say exercise is good for boosting your natural endorphins and that might help. Hang in there, you're not alone!

 

[funlover]

Maya, thanks for the advice. I do love movies and traveling, but I'm quite broke after 3 weeks of traveling in Europe this summer, so no big trips in the near future for me. Maybe a weekend getaway...I did that a few weeks ago and it was wonderful, made the whole no drinking thing so much easier.

T. Calderone, thanks for the encouragement and advice. It helps to know what to expect. It's just so hard...harder than I expected.

 

[Smoky]

Yes, it's very hard, but it will get better -- hang in there ! !
That's great you are doing so many wonderful things for yourself without drinking. I would keep reframing back to the positive as well as the progress happening in your life today, and integrate these thoughts when the temptations arise… including how far you have come. I would focus there and utilize some meditation, perhaps talk about the depression/boredom… with someone. Sometimes ... lifting up the depression and looking at the underlying issues will be quite revealing. Feelings may start bubbling up.. What has been suppressed with alcohol for example. This can be very healing.

It also takes time to cultivate new friendships… Look how far you've come so shortly. Imagine another month where you might be.
Great you were able to get away, a change of scenery… or environment from old reminders can do wonders.

 

[Maya]

Your welcome. Do you have netflix? If not then maybe you can get signed up for it and it wont cost you that much to have to pay a few bucks a month.

 

[miscbrahh]

[SNIP]
I'd also like to add that I honestly can't remember the last time i went 1 whole month without drinking... much less 1 week without drinking... (I work in the restaurant industry so it's an easy temptation to go home and have 1 or 2 drinks at home... I'm serving people who end up buying drinks all the time... many of my co-workers agree... not trying to make an excuse out of it).
The point is, I'm not sure if I could go 3 months, even 1 month without drinking... as sad it is for me to say... you're doing a great job, keep up the good work!

 

[funlover]

Maya, thankfully I have Netflix and hbo, otherwise i would really be screwed right now!

Miscbrahhh, thanks for the tips... Luckily my financial situation isn't that bad, just not able to take a big trip right now (vacation days being an issue too). When the doctor told me i couldn't drink for three months or it wouldn't get better, I literally burst into tears. I had never gone one week, let alone three months, without a drink. I also had never gone to a bar or a dinner without at least a glass of wine or two, and usually it was quite a bit more than that. But I was basically forced to so you never really know what you can do. I'm already dreading the weekend. Every weekend is a big struggle with my husband and friends all going out big. I can handle the weeks much better

 

[Greyhounder]

It sounds like you are bereved, seriously, you didnt really want to give up the lifestyle but you had to and now you are missing it and I don't think that that is any wonder. You are probably going to feel all those feelings that bereved people get, denial, anger, guilt, resentment etc and you will feel low and depressed. It is likely that you may well project some of those feelings onto others and you will start to look at the coke and booze weekends through rose tinted glasses making them look better than they really were and your current situation worse than it actually is.
In truth you sound like you are doing all the right things and they will work in the end provided you can get to the end. I suspect though that in order to get there you have to master this whole weekend thing, if all you do is stay in getting bored and thinking about your other half and your friends living it up then it wont work.
You could find an alternative way to get a grin at the weekend but if that were easy you would have done it already so thats a long term plan, the only other thing is to take a long hard look at why you can't go out with your husband and friends and have a good time without risking using anything. I am sure that you must know people, as I do, who are the life and soul of the party and wilder than any of the drinkers and tweekers but who never touch anything, they aren't bored and they aren't boring so whats their secret? Funnily enough they are usually the ones still dancing and laughing at the end whilst the rest of us feel a bit sick and wired and they still feel good in the morning and can actually remember what they did without remorse or embarrassment.
You sound bright, intellegent and fun loving and thats the you without booze and coke, whereas we all know drunk coke heads dribbling nonsense at you are thoroughly tedious people that you can't wait to escape from.
Best of luck with it all, sorry if this reads a bit like crap, I am not articulating well today.

 

[VitamaN]

^I would accept it as a new life if I were you. You should be happy that you are no longer feeling bad and living a healthier lifestyle. Are there any other things you would love to do like watch tons of movies or travel? Even just long weekends or a weekend getaway long drive will be cool

I agree. 3 months will do a lot of repair to your brain/gaba system that alcohol throws out of whack . the first 2 weeks are the biggest deal and you already got that far and beyond. Your depression is natural. Technically weather you want to be or not, you are in recovery right now.

 

[funlover]

first, thanks to all of you, Maya, VitamaN, T. Caledrone, Smoky, Miscbrahh, Greyhounder--all of your thoughts and encouragement have been helpful beyond words. I feel like no one in my "real" world understands me, and you all do. There is nothing more helpful than that at this moment.

Greyhounder, you hit the nail on the head--I feel like I'm going through a grieving process almost like a break-up. Like I keep having these terrible moments of remembering that my best friend or partner is not there...whenever I'm happy, sad, celebrating, going through a hard time, coke and alcohol were there for me, ever since I was 17 or 18. Now about 12 years later, I simply feel completely bereft without being able to turn those substances as a way of escaping or celebrating or whatever. It really was my worst nightmare, not being able to drink and party, and now it's here. But you're probably right, I am looking at it through rose colored glasses and I have to be careful of that. When I was drinking and doing coke all the time, I was often miserable because I knew I was selling myself short career-wise (many many hungover "sick" days), damaging relationships with friends who actually cared about me (often being too hungover and cancelling plans, or getting drunk before I was supposed to meet up with someone and neglecting to do so), and just generally feeling guilty a lot over what I knew was an unhealthy and out of control lifestyle. I have to keep reminding myself of that, and how nice it is to be up before 2pm on a Saturday and actually enjoy the day instead of wishing I was dead from the misery of a hangover. Your point about people who can have fun without using alcohol and drugs is also really helpful, because I've convinced myself it's impossible to have a really good time without them. It's a good reminder that that's just not true. and as you say, generally the nights pass as a blur and then a lot of misery for the next 24 hours, but for some reason, I kept chasing after something by doing it over and over...and I still want to, sadly.