Thanks for all the support, everybody. I do see a therapist but I know better than to report suicidial thoughts or attempts, I don't want to be locked up. They don't even let you SMOKE in there, for chrissake, and being deprived of my e-cigs would make me feel murderous (and no I don't smoke around my kids, even though I'm pretty sure the e-cig smoke isn't too terrible. It's just not a good example.) anyway, to the last poster, my MIL is a freaking horror show who has warped every one of her children. My husband survived by developing such a thick skin that no insult she hurls at him affects him (the first time I met his parents she spat in his face. In the middle of a restaurant.) Her daughter reacted by marrying a black non-Jewish guy against her mother's wishes, and her mother sat shiva for her and now pretends she is dead. And her final child, another boy, is a spoiled man-child with no manners and his parents deny his Asbergers disease even as he stutters when he talks, laughs at inappropriate times, picks his nose with his shirt, and still lives with his parents and can't hold down a job. Of course, that last part is true of my hubby as well (can't find a job to save his life but then he thinks a job at the mall or McDonalds is "beneath him." This with 3 kids to support...you take any job you can, mofo!!! And still living with and completely dependent on his parents. Despite the fact that they have yelling matches every other day and they call him names and verbally abuse him. His mom would probably physically abuse him too if he weren't the tallest and strongest person in the family; but then, usually she had ME to slap around, being much smaller and with longer hair to grab onto and yank. And she bites, too.) so very valid point about not wanting to leave my kids behind in that environment. My girls adore their grandma right now, but eventually her cruel remarks will scar them, and my middle child, a very sensitive special-needs child, is so traumatized by this bitch woman yanking viciously at the knots in her hair with a hairbrush that she bursts into tears even when I brush her hair GENTLY. She's conditioned to associate it with pain and that's damage I can't seem to undo. (My middle daughter has beautiful blonde curly hair that most women would die for, but unfortunately it's VERY difficult to untangle.) anyway, I have to go change a diaper right now. Should count myself lucky because soon my husband will be restricting my access to my baby son, only 2 years old, to every other weekend. Just 2 days. Bastard.
