Mental Health Body dysmorphia megathread

[ColtDan]

I get that sometimes, depends on the situation etc, everybody puts on a front to a certain extent. & some people feel more comfortable around people than others. youre far from alone with your problem

 

[Cliffy78]

Thanks colt, that gives me a little bit of comfort hearing that, I appreciate the response bro

 

[ColtDan]

Not a problem. peace n love

 

[omgitsaliv55]

I hear u there omg, is it like a not fitting in with people feeling u get? If not what's your best description of feeling you get in your brain that goes away when on certain drugs/meds? I'm just really curious, I've felt alone with my problem for a long long time but I always wondered if others were just better at pretending to fit in than I was. Are we all pretending? Even the "normal" people? Sry to get philosophical...

I'd have to describe it as chronic internal tension that acts as background noise to my daily life... "Anxiety" definitely captures a large chunk of it, but when unchecked it also motivates a lot of self-defeating thought processes that I find myself getting into. There's also an aspect of it that almost feels like fear (probably of social rejection?) that I think was related to some fairly serious social ostracization right around the time of its onset (12 years old). I always remember feeling like I "wasn't normal" but when middle school rolled around that feeling took centerstage for a while. I also remember that it was around this time I started to hold a more strongly negative opinion of my appearance.

I think that stimulants are particularly good at alleviating this feeling because they inherently provide some boost in self-confidence, along with superior mental organization which makes it even easier to believe that I am a capable human being. Plus, when negative thoughts do crop up, it seems as though I actually CAN push them out of consciousness at will. When sober, that is an overwhelming task.

Also, I read a study recently about BDD that observed how BDD patients actually seemed to have generally less brain activity as compared to "normal" individuals when they are asked to complete a holistic visual processing task. I've wondered if stimulants might compensate for this diminished activity, at least in my own brain.

 

[Cliffy78]

Hmm, interesting thought . The few Addie's I've taken did something like that for me too. By holistic u mean sober or natural I think, I can see the brain slowing down and only processing negative data so it would only be working half as hard in theory. Not sure if this is kinda what u meant, I read too much into things at times.
I agree though, the negative feelings just "roll of my back" too when it was on the Addie's(so damn pricey on the st.). I get the same relief from oxycodone/contin as well but in a different way. Morphine has zero effect for some reason though which I find odd. It doesn't help me with pain either so it may just be me as far as thats concerned...
I know that background noise u get too, that totally disappeared with the Addie's. I remember when I took it for the first time I immediately started calling people that I once considered friends and actually went out cruising without even thinking about it until the med wore off. Then I was like fuck man, now this kids gonna call me all the time to hang out again and shit and I'm gonna have to make excuses all over again(going out is dangerous for me, sober that is).
The self loathing(defeating) abated a bit, not totally but is calmed down to a somewhat manageable level. These are all really major hurdles for me and it seems like they are for u as well.
Well shit man I don't know why these treatment options are just totally disregarded by the "medical" community just because they make some people happy(euphoric/ high)? I mean I don't get high from 15mg of oxy. I've taken that dose for five yrs. u do build a tolerance and I'm sure the same goes for stims, so wtf!! It's mad upsetting to me that were all left to suffer because of the stigma attached to these meds(drugs). I really wish this was a viable treatment option for serious debilitating mental illness. Idk about u but my life is totally worthless as it stands, do they really think being dependant on meds is somehow gonna make life any worse? C'mon, it's not fucking possible. As it stands I can't even go outside without my oxy which thankfully I have a script for for pain man . But what about others who get zero relief for their mental issues from these poison fucking bullshit ssri's maois etc etc? Fuck man, I mean if a few Addie's or whatever stim ur into works for u then wtf is the harm? If anything it's harm reduction cause u don't gotta hit the block and cop off some big angry dude strapped to nines, u know man? Fuck dude sry I think I'm gettin upset, gonna try and chill a bit lol. Thx for responding bro, I really need to talk to peeps dealin with the same shit bro, it helps me out a lot just to get through another miserable day man, thank you brother...

 

[realtalkloc]

are any of u taking any medication for this? i know alot of people with body dysmorphic disorder often have relation agoraphobia, one of the best medications for that is Anafranil, it's worked on a few people that I know.

this is not a confidence issue, this is a disease

 

[Cliffy78]

Well I'm prescribed klonipin and I stopped the anti depressants(been on a bunch) stopped the anti psychotics too(just terrible stuff), never heard anafranil though? What's that all about if u don't mind describing it? Like is it a anti depressant or like well like what class of meds I guess is what I mean?

 

[omgitsaliv55]

are any of u taking any medication for this? i know alot of people with body dysmorphic disorder often have relation agoraphobia, one of the best medications for that is Anafranil, it's worked on a few people that I know.

this is not a confidence issue, this is a disease

Realtalk, thank you so much for bringing up this medication. So far none of the psychs that I've seen have mentioned it and it seems like I've had to do my own research on treatments. This looks very promising...

 

[kace]

Thank for starting this thread Pagey. I'm sorry you suffer from eating problem on top of everything as well, too hun.

I wish someone would help me with it. I used to be secretly bulimic for years, but with was always a healthy weight. For the last year or so I guess it has turned into anorexia, I know it sounds stupid but I'm just scared of eating, it's painful and I can't stand the bloatedness and I feel disgusting as if I had binged. I'm pretty certain I'm infertile thanks to this, which really tears me apart.. I'm in my 20's and want to have kids one day, but I've messed up too much to them. argh..

I hate food. I wish the nhs or someone would help me, but as I have both a drug problem, eating problem and anxiety/ depression nobody will help. I don't know what to do with myself.

 

[Youpeoplecansuckit]

have not left my house for anything other than grocery shopping in over ten years and i have pretty much given up hope. I have lost my entire life because of my perceived loss of looks. I don't want to live and I really don't. There is truly no worse illness. I live in my own personal hell and there is no escape. This is BDD, in case people don't know, and the fact is it is very undertreated. I have yet to find a decent therapist for it and there is no medicine to treat it. People are idiotic enough to think it's about simple vanity so it makes it hard to find people to talk to about it. I wish I were dead. I used to have a life, friends, a job, things to look forward to. Now....I am a thing that simply exists.

 

[Corazon]

have not left my house for anything other than grocery shopping in over ten years and i have pretty much given up hope. I have lost my entire life because of my perceived loss of looks. I don't want to live and I really don't. There is truly no worse illness. I live in my own personal hell and there is no escape. This is BDD, in case people don't know, and the fact is it is very undertreated. I have yet to find a decent therapist for it and there is no medicine to treat it. People are idiotic enough to think it's about simple vanity so it makes it hard to find people to talk to about it. I wish I were dead. I used to have a life, friends, a job, things to look forward to. Now....I am a thing that simply exists.

That sucks.

There may be things like counseling available to you. At least that is a weekly trip out of the house besides groceries and a person who at the very least can listen and maybe help.

I have nothing as severe as you. I do literally have a different body that is physically different than 99% of the human population. There are times when it affects my confidence, and there are times when I let it contribute to a dislike regular people because of their tendency towards ignorance, and there are times when it doesn't bother me. It's something I have to deal with.

 

[kace]

have not left my house for anything other than grocery shopping in over ten years and i have pretty much given up hope. I have lost my entire life because of my perceived loss of looks. I don't want to live and I really don't. There is truly no worse illness. I live in my own personal hell and there is no escape. This is BDD, in case people don't know, and the fact is it is very undertreated. I have yet to find a decent therapist for it and there is no medicine to treat it. People are idiotic enough to think it's about simple vanity so it makes it hard to find people to talk to about it. I wish I were dead. I used to have a life, friends, a job, things to look forward to. Now....I am a thing that simply exists.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I understand, I wish others did. Is counselling now an option at all? I find it helpful to put sunglasses on and just try and brave it further and further.

I was diagnosed with Bell's palsy last Christmas (paralysed half my face and made it horrible and droopy) and have had every stupid eating disorder. I was told I had this condition before Bell's palsy, I don't see what I look like consistently and despise my Bell's palsy. My BMI has dropped to 17 now, before it was always around 22-26, but I can't see the difference. Argh. I hate it all.

 

[herbavore]

That weight actually seems pretty trim for your height--are you saying that you feel 162 is overweight? Regardless, worrying about weight--unless is it is really extreme either under or over--is usually a way to keep from worrying about deeper, more painful issues.

Try not even weighing and just focus on eating way more fruits and vegetables than you normally might. Your body will benefit but you also will not risk falling into that I-have-to-suffer-and-deprive-myself-to-be-acceptable trap. I can fall into a habit of emotional eating and when I am gaining weight I can usually look beyond the food and find that it is something much deeper than diet that needs my attention.