Fuck, just done 2 pentedrone allnighters, missed my 2nd day at work allready. My head was a paranoid negative wreck this morning, i was thinking about quitting my job. I may well be sacked anyway, but first im gonna send my manager an email about my "extenuating circumstances" and that im "in recovery" not from from drugs, but from mental health issues, like depression, paranoia, low self esteem (is that a MH issue
) and anxiety. Actually narh, i wont mention low self esteem or paranioa.
Im not expecting any special treatment or sympathy, but at least the guy might at least understand me a bit better, i realise that the needs of the business must come first, and if im not doing a good enough job by the time the probationary period ends then thats fair enough. But my 'training' has been absoluetly shit, and its hard work to have to keep asking for help all the time, but i sincerely beleive that if i get on top of things at work and get to grips with everything, and start getting on easier with more people at work then that alone could help my mood enormously.
It's a slightly desperate and risky move, but i think im probably quite unlikely to pass the 3 month probation unless i tell him some of my back story. Its also true that i have a very rare type of learning curve, (i took some test as a student which showed this) it flatlines for ages and then theres suddenly a huge spike of a breakthrough, it is this that needs to happen soon. I heard one of the managers stating that shes certain "that not all of these new starters are gonna last" i dont think im being paranoid in thinking that was aimed at me, but there's not much that gives me more satisfaction than proving people wrong and defying their negative expactations in ways like that. I can turn this around, with the right will and attitude.
Thankfully im moving today to another job..