Ambi
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 15, 2014
- Messages
- 17
Hello,
This my Project Detox 2014.
As for privacy reasons, because anyone might recognize this and i'd like to be anonymous with this for now, I changed particular details. Also to guarantee the privacy of my friends.
I decided to BLOG this in this topic for spiritual research which i'm doing by my self about addictions, for my self, but also for people who I might help by doing this and posting this. I have some addictions and are trying to get a hold of how those work. Lets be honest, its all in the mind (biggest part). Let me start off with my "Health" problems first;
Since I was 15 years old I started smoking weed on a regular basis which soon gained into every day smoking. Like 6 or 7 joints with friends every day, also every day was the same day. We each got out of school or work, came together and went smoking till we were so stoned we couldn't function properly anymore. The only thing we did was school, work to get money to smoke and then smoke marihuana.
After 6 years doing this, this marihuana viscious circle (addiction) was broken by changing it into beer (and alcohol generally). Not a very good trade, I can assure you that. It transformed into "alcohol-addiction". I put that between quotes, because it wasn't as heavy as the marihuana-addiction. But still, I couldn't leave it alone. My days seem boring when I dont do anything, especially in the weekends it seems empty and deserted if I don't drink (or smoked, at that time).
This month, is the exact same month I started smoking weed, 15 years ago. So this does not require high mathematics to conclude I've been excessive smoking and/or drinking half my life. I'm 30 right now, and I think its time for change (growing up, they say
). In addition: I smoke "normal" cigarettes that same period, like 15 years now. Also I've escaped a Ketamine addiction before, on the edge.
I did almost all the drugs you know about, but all in good control. You name it, I did it.
So here we are, 2014. I'm born in April in 1984. What do we got?
1. Alcohol addiction (Daily, sometimes I skip days. Like 8-12 beer avg)
2. Benzodiapines addiction (diazepam/clonazepam each other day or 2 days between)
3. Nicotine Addiction (like 40+ cigs a day)
4. Very bad physical & mental condition
My girlfriend broke up last weekend with a hell of a fight, I'm at home, not working for several months now because of huge amounts of stress about the relationship, work itself and other private issue's which i'm dealing with. And as you might understand that's not helping me getting rid of my Benzo addiction. I know I shouldn't stop them at once as it might throw me in a deeper negative spiral which I really can't use right now.
So first up is the easiest for me to do:
Getting rid of alcohol, did it before, can do it again. Also, this makes me smoke a lot less cigarettes and I get motivation for a running outside to improve my physical and mental condition. In addition, I take less Benzo's to cover hangovers. So stopping alcohol as first goal seems a good idea.
Past years, I already stopped alcohol for like 4 weeks, 9 weeks and 12 weeks at most. This time, I want to get rid of it almost completely, like I did with marihuana.
I stopped smoking marihuana for 5 years after I began drinking. And I can now do it on regular basis. I can smoke 1 joint without having huge cravings the next day for another. I sometimes smoke marihuana now, and then I dont for like 6 weeks or something... its occasionally. And that's a good thing. I also want to do this with alcohol. This is the last day I'm drinking alcohol, and I wont say I can quit right away for months and months, but if I make the mistake, I will post it fairly. But i'm going to do my very best for it.
So what i'm gonna do the next weeks:
-Trying to stop alcohol.
-Running outside to clear my mind and improve condition.
-Meditate clear my mind and trying to find out how these addictions work in my mind.
-Trying to get lucid dreams to talk to my unconciousness.
I'm not sure if this is a good idea. But I'm planning to reverse the trade (Alcohol<>Marhihuana) for a short period of time, because marihuana helps me getting sober from alcohol. Thing is, I dont want to be sucked into the marihuana-hole again, so its kinda like playing with fire.
I'm planning this, and hope that i can get rid of all bad habits at the end of 2015 or in the beginning of 2016.
Surely I'll keep you updated in this topic if you're interested in it. If you came this far reading. Thanks for reading.
Keep you posted.
-Ambi
This my Project Detox 2014.
As for privacy reasons, because anyone might recognize this and i'd like to be anonymous with this for now, I changed particular details. Also to guarantee the privacy of my friends.
I decided to BLOG this in this topic for spiritual research which i'm doing by my self about addictions, for my self, but also for people who I might help by doing this and posting this. I have some addictions and are trying to get a hold of how those work. Lets be honest, its all in the mind (biggest part). Let me start off with my "Health" problems first;
Since I was 15 years old I started smoking weed on a regular basis which soon gained into every day smoking. Like 6 or 7 joints with friends every day, also every day was the same day. We each got out of school or work, came together and went smoking till we were so stoned we couldn't function properly anymore. The only thing we did was school, work to get money to smoke and then smoke marihuana.
After 6 years doing this, this marihuana viscious circle (addiction) was broken by changing it into beer (and alcohol generally). Not a very good trade, I can assure you that. It transformed into "alcohol-addiction". I put that between quotes, because it wasn't as heavy as the marihuana-addiction. But still, I couldn't leave it alone. My days seem boring when I dont do anything, especially in the weekends it seems empty and deserted if I don't drink (or smoked, at that time).
This month, is the exact same month I started smoking weed, 15 years ago. So this does not require high mathematics to conclude I've been excessive smoking and/or drinking half my life. I'm 30 right now, and I think its time for change (growing up, they say
). In addition: I smoke "normal" cigarettes that same period, like 15 years now. Also I've escaped a Ketamine addiction before, on the edge. I did almost all the drugs you know about, but all in good control. You name it, I did it.
So here we are, 2014. I'm born in April in 1984. What do we got?
1. Alcohol addiction (Daily, sometimes I skip days. Like 8-12 beer avg)
2. Benzodiapines addiction (diazepam/clonazepam each other day or 2 days between)
3. Nicotine Addiction (like 40+ cigs a day)
4. Very bad physical & mental condition
My girlfriend broke up last weekend with a hell of a fight, I'm at home, not working for several months now because of huge amounts of stress about the relationship, work itself and other private issue's which i'm dealing with. And as you might understand that's not helping me getting rid of my Benzo addiction. I know I shouldn't stop them at once as it might throw me in a deeper negative spiral which I really can't use right now.
So first up is the easiest for me to do:
Getting rid of alcohol, did it before, can do it again. Also, this makes me smoke a lot less cigarettes and I get motivation for a running outside to improve my physical and mental condition. In addition, I take less Benzo's to cover hangovers. So stopping alcohol as first goal seems a good idea.
Past years, I already stopped alcohol for like 4 weeks, 9 weeks and 12 weeks at most. This time, I want to get rid of it almost completely, like I did with marihuana.
I stopped smoking marihuana for 5 years after I began drinking. And I can now do it on regular basis. I can smoke 1 joint without having huge cravings the next day for another. I sometimes smoke marihuana now, and then I dont for like 6 weeks or something... its occasionally. And that's a good thing. I also want to do this with alcohol. This is the last day I'm drinking alcohol, and I wont say I can quit right away for months and months, but if I make the mistake, I will post it fairly. But i'm going to do my very best for it.
So what i'm gonna do the next weeks:
-Trying to stop alcohol.
-Running outside to clear my mind and improve condition.
-Meditate clear my mind and trying to find out how these addictions work in my mind.
-Trying to get lucid dreams to talk to my unconciousness.
I'm not sure if this is a good idea. But I'm planning to reverse the trade (Alcohol<>Marhihuana) for a short period of time, because marihuana helps me getting sober from alcohol. Thing is, I dont want to be sucked into the marihuana-hole again, so its kinda like playing with fire.
I'm planning this, and hope that i can get rid of all bad habits at the end of 2015 or in the beginning of 2016.
Surely I'll keep you updated in this topic if you're interested in it. If you came this far reading. Thanks for reading.
Keep you posted.
-Ambi
. Welcome to blulight btw