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Recovery, recovering addicts unite

I like what THECATINTHEHAT said about the word addict. In a sense I am an addict, I have been clean off Heroin for 12 months, it was fuckin hell getting here and I'm still along way from 100%. That being said I ended up being addicted to H because I am a a control freak and have been using recreationally random things for quite a while now being 23, I've got a bit of experience under my belt, but I have never had a problem saying okay I am done now. Putting it down and leaving it alone for however long years months what have you.

That is until H. I decided I was done and it wasn't fun any more about 2 weeks into my binge, I had never experienced physical addiction before, so I had no idea what I was in for... I didn't get control back from using H for about 6-8 months. I still swear I can smell it sometimes, I cant handle tinfoil, and I didn't sleep but an hour or so a night until I was roughly 6 months clean.

That being said I will never touch H again in my life, but I still am a recreational user of other substances... Getting back on point, I don't consider my self an addict in general. I consider myself a druggy, yes, but only when referencing heroin do I consider myself an addict. Because it took over my life and it was the stereotypical definition of addiction.

(sorry for my talking in circles and rambling, but it is still something I have a hard time expressing in the right way...) I hope that my point is clear: anything that takes control of your life, is an addiction, but that does not make you an all around Addict. :? Make sense?
 
I kind of get what your saying but that sort of confusion is precisely the reason I don't like the word addict!=D

If people are able to form an identity as a recovering addict that helps them get their life back on track then more power to them (although I would suggest at the same time that's also not the healthiest thought process to be in) but for me I would rather just put all that 'what is an addict' discussion to the side and hear about what is causing people problems and try to offer my experience if I think it might help. In turn I'd rather just get straight to my own issues when talking myself, I don't feel than being pigeon holed as an addict helps me understand myself. I don't mind identifying myself as an addict but without a proper definition of what that means what is the point?

I don't believe things are as black and white as people either being an addict or not. Like most things in life it's about shades of grey imo and I don't believe people have to stay at the same point on that continuum their whole life or that there is a recovery process that will work for everyone. I see people who swear by total abstinence being the only way and I can understand that for some people that might be the only way and that for many others it's the sensible thing to do based on severity of the consequences if a lack of abstinence lleads them back to old behaviours. At the same time I see people on this site who are recovering from addiction issues that swear by psychedelic use a couple of times a year as a way of resetting their brain and helping them understand their own thought processes and not going back to where they were when they were so unhappy.

I'm not a 12 step person any more as I have issue with some core precepts but at the same time I learned a lot of great stuff there. I think the basic three things they ask of people in the fellowship (openness, honesty and willingness) are key to most routes to recovery and BL is somewhere I can come to give and recieve in those things.
 
Yes I completely agree with you! The term addict just leads to more confusion. I took LSD at the ass end of my WDs, it was pushing it cause i still felt like shit, but id gone through the WDs 5 other times, yet this time taking the LSD it made it stick for me. I couldn't begin to explain how the trip snapped me out of it just like I could barely explain in my previous post. I would never be abstinent from all drugs because that would lead me back to using as a self medication technique which is then disastrous. So recreational use of certain substances keeps me in state where I can still have fun then chill out for a while instead of forcing myself into a deep hole by not allowing that release.

BL has become one of those parts of my life where I feel better for helping others yet I know theres always someone there to help me as well.. They've built an amazing community of caring understanding and like minded individuals to nurture healthy (even if bad) habits. The harm reduction aspect of it is what makes it truly beautiful experience. (almost) No one is going to judge you or tell you not to do something but instead understand your going to do it anyway so to make sure your doing it safely. :D
 
Cold turkey is the only way to do it. Depending on what it is & your situation.
 
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JackiePeyton said:
The act of shooting up can be very addicting. Time and distance away from it helps, along with giving yourself some type of reward daily. That is a big part of drug use, is the desire for daily rewards. What that reward may be is up to you, but some people take time to themselves each day, spend time doing something they like, even a simple chocolate bar. You need to reward yourself each day and not with drugs.
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That is such a good idea! I will have to try it! Thank you for sharing that with me! I think that it might really help me.
 
BlueSaffron said:
I used to have a pretty strong needle fixation. If you just keep leaving it alone, it fades away a lot with time. Mine's gone down from a 9 to about a 2. In the old days just hearing someone talk about a needle fixation or shooting up would have me thinking about it, wanting to do it. Now I read your post about it and - nothing.

To be honest, there are other ways to get that level of pleasure. I think that's what it was for me - I thought nothing would ever equal the feeling of shooting up dope, or a speedball. I know better now :) And I'm not going to give you some BS about how a flower or a sunset is going to make you feel as good as shooting up. But for me, being with someone I'm crazy about is even better than dope. Other things come pretty close. So if you're like I was and you fixate on it because you think nothing's ever going to feel that good - you're wrong :)
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Thank you so much for sharing this with me BlueSaffron. It really is very encouraging and I need to hear it. You have no idea how badly I needed to hear it.
 
I went on a 10 month H binge starting last November till now. Had things generally under control until about May. Found a "friend" with 40 dollar buns....well needless to say things went to shit.
My wife ended up discovering my habit...I stopped...then started again once paws kicked in. (I work loss prevention so sometimes I'm in a little office with nothing but cameras and my thoughts for 8 hours...it's like paws super hell). I spent 560 in 2 weeks..roughly 120 bags I suppose.
Well the wife found out again and I was 11 days to the good (out of risk of divorce :-( ). My dealer owed me money for some sub woofers so he stopped by last night. Well he handed me 50 bucks, said he had shit, then the 50 went right back to him.
I was in good spirits before and am convinced that if I didn't put myself in that situation I'd be 12 days clean. I've always done drugs and never had a problem with even percocet, but H was a soul sucker. I've never had to quit a drug because I was addicted so it's still a learning process. I've found so much amazing info on here!
If it wasn't for what I've learned here I'd probably be shaming myself into severe anxiety and trying to use again. Instead I feel just as confident as before! (But not cocky lol) Feeling part of a sincere group goes a LONG way! Thank you all!!!
 
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opaloid189 said:
I went on a 10 month H binge starting last November till now. Had things generally under control until about May. Found a "friend" with 40 dollar buns....well needless to say things went to shit.
My wife ended up discovering my habit...I stopped...then started again once paws kicked in. (I work loss prevention so sometimes I'm in a little office with nothing but cameras and my thoughts for 8 hours...it's like paws super hell). I spent 560 in 2 weeks..roughly 120 bags I suppose.
Well the wife found out again and I was 11 days to the good (out of risk of divorce :-( ). My dealer owed me money for some sub woofers so he stopped by last night. Well he handed me 50 bucks, said he had shit, then the 50 went right back to him.
I was in good spirits before and am convinced that if I didn't put myself in that situation I'd be 12 days clean. I've always done drugs and never had a problem with even percocet, but H was a soul sucker. I've never had to quit a drug because I was addicted so it's still a learning process. I've found so much amazing info on here!
If it wasn't for what I've learned here I'd probably be shaming myself into severe anxiety and trying to use again. Instead I feel just as confident as before! (But not cocky lol) Feeling part of a sincere group goes a LONG way! Thank you all!!!
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This is great to hear! Not being cocky is actually a very good thing, I found when I was trying to get off the H (now 12 months clean :) ) That if I was cocky about thow successful I would be I ended up RL within the first week. Don't get ahead of yourself, you really do have to take it one day at a damn time... But keeping yourself out of situations like that will help, not to mention Let your dealers know that you are trying to stay clean and healthy, any responsible dealer will stop selling to you, Never did I have one pressuring me to go and buy more, or use again. and if they do delete and block the number, you don't need to subject yourself to that. :)
 
I wanna get clean so badly but even when I break w/d I never make it through PAWS...
its so fucking difficult. :(
 
ticking said:
Cold turkey is the only way to do it. Depending on what it is & your situation.
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Something like 90% percent of heroin addicts relapse after quitting cold turkey. Success rates are much higher when buprenorphine or methadone is used in combination with counseling and treatment.

Cold turkey detox is not only outdated and ineffective, but often cruel in cases of physical dependency. Obviously drugs that don't cause physical withdrawal are a different story.

But yeah okay, cold turkey is the only way to do it. Good luck with that.
 
It brings me such joy to see all this community. Love you all! I am in a particular spot in my life where I am okay with everything. Accepting it all with open arms and gratitude.. Yall have a blessed evening/day and or night. <3
 
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