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Need Some Support

O

oxyblue

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 2, 2014
Messages
4
Hello folks.

I hate typing so Ill keep this as short as I can. I am male, in my 50,s and a junking since my teens. I am an acholic and opiate addicit. My health is bad. I have chronic hep C for witch I failed treatment twice I have chronic pancreatitis and a genetic disease called hemochromatosis. My liver is bad. I was not over weight to start with and I have lost about 50 lbs over ther last year. I look and feel pretty sickly at this point

I have been in and through withdrawals so many times that I am terrified of the very thoughts of it. I am well aquainted with loperamide, kratom, gabapentin, suboxone amd methadone used short term to try and kick the opies, never succesfully.

I have concluded that my best may be to get on suboxone at a dose that halts the feening and just stay there for a while. In the past I used small doses for short periods hoping to not become dependent on another substance. I found that even though the sickness may be covered, the craving was not and always ends the same.:(

I have hopes of getting support from some of you good folks. This too is a new approach for me as I have kept the whole mess to myself in the past.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts and comments you may offer. I have got to nip this in the bud. Time is running out for me health wise and I don't think I have a whole lot of fight left in me. I'm tired.
 
I'm only 22, but I can relate to your post so much. Its very much what I felt slightly over a year ago, and many times before. I was tired too. If you're truly sick and tired then getting clean will be possible, though still not easy. Your not alone though. I sent through withdrawals so many times I wanted to die instead of face them again, all by the time I was 21. I sucked it up though and went to rehab again, and got on sub maintenance. I think it may be a good option for you too, as a chronic relapser. Don't let sub be your entire recovery plan though, you mentioned keeping this all to yourself in the past- sharing things with us is great, there is an amazing community here on SL, however you really should build a support system in real life as well. Family or friends that you can trust, recovery meetings whether AA, NA, Smart Recovery, Life ring, etc. There are many options available, 12 step or otherwise. Also therapists are great, one who specializes in addiction especially.

Good luck man! You CAN do this! I don't care how many times you have fallen in the past, it holds no bearing here. The past and the future do not exist, so fuck em. Who do you want to be in the here and now?
 
CaseFace, thanks for your reply.

Ahh to be 22 and know what I know now. Let my post be a message to you from your future. If you think it's bad now, tack 30 years on to it and see me as your future should you fall back into the habit. It's not the place you want to find yourself.

I'm not sure where I will go from here, but I am determined to change coarse. I am thinking I may give subs a shot at a decent dose and duration. I have never given them a real shot long term and I now see that the 2 week detox just will not work for me. I feel some real time between me and the habit may be in order for my best chance being free from life style.

I know this will lead to a dependence to the suboxone, but that may be the best choice at this point.
 
Somebody much smarter than me said the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is now. I'm in my 40's and my sobriety is a 2.5 week old sapling. I've been on junk one sort or another for 20 years now, even longer if you count weed and psychedelics.

Suboxone is a great tool to gain sobriety. It can be a miracle if you are otherwise unable to abstain from opiates. At the right dose, you won't be high but you won't crave either. It gives you a great chance to learn how to function outside the junkie lifestyle. Maintenance on suboxone is not your worst option.
 
Azure Cloud, hows life 2.5 weeks out? Have you been able to lower your dose at this point and feel fine?
 
oxyblue said:
Azure Cloud, hows life 2.5 weeks out? Have you been able to lower your dose at this point and feel fine?
Click to expand...
Life is getting better. I should mention that what I'm really recovering from presently is an amphetamine addiction. I was on opiates bad from 1999 - 2009 and on suboxone 2009 - 2013 and on amphetamine from 2009 - until 2.5 weeks ago.

I tapered off suboxone real slow from 2012 until the summer of 2013. I also used/abused amphetamines to "skip" a lot of the acute opiate withdrawals and the PAWS when I got off suboxone for good.

But I'll tell you something I've learned the hard way, there ain't no such thing as a free lunch in this universe. Taking one drug to mask the affects of quitting another ended up kicking me in the ass. I would of rather experienced full on opiate withdrawal than the amphetamine psychosises (sp?) to which I've been privy. Ooh and the really erratic behavior one is prone to during amphetamine addiction has probably harmed my family more than I'll ever know.

So here I am almost 3 weeks clean from amphetamine with minor dabbling in opiates here and there and this is after being clean for 3+ weeks in late April/May of this year and I have a lot of trouble sleeping; I don't think that it's normal for someone coming off speed so I chalk it up to residual PAWS courtesy of unresolved issues related to my opiate addicting recovery. I find it hard to be motivated to do shit (but that is becoming easier with proper exercise) and nothing really makes me happy.

....overall, I'm not doing bad at all. I don't like myself very much right now but in 10 years I fully plan to be someone I can love and respect, so for now I'm staying sober for that dude.
 
oxyblue, welcome. Thanks for posting. I'll help you in any way I can. I am 8 months into my sobriety from a 4 year major opiate addiction and any advice I can give to you along your way I will offer. Please hang in there. There is a lot of support on this forum.
 
Tryingtogetbetter-at what point did you start to really feel better? Im on 15 mg of methadone (after a long heroin addiction) dropping 1mg every 4 days and the depression is so hard... Sometimes i feel like im barely hanging on. I feel the methadone a little for a couplehours after i dose-i get a mood lift-but then it fades after 2 hours and i feel a huge mood drop. I start thinking the worst about every situation, i cry at the drop of a hat. Im trying to fight through it hoping ill feel better at some point, but its really hard when nothing gives me pleasure/happiness. When did you start to feel better? At the rate im dropping ill be off methadone by the end of sept but i dont want to wait that long-im thinking of jumping off at 8 mg at the end of this month and just getting this over with.
 
Thanx for the support.

Wll half dosed yesterday at 60 mg of oxycodone along with 10 mg of metahdone. The sweats & chills kicked in through the night but I did get some sleep. Dosed 10 mg of methadone this am and have had some anxiety along with the hot flashes, but not too bad.

No more oxy but 10 mgs of methadone at bedtime. I expect a rough night.

My plan is to take the methadone for 4 days, switch to kratom for two days then to very small doses of suboxone to be tapered over two weeks. I have a few xanax to fill the gap if needed.

I have been through the main kick soooo many times, its the days that follow that get me. I am hoping the small dose of subs will see me thorugh a few weeks. We will see.

Damn, major hot flash while typing this..crap!
 
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Blue it took about 4 months for me to feel like amazing. physically it took a few weeks for me to feel 100%. It gets better everyday though and it just depends on each person.
 
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