Gay tendencies

[ishq]

I'm almost 20, male and straight in the loose sense of the word. I'm not really feminine, but I do display some habits like keeping myself clean or wearing v-necks or w/e which would lead some to think that I am at least bi. Which is fine, I mean I don't really care what people think about me very much.

Strangely enough though, I've been having some mixed thoughts & feelings for the last several years which I'm hoping someone can relate to or try to explain to me.

Ever since I was 13 and I watched this porno, I've been secretly craving to suck a cock as magnificent as that one. Sadly, I looked up the actor and browsed through his filmography and gradually developed a strange taste for gay bears - except even before I came across this very terminology of 'gay bear', I found that 99% of dicks are off-putting (including my own!). It's strange and bit stupid I know, but sometimes I have fantasies of people I see in movies or even real life who fit the 'gay bear' label and, in my mind, I imagine that they are equipped with that guy's monsterdick

And what's funny is that if somehow one of my fantasies came true, I doubt I'd be able to bottom without it hurting. I have a real problem relaxing in that area - in fact even if I could overcome the psychological/sociocultural aspect, I don't think I could ever 'receive' just because of how homophobic my body is. My dad is really open about sex talk and all sort of perverse stuff (which is really cool I think, as opposed to the conventional father-figure) and sometimes he teases me because he knows I'm a bit homophobic. For example, I could be bringing plates from the dinner table and as he passes by me he'll prod a finger in that area and I'll jerk and we'll both laugh. I can't imagine being able to relax enough so that someone's moderately sized penis (let alone the one I 'crave' for) can enter me.

Besides that, I'm also a little confused about what kind of relationship I'd seek if I were openly gay. Because at the moment, the only thing about gays which I'm attracted to is the prospect of sucking a middle-aged fat guy who bears a monstercock like that one above.

The only exception was when I watched a film with Ewan McGregor, whom to my surprise I found to be mesmerizing. I'm not sure why I felt this way but I felt slightly relieved when I came across Louis CK's confession of similar nature. I guess it's alright to appreciate someone for being beautiful, as I later realized when I had a slight crush for Michael Fassbender.

But the confusing part is that let's say I met those actors in person, I don't think I'd be sexually aroused. My sexual fantasies seem to be disconnected from my idea of 'beauty,' but I don't know - are our ideas of 'sexy' and 'beautiful' supposed to overlap and if so, by how much?

Do you think I'm being overdramatic or overanalyzing this stuff and that I should just go for it and take a dick in my ass?

 

[Myxomatosis]

The desire to have sex is not synonymous with wanting to have an intimate emotional relationship. Just because you are turned on by a bulging penis doesn't mean you want to be romantically involved with a male. So if you were to pursue having sex with another male who subscribes to the idea of monogamy & shows interest in having a relationship of that nature; make clear your intention of not wanting anything other than sex (should you feel that's what you want).

I do think you're being a bit over-dramatic in thinking about it. I think you will be extremely underwhelmed if you do have sex with another guy at how little will change inside of you. You will either realize you enjoyed the experience or you didn't, but it's not like a new chapter of your life is going to unfold in which you become 'gay' after merely having sex one time with a guy.

Personally, I do not think wanting to have sex with a guy makes you gay at all. I think the whole idea of trying to figure out your sexuality in terms of 'straight' or 'gay' is incredibly self-defeating. Identify yourself as a polysexual if you actually feel the need to manufacture a set of rules for yourself & move on. No time or place in this life to worry about the social implications of something so unimportant.

I'm not sure what kind of discussion you expect to arise from your post. It is not a good thing to feel like you have to repress your desires simply because of your surroundings. Taking comfort in the fact that Louis CK revealed a part of himself as similar to your situation is healthy to some extent in having a connection with another human; but I also find it unhealthy in that you are depending on someone else for a sense of 'right' or 'wrong'. Sexuality is lawless despite the various social institutions that want you to believe otherwise, make up your own mind & don't waste your precious time worrying about other people's.


Sorry if this came off pretentious, presumptuous, and maybe even irrelevant. I truly feel bad that it's become such a big deal internally for you. I encourage you to explore the feeling further, the sooner the better, so you're not left wondering later in life. I believe it could potentially have a negative impact on future relationships if you don't. It's all completely subjective on my part (I do not know why I felt the need to say this as that is probably common knowledge).

 

[ishq]

Thanks for such a quick and sharp response.

Truth is I have no clue how to approach those guys which turn me on. It's already hard because by nature I am more shy and reserved than most people, so what the hell kind of excuse do I have to come up with to strike up a conversation with someone whom I'd normally barely even acknowledge, the salesman at the grocery store for example? And how will it ever lead to my sucking his dick?

I know it sounds a bit vulgar, but in the end that's the whole point right?

I was not under the impression that this would be a life-changing/life-affirming experience, but it's important that I resolve this because as you guessed it's taken a toll on the few (straight) relationships I've had.

And obviously your input will be subjective, but always much appreciated

 

[Bearlove]

At the moment your simply looking to explore your sexuality with another man, you do not need to look any further than that. If your do not think you could have a relationship with a man, then don't stress out on having a relations with a guy.

You can have sex with a guy and not have a relationship with them, simply sex. What happens after that is your choice and is based on the way you feel about things - nobody can tell you.

You do seem a bit confused about what is gay / bi / homophobic is - wearing a V-neck does not mean your 'at least' Bi - wanting to suck on a hairy dick and wondering if you could fit it up your ass does mean your at least curious, not liking your father poke you in the ass when your carrying plates is pretty normal.

How to progress these feelings - do you really want to be blowing the guy in the local shop? Get chatting online to some guys that you find sexy - start off with a simple hi or wow great body and take it from there (most guys will be happy to talk).

FWIW - I do honestly believe a lot of people experience the same thing as your explaining.
Gotta love them Bears though

 

[llama112]

It's perfectly fine to be curious about your sexuality.

Since you're shy, why don't you look online? Or go to a gay bar/club nearby? There are a TON of people in your position.
If you're unsure, it's not like you have to go "all the way" with a guy. Try kissing. See if you're aroused by that. Then you probably have your answer.

 

[Bearlove]

This may sound strange but some guys don't like kissing on a hook up, if the OP doesn't like the sound of a relationship or non sexual intimacy with a guy then he may find the idea of kissing a guy off putting or simply awful. I know that you would think, your going to have his cock in your mouth so why does it matter - it just does. Kissing for some people is really intimate, crossing the line of 'just sex -(including fucking)' and intimacy makes them feel uncomfortable with themselves. You have a lot of guys that only want to 'top' and don't want to do anything else as this would make them feel 'gay'.

This is really common so getting just what you want is pretty easy - I know that whatever I wanted to do, I could find a willing partner who would get just as much out of the encounter. If the OP wanted to meet somebody, have him take his cock out, blow him and then both leave (no other contact) - wouldn't be that hard to do.

 

[ishq]

Since you're shy, why don't you look online? Or go to a gay bar/club nearby?

yeah I don't really know where to start, although I don't think online is the best approach to this kind of strange impulses. I would definitely try gay bars if they were not full of stereotypical faggots

wearing a V-neck does not mean your 'at least' Bi

depends who you ask, but it was really just an example

With regard to 'bear love,' I've been progressively more and more surprised at what does and doesn't arouse me. For example, I can't explain the ridiculous high when I stare at someone who resembles a fat Russell Crowe. I tried really hard to understand what's going on during that moment, but all I can think of is that I am behaving as any ordinary woman would for the sake of control. This would actually explain why I'm not really interested in having a relationship, just sex (ie. having the guy cum and at my disposal after that). Funny because I remember my dad saying 'I should have been born a woman' in one of our bizarre conversations - maybe that phrase stuck with me?

I guess I'll just go for it, but since I'm kind of a perfectionist I'll have to plan everything out haha

Anyway, once again thanks for the advice guys

 

[socko]

yeah I don't really know where to start, although I don't think online is the best approach to this kind of strange impulses. I would definitely try gay bars if they were not full of stereotypical faggots

It might depend on which gay bar. I used to be a bouncer at a gay bar, and I've observed that an entire spectrum of people went there. The stereotypical "flamers" were the minority. On the outside, most people were "low key" about their sexual orientation. Many people looked, acted, seemed straight, except they weren't. Curious, bi, and straight people went there too.

 

[Bearlove]

yeah I don't really know where to start, although I don't think online is the best approach to this kind of strange impulses. For example, I can't explain the ridiculous high when I stare at someone who resembles a fat Russell Crowe. I tried really hard to understand what's going on during that moment, but all I can think of is that I am behaving as any ordinary woman would for the sake of control.

My username is Bearlove for a reason - I love bears, you don't need to explain (to me anyway) the high you get when looking at a fat Russell Crowe. Your not behaving as a woman, your behaving as a man who wants sex with another man - your confusing your passive tendencies with being feminine and that is not always the case.

I'm unsure what you mean by stereotypical faggot - faggot is a loosely used demeaning term thrown at gay people (and very few gay people enjoy being called this or associated with the word -thank you) - my partner and I are what would be called stereotypical bears. There are many labels within the gay worlds (and loads in the Bear scene from cubs, otter, wolf, chaser etc) some of those will be the stereotypical types.

But non of these are stereotypical faggots.

As 'Socko' pointed out - what you may think of the stereotypical gay - over the top, flamboyant, feminine etc are not the norm in a lot of bars and depending what type of bar you drink in for instance a Bear or Leather bar then will not see that many.

I know exactly where your coming from with this as I could have written your message :D - right down to knowing exactly what I wanted, with exactly the type of person I wanted, I wanted this, then that, didn't want that, wouldn't do that.

I really have no problem talking about any aspect of this, I have probably been through what your feeling so please feel free to ask away. If your hooking up to blow a guy and you don't want him to use a condom, make sure you have read the risks of HIV etc (no sores in your mouth, lips, don't brush your teeth or floss before you go as this could cause small cuts in your mouth etc). Make sure that the other guy knows what you want, knows what your not willing to do etc (honestly its just easier for all involved).

 

[deano88]

LOL wtf is a gay bear?

 

[Bearlove]

LOL wtf is a gay bear?

Bend over and Ill show you :D

 

[deano88]

Just like that really good tip I got once "don't eat yellow snow" there's an even more useful one "don't bend over in front of Bearlove or people who dream of sucking a fat Russell crows dick"

 

[Bearlove]

Just like that really good tip I got once "don't eat yellow snow" there's an even more useful one "don't bend over in front of Bearlove or people who dream of sucking a fat Russell crows dick"

What a bastard! If you read OP's messages, if a fat Russel crow bent over he would wait for him to stand up and then politely offer to nosh him (after removing his V Neck sweater). Got soap ?

('what a bastard' is a UK jovial saying and not meant in a hurtful or nasty way as it could be perceived)

 

[ishq]

your behaving as a man who wants sex with another man

but why should I want sex with another man, let alone bears? I mean objectively speaking there is nothing attractive about your average bear - middle-aged, beer belly & excessive body hair possibly accompanied by foul smells are not typically admirable qualities. But paradoxically the more vulgar the person, the more attractive he is to me.

I'm not trying to explain it to you, I'm trying to explain it to myself. I can't believe how it's possible to even have such thoughts in the first place. Not because I'm religious or anti-gay or anything like that, but it's really inconsistent with how I think and behave under any other circumstances. I don't usually like to be a 'receiver' of any kind and rarely enjoy giving in to what people demand from me, even if they are right in doing so. I prefer limited responsibility, don't take much initiative and expect others to let me be. So from a logical point of view, how could I possibly want to suck dick? I'd like to say it's just innocent curiosity, but something about the growing intensity and specificity of my fantasies tells me it could be more than that and that is a bit unsettling.

Also, I am fully aware of what faggot means and intentionally used this word for its derogatory nature; noisy/drama gays are one of the worst kinds of people. Obviously I respect other people's preferences but after a certain point it just becomes ridiculous. Plus the 'love' between those kind of gays which they are so eager to display in public is probably more fake than that of a straight couple doing the same.

And no, I don't think wearing v-necks means you are gay. But given my slim build and relatively good looks, it's not impossible for someone to make a snap judgment

 

[deano88]

What a bastard! If you read OP's messages, if a fat Russel crow bent over he would wait for him to stand up and then politely offer to nosh him (after removing his V neck sweater). Got soap ?

('what a bastard' is a UK jovial saying and not meant in a hurtful or nasty way as it could be perceived)

Yeah I know its not meant that way lol dunno why but I can't help but think the OP is a on a bit of a piss take I mean whos dad puts his finger in his sons ass even as a joke?

 

[ishq]

Yeah I know its not meant that way lol dunno why but I can't help but think the OP is a on a bit of a piss take I mean whos dad puts his finger in his sons ass even as a joke?

If that's the british way of calling me a troll, unfortunately I'm not lying about any of it. And just to clarify, he didn't put it in my ass but vaguely poked in that direction. If anyone is being a troll, it's you for focusing on the least important part of my post.

 

[deano88]

If thatwhat british way of calling me a troll, unfortunately I'm not lying about any of it. And just to clarify, he didn't put it in my ass but vaguely poked in that direction. If anyone is being a it'sroll, it's you for focusing on the least important part of my post.

just found it funny. anyway what is the most important part of your post? do you need conformation from people on BL that your gay? if you have fantasies of sucking a fat middle aged man then yes you are certainly gay.

 

[Bearlove]

but why should I want sex with another man, let alone bears? I mean objectively speaking there is nothing attractive about your average bear - middle-aged, beer belly & excessive body hair possibly accompanied by foul smells are not typically admirable qualities. But paradoxically the more vulgar the person, the more attractive he is to me.

I'm not trying to explain it to you, I'm trying to explain it to myself. I can't believe how it's possible to even have such thoughts in the first place. Not because I'm religious or anti-gay or anything like that, but it's really inconsistent with how I think and behave under any other circumstances. I don't usually like to be a 'receiver' of any kind and rarely enjoy giving in to what people demand from me, even if they are right in doing so. I prefer limited responsibility, don't take much initiative and expect others to let me be. So from a logical point of view, how could I possibly want to suck dick? I'd like to say it's just innocent curiosity, but something about the growing intensity and specificity of my fantasies tells me it could be more than that and that is a bit unsettling.

Also, I am fully aware of what faggot means and intentionally used this word for its derogatory nature; noisy/drama gays are one of the worst kinds of people. Obviously I respect other people's preferences but after a certain point it just becomes ridiculous. Plus the 'love' between those kind of gays which they are so eager to display in public is probably more fake than that of a straight couple doing the same.

And no, I don't think wearing v-necks means you are gay. But given my slim build and relatively good looks, it's not impossible for someone to make a snap judgment

Let alone bears? Nothing attractive about them? Foul smelling? There vulgar so you like them more ?

Your talking to a gay person and intentionally referring to me as a faggot then - I'm sorry for wasting my time talking to you.

 

[ishq]

Right, well if you paid any attention at all you'd see I used 'stereotypical faggots' to describe what drove me away from gay clubs

I don't have a problem with gays and I don't think it's inherently wrong to be gay or anything. I just never imagined myself to be in such a position.

In re-reading my post, I now realize I meant to say the men which I find sexually arousing (not gay bears, necessarily) are hardly attractive by the social norm - the norm here being rational thinking. I'd expect that as most people grow up, they aqcuire certain standards about what to look for in a partner. Handsome, fit, smart, funny, sexy, successful and the list goes on. So what I'm saying is, the qualities which I find sexually arousing are completely opposite to what I've learned to look for.

In the end, I just want to know why it'd be justified if I were to commit to being gay. I know I've come off as a jerk, but if you can see past any personal insults (which are not so personal tbh, just saying the truth), I'm really just seeking some kind of confirmation. It's quite sad I admit, but at least I have the priviledge of anonymity online (although it's not too hard to find out who I am if you cared enough).

Anyway, thanks again to anyone who bothered to read any of this

 

[deano88]

if you like penis your gay. you don't even mention any attractions to females so you can't be bi. hope this helps