Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Whoa... oh shit. 
RIP... that's shocking to me.
EDIT: And apparent suicide? Fuck man...
RIP... that's shocking to me.EDIT: And apparent suicide? Fuck man...
☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: N-Dimensional Funhouse of Possibilities
- Thread starter Xorkoth
- Start date
pharmakos
Bluelighter
gonna watch What Dreams May Come in remembrance
Folley
Bluelighter
Had such an amazing time at the festival this weekend 
I ended up losing 300mg of Dutch MDMA and some MDA.. but I dosed some acid and luckily met some people who gave me a good bump of some amazing MDMA, fat dabs and some Jameson to top it off. It was pretty ridiculous, the staff was selling nitrous and coke and there was more molly and acid going around than you would believe lmao. It's certainly never going to happen again though, it had permits and everything but got WAY out of hand really fast. You could say we went so hard we burned the whole place down..
I ended up losing 300mg of Dutch MDMA and some MDA.. but I dosed some acid and luckily met some people who gave me a good bump of some amazing MDMA, fat dabs and some Jameson to top it off. It was pretty ridiculous, the staff was selling nitrous and coke and there was more molly and acid going around than you would believe lmao. It's certainly never going to happen again though, it had permits and everything but got WAY out of hand really fast. You could say we went so hard we burned the whole place down..
SONN
Bluelighter
I'm still not so sure about tripping at festivals, I get such bad vibes from security and people getting stuff taken from them or kicked out that I think I would freak out at a festival if I tripped at one, unless it was more of a hippie gathering rather than a big concert with mainstream acts playing. I'm just a paranoid type of person in that way.
I covered myself in magnesium oil for two days before the concert, and I think that made the plateau way more relaxing, I kept just having the urge to try to lay down and not move. I also drank this chlorophyll extract that morning which I guess might have had some effect on my roll. I didn't have a bad comedown at all, besides maybe being a bit more tired and my muscles being sore. I even managed to drive home a whole two hours on the comedown while still feeling the mxe a little bit
I had an excellent time
hope everyone else had an awesome weekend too
I covered myself in magnesium oil for two days before the concert, and I think that made the plateau way more relaxing, I kept just having the urge to try to lay down and not move. I also drank this chlorophyll extract that morning which I guess might have had some effect on my roll. I didn't have a bad comedown at all, besides maybe being a bit more tired and my muscles being sore. I even managed to drive home a whole two hours on the comedown while still feeling the mxe a little bit
I had an excellent time
hope everyone else had an awesome weekend too
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Really depends on the type of event/festival... I tripped at a Phish show and the vibes were nothing but good, no security even visible usually, and people were smoking and tripping everywhere. Basically no rules. I'm guessing at more "mainstream" shows it might not be the same.
Oh man, I'm really into this girl I am working (volunteer type stuff working at a big biological vegetable garden) with... my roommate who is also my co-worker says it is pretty obvious we like each other, so yea she also seems to dig me..
Yeah very sad to hear about Robin Williams. His laugh often seemed desperate to me, and also grotesque. I did not particularly like his comedy or acting but feel he was a dynamic soul. Would not be a surprise if he was bipolar if not just depressed...
Gonna continue learning about drug addiction on Coursera, almost finished the course.
I took time off for the whole of september. Gonna go to my dad's place and build my own wardrobe closet / armoire, as I mightve mentioned. Also will probably go do some wood chopping type work & relax, visiting friends who have an old milk factory with guest housing in the north of France. Yesteryear I started learning to drive a car there , my dad taught me, illegally. This year I am probably gonna skip on account of the pregabalin lol...
When I get back from that I am probably gonna scout for a paid job, step by step. Also getting maximum support to help me deal with my mental issues. Things seem very under control! Damn this pregabalin reminds me of when I used to take GHB chronically, only more reasonable and less intoxicated... although I am still mildly drunk from it 24/7.
Yeah very sad to hear about Robin Williams. His laugh often seemed desperate to me, and also grotesque. I did not particularly like his comedy or acting but feel he was a dynamic soul. Would not be a surprise if he was bipolar if not just depressed...
Gonna continue learning about drug addiction on Coursera, almost finished the course.
I took time off for the whole of september. Gonna go to my dad's place and build my own wardrobe closet / armoire, as I mightve mentioned. Also will probably go do some wood chopping type work & relax, visiting friends who have an old milk factory with guest housing in the north of France. Yesteryear I started learning to drive a car there , my dad taught me, illegally. This year I am probably gonna skip on account of the pregabalin lol...
When I get back from that I am probably gonna scout for a paid job, step by step. Also getting maximum support to help me deal with my mental issues. Things seem very under control! Damn this pregabalin reminds me of when I used to take GHB chronically, only more reasonable and less intoxicated... although I am still mildly drunk from it 24/7.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Awesome dude, feels good to have the prospect of a romantic interest doesn't it? We're in a similar boat. I can't wait til she gets back, I'm gonna make dinner for her and she sounds excited to see me.
I loved Robin Williams... I love most of his acting too. He played some amazing serious dramatic roles. Ones that come to mind are What Dreams May Come and Good Will Hunting. And Aladdin. I'm really sad about it, he didn't just die, he killed himself, it's really tragic. I heard he bought a place in Asheville a few years back, though I never saw him around (not surprisingly).
Yeah I love pregabalin, I really do. One of the best feelings I've ever had from a drug. Probably a good thing I don't have any or know where to get it but I'd love to sample it again sometime. It pretty much made me feel perfect, and very functional except once when I took a little too much.
I can't wait til she gets back, I'm gonna make dinner for her and she sounds excited to see me.I loved Robin Williams... I love most of his acting too. He played some amazing serious dramatic roles. Ones that come to mind are What Dreams May Come and Good Will Hunting. And Aladdin.
I'm really sad about it, he didn't just die, he killed himself, it's really tragic. I heard he bought a place in Asheville a few years back, though I never saw him around (not surprisingly).Yeah I love pregabalin, I really do. One of the best feelings I've ever had from a drug. Probably a good thing I don't have any or know where to get it but I'd love to sample it again sometime. It pretty much made me feel perfect, and very functional except once when I took a little too much.
How do you "fit in" having a drug prescribed that makes you feel perfect like that? Well not like a perfect person to others IME, I have way more "incidents" when communicating and connecting with people but at least I try, and I try a lot which I think is why it seems I am running into more incidents now. I used to just try to avoid any miscomprehension on my part or on part of any other person, cause I realized that is one of things i detest most of all... Now I just do, and I feel so happy just doing.
There is a lot of enthousiasm which I believe is not that much artificial... I usually repress it, cause I cannot really deal with it but it is always there - a very free and unhinged spirit... according to my mother at some point I became so free that I was no longer my own master. Trust me, freedom must be deserved and felt cause otherwise like in my case it mostly translates to being boundless which immediately sounds a lot more problematic. I learned that people use focused thinking mode and diffuse mode... and I know that being free in the latter translates to hyperassociation and the ability to be creative in weird and far-fetched ways.
I am not fearful, but I do hope so much that I don't get that I experience a kind of tolerance that undoes everything that I am now enabled to do. I also know that I must some day get off this drug incrementally, and I believe that if that is not until later I can construct a structured life that incorporates periods in which I can in some lesser but ultimately better way, be free and creative. Things and uppers and downers could contribute to ruining something like that, but I have no idea about psychedelics.
For the time being I just hope I can stay on this stuff.
In the past I have seen that when I take MDMA, there is so much anxiolysis that my natural confidence can take over and I attract women like crazy. On GHB that was less so, but now it seems I can be myself enough to achieve something similar. Actually I only took coke once in my life, which IMO is an example of how I never abused anything like that to achieve some being a 'false idol' of myself. Similarly I know that what I have shown with this girl now is not fake, but more real than I allow myself usually...
IDK, I am very glad but it is confusing to give meaning to all of this. Xorkoth do you know how to look at it?
P.S. I am also dreaming very intensely now, and there is typically a lot of repressed emotional material: agression (including murderous violence, although it seems mostly projected), lust, etc. It can be so intense even that it jars me upon awakening, with much sustain. It is confusing to me but ultimately I think this all makes me more complete: I feel there are a lot more "normal" dimensions to my feelings this way. Using melatonin might contribute here, and I should soon discontinue. There is not a lot of study done on long term use, and that long term is like 3 months! For all we know the body gets used to it and there are a type of withdrawal effects. I should probably start tapering soon.
Since yesterday I started a dream journal... last time I did that I remembered more and more about my dreams, and it was often bizarre and hilarious, shit like Gary Busey wanking off randomly in some extra dimension in a platform game world. I will try to contain myself and not take full control in lucid dreams cause it tends to cause me to wake up and ruin my healthy sleep. Still, this time I want to try to remember more, causing me hopefully to be able to recall more upon awakening, and perhaps some semi passive lucid dreaming... if all goes well it should take less in a month to get there again.
There is a lot of enthousiasm which I believe is not that much artificial... I usually repress it, cause I cannot really deal with it but it is always there - a very free and unhinged spirit... according to my mother at some point I became so free that I was no longer my own master. Trust me, freedom must be deserved and felt cause otherwise like in my case it mostly translates to being boundless which immediately sounds a lot more problematic. I learned that people use focused thinking mode and diffuse mode... and I know that being free in the latter translates to hyperassociation and the ability to be creative in weird and far-fetched ways.
I am not fearful, but I do hope so much that I don't get that I experience a kind of tolerance that undoes everything that I am now enabled to do. I also know that I must some day get off this drug incrementally, and I believe that if that is not until later I can construct a structured life that incorporates periods in which I can in some lesser but ultimately better way, be free and creative. Things and uppers and downers could contribute to ruining something like that, but I have no idea about psychedelics.
For the time being I just hope I can stay on this stuff.
In the past I have seen that when I take MDMA, there is so much anxiolysis that my natural confidence can take over and I attract women like crazy. On GHB that was less so, but now it seems I can be myself enough to achieve something similar. Actually I only took coke once in my life, which IMO is an example of how I never abused anything like that to achieve some being a 'false idol' of myself. Similarly I know that what I have shown with this girl now is not fake, but more real than I allow myself usually...
IDK, I am very glad but it is confusing to give meaning to all of this. Xorkoth do you know how to look at it?
P.S. I am also dreaming very intensely now, and there is typically a lot of repressed emotional material: agression (including murderous violence, although it seems mostly projected), lust, etc. It can be so intense even that it jars me upon awakening, with much sustain. It is confusing to me but ultimately I think this all makes me more complete: I feel there are a lot more "normal" dimensions to my feelings this way. Using melatonin might contribute here, and I should soon discontinue. There is not a lot of study done on long term use, and that long term is like 3 months! For all we know the body gets used to it and there are a type of withdrawal effects. I should probably start tapering soon.
Since yesterday I started a dream journal... last time I did that I remembered more and more about my dreams, and it was often bizarre and hilarious, shit like Gary Busey wanking off randomly in some extra dimension in a platform game world. I will try to contain myself and not take full control in lucid dreams cause it tends to cause me to wake up and ruin my healthy sleep. Still, this time I want to try to remember more, causing me hopefully to be able to recall more upon awakening, and perhaps some semi passive lucid dreaming... if all goes well it should take less in a month to get there again.
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Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
I think that people can experience altered states from drugs (or otherwise) which actually truly do allow them to be more themselves than they usually allow, as you said. I haven't tried pregabalin enough times to know for sure if it does that for me, though it did make me very open and honest and communicative. But, for me, DOC accomplishes this. It removes many of my emotional barriers and inhibitions, so I stop holding myself back. As a result, I am able to function more truly as I naturally want to, but do not naturally allow myself to due to blockages built up over a lifetime. In that way I would say it is a very real experience, and a very useful one for that reason. It also greatly promotes my natural creativity and sense of inspiration about things that inspire me (which is just about everything in the "natural" world). In fact a couple of weeks ago I had perhaps my best trip on it ever at that Phish show, and ever since I have felt more in touch with myself and more confident in my ability to feel and communicate the way that I desire to deep inside. It's been very useful to me.
The only issue I see with pregabalin is that, unlike DOC, it's a daily drug, and a daily drug that can produce dependence. I fear it may eventually become a detriment instead of a blessing. But perhaps you can use it long enough to realize some things about yourself and work on bringing those feelings into your life, and then discontinue or use it less often to avoid the pitfalls of addiction?
The only issue I see with pregabalin is that, unlike DOC, it's a daily drug, and a daily drug that can produce dependence. I fear it may eventually become a detriment instead of a blessing. But perhaps you can use it long enough to realize some things about yourself and work on bringing those feelings into your life, and then discontinue or use it less often to avoid the pitfalls of addiction?
Yeah, well dependence does not seem like a sure thing - seems to vary a lot between people... but I am already trying to cycle my use by using my minimum regiment (apart from exceptions) and nothing in the weekends. The part about the weekends wasn't even fully agreed on with my psych but I just think it is probably better.
One of my strongest feelings/ideas is that while benzos only shut me down and cover everything up, pregabalin is actually one of the most productive and fruitful things ever for me since my adulthood... and it will be a while before I'd let it go. I could actually live with dependency, just not tolerance that would make the needed doses skyrocket over time.
One of my strongest feelings/ideas is that while benzos only shut me down and cover everything up, pregabalin is actually one of the most productive and fruitful things ever for me since my adulthood... and it will be a while before I'd let it go. I could actually live with dependency, just not tolerance that would make the needed doses skyrocket over time.
dstr8427
Bluelighter
I am prescribed pregabalin, and I love it. However, I admittedly abuse it. The only two drugs I will take daily are for my bladder and acid reflux, because I know they do not increase your tolerance or dependence. Pregabalin, however, I'm pretty sure is addictive. My doctor has me prescribed to 150 mg twice a day, and I have no desire to do any habit-forming drug daily. Because of this, I just take one day every week or so and go hard, taking up to or over a gram in the morning. Pregabalin will keep you fucked up until you go to sleep, and it certainly makes me feel reaaaaal good. However, it does make me talk funny. My parents can tell when I abuse it and don't like it. Oh well. Feels good man
I somehow managed to get a script for 2 mg clonazepam and 2 mg alprazolam, 60 each, within a few days of each other. So these past few weeks I have been going at the prescription drug thing kinda hard, telling myself I "need" it to sleep. However, I know that is not true, and have not used them in the past couple of days. I also do not really have any left, with the amount I was eating and giving away it was gone within a week and a half. I feel very good about it. However, I have recently started using etizolam, and I made my first bulk purchase, which is something big for me. I am disabled and cannot work, so money is very hard to come by. I have not used that in the past few days, but I definitely like it. I take it sublingually, and I think the reverse-tolerance thing is crazy. If only that were true for LSD and bud!
Also, Xorkoth, where did you see Phish? Charlotte? Killer fucking show. I unfortunately didn't have the money to see them this summer, and it reall sucks to see that their fall tour is west coast based. Maybe I can save up for the NYE in Tampa! Last I saw them was at Hampton 10/18/2014, the first show of their fall set. It was also luckily the best, I ate half a strip and had the fucking time of my life and had amazing seats due to my disability. I was tripping too hard to look around or even care, but I managed to smoke two grams of weed out of my chillum (I only brought 2 lol) before the show was over. I met an awesome dude who traded me some killer looking moon rocks for chillum packs, idk how much MDMA he had but I packed the chillum solely for his group of friends quite a few times so I had an amazing night as the show was over, the police were I was at the head of the crowd with my family, and the police were trying to hold us back and direct things, and the crowd just pushed through, and I remember all the police just shrugging and letting us all roll out. It was so cool! Speaking of which https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5RDtdtd3Uw
I somehow managed to get a script for 2 mg clonazepam and 2 mg alprazolam, 60 each, within a few days of each other. So these past few weeks I have been going at the prescription drug thing kinda hard, telling myself I "need" it to sleep. However, I know that is not true, and have not used them in the past couple of days. I also do not really have any left, with the amount I was eating and giving away it was gone within a week and a half. I feel very good about it. However, I have recently started using etizolam, and I made my first bulk purchase, which is something big for me. I am disabled and cannot work, so money is very hard to come by. I have not used that in the past few days, but I definitely like it. I take it sublingually, and I think the reverse-tolerance thing is crazy. If only that were true for LSD and bud!
Also, Xorkoth, where did you see Phish? Charlotte? Killer fucking show. I unfortunately didn't have the money to see them this summer, and it reall sucks to see that their fall tour is west coast based. Maybe I can save up for the NYE in Tampa!
Last I saw them was at Hampton 10/18/2014, the first show of their fall set. It was also luckily the best, I ate half a strip and had the fucking time of my life and had amazing seats due to my disability. I was tripping too hard to look around or even care, but I managed to smoke two grams of weed out of my chillum (I only brought 2 lol) before the show was over. I met an awesome dude who traded me some killer looking moon rocks for chillum packs, idk how much MDMA he had but I packed the chillum solely for his group of friends quite a few times so I had an amazing night as the show was over, the police were I was at the head of the crowd with my family, and the police were trying to hold us back and direct things, and the crowd just pushed through, and I remember all the police just shrugging and letting us all roll out. It was so cool! Speaking of which https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5RDtdtd3Uw
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Folley
Bluelighter
Yeah, we weren't even searched going in. I'm honestly surprised the place wasn't raided lmao, the cops were called numerous times.
They had a keg at the main stage on one side and a tent selling nitrous on the other lol, and since weed is legal here it was sponsored by "Crown Herb" who set up a 21+ and older area where they sold all types of weed products.. not like that stopped the whole place from smelling like hash oil 24/7. You really couldn't walk 100 yards without seeing someone firing up a torch to take a dab or smelling the POTENT aroma of a fat dab.
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dstr8427
Bluelighter
I mean, have you ever been to a DSO show? Any indoors one I've been to is literally filled with weed smoke xD the security there knows whats up, they're there to make sure everyones safe. As long as you're not conspicuously dealing the drugs or aren't getting fucked up on a dangerous level, I've always found that the security can turn a blind eye to drug use. I guess it also depends on the age group and genre. However, I feel, posting in PD, there's no genre here that isn't awesome to trip at xD
I haven't been tripping much recreationally, well, kinda. But not really. However, I'll ALWAYS trip at any show if I can. It is the PERFECT opportunity. I have always had more of a natural tolerance to psychedelics than others (dunno if thats a thing), and can always make sure we get a cab and shit. We almost got kidnapped by a dude working for uber after a Mike Gordon show in DC once though, he didn't know what we were on but definitely knew we were fucked up. I was tripping the hardest, and I started to realize the motherfucker was driving in the direction opposite of our hotel. I called him out on it and told him I had already dialed 911 (hadn't) and to stop the fucking car, and he turned around and took us back to the hotel, no charge. I guess we shouldn't have stayed in the car after what happened, but hey, can't say no to a free ride
I haven't been tripping much recreationally, well, kinda. But not really. However, I'll ALWAYS trip at any show if I can. It is the PERFECT opportunity. I have always had more of a natural tolerance to psychedelics than others (dunno if thats a thing), and can always make sure we get a cab and shit. We almost got kidnapped by a dude working for uber after a Mike Gordon show in DC once though, he didn't know what we were on but definitely knew we were fucked up. I was tripping the hardest, and I started to realize the motherfucker was driving in the direction opposite of our hotel. I called him out on it and told him I had already dialed 911 (hadn't) and to stop the fucking car, and he turned around and took us back to the hotel, no charge. I guess we shouldn't have stayed in the car after what happened, but hey, can't say no to a free ride
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Yeah benzos and pregabalin have very little similarities. I find pregabalin to be like an idealized version of phenibut. I dislike benzos except in very specific circumstances (I have only taken them on the comedown of psychedelics like twice ever, even). Even then they're just useful, not enjoyable. However pregablin, as I mentioned, was a wonderful feeling, one of the best I've ever had. It makes me feel empathetic, happier, more alive, etc. I'm sure it'll run into me again someday.
Also, Xorkoth, where did you see Phish? Charlotte? Killer fucking show. I unfortunately didn't have the money to see them this summer, and it reall sucks to see that their fall tour is west coast based. Maybe I can save up for the NYE in Tampa!
Yeah I saw Phish in Charlotte on July 25th. It WAS a killer show, the best I've ever heard from them and the best show I've ever seen in person. I listened to the recording of it and it didn't even compare to being there. I was on DOC and for the second set we went up front (since there are no rules) and let go completely and started dancing really hard the whole set. I've felt like some remaining emotional blockages and inhibitions have been lifted ever since, it was a beautiful, wonderful trip. The show had a deep impact on me. The music is SO creative and amazing, easily better than anything I've heard from them in the 90s, even my favorites. Next level man. I'll be going back every year as long as they're doing it.
I'm going to Dark Star Orchestra this Saturday, and Lock'n festival Sept 4-7. Both of these should be amazing, especially the festival, oh my god I'm so excited!
Also, my therapist is awesome, she really gets me. And she actually helped me today, I had been considering not going anymore to save some extra money but I realized I really do value her input and it makes me feel good about myself to hear a trained professional agreeing with me about my conclusions I've come to... also she's down with psychedelics as an experience and a tool, and she agrees with the ways in which I have been altered by the experiences I've had with them, and mostly feels that way about things too.
The searching at the Phish show was a fucking joke, they literally patted my pockets once. I had so many things in there, an e-cig, 2 sets of keys, a wallet, a pouch, my phone... she touched them and then said you're good. I laughed out loud and she just grinned. It was almost like, "ok, you've got unidentified, hard, chunky things in your pockets, you're good to go!"
dstr8427
Bluelighter
That's awesome man, I'm glad to hear it. I have the whole summer leg to get me through the next few weeks. Some people aren't into it, but I fucking LOVE Fuego. Those songs are killer. It's definitely a more Trey-influenced album. If you listen to the actual studio album, they have horns and backup singers. It screams Trey
It's so weird to hear Phish play such poppy songs though. It's also disappointing that a few songs from the debut didn't make it to the album. I can see why Snow didn't, but I just loved seeing Mike play steel guitar (I think), but I think Amidst the Peals of Laughter and You Never Know, especially the latter, are great songs. I expect them to show up over the years as rarities I'm learning bass and Mike is my man, and of course he and Scott killed it with 555 this time around. Mike's new album is also really, really good too. Mike's band is always very fun to see, they have a drummer and a percussionist. I honestly don't remember literally any of the last Mike show I went to hehe.I recently missed the opportunity to see DSO two nights in a row on Jerrys birthday, I was pretty disappointed. I had just been in a car crash and missed the shows. I had a couple of hits of the strongest L I've ever had saved that I had bought at a DSO show the last time I saw them in December, so I figured fuck it and ate them along with three other hits of some other acid with 900 mg of DXM the other night :D DSO really is a treat though. the December show sold out and they treated us to hell of an original setlist, its no wonder the acid was so good that night. Maybe the band got it too
http://attics-of-my-life.net/starbase/dso_shows.php?operation=view&pk0=5186I'm glad to hear your appointment with your therapist went well. I have also been contemplating not going to mine, and have actually stopped doing so
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I know he really helped though. It just sucks, because I have Medicaid and get treatment through state services, so I just can't really be honest with mine about my drug use, and I often feel wordless. Why have a therapist that you need to hide yourself from, ya know?
Help?!?!
Bluelighter
Just checkin' in with my brothers!
Hope no ones going to rough a struggle!
RIP Willams!
Hope no ones going to rough a struggle!
RIP Willams!
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Doing well man, how are you doing?
Yeah no point really to a therapist that you have to lie to. Isn't there confidentiality? Or are they required to report stuff if it's through the state? That's pretty messed up.
I'm glad to hear your appointment with your therapist went well. I have also been contemplating not going to mine, and have actually stopped doing so
Yeah no point really to a therapist that you have to lie to. Isn't there confidentiality? Or are they required to report stuff if it's through the state? That's pretty messed up.
dstr8427
Bluelighter
I've honestly always figured they would report it. I mean, they don't even prescribe any narcotic drugsIsn't there confidentiality? Or are they required to report stuff if it's through the state? That's pretty messed up.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
I don't think therapists even can prescribe... that's psychologists. As far as I know.
Also - if you add a space, therapist become "the rapist".
Also - if you add a space, therapist become "the rapist".