3WarmWildEyes
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2014
- Messages
- 5
Hey guys 
So I'm fairly new to all this & have never posted before, so I really have no idea where this should go. But I do have questions so I guess I'll just go ahead and lay it all out there...
I'm 26/F and have been prescribed to an array of meds, on & off, since I was about 14. I've been diagnosed with ADD, Anxiety & Bipolar disorder/ Manic Depression. Borderline Personality Disorder has been suggested & if I could actually afford to have a sleep study I would most definitely be diagnosed with a circadian rhythm sleep disorder. Either Non-24-Hour Sleep/Wake Disorder or Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. Basically my body never wants to function on a socially acceptable sleep schedule. I've had problems with it all of my life but as I've gotten older it has become progressively more debilitating. I have a theory that it was, in a way, worsened when I began being prescribed to Adderall & Mirtazapine at age 14. Although it did help, my guess is that my already struggling brain continued to develop while on these drugs, causing my body to NEED them to function at least somewhat properly. I'm not a doctor so of course I don't know this for sure. But to me it makes sense that a developing brain can be irreversibly changed by such chemicals.
Anyway... I missed a lot of high school due to all of this, mostly because the lack of sleep & the stress began to cause migraines. That's when I started smoking herb, which helped, but not enough. I actually had to see a neurologist because I started having fainting spells & mini seizures as well. So much school was missed that the ill-equipped social workers involved in my Individualized Education Plan told my parents to just let me drop out at age 16. I think that might have had a lot to do with my parent's lack of funds & the fact that I had hott pink hair and black fingernails. To them I was just an outcast problem child with no money. Unfortunately their closed minded view of me outweighed the fact that up until high school I was in advanced classes and ALWAYS tested above average in SOL's. Maybe I'm wrong but I'd be willing to bet that if I had been more of a popular, preppy kid & Daddy had more money, things would've been a lot different.
Anyway... After tinkering with doses and trying different SSRI's I finally got to a point where I was functioning quite well. At least as well as a teen can with all this going on. I was lucky enough to have found a private school for kids with emotional issues and different educational needs like me. So with the combo of meds & an understanding environment, I was a thriving straight A student with a perfect attendance record. Unfortunately it was all short lived because I was dropped from my Mother's health insurance when I turned 18. It wasn't long before I began to regress & that's when I really started to self medicate. I couch surfed & lived with a laundry list of awful/abusive boyfriends. This went on for a few years until I was about 22- 23 & found a job bar tending the graveyard shift at a sleezy 24hr diner. It seemed to work for my sleep habits and I'd like to say I was functioning fairly well again. But in reality I hated my job, my boyfriend and my life all together and I developed a coke & opiate habit. I eventually ended up loosing my job, my boyfriend, my apartment & my car all in about a 2 month period. I of course fell into deep depression followed by extreme manic phases. This cycle went on for months until one night, while manic, I met a random dude at a bar who grew weed in northern CA. So I left my home in Richmond, Va... California on my mind
That turned out to be a great experience in a lot of ways but also a new special kind of hell. That is until I finally got pretty clean (not by choice) and met the man whom I've now been with for 3 years. We are amazingly perfect for each other and I'm extremely happy with him. But we both definitely have our demons & bad habits. While in Cali we got pretty wrapped up in both meth & opiates. We were struggling to afford our habits & just life in general with trim work in NorCal being very seasonal. So after awhile we moved to Florida, where he is from. There we definitely calmed down with the frequency of our drug use, but our primary method turned to mostly intravenous. After a few months, things went once again sour with my job (that I had somehow acquired) and also with our living situation.
My Father, whom I haven't had a good relationship with since before puberty (surprise surprise) offered to let us move into the house I grew up in. And since my Father didn't actually live there and RVA is just swarming with dope, it was extremely easy to develop a VERY bad heroin habit. It wasn't long before we were both completely strung out. I guess my family really didn't want to believe it, so it took awhile for them to figure out exactly what was going on. But of course they eventually did. My boyfriend went back home to FL & got on the Suboxone program & my Mother basically kidnapped me & took me to a much smaller mountain town with the hope that I wouldn't be able to get my hands on anything. At first she was right & I thought I might die from the withdrawal. But up popped a friend of the family that helped me get dope, at first, but then mostly Suboxone.
My Mother (with whom I have a very good relationship) was devastated of course but actually really cool about it & took me to a Psychiatrist. He put me back on Adderall, Mirtazapine & Lamictal. Neither of them were aware that I was using again. But since it was mostly just Subs, along with the psych meds I really started to function again. To the point where I got myself back down to FL to be with the love of my life. We had been through too much together & love each other too much to throw it all away. Now we are both living in FL together. Both mostly clean, other than Subs. And although we are currently working on our living situation and our financial situation isn't perfect, we have definitely come a long way since this time last year & we are very happy!!
I have a Dr. here who is prescribing Adderall, Lamictal & Xanex & along with Suboxone I feel like I've finally found the right mix of meds that works for me My boyfriend is working full time & although I haven't found one yet, I feel like I'm finally to the point where my head is on straight enough to hold down a job. I've even started working on my art again, which is a passion of mine. But in the past I have struggled with finding the motivation & focus that is needed. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll most likely have to be medicated for the rest of my life but I do someday want to have children. So I guess this is where my questions come in...
I've read a few contradicting views on pregnancy and breast feeding while on Adderall, Xanex, Antidepressants & Suboxone. But from what I've gathered, the percentage of the drug that is passed on to the baby is so small that there are very little to no negative effects. At least as far as breast feeding goes. Especially since with the Suboxone I have weened myself down to about .5-1mg Bupe (1/16-1/8 of a strip) every 12 hrs. But my real question is... Is this still true if I am taking it intravenously? I know that sounds awful & please believe me when I say that if there is a real chance that it could harm my hypothetical baby then I will stop. But I have found that I can take alot less this way. Not to mention I do seem to be addicted to the prick & the ritual. I'd also like to know if shooting Suboxone strips "properly" can have any major health risks for me.
I recently had to have my gallbladder removed due to an infection. I believe this to be caused by me (stupidly) shooting old Opana cottons. But I've noticed that since my surgery my lungs have felt very "heavy" and I have some discomfort breathing. But only when the Suboxone starts to wear off. Could this be caused by the surgery itself or my IV usage in general or by my Suboxone IV use? I will mention that I smoke about a pack of non-menthol a day, am prone to bronchitis & seem to be easily effected by mold & allergenes.
Also does anyone have any info about any negative effects associated with any mixture of the meds I am taking? Like I said I feel I have FINALLY found a regiment that works for me but I need to know if it is doing real harm to me or will do harm to my future children. And unfortunately I can't be completely honest with my Dr. as I am not actually prescribed to Suboxone & I obviously won't be telling him that I use needles. I know this is extremely long & has ALOT of different angles, but I think I needed to get it all out & let you have all the info.
If you've made it this far... Thanx for reading and for any advice you may have. I am also open to any advice or incite about any of the other issues I talked about such as the development of an adolescent brain on meds, our education system, self-medicating/drug use (you name it I've most likely done it) addiction or sleep disorders. I've considered trying to get on disability for my sleep disorder, but I can't afford a sleep study. So any advice on that would be greatly appreciated as well
So I'm fairly new to all this & have never posted before, so I really have no idea where this should go. But I do have questions so I guess I'll just go ahead and lay it all out there... I'm 26/F and have been prescribed to an array of meds, on & off, since I was about 14. I've been diagnosed with ADD, Anxiety & Bipolar disorder/ Manic Depression. Borderline Personality Disorder has been suggested & if I could actually afford to have a sleep study I would most definitely be diagnosed with a circadian rhythm sleep disorder. Either Non-24-Hour Sleep/Wake Disorder or Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. Basically my body never wants to function on a socially acceptable sleep schedule. I've had problems with it all of my life but as I've gotten older it has become progressively more debilitating. I have a theory that it was, in a way, worsened when I began being prescribed to Adderall & Mirtazapine at age 14. Although it did help, my guess is that my already struggling brain continued to develop while on these drugs, causing my body to NEED them to function at least somewhat properly. I'm not a doctor so of course I don't know this for sure. But to me it makes sense that a developing brain can be irreversibly changed by such chemicals.
Anyway... I missed a lot of high school due to all of this, mostly because the lack of sleep & the stress began to cause migraines. That's when I started smoking herb, which helped, but not enough. I actually had to see a neurologist because I started having fainting spells & mini seizures as well. So much school was missed that the ill-equipped social workers involved in my Individualized Education Plan told my parents to just let me drop out at age 16. I think that might have had a lot to do with my parent's lack of funds & the fact that I had hott pink hair and black fingernails. To them I was just an outcast problem child with no money. Unfortunately their closed minded view of me outweighed the fact that up until high school I was in advanced classes and ALWAYS tested above average in SOL's. Maybe I'm wrong but I'd be willing to bet that if I had been more of a popular, preppy kid & Daddy had more money, things would've been a lot different.
Anyway... After tinkering with doses and trying different SSRI's I finally got to a point where I was functioning quite well. At least as well as a teen can with all this going on. I was lucky enough to have found a private school for kids with emotional issues and different educational needs like me. So with the combo of meds & an understanding environment, I was a thriving straight A student with a perfect attendance record. Unfortunately it was all short lived because I was dropped from my Mother's health insurance when I turned 18. It wasn't long before I began to regress & that's when I really started to self medicate. I couch surfed & lived with a laundry list of awful/abusive boyfriends. This went on for a few years until I was about 22- 23 & found a job bar tending the graveyard shift at a sleezy 24hr diner. It seemed to work for my sleep habits and I'd like to say I was functioning fairly well again. But in reality I hated my job, my boyfriend and my life all together and I developed a coke & opiate habit. I eventually ended up loosing my job, my boyfriend, my apartment & my car all in about a 2 month period. I of course fell into deep depression followed by extreme manic phases. This cycle went on for months until one night, while manic, I met a random dude at a bar who grew weed in northern CA. So I left my home in Richmond, Va... California on my mind
That turned out to be a great experience in a lot of ways but also a new special kind of hell. That is until I finally got pretty clean (not by choice) and met the man whom I've now been with for 3 years. We are amazingly perfect for each other and I'm extremely happy with him. But we both definitely have our demons & bad habits. While in Cali we got pretty wrapped up in both meth & opiates. We were struggling to afford our habits & just life in general with trim work in NorCal being very seasonal. So after awhile we moved to Florida, where he is from. There we definitely calmed down with the frequency of our drug use, but our primary method turned to mostly intravenous. After a few months, things went once again sour with my job (that I had somehow acquired) and also with our living situation. My Father, whom I haven't had a good relationship with since before puberty (surprise surprise) offered to let us move into the house I grew up in. And since my Father didn't actually live there and RVA is just swarming with dope, it was extremely easy to develop a VERY bad heroin habit. It wasn't long before we were both completely strung out. I guess my family really didn't want to believe it, so it took awhile for them to figure out exactly what was going on. But of course they eventually did. My boyfriend went back home to FL & got on the Suboxone program & my Mother basically kidnapped me & took me to a much smaller mountain town with the hope that I wouldn't be able to get my hands on anything. At first she was right & I thought I might die from the withdrawal. But up popped a friend of the family that helped me get dope, at first, but then mostly Suboxone.
My Mother (with whom I have a very good relationship) was devastated of course but actually really cool about it & took me to a Psychiatrist. He put me back on Adderall, Mirtazapine & Lamictal. Neither of them were aware that I was using again. But since it was mostly just Subs, along with the psych meds I really started to function again. To the point where I got myself back down to FL to be with the love of my life. We had been through too much together & love each other too much to throw it all away. Now we are both living in FL together. Both mostly clean, other than Subs. And although we are currently working on our living situation and our financial situation isn't perfect, we have definitely come a long way since this time last year & we are very happy!!
I have a Dr. here who is prescribing Adderall, Lamictal & Xanex & along with Suboxone I feel like I've finally found the right mix of meds that works for me
My boyfriend is working full time & although I haven't found one yet, I feel like I'm finally to the point where my head is on straight enough to hold down a job. I've even started working on my art again, which is a passion of mine. But in the past I have struggled with finding the motivation & focus that is needed. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll most likely have to be medicated for the rest of my life but I do someday want to have children. So I guess this is where my questions come in...I've read a few contradicting views on pregnancy and breast feeding while on Adderall, Xanex, Antidepressants & Suboxone. But from what I've gathered, the percentage of the drug that is passed on to the baby is so small that there are very little to no negative effects. At least as far as breast feeding goes. Especially since with the Suboxone I have weened myself down to about .5-1mg Bupe (1/16-1/8 of a strip) every 12 hrs. But my real question is... Is this still true if I am taking it intravenously? I know that sounds awful & please believe me when I say that if there is a real chance that it could harm my hypothetical baby then I will stop. But I have found that I can take alot less this way. Not to mention I do seem to be addicted to the prick & the ritual. I'd also like to know if shooting Suboxone strips "properly" can have any major health risks for me.
I recently had to have my gallbladder removed due to an infection. I believe this to be caused by me (stupidly) shooting old Opana cottons. But I've noticed that since my surgery my lungs have felt very "heavy" and I have some discomfort breathing. But only when the Suboxone starts to wear off. Could this be caused by the surgery itself or my IV usage in general or by my Suboxone IV use? I will mention that I smoke about a pack of non-menthol a day, am prone to bronchitis & seem to be easily effected by mold & allergenes.
Also does anyone have any info about any negative effects associated with any mixture of the meds I am taking? Like I said I feel I have FINALLY found a regiment that works for me but I need to know if it is doing real harm to me or will do harm to my future children. And unfortunately I can't be completely honest with my Dr. as I am not actually prescribed to Suboxone & I obviously won't be telling him that I use needles. I know this is extremely long & has ALOT of different angles, but I think I needed to get it all out & let you have all the info.
If you've made it this far... Thanx for reading and for any advice you may have. I am also open to any advice or incite about any of the other issues I talked about such as the development of an adolescent brain on meds, our education system, self-medicating/drug use (you name it I've most likely done it) addiction or sleep disorders. I've considered trying to get on disability for my sleep disorder, but I can't afford a sleep study. So any advice on that would be greatly appreciated as well
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