weekend addiction
Bluelighter
Weed isn't harmless. No shit.
I agree with this, and a lot of what has been said in these past few posts. It has been almost a year - I am half-normal, half fucked by anxiety. Doing a lot better than I was on the dope. However I am somewhat of an extremist now in regards to my opinion on cannabis, due to the severe extent of the suffering in my life that was caused by weed abuse and has been ongoing since I quit.
I would have been better off as an IV heroin user - MUCH better off in the long term. I wouldn't have killed my head, fried my fucking brain developing crippling, extreme anxiety that I never thought was possible for a human to experience. This whole mental illness thing is completely new to me, ever since I ripped too many dabs and bong rips last year. Apart from constipation and addiction there aren't too many side effects with the opioids if you keep it under control, which I can manage reasonably well, along with any other drug on this Earth apart from weed. I've never fiended 50 hits a day from morning til night of anything else while never being satisfied, the selfish bastard of a pothead that I was. There wouldn't have been the risk of developing sudden onset full blown panic disorder after years of heavy use, since weed is the only drug that ever caused me panic symptoms as a side effect. I could never control my weed use since day 1. If I had a bag lying around, I was going to compulsively smoke way too much of it, more than I even needed to be high all day. And getting high just made me stupid and anxious. I'd be totally physically calm, except I'd be craving a hit because I was addicted to the disgusting filth. Then I'd get the shit in my head, and I'd have a full blown panic attack. I just called it "getting too high" back then so I didn't have to face the fact that I couldn't physically handle weed and never could, since it fucks my head with anxiety that I never had without weed in my life. Plus I didn't know the word "panic attack" back then, I didn't know they could be a sober reality. Now I know this all too well due to this addictive filth of a weed.
Don't say it just amplified my anxiety that I had to begin with. That's bullshit. I had normal levels of anxiety that were completely manageable as a sober person before I got hooked on pot. It CREATED anxiety, forms of physical anxiety/feelings of panic that I never, ever would have experienced without weed in my life. Makes me wonder why I would even smoke it if it never agreed with me - but then I remember, it's extremely addictive to me - and a pointless, brain damaging, miserable one at that considering I never even liked being high. Absolutely not worth it. Biggest regret and mistake of my life falling victim to that 'weed is harmless, smoke as much as you want' mentality. That was just a mental construct to strengthen the denial. I despised weed; I had uncontrollable cravings for it though and a psychotic obsession with it so I just went with it until one day I started getting the panic attacks from hell. That very quickly set me straight. I'll never touch this filth of a drug again and I don't miss it one bit. The fucking torture and agony I've been going through due to the existence of this bastard of a drug. I started at a young age, didn't know what the FUCK I was getting into until it was too late.
I have plenty of experience with hydromorphone, heroin, oxycodone, and various benzodiazipines. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, has ever come close to fucking my mental health like that silly weed which consumed many years of my life. I am furious that I allowed this to happen to myself. I live with extreme, crippling anxiety now, all thanks to smoking too much of that retarded fucking weed. It never did me any good, I never learned a thing from it.
I ended up trying to use it to medicate chronic physical pain, as my stupid stoner mentality was that weed was a medicine for anything whatsoever, playing around with the hash oil and all. It wasn't doing shit, I still couldn't get out of bed and cook myself a meal yet it was "helping my pain". Plus I was too much of a burnout to bug the doctors enough. Now, I'm referred to like 4 specialists and a chronic pain clinic. This is because I have initiative without weed in my life, but cannabis destroys the part of my brain responsible for doing that. I was smoking so much of it that after nearly a year of abstinence I am still living with extreme forms of anxiety that so much as a year or two ago I didn't even know existed in sober life, and that I only ever use to experience after smoking too much weed.
I should have been using opioids to treat my chronic pain (since nothing else allows me to live without chronic pain). They don't turn me into a socially stupid dumbass with an inexplicable lack of self esteem, for one. The constant smoking was so unhealthy too. I also don't get obsessed with them, like how weed literally consumed my whole entire life and I spent $20,000 fucking dollars in a god damned year on a FUCKING PLANT that pretty much just made me stupid and lazy - and don't say I was stupid and lazy to begin with, because now that I quit I am picking up where I left off, after dealing with months of rebound depression mind you - going back to school for a second degree and getting my shit together finally. All of a sudden I am interested in all my old hobbies again, the lifelong makeup of my individuality which was stolen for a while by an evil weed. I was doing fuck all as a pothead but smoking my brains out, going nowhere in life even with a great degree. I was too demotivated and socially anxious from the weed abuse to make use of it back then. That has since been corrected. I am making use of my brain again.
Cannabis was a lying, deceiving, deluding, stupefying, and cheating bitch to me. I devoted my life to her, and she turned her back on me. I developed sudden onset full blown panic disorder one day, almost a year ago. The tiniest puff would send me into a full blown panic attack all of a sudden. Not to mention I have had hundreds to thousands of full blown panic attacks since I quit, and I never ever had a single sober one in my life before last year. So much miserable stress on the heart. Anxiety was always an issue for me when I was stoned, not anywhere near as much when I was sober, but a day came along where I couldn't physically handle a speck of weed anymore without risking a heart attack. My heart rate would skyrocket to very dangerous levels, almost like I smoked too heavy a hit of crack or something? Never done many stimulants, but it felt like a stimulant OD. Even after hammering my system with booze or other downers, that smidgen of marijuana would ruin my whole day and it would take multiple days for me to calm down from that insane, insane fear.
I may be damaged goods, but at least I'll die without a trace of that miserable, god damned THC in my system. Harmless, innocuous though right? Weed never hurt anyone - I call bullshit on that one. It hurt me very much.
I was smoking weed for 13 years with no problem until I had a drug induced psychotic episode 1 year and 8 months ago and spent a month in a psychiatric unit in hospital. I've been off the weed since and am on a low dose of the antipsychotic respiridone which I will be coming off soon. I loved smoking weed and would like to know will I ever be able to smoke weed again maybe the ocasional spliff or a certain strain.
Weed is very, very dangerous. Out of all the drugs on this planet, it is potentially the most dangerous. Sure, heroin may cause physical addiction and severe social problems, but weed can fuck up your brain for good.
There is honest debate among scientists about the health effects of marijuana, but we believe that the evidence is overwhelming that addiction and dependence are relatively minor problems, especially compared with alcohol and tobacco. Moderate use of marijuana does not appear to pose a risk for otherwise healthy adults. Claims that marijuana is a gateway to more dangerous drugs are as fanciful as the “Reefer Madness” images of murder, rape and suicide.
There are legitimate concerns about marijuana on the development of adolescent brains. For that reason, we advocate the prohibition of sales to people under 21.
Smoked cannabis from age 16 - 24.. starting off slowly, then increasing to say a quarter ounce a week. Never reached the same levels as others I've known, but the potency was always reasonably strong. I have the odd puff now and then.. like last night, a special occasion, but as a regular thing I'm done with it.
I believe smoking it contributed to my anxiety that I'm still dealing with, although I think there are other factors involved with that (dealing with a psychedelic experience at 16, being assaulted, etc). I did notice that as my use picked up that paranoia started to grow and looping thought patterns also began to emerge.. thankfully it never got to the point where I couldn't handle it, but it certainly wasn't a comfortable experience to be dealing with.
Wouldn't say it's fucked up my life but it has changed the course of my life for sure.
I will freely concede that my over use of cannabis was a stupid life choice, but you know life is confusing and overwhelming, and we make stupid decisions. You live and learn. Used on occasion, like a fine wine with a dinner, I don't think it presents a problem at all. But those who've suffered problems with it have abused it generally speaking.
Were you doing other drugs much or at all around that time? Was the weed you smoked very potent? 13 yrs no problem, then whamo? Any reason for that?
This is basically the same as my experience, the only difference being that I absolutely loved the effects of the high. Videogames, movies, music was just so fun when stoned. I still miss the high and have not found anything that is similar, the closest being a second plat DXM dose, but even that feels different and heavy.
If science and medicine did not come up with so many bullshit lies to keep the drug war running, I could have believed the link...also I never knew it was considered a "psychedelic". I thought it was a pure depressant like alcohol in heavy doses or benzos/opiates...I jumped on the harmless thing and it took a few years but boy has it fucked up everything. The fear, I know that fear and it is irrational and intense. You lose all trust in yourself. Weed is very, very dangerous. Out of all the drugs on this planet, it is potentially the most dangerous. Sure, heroin may cause physical addiction and severe social problems, but weed can fuck up your brain for good.
I just wish I found "harder" drugs first. Now I do not understand how this is considered a soft drug and opiates considered hard?? Why is this? Another fallacy by the medical community to keep the Drug War ongoing?? sigh
Cannabis to myself was a very powerful psychedelic drug.
I don't get anywhere near as high off "hard" drugs. If I take a percocet, or a bump of heroin, then it does not drastically alter my consciousness so that I am living in a dreamworld. I do not get goofy euphoria from it; it's more that I get "high" on life - the primary effects are chronic pain relief, mental stimulation and mood elevation, none of this psychedelic nonsense that weed gave me. Weed tripped me out so hard that I couldn't even function in social situations, I was living on a whole other plane of existence. I was so disconnected from the world around me and my fellow man... to me it was a very serious psychedelic drug. I just wish I had treated it like one, instead of a "harmless daily medicine."
I didn't always hate the feeling of marijuana.
I just wish I had more respect for it. I should have treated it like any other potent consciousness altering drug, limiting my use to perhaps once a month.
The main issue I think is the cannabis culture / legalization movement enables drug abusers such as myself who have lost all positive effects from it to live in a world of denial. I should have checked myself into rehab for a detox, but it was "just weed" right? It's like it's laughable if you even consider it to be a problem, you've got "underlying issues". It couldn't possibly be that crazy mildly psychedelic and narcotic drug you've been smoking all day for years, though right. That one that it's impossible to get addicted to even though you quite clearly are a slave to it. That just wouldn't make any sense, that this could fuck with your brain. It was so easy to live in denial about it, I wouldn't even acknowledge that I was a drug addict. In time with further research, I believe that the worlds general opinion on weed will change - it's foolish to call it a "soft drug" when it can and does ruin peoples lives and cause so much damage to mental health and occasionally lead to severe addictions similar to other "harder" drugs.
There needs to be more widely accepted awareness in regards to the potential risks of heavy use. If I had known it could be highly addictive, if I had known that it could alter the brain in ways that could trigger panic and anxiety disorders, then I most likely would have stayed well the fuck away from it.
They shouldn't have to deny that it can fuck people up in order to get it legalized. Alcohol and cigarettes kill plenty of people, they can be really nasty and brutal drugs. Every drug should be legal, and the concept of moderation with recreational drugs should be widely expounded. The risks of drug abuse should not be ignored - why would cannabis be treated any differently, in a class of its own as a "soft" drug? That's just going to result in an increase in the abuse of and lack of respect for that particular drug. If I had smoked it once a month, I'd be fine. Once a week, I'd probably be ok (although I most likely would have wound up addicted and unable to control that frequency of use). For myself, weed turned out to be the "hardest" substance I have ever used... which turned out to be quite a surprise.
It's been a year... pretty sure I finally did myself in. I had many opportunities to quit, but I was unable to do so due to the strength of the addiction.