Who here has attempted suicide?

[Erikmen]

were you fully aware of your surroundings? could you open your eyes, etc? I'm just curious what it felt like..

No, I did not know what was really happening. It took me sometime to realize what had just happened. Scary as shit!

 

[TouchN' Stuff Blvd]

I came very close to making an attempt before. There is not much that has happened since then that has really been worth living for, however, and its pretty much every day that I think about that time in my life. Sometimes I am happy that I didnt go through with it, but mostly I wish I had.
I have so few connections left to life, and I can't seem to help thinking about my fading relationships like "oh well it's a step closer to being free to choose not to live without hurting people as much.." I have two friends left, I have never been social but I used to have more than this. A couple of my friends died, my closest friend from childhood moved across the country, and other relationships have just faded away into nothing, probably because my depression makes me not the most fun person to be around.
I really don't care if I live or die, although I am not currently suicidal. It is solely for my parents, and two friends that I have left that I dont allow myself to really think to long about suicide. Some day though I will have no one left, then it will be my time.

 

[Erikmen]

Maybe you should stick to these connections and remember that this is all a phase and in the future things tend to change.
It´s a cycle. Many times in my life I just did not recognize yourself in earlier years. I´m not saying that this will all go away, but as you grow mature, try your best to do well in life, who knows.
Having friends, real friends means a lot.
I know a lot of people who can´t name one real friend. Not one, or only one. Plus, you have your parents and that´s very positive to think the way you are doing.
Wish you all the best!

 

[88ed3]

I can vouch

 

[Maya]

Maybe you should stick to these connections and remember that this is all a phase and in the future things tend to change.
It´s a cycle. Many times in my life I just did not recognize yourself in earlier years. I´m not saying that this will all go away, but as you grow mature, try your best to do well in life, who knows.
Having friends, real friends means a lot.
I know a lot of people who can´t name one real friend. Not one, or only one. Plus, you have your parents and that´s very positive to think the way you are doing.
Wish you all the best!

I used to think I had a lottt of friends but realizing it now, most of them are only my friends when it comes to parties. It's still good to hang once in a while and catch up. Nowadays I just call them "acquaintances." Family is the best!

 

[deficiT]

I made an attempt 4 months ago. There was no chance to pump my stomach, as everything was already digested, and somehow I manged to ride it out. For me some days are alright, and some days are fucking miserable. I can't seem to shake it off. Some days, I am so lonely, I wish I just didn't live. I have given up on hope of being anything more than a poor, miserable, drug addict. At least I have my girlfriend and my family. Knowing people care really helps, if i didn't have them I would have tried again recently with a much more direct method. But I can't do it, for the guilt.

 

[ykm420]

I loaded my .40.. Put it to my head but couldn't do it.. If I decide to take my life, I'm doing a speedball n benzos.. I really hope none of you bros do this..

 

[ykm420]

I made an attempt 4 months ago. There was no chance to pump my stomach, as everything was already digested, and somehow I manged to ride it out. For me some days are alright, and some days are fucking miserable. I can't seem to shake it off. Some days, I am so lonely, I wish I just didn't live. I have given up on hope of being anything more than a poor, miserable, drug addict. At least I have my girlfriend and my family. Knowing people care really helps, if i didn't have them I would have tried again recently with a much more direct method. But I can't do it, for the guilt.

I'll be your friend, man.. PM me.. We can talk about fucking mars, or dogs.. EVERYONE DESERVES A GODDAMN FRIEND..

 

[xibenix]

i attempted suicide via APAP even though i knew it'd be the worst way to go out. Took 20-30g at one time, and just my luck nothing really fucking happened . that was about a year ago. Im concerned maybe my liver is probably damaged now after everything ive been doing.

 

[foolsgold]

as normal i feel like walking outside and just hanging myself ive got the noose at hand 24/7 these days

 

[Erikmen]

I used to think I had a lottt of friends but realizing it now, most of them are only my friends when it comes to parties. It's still good to hang once in a while and catch up. Nowadays I just call them "acquaintances." Family is the best!

So true!

 

[Chatative]

as normal i feel like walking outside and just hanging myself ive got the noose at hand 24/7 these days

You've been through a lot & still are with all your substance use... I'm sure you'll get through it eventually FG.

Many years ago during a psychotic episode I spent a lot of time contemplating suicide. I actually said goodbye to a friend as if I would never see him again. An out of the blue phone call from my Mum snapped me out of it though.

I've had a tiny bit of suicidal ideation since that time & researched ways to do it... enough that I pretty much have a plan should I ever wish to carry out these thoughts.

I highly doubt I would though & have never got as far as trying... I'm a glass half-full sort of person & know that things can always improve.

 

[murder]

i've tried to OD more times than i can remember

 

[Omlovepeace]

I tried 4-5 months ago, I took almost 300 pills and they were in my system for almost 20 hours before I called 911, but the only reason I called 911 is because I would have to leave the motel room soon and I could barely see only brown and yellow and I couldn't barely walk, my muscles were seizing or freezing up and I kept blacking out into seizures, I figured Id get arrested if I walked down the street because I became an IV meth addict just in the last couple years. Id been sober most of my life but realized no matter how hard I tried even sober my life always went to shit ... falling into the meth addiction was the last trauma, pain, faillure I could take. There's so much more to the story but I've been through hell constantly in my life but nothing could ever ever compare to the way society and everyone treated me once I became an IV meth addict. I sincerely had no idea of what was in store for me when I picked that meth, then that needle.

 

[Omlovepeace]

I'm suffering unfathomably right now too BUT this society is a liar NONE of us are just awful, miserable drug addicts ... many of us are good, good people who would still give the shirts off our backs to someone even more desperate ... we are all humans that deserve love and support. So we have a fucking issue, (big one) but who doesn't? We have hearts and feelings and painful stories ... YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU HAVE A PURPOSE, AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO KEEP BREATHING WITH ME! This society takes everything good from us and leaves us all alone with only fear, shame, hunger, lonliness and our drugs ... they only push addiction into overdrive.

 

[dishearten]

This is almost like asking if I try to breathe everyday..
I identify with just about all of you.
As someone that had known self-harm as a sense of comfort over half my life, of course my answer is yes.

I needn't go into details, just know that I'm here if anyone needs me.


Love & Support
dishearten

 

[Nighthowl]

I'm suffering unfathomably right now too BUT this society is a liar NONE of us are just awful, miserable drug addicts ... many of us are good, good people who would still give the shirts off our backs to someone even more desperate ... we are all humans that deserve love and support. So we have a fucking issue, (big one) but who doesn't? We have hearts and feelings and painful stories ... YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU HAVE A PURPOSE, AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO KEEP BREATHING WITH ME! This society takes everything good from us and leaves us all alone with only fear, shame, hunger, lonliness and our drugs ... they only push addiction into overdrive.

So true! So tired of the stigma that if you do drugs you're a POS lowlife loser. As you said, we're all just people.

Since we can't talk methods, I'll just say yes I've tried, by mixing substances. I've also intentionally gotten into impossible financial/ life situations in the hopes I would have no choice but to DO IT! There's always the planning in my head, how can I do this and not harm the few family members I have left. They are the only reason I haven't gone through with it. Life sucks sometimes.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

I tried to off myself in 10th grade... That was many years ago now.

Have any of y'all seen that movie "The Virgin Suicides"? The way their community reacts to the first girl's suicide reminds me so damn much of the way everyone reacted to what I had done... I fucking hate happy people, the way they can't understand, the way when you tell them you're sad and lonely they just fucking act like you'll get over it or simply ignore you. What the fuck is there to live for? I've been with the same loving girl for five years, and neither one of us is happy, we both just wish to die.... Even love can't make one happy. What the fuck can?

 

[Jakef182]

I've suffered from major depression disorder for 8 years due to the worst experience as a child, I'm very young and I'm a 'recovering' self harm addict (it still happens but I'm way off the peak of it) and I've attempted suicide quite a number of time via a number of methods but each time, I've been found/caught/it's been actioned before it's too late. A lot of people don't see the point in suicide but I completely understand the feeling that overwhelms anything else and you are certain that suicide is the best way out of your situation. I'm quite often pretty depressed and recently I've felt pretty suicidal but the best thing I've done to stop me from trying again is so simple but it's worked. I just promised someone that I wouldn't, obviously it wasn't just some random. I have all the respect, trust and time in the world for this person. I discuss suicide and other feelings I experience with her a lot and I promised her that I wouldn't attempt. And although I've been really depressed, I'm still here. I mean if anyone ever feels suicidal, really depressed or just upset, I'm literally always here. I have the time of day for absolutely anyone who goes through stuff like that. Just a pm away guys

 

[aq.]

hey everyone I'm going to close this thread. it's too triggering for some (I have received PM's from several people).

Not many can follow the rule of "don't discuss HOW you attempted suicide". If you're feeling suicidal, call a friend, family, local crisis line, or even post in our suicide thread.

read over the forum guidelines please.

thanks for your anticipated understanding