ksralyv2mch
Bluelighter
Well, I'm new to this area of the site, I just wanted to say Hello and let it be known I'm here to help anyone who has had any problems with opiate addiction or any addiction. I am a heroin addict who currently is tapering down using Loperamide, I fucked up today and used H, but it was weak tar and I believe the lope has a blocking affinity.
Hopefully I can stay true to the course, I want to be the me when I had 34 months off heroin, I liked me then. I don't like me now... my depression runs rampant and I just self loathe like a teenager but self destruct like a full grown junkie. I destroy everything good going for me and hurt everyone and take them and their forgiveness for granted so many times in a row that they end up being fed up with my bullshit and never talk to me.... they write me off as dead.. I have burnt many bridges this way, mostly with past loves (who didn't do heroin)
I only have a problem with heroin. I do not do or like meth or cocaine, I have never done and am freaked out by ketamine, I smoke weed daily because I believe it helps in many aspects of my life (I'm a musician, an artist, a writer, a free thinker. I suffer from chronic and marijuana helps with nausea, insomnia, depression, add, anxiety and social anxiety as well), I take mushrooms/acid on occasion almost as a spiritual holiday, and I take benzodiazepines when I have anxiety attacks or if I wanna chill out But I've been abstaining from benzos because when I take benzos it usually leads me to thinking that heroin would go really nice with this xanax buzz...
Ultimately I am giving Rational Recovery/AVRT (https://rational.org/index.php?id=36) a try this time. The first day I read it and learned how to separate my addiction's voice and my own 3rd eye's voice it became so easy to suppress those cravings! And the more I read the strong I felt and then when I got to their aversion to AA and how they explain AA and how it is detrimental, sometimes, to recovery... it was like I was reading my thoughts finally put into words on how I felt about the 12 step programs... I've done them a couple times, worked it, stayed sober, sponsored and was sponseed but I wasn't happy.. I was miserable... all this work to stay sober and I hated that I had to focus my whole life on staying sober instead of leaving it behind and moving forward with my life!!
Well there is my rant, thanks for reading or not...
TL;DR: New to Sobriety area of Bluelight, Introduction, I'm here for support and to support. If you need someone to personally vent you, shoot me a private message and I'll listen to you vent or give my 2 cents on something, cause sometimes when you have a craving if you talk it out it'll pass by the time the conversation is over.)
Keep your chin up and stay strong everybody, life may seem dark and sad at points but the best things in life you have to fight/work for! And a happy non-addicted life is one of those things!
Hopefully I can stay true to the course, I want to be the me when I had 34 months off heroin, I liked me then. I don't like me now... my depression runs rampant and I just self loathe like a teenager but self destruct like a full grown junkie. I destroy everything good going for me and hurt everyone and take them and their forgiveness for granted so many times in a row that they end up being fed up with my bullshit and never talk to me.... they write me off as dead.. I have burnt many bridges this way, mostly with past loves (who didn't do heroin)
I only have a problem with heroin. I do not do or like meth or cocaine, I have never done and am freaked out by ketamine, I smoke weed daily because I believe it helps in many aspects of my life (I'm a musician, an artist, a writer, a free thinker. I suffer from chronic and marijuana helps with nausea, insomnia, depression, add, anxiety and social anxiety as well), I take mushrooms/acid on occasion almost as a spiritual holiday, and I take benzodiazepines when I have anxiety attacks or if I wanna chill out But I've been abstaining from benzos because when I take benzos it usually leads me to thinking that heroin would go really nice with this xanax buzz...
Ultimately I am giving Rational Recovery/AVRT (https://rational.org/index.php?id=36) a try this time. The first day I read it and learned how to separate my addiction's voice and my own 3rd eye's voice it became so easy to suppress those cravings! And the more I read the strong I felt and then when I got to their aversion to AA and how they explain AA and how it is detrimental, sometimes, to recovery... it was like I was reading my thoughts finally put into words on how I felt about the 12 step programs... I've done them a couple times, worked it, stayed sober, sponsored and was sponseed but I wasn't happy.. I was miserable... all this work to stay sober and I hated that I had to focus my whole life on staying sober instead of leaving it behind and moving forward with my life!!
Well there is my rant, thanks for reading or not...
TL;DR: New to Sobriety area of Bluelight, Introduction, I'm here for support and to support. If you need someone to personally vent you, shoot me a private message and I'll listen to you vent or give my 2 cents on something, cause sometimes when you have a craving if you talk it out it'll pass by the time the conversation is over.)
Keep your chin up and stay strong everybody, life may seem dark and sad at points but the best things in life you have to fight/work for! And a happy non-addicted life is one of those things!
