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im going through alcohol withdrawl

njirem

njirem

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
260
Location
Amsterdam, The Netherlands
hello folks how r u today
wel im not so good
im an alcoholic (amongst other addictions and i have gad, add and ptsd..im kind of not lucky) for 9 years now.
ive had two periods in clinics and one crisis over the years.
One of them was beginning of this year, always could stop without librium because i never drank so much
and never got any medication since i was not that depressed and could keep my job.
While during this years rehab i lost my job, my friends, contact with my family and am now a protection
programme for my finances to keep my house.
I got seriously depressed and my anxiety went trough the roof. Once i became suicidal i got on lyrica for
my gad and on effexor for my depression.
I would say it decreased my anxiety (while sober) with 70% wich is/was great but my depression is still
through the roof.
I am alone at home now for two months or so and i am spiraling down.
Got to abuse my lyrica and went trough that withdrawl wich was straight up traumatic. Got back on it
and am now more carefull with.
Around Two weeks ago i started to drink more and more. Around week ago i took a shitload of 3mmc and after that binge drinked for a week up to 3 liters of wine per 24hours, slept minor and eating less then i used to.
I 'woke up' when i found myself seriously thinking of comitting suicide and thought i need to really sober up, so i quited.
That was 36 hours ago. First knight i did not sleep but felt too tired to even feel sick.
Last knight was hell, anxiety in between the short naps who where about nightmares and intense lucid dreams.
When i woke up tomorrow and got up i was sweaty, dizzy, had some trouble walking and no apetite.
I did however got my ass to the store for bread, milk a banana.
Weird thing was i was so shaky on the streets, and when i turned my head it was like my brain couldnt process the images and delaid them very annoying and painfull.
I am however proud i went to the store WITHOUT alcohol.
This morning i did not take my lyrica i want them only for the nights for a couple of days because when you leave some more time in between doses the sedating effects are stronger for me.
I am going to try to fill my days by taking it easy, cleaning up the house, take a walk or even a jogg if i feel strong enough.
I just wanted to share because its a bitch and i feel for you people out the in any type of withdrawl and hope to come in contact to share some thoughts and to stay positive.

Thanks you so much for reading and have a good day!
 
Your situation sounds very precarious because of your isolation. It is really easy to spiral down quickly when there is no one and nothing to even try to keep up appearances for. Since you have been in a clinic is any on-going counseling available to you? At least contacting a mental health worker or addictions counselor and letting them know what you are struggling with seems like a place to start. It is so hard to fight this battle on your own and especially when you are depressed. It's wonderful that you joined Bluelight and posted this thread. I think you will find a lot of support here from people that understand exactly what it is like to be where you find yourself now. The great thing about this community is that there are always people whose struggles may still be more intense than your own and those that are farther along in finding their way out of addiction, who have achieved more equilibrium, so you have a chance to get support and offer it, too. I always feel that reading about other people's strategies and getting to see how those work out is a real plus.

I think that your plans to fill your days with organization and exercise is a great plan. Starting small and working up to bigger challenges keeps things steadily moving in a positive direction.<3
 
Be very careful, what you are experiencing can kill people.

Is there a way you can check into a clinic/hospital, or see a medical professional? Good luck.
 
I strongly urge you to take your lyrica as prescribed at the very least. Don't save it or anything like that. Not taking it could add to the withdrawal. I had a seizure once due to alcohol withdrawal. It sucked and almost killed me. The potential for serious injury is there.
 
How long have you been abusing alcohol for? You mentioned using lyrica and Effexor, but it's not helping your depression. So I would suggest you consult with your physician and there may be other meds that can help your conditions. Without some sort of support system, you can relapse and find yourself in the same dark place.

I had to do this when I saw my doctor and told her I had trouble quitting drinking. I had no choice but quit since she told me I have liver disease. So I'm in an intensive outpatient program, seeing a therapist and psychiatrist. It felt humiliating because I cried like a little girl but now I don't feel so isolated.

I'm worried for you because like Priest said, alcohol withdrawal can be deadly. You're into your second day and that's good. But you may not be out of the woods yet. If you start to feel ill or shaky, you should contact emergency services so they can treat you properly. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Let us know how you're coming along too.
 
Asking and admitting I needed help was really what set my recovery in motion. I always thought I could "figure it out" or "eventually control it" on my own, but I personally could not.
 
Thank you all for reading and responding!!!!!!

At the moment..well, im close to crying. First because it warms my heart to get such respectfull respond from you that i am not used to at forums.
Second...last night i relapsed :( At around 16.00 i started to to feel the effects of not taking the lyrica (sweaty, hot flushes) so i took my regular dose and around 17.00 i felt ok again.
Up to 16.00 i actually felt quite good. I had cleaned up a bit, got tired, but the effects of the withdrawl were fading, so thats positive i guess.
So around 18.00 the full effects of lyrica kicked in and i got a little high of it, 19.00 i got tired and went to bed, couldnt sleep AT ALL. My thoughts were all over the place.
Because of my ADD i think and think and think, sadly the gad and ptsd always maked the thinking sad and depressing.
Last night i started to relive some of the violence and fucked up shit from the past and i was starting to flashback. I panicked, ran to the store, bought a bottle of wine and two beers.

I drank it in 3 hours or so but it didnt feel good. It made me so sad to broke my own promise again and i didnt get euphoric or anything. It made me go the sleep but nothing else.

I just woke up hung over and no good quality of sleep. I feel quite fucked up and i just noticed my thoughts going like 'as soon as the store opens i go get beers and i go get weed too and maybe pickup some XTC or something.( i live in Amsterdam its all available in 300 mtr radius)

I am not intending to do that and hold my ground! I am, today, not going to drink ffs. I want something better for myself.

I have been to rehab/mental institution from december to april this year, and checked in again in may because i got suicidal and i was there for 4 weeks and was then prescriped my medication. During these periods i was of course sober.
Let me tell you i have lost hope that i will get better on the hands of the clinic. You sit there and get medication and have almost no therapy at all. These said i need EMDR for my ptsd but there are no people at hand to give it to me maybe in a year or so. Along that i could talk and stuff but hate being in a group. After a while being there is working against me.
Besides that, over the years, im slowly spiraling down with or wothout others, its so long now that ive been sick (add from birth--recocnised only this year way too late it fucked up my school---ptsd from around 16 and gad from 19) im 28 now and i will have to deal with this on my own.
Had to cut off my 'friends' at 17 and have since then been lonely basicly.

Yesterday i subscribed for online therapy and i just mailed my pshych about the situation. Im scared because i had an appointed two weeks ago where i didnt show up and that happens more often so i dont even know if im welcome or anything.

I love you guys im getting tired from typing now haha theres a lot more to say will do that later.

And again, i will pick it up again today being sober and i took my normal medication today i will not play with that nomore.
Drink loads of water eat healthy have some supplements and i plan on running today its been a while...

thanks guys
 
Last edited:
well im still drinking
last days experience strange musscle spasm
within a few days i should go to the rehab clinic
im a little scared
f that im really scared
 
I don't have any experience with alcohol withdrawal, but I am currently in the middle of heroin withdrawal so I do empathize with you. Don't beat yourself up about the fact that you're still drinking... recovery really is a process. I can't even count how many times I've said I was gonna kick heroin, this is it, I'm gonna get it right this time... then got 2 days into it and relapsed. You just can't beat yourself up about it or think of it as "well I failed". Honestly there was only one time when it really stuck for a good amount of time, and these forums were a BIG reason as to why I got through it. That and exercise and music. Getting clean is hard. But it IS possible.

Everyone here is great and we will be here for you every step of the way to cheer you on :)
 
phactor said:
Asking and admitting I needed help was really what set my recovery in motion. I always thought I could "figure it out" or "eventually control it" on my own, but I personally could not.
Click to expand...
sounds exactly like me...
i know i cant but i keep trying, why...dunno
is it pride?

strange thing that the one thing you keep taking and love is the thing you hate and what will kill you. Addiction is a strange disease.
i feel like fucking shit and i know its the alcohol but still my mind is going in circles to get that poison.
i just mailed my psych again to know when there is a place for me because its out of controle, im kind of scared for my health atm.
my muscles are cramping, i feel hot and dizzy, pretty shaky.
is there really a chance i might get a seizure and die???

i did kick lyrica though...tapered and quit, was pretty easy compared to the last time, that was horrible.
 
Glad to hear it. Keep us updated.

Also, yes, alcohol and benzo withdrawal can give seizures which can kill. I had one myself years ago. Fucking sucked.
 
Hi folks,
just to let you know i am now sober since monday night!
If have no more withdrawl symptoms and almost off the librium.
Thanks for all the support and ill check back when enough time (staff doesnt like me on drugsforums ;) )
much love
 
Soo i guess it is possible?
I just spent my first night at home, checked out yesterday, and i did not drink :)
No hangover, no depression, just spread my wings yawning because of the good night sleep (when was the last time??)
I am now in a part time therapy, 3 days in the clinin, 4 days at home to practise.
I made smart goals (specific, measurable, accaptable, realistic) to work on in the following 3 months.
Those are focused on getting a good day/night structure and containing a job or at least a hobby at a sportsclub and getting a little social life.
Nothing else, just that, after the 3 months i evaluate where i stand and from there further plans will be made.
That gives me a lot of peace, no pressure and and a safe feeling, nothing complex.
Feelquite confident on staying sober (for at least the following months).
For the nightmares and insomnia i got a low dose of mirtazapine (15mg) so i dont have to worry about getting no sleep.
The effexor works great now, anxiety and depression are dropping every day.

The first days of withdrawl were horrible, but worth it, just as was cleaning up the mess in my house. It was a wake up call.
I do want to live, i do want be sober, i just have to do it, listen to my body and dont try to go to fast.

So, thats about it for now, all the folks going through withdrawl, keep it up, its worth it! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Much love and peace from Holland
 
Day 16
Feel better minute by minute. I went for a long ride on my bycicle and being in the nature, the smells, the sounds, the sights, the animals.

I got spills down my spine.

Did the laundry, the curtains are wide open, fresh air fills my room. Feeling amazing i must say.
Tonight i have and old friend over, its been years since i got a visit.

I have energy, no hangover, no headaches.
:Ideas pop up, memories of better days are dominating the sad stuff.

Im alive!
 
24 days sober now!

Yesterday i felt like shit (ptss related, triggered by therapy and a short night sleep) but i didnt even concider to drink.
I feel very strong and confident.
I am awake now since 06.30 and allready: did the household, rode my bycicle 1.5 hours, made some pictures, mailed some people ( i am very actively trying to regain a social life, allready had an old friend over which was great, and staurday im going for a coffee and pie at a restaurant with my mom and sister) and went to the store for grocery. Ate and omelet and had a powernap (20min). Its 12.30 now and i am drinking a cup of coffee.
I will take a shower and after that i will have music therapy (the drums). After that i will chill, cook me a meal, take a walk or do a little jogging, watch a movie and go to bed at 21.30.

What is helping me the most?

*wake up early (between 06.00 and 07.00)
*exercise/cycle/walk EVERY DAY
*plan my days and follow the scheme
*i dont push away the thoughts of alcohol/drugs but accept that they are there, cherish all that i have and gain now that i am sober
*stay in contact
*listen to POSITIVE music.
*make sure i balance activity and rest, take a shot nap when i need, i listen to my body.
*allthough its difficult, i follow through my parttime stabilisation until dec. 1, thats my only objective, live by today.
*go to bed early and read before going to sleep.

I really benefit from this all, im just amazed about how i feel now and how i used too. The first posts in this tpoic look like its written by another person, it looks like it has years instead of weeks.

Good luck and strenght to all you quitters!!!! you can do it trust me.

Much love from Amsterdam, The Netherlands :)
 
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