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July Getting/Staying Sober Thread vs Birds of a Feather

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Anyways, these last few days have seen tremendous spiritual growth for me. I was in Alaska and realized just how small I am (the environment tends to do that up there), spent time with my mother clean on the trip which was awesome. Then today, she had a seizure and I had to rush home to the hospital (an hour and a half drive away). The entire ride I was praying and crying (they thought it was a stroke at the time). Just asking for help. Thankfully, by the time I got to my hometown things had cleared.

I didn't use. I was telling myself "I am going to have to tell the Doctor I am afraid of relapsing so he can give me some benzos." Took me a few minutes to realize how insane that was and how it would not help. I handled it just fine and using would have upset my entire family and myself so much.

76 days today.
 
phactor said:
Anyways, these last few days have seen tremendous spiritual growth for me. I was in Alaska and realized just how small I am (the environment tends to do that up there), spent time with my mother clean on the trip which was awesome. Then today, she had a seizure and I had to rush home to the hospital (an hour and a half drive away). The entire ride I was praying and crying (they thought it was a stroke at the time). Just asking for help. Thankfully, by the time I got to my hometown things had cleared.

I didn't use. I was telling myself "I am going to have to tell the Doctor I am afraid of relapsing so he can give me some benzos." Took me a few minutes to realize how insane that was and how it would not help. I handled it just fine and using would have upset my entire family and myself so much.

76 days today.
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You are an inspiration.
 
Glad everything seemed to workout alright Phactor, you're doing great :)

Well tomorrow marks 4 months clean but I have a tough situation coming up. I'm going to see Phish this weekend with one of my using buddies who I haven't seen since getting clean. He's not a real heavy user and says he's been clean for months now. He has my ticket bought, doesn't care that I don't have drugs to share, and is willing to do all the driving which is encouraging. But despite all this I know that these shows are a huge trigger for me and I don't want to relapse (psychedelics in moderation should be fine IMO). I can't back out now and won't because I haven't done anything remotely this fun since getting clean. I just hope i'll be able to control my urges i'm thinking of just not bringing ANY cash to the show and hopefully it'll still be a good time sober. Any tips? Anyone been in similar situations?
 
Escape, short answer, yes.

I've tried doing stuff like that. Being in situations where the old me would have had fun, and I knew it was going to be a trigger, but social pressures and just this feeling that I needed to go out and do things convinced me to go.

It doesn't work for me. I don't see my old drinking buddies too much. I don't go to bars anymore. I just can't do it. It sucks sometimes. It's lonely sometimes being a young-mid 20s male who doesn't drink, but sobriety is the most important thing in my life right now and I can't jeopardise that.

A specific example was when I went to a cottage weekend with some of my buddies. They drank all weekend. I didn't. Old me loved that tradition, we had gone every year. It was fun, plus the drinking just made it better. Finally all my friends acted like the alcoholic I was. New me hated it. I was miserable. It was a very bad idea going. I didn't relapse that weekend but I guarantee you it contributed heavily to my relapse a few weeks later.

Ultimately you will end up going, which is fine as it definitely is your decision to make, but reflect on it after whether you thought it was a good idea or not. Maybe it will be, and you won't crave and will be able to have a blast. Maybe it won't be. Just be honest with yourself afterwards.

The new me has fun in different ways.
 
GenericName12 said:
The new me has fun in different ways.
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Love this

24 more down good people<3

moonlight.jpg
 
Yesterday I resisted the temptation to use another dose of MXE.. I have chronic pain so I need medecine but I can sometimes over use any of my scripts or drugs. I am still on 1.5mg suboxone and actually took .3mg of etizolam even when I really felt anxious and horrible. I did wake up in an awesome mood and I took 10mg less of the mxe than I had been using in the a.m... small steps but steps!
 
I didn't do a ton of MXE but when I did I found it really addicting. I was constantly doing whatever I had (which is usually the case with most drugs, but MXE even moreso). I really think that drug's dopamine release makes it almost as reinforcing as coke. Good job.

11 weeks for me today! Listening to Common's new album Nobody's Smiling... CHICAGO!!!!
 
phactor said:
I didn't do a ton of MXE but when I did I found it really addicting. I was constantly doing whatever I had (which is usually the case with most drugs, but MXE even moreso). I really think that drug's dopamine release makes it almost as reinforcing as coke. Good job.

11 weeks for me today! Listening to Common's new album Nobody's Smiling... CHICAGO!!!!
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At first I thought you were being sarcastic and was kinda like wtf but then realized I misunderstood it the first time... Thank you because it is a very addictive drug. I have taken 30mg where I started to use 40-45 in the am and then took 2 20mg doses compared to my usual doses between 30-45... I noticed my doseage was increasing and I need to keep that in check and lower it because it does have some real reenforcing properties. With that said so does Lyrica, Etizolam, Phenibut, gabapentin, alcohol, and even suboxone. I have alot less side effects because I was definetly taking a cocktail that I am sure would kill me in the long run. I would have usually used about 100mg by now and was at about 200mg a day and have used about 70 since 9 today... I dosed about an hour ago and will not take another dose until at least 5... I have to set times and have my wife remind me and even hide my benzos becasue I do not want to use my judgement... it fucking sucks lol. I loved coke but would say mxe is even more addictive and right up there with opiates. Had I not had an addiction I would have never taken it but I am less impared than I was a few months ago and my wife who never used, her family, and mine all agree that I should continue to use the mxe and tapper it because I had gotten to the point where I didint leave my house for weeks on the other mix of meds. I need to probally see a psychriast to go on an antidepressant and then lower my mxe use but I am scared to do it. I want to be off at least the suboxone and want to quit all gabbas before I do becasue I see a break happening if I do this too fast. I have used for years and had a cervical fusion last year so there are other underlying issues... Those pictures you took were beautiful and really showed what being clean makes you recognize. Congratulations on the 11 weeks of clean time! that is a-fucking-mazing :) I am waiting on the bestbuy guy to look at my tv and am hoping its broken and I can use the credit towards a new one. Do you like chicago deep dish pizza? I hated the stuff lol, I lived in wheaton which was pretty boring minus the short trip to the city. Hope everyone is having a great day!!
 
at the end of day three without opiates........AGAIN. i dont feel "good" but i dont feel "horrible" either and tomorrow should be even better.
 
80 days clean today. Going to work, a meeting and then to my hometown to spend Monday with Family. Energy has been a bit difficult for me lately, just feels lacking. I need to look at my diet. To put things in perspective though, I feel so much better waking up clean then I did using. Furthermore, I can actually look at my diet and recognize that it might be contributing to how I am feeling as compared to trying to figure out how much my use is screwing me up physically and emotionally. Shit, I hardly ate at all when using and when I wasn't using I was so messed up from hangover and guilt that I often could not eat.
 
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phactor said:
80 days clean today. Going to work, a meeting and then to my hometown to spend Monday with Family. Energy has been a bit difficult for me lately, just feels lacking. I need to look at my diet.
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I live off of whole wheat bread, cottege cheese, prunes, decaf coffee, greek yougart, coldcuts, fruits and veggies and I feel amazing and lost the 50 pounds I gained from my surgery last year... my abs are finally back and I feel like a million bucks... Diet is half the battle


Btw I just bought tickets for cage the elephant on the 29th!!
 
Today is day 1 clean of heroin, hopefully the first of many. First time addicted, long time chipper. Finally caught up to me ( i knew it would one day). Am trying to think of how I will manage moving out of my apartment on the 31st when I shall likely be in the throes of withdrawal. wish me luck. I am going to be able to live an opiate free life, I no longer wish to be controlled by a need to take something or risk not being well. I want to be free. I have a wonderful girlfriend who will be by my side. Luckily my dealer is quitting too so I cant get shit even if I wanted to. Any tips for a first-timer?
 
^ no matter how bad you feel, the worst will be over in 3 days. I've gone through some pretty bad kicks, and even in the worst ones, at 3 days you turn a corner. Hold that thought when it's day two (usually the hardest) and you're like "fuck this, I just need to feel better, I'm going to go get something". You WILL feel better, very soon. Are you going to use any comfort meds at all?



Today's been a good day. I'm going to do my best to make my life into what I want it to be, so I can have a lot more good days. :)

Eta: I dropped to 15 mg today. No idea what my counselor is doing, it wasn't supposed to be for three more days, but w/e. Going to call him tmrw and tell him just hold me at 15 for a week I think, then I'll drop another 2. Last time I remember hitting a wall at 13 - I couldn't sleep, restless legs and it felt like bugs were crawling on the soles of my feet. Hopefully this time will be better :)

A few weeks ago I was on 24 and having doubts I could make it. I was really depressed and anxious and felt like I was making no progress, my brain chemistry wasn't normalizing, and I was never going to be better or free of opiates. Now I'm on 15 and feeling ok. Not great, but definitely ok, and I think I'll be able to sleep tonight, too.

It does get better <3
 
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