MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

[severely etarded]

Be patient, stop worrying. Exercise, eat right (no burger king, McDonald's, sweets etc), and get plenty of rest and I assure you within time you will feel better. I've (shamefully ) taken obscene amounts before and I always feel better. My secret? Live healthy and try not to worry!

 

[coderbrah]

I've just made the final step med-wise. Went from 15mg Lexapro to 20mg. Hopefully this jump will give me another push.

 

[me2point0]

I was in my philosophy class and the entire lesson seemes dirrected right at me and I felt enlightened.

"Expect a little less, live a little more".

When things are good, don't be like, it would be even better if I didnt have DP, or x, y, z. I had that mentality switch a few days earlier so I was happy it was even thought to me.

ON ANOTHER NOTE, anyone feels like the anxiety is like, episodic if I may? Like, when ltc started, anxiety was about sharp chest pain spikes. When overcame, it became heartrate anxiety. When I learned heartrate isnt dangerous, I had chest " rigidity". Then it was arm pains, shoulders. Now its a sub-thorax pain and intense shoulder pain. This is the worst ive seen so its very very panicky. Even tho my ltc is almost gone, I got 3 panic attacks in one week.

Anyone experience this sort of pain movement/switch about what you fear? Is it all anxiety?

 

[India111]

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't posted on here in a while, I didn't really feel the need to come on here like I usually to so I seized the opportunity to take a break. I was even worried about coming back just to tell you all I'm still alive in case I started checking the threads obsessively again haha, it's like a proper addiction!

Anyway I've been doing better, this week specifically I feel like I've taken a bit of a step back symptoms wise, but only because I had two social events last week were I was drinking, and any hangovers I have last way longer at the moment (every time I have a hangover I catch a cold now, my body can't really cope with a LTC and a hangover at the same time so I think my immune system gives up the ghost slightly). I don't really drink at the moment and when I do I don't usually get drunk, but for my graduation I thought I'd make an exception. I'm so glad I did because I had a fantastic evening, got really drunk and danced the night away with my friends, it was almost like everything was back to normal again. Despite suffering from fatigue I managed to stay out dancing until 6am, I was just having such a great time I forgot to even be tired (when I'm having a fun time this always happens, if I'm at work/sat around the house I'm exhausted). I know people say not to drink during a LTC, but as I said I don't do it often and live an otherwise healthy lifestyle (I eat well, exercise, get enough sleep etc) and for me being able to go out every now and then and drink is an important part of healing emotionally, and just having a break from this hellhole of a life. Even though I'll probably feel rough for a week, it was so worth it.

Anyway just wanted to say that I've been doing better these past few weeks, gone downhill a bit these past few days but this usually picks up again with a period of abstinence from alcohol. Fatigue is still a massive problem for me, but hopefully once I start meds, counselling and yoga my improvements will speed up a bit

probably won't be on here all that much, I'll check back in every once in a while

 

[ro4eva]

If you go back to the first page in this thread and start reading up until the end, you'll see that a lot of people that are now saying "you will recover, just give it time" among other good advice, once found themselves in the exact same frame of mind you are in now. Ask yourself this: why would you be the exception? What makes you so different that you would have caused permanent damage? The answer is: nothing. You are like everyone else that has gone through this and like everyone else what you are experiencing is causing you to see things darker than they really are. Which is completely normal, do not get me wrong, I really understand as I've had my fair share of horrible comedowns as well, I'm just trying to put things into perspective a bit for you. You are not the exception, you are the majority, you too will recover, though it takes time take care of yourself man, you will one day be able to look back on this as a learning experience. I wish you all the best. Listen to your fellow posters in here, they really know what they are talking about and they understand it better than anyone

Very good point and well said (and true).

 

[PJ2]

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't posted on here in a while, I didn't really feel the need to come on here like I usually to so I seized the opportunity to take a break. I was even worried about coming back just to tell you all I'm still alive in case I started checking the threads obsessively again haha, it's like a proper addiction!

Anyway I've been doing better, this week specifically I feel like I've taken a bit of a step back symptoms wise, but only because I had two social events last week were I was drinking, and any hangovers I have last way longer at the moment (every time I have a hangover I catch a cold now, my body can't really cope with a LTC and a hangover at the same time so I think my immune system gives up the ghost slightly). I don't really drink at the moment and when I do I don't usually get drunk, but for my graduation I thought I'd make an exception. I'm so glad I did because I had a fantastic evening, got really drunk and danced the night away with my friends, it was almost like everything was back to normal again. Despite suffering from fatigue I managed to stay out dancing until 6am, I was just having such a great time I forgot to even be tired (when I'm having a fun time this always happens, if I'm at work/sat around the house I'm exhausted). I know people say not to drink during a LTC, but as I said I don't do it often and live an otherwise healthy lifestyle (I eat well, exercise, get enough sleep etc) and for me being able to go out every now and then and drink is an important part of healing emotionally, and just having a break from this hellhole of a life. Even though I'll probably feel rough for a week, it was so worth it.

Anyway just wanted to say that I've been doing better these past few weeks, gone downhill a bit these past few days but this usually picks up again with a period of abstinence from alcohol. Fatigue is still a massive problem for me, but hopefully once I start meds, counselling and yoga my improvements will speed up a bit

probably won't be on here all that much, I'll check back in every once in a while

Fatigue was one of my last major symptoms to dissipate along with a slight brain fog. I think you will find slight improvements week by week and month by month. Sounds like the worst of your LTC is over. I know mine is. I quit drinking for now because I don't want any delays in my recovery, but in a few months I'll probably give that a go as well.

 

[PJ2]

thanks im bein optimistic. but u say "we've all been there" been where? have u had my exact symptoms or did u read my original entry or just my reply? what happened in your case?

Not sure if I saw your original entry, but I'm assuming if you're in here you have the classic LTC symptoms of anxiety, brain fog, insomnia, depression, panic attacks, bad reactions to further drug use of any kind, headaches, head pressure, brain zaps, fatigue, dp/dr etc etc..

My case is the same as most. I took MDMA on a Friday night (very small amount) and another very small amount on Saturday night because I had some left over from the night before and was bored. I'm talking about less than half a capsule in total for both nights. MDMA is not my drug of choice and it was probably about the 4th and 5th time I've done it ever over a period of years. The last time I touched X was probably 3 years ago. I woke up three days later with the worst headache of my life and major anxiety. And, then all the other symptoms kicked in. I thought I was going crazy for the first few weeks and I also thought I really had fucked up my brain and my life. Well, I did, but it's not permanent - THANK GOD! During the acute phase as I call it, I had trouble sleeping, reading, concentrating, remembering words. I had DP/DR really bad. I thought a padded room was in my very immediate future. I got through it all because I got a hold of some Xanax, which saved me from the psych ward on more than a few occasions. Eventually the symptoms got a little better. Then week after week and month after month things improved to where now I'm pretty close to fully recovered at 8 months or thereabouts. I fully expect in the next few months to become completely symptom free and I'm in my early 40's. So, if I can recover, someone in their teens or 20's or 30's certainly can.

Hopefully, that eases your mind just a little!

 

[pmz]

sleep. If only I can sleep. I think this is my main problem. I have bad insomnia. I cant stay asleep. Even on days of alot of activity it doesnt help. Not sure what to do here.

 

[Deltronpedro]

sleep. If only I can sleep. I think this is my main problem. I have bad insomnia. I cant stay asleep. Even on days of alot of activity it doesnt help. Not sure what to do here.

Im not as long in this as you are but I have horrible sleeping problems as well.
Only thing that helps is going early to bed after i made a whole lots of sport over the day.
Last week I was used to run about 10-15 km per day and did some weight training afterwards(3 times the week)
When i go to bed i turn the TV on and watch some chilled documentary or stuff like that with sleep timer 30 mins.

That works best for me for sleeping without gaps.
Horrible and vivid dreams are there anyway :/ Hope you havent.

 

[mike55]

Not sure if I saw your original entry, but I'm assuming if you're in here you have the classic LTC symptoms of anxiety, brain fog, insomnia, depression, panic attacks, bad reactions to further drug use of any kind, headaches, head pressure, brain zaps, fatigue, dp/dr etc etc..

My case is the same as most. I took MDMA on a Friday night (very small amount) and another very small amount on Saturday night because I had some left over from the night before and was bored. I'm talking about less than half a capsule in total for both nights. MDMA is not my drug of choice and it was probably about the 4th and 5th time I've done it ever over a period of years. The last time I touched X was probably 3 years ago. I woke up three days later with the worst headache of my life and major anxiety. And, then all the other symptoms kicked in. I thought I was going crazy for the first few weeks and I also thought I really had fucked up my brain and my life. Well, I did, but it's not permanent - THANK GOD! During the acute phase as I call it, I had trouble sleeping, reading, concentrating, remembering words. I had DP/DR really bad. I thought a padded room was in my very immediate future. I got through it all because I got a hold of some Xanax, which saved me from the psych ward on more than a few occasions. Eventually the symptoms got a little better. Then week after week and month after month things improved to where now I'm pretty close to fully recovered at 8 months or thereabouts. I fully expect in the next few months to become completely symptom free and I'm in my early 40's. So, if I can recover, someone in their teens or 20's or 30's certainly can.

Hopefully, that eases your mind just a little!

see but in my case im not just having a bad comedown or reaction or side effect from molly or mdma, w/e i took literally wasnt mdma. idk wht it was but it wasnt anything enjoyable so it wasnt the classic crack meth etc it was some filthy research chemicals maybe tht is amphetamine like to cause an altered state.

i have most the symptoms u mentioned but my worse tht u didnt mention is i have ZERO sensation when i orgasm which is terrifying. im not even masturbating anymore not to mention low libido. and also i used to be an avid pot smoker (5 times a week) and that has been taken from me too. its not like oh now i get anxious or paranoid when i smoke its that i LITERALLY dont get a weed high. its crazy like its a wired tingling opiate like feeling that feels terrible, even my eyes dilate and i pass out im talkin just a couple hits. and i smoke a lot. idk if its cause i have zero seretonin so thats why i dont feel good during climax and weed or if its a communication error but its insane. the thing is its not like i just smoke cause i get bored or its fun, like its MY PASSION. its my one love and i cant even smoke it i planned a whole future enjoying it so if im damaged forever thats long life depression thinking i ruined my life from one night. ive been sober 5 weeks now.

im just terrified its permanent damage, not like my levels r just low or anything but i really screwed up my brain chemistry or destroyed some nuerons/ axon/ receptors.

 

[pmz]

Im not as long in this as you are but I have horrible sleeping problems as well.
Only thing that helps is going early to bed after i made a whole lots of sport over the day.
Last week I was used to run about 10-15 km per day and did some weight training afterwards(3 times the week)
When i go to bed i turn the TV on and watch some chilled documentary or stuff like that with sleep timer 30 mins.

That works best for me for sleeping without gaps.
Horrible and vivid dreams are there anyway :/ Hope you havent.

I used to have the tormenting dreams. Now I have normal interesting dreams. So that changes.

I just cant stay asleep. Dont get it. Its like my sleep gets better then worse. Its so inconstant

 

[Hiroki]

pure gold for you my friend, sage advice. PM in a month if u follow my advice!

does anyone know if seretonin and or dopamine can be damaged or miscommunicating forever? obviously people with no dopamine have parkinsons and no seretonin is Alzheimers, but i had some VERY nuerotoxic dirty amphetamine (idk what it was maybe some tweekers bathroom chemicals he made in his basement) to look like molly and im very worried. im not a depressive person by any means but im depressed because i literally have no sensation when i orgasm and its terrifying me, as well as cant feel pleasure from weed anymore or alcohol nothing. and im an avid weed enthusiast (5 times a week) and it literally doesnt cause a weed high anymore, feels like a nasty opiate like wired tingling feeling and my eyes dilate and i pass out. im talkin a couple hits and feel TERRIBLE so ive stopped cold turkey. even drinking i dont feel good anymore just sloshed and nasty not normal like ayy turn up feelin good and buzzed its insane.

ANYBODY know what this is, could be, or had this happen? my only guess is that i have little to none seretonin which is causing the non good feeling orgasm and all other symptoms of low seretonin ive looked up, so when i smoke drink cum or anything is releasing seretonin that isnt there? or is it a miscommunication error or burnt axon which sounds way worse cuz idk if im permanently damaged or like this forever. i know upregulation of seretonin and dopamine happens once you go sober, healthy etc but whats wront with me is it fixable?

My two biggest loves and passions have been stripped over night from me, sex and weed and its killing me. anyone help is appreciated ty.

Stop all sexual activity for an entire month, yes it is difficult but you are capable of it and the payoff makes it worth it. I want you to tell me if you are prescribed any meds b/c the following herbs I am about to tell you to take daily can interact wih drugs. So let's see you should start eating a handful of organic goji berries daily, taking he shou wu capsules (from dragonherbs.com or Fo-ti which is the same as he shou wu from mountainroseherbs.com) also schisandra berries from either of the sites I mentioned and lastly strength builder's formula from Dragon Herbs. Rhodiola (mountainroseherbs.com's capsules) will bring your serotonin and dopamine back to a homeostatic level. My friend it is of the utmost importance you remain chaste for a month at least while ingesting these herbs and berries daily. Do your research. I just gave you treasure to cure your dilemma my friend.

 

[thejibberman]

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't posted on here in a while, I didn't really feel the need to come on here like I usually to so I seized the opportunity to take a break. I was even worried about coming back just to tell you all I'm still alive in case I started checking the threads obsessively again haha, it's like a proper addiction!

Anyway I've been doing better, this week specifically I feel like I've taken a bit of a step back symptoms wise, but only because I had two social events last week were I was drinking, and any hangovers I have last way longer at the moment (every time I have a hangover I catch a cold now, my body can't really cope with a LTC and a hangover at the same time so I think my immune system gives up the ghost slightly). I don't really drink at the moment and when I do I don't usually get drunk, but for my graduation I thought I'd make an exception. I'm so glad I did because I had a fantastic evening, got really drunk and danced the night away with my friends, it was almost like everything was back to normal again. Despite suffering from fatigue I managed to stay out dancing until 6am, I was just having such a great time I forgot to even be tired (when I'm having a fun time this always happens, if I'm at work/sat around the house I'm exhausted). I know people say not to drink during a LTC, but as I said I don't do it often and live an otherwise healthy lifestyle (I eat well, exercise, get enough sleep etc) and for me being able to go out every now and then and drink is an important part of healing emotionally, and just having a break from this hellhole of a life. Even though I'll probably feel rough for a week, it was so worth it.

Anyway just wanted to say that I've been doing better these past few weeks, gone downhill a bit these past few days but this usually picks up again with a period of abstinence from alcohol. Fatigue is still a massive problem for me, but hopefully once I start meds, counselling and yoga my improvements will speed up a bit

probably won't be on here all that much, I'll check back in every once in a while

India! Awesome. You're on 5 months now right? You sound way better just from reading that post. I forgot, but did you have any eye floaters?

 

[UKjunglist]

Haven't taken my favourite drug since 2009, mainly due to me moving far far away. But boy did me and 1 friend aduse it. Every other weekend for around 4 years was a rolling weekend. We kept count for some reason, a gram we counted as 10 pills. Over these 4 years I got up to 963 and my friend was somewhere in the 600s.

It was super easy to quit, not being physically addictive and now living where it is almost impossible to get made things a breeze, the only thing was and sometimes still is the nostolgia attached to all those nights. Sometimes it can feel like you have lost a loved one, but this is a fleeting moment.

We did encounter a few depressive states along the way, but again they were fleeting. Used 5htp in betwwen rolling, ate well etc which helped, but we both still had msd tolerances.

 

[ro4eva]

It was super easy to quit, not being physically addictive and now living where it is almost impossible to get made things a breeze, the only thing was and sometimes still is the nostolgia attached to all those nights. Sometimes it can feel like you have lost a loved one, but this is a fleeting moment.

Oh my - you have totally explained exactly how I feel as well regarding "the good old days" when I used to rave and party like it was against the law not to.

Unfortunately, I have a very good memory, and I tend to experience a lot of vivid flashbacks - especially when it relates to me rolling away at a rave with my buddies.

My point being that neither of us have been to a rave since late July 2007, and we had so much fun - maybe too much. And I've noticed that when I do have a flashback of us raving, I soon feel strangely melancholic, for lack of a better term.

I have struggled to figure out a similar feeling of sadness, until I read your post just now. It's something I struggled with a lot - so much in fact that I could describe it as distressing at times.

You're right - it totally feels like losing a loved one. And the feeling is fleeting.

What's almost ironic - I suppose - is that, even though I do feel this way when thinking about the amazing times we had together (for the most part), I'm not craving to bust out my glowsticks and MDMA, and to hit the nearest rave - not at all.

I'm sorry, my reply must have come across as very random (and perhaps awkward).

Nevertheless, thanks for involuntarily helping me - after all these years - to reflect and identify with the feeling which I was having a lot of trouble identifying.

It may not seem like a big deal, but it most certainly was in my case, so again, thank you very much - sincerely.

 

[PJ2]

see but in my case im not just having a bad comedown or reaction or side effect from molly or mdma, w/e i took literally wasnt mdma. idk wht it was but it wasnt anything enjoyable so it wasnt the classic crack meth etc it was some filthy research chemicals maybe tht is amphetamine like to cause an altered state.

i have most the symptoms u mentioned but my worse tht u didnt mention is i have ZERO sensation when i orgasm which is terrifying. im not even masturbating anymore not to mention low libido. and also i used to be an avid pot smoker (5 times a week) and that has been taken from me too. its not like oh now i get anxious or paranoid when i smoke its that i LITERALLY dont get a weed high. its crazy like its a wired tingling opiate like feeling that feels terrible, even my eyes dilate and i pass out im talkin just a couple hits. and i smoke a lot. idk if its cause i have zero seretonin so thats why i dont feel good during climax and weed or if its a communication error but its insane. the thing is its not like i just smoke cause i get bored or its fun, like its MY PASSION. its my one love and i cant even smoke it i planned a whole future enjoying it so if im damaged forever thats long life depression thinking i ruined my life from one night. ive been sober 5 weeks now.

im just terrified its permanent damage, not like my levels r just low or anything but i really screwed up my brain chemistry or destroyed some nuerons/ axon/ receptors.

Well, mine was untested, but it gave me a MDMA high like I've experienced before although I haven't done it much and others told me they did it and it was the real deal. Something was just "off" for me. Maybe it was doing it consecutive nights, which I didn't even know was a bad thing. That is how much I knew about MDMA prior to this LTC.

So, I don't know if you can definitively say it wasn't MDMA if you have many of the same symptoms or maybe you're right, but the outcome is eerily similar.

The bottom line is your brain needs time to heal! Quit smoking pot!!! If you are that into it, then wait a year or more or you may never heal properly and/or you'll just prolong your agony. No pot, no alcohol, no caffeine, and even no nicotine if you can help it. That's just the reality of what you need to do to get better.

Also, many people have had libido and orgasm problems from this. I don't know about ZERO sensation, but they've had issues. I personally have not had that particular symptom - thank god...lol.

 

[Deltronpedro]

Anyone got fine out of this without quit smoking?
I just cannot stop by now. The stress is too heavy.

 

[yar0nin]

anyone have a problem with comprehension? its hard to process iformation coming in, whether it be from reading or listening to lectures in class, or even just talking to someone. i think a part of this is also that im still mostly emotionally unnattached to anything so things dont hold as much value.

I just want to know if you guys fully recovered in this area? i know its a slow process but when did you guys find out that your head is clear? did you just realize one day that your thought process is clearer? or were you aware while it was happening?

ty mucho

 

[ro4eva]

Anyone got fine out of this without quit smoking?
I just cannot stop by now. The stress is too heavy.

Yeah I did, however, I ended up quitting for good about 2 and a half years later.

I wasn't really smoking that much either though while sick - maybe 1/4 to 1/2 pack per day at most.

 

[Deltronpedro]

Yeah I did, however, I ended up quitting for good about 2 and a half years later.

I wasn't really smoking that much either though while sick - maybe 1/4 to 1/2 pack per day at most.

Thanks for your answer ro. I try to reduce it, maybe i make the step to quit it, but i have to wait how everything processes.
Did you felt like your recvoery was restrained by this?

PS:Valdoxan Day..dunno, week 3
Today was good so far, last night was good. Few crazy thoughts and a bit of DP but sometimes i nearly forgot all my symptoms. Good feeling
Hope it continues like that!