It's crazy I was about to start a new thread but then I went back front page and noticed I already made this thread, but now it is for a different reason. I don't know if it is testosterone related but to me its even more important. When I first started taking opiates, 80 mg oxys, it gave me some fake confidence, I thought I was the shit and didn't care what people thought about me. Slowly that diminished and when I started doing heroin, and especially when I started doing bad things, stealing, lying, etc, to get my dope I definitely felt more insecure when I was on it. There is a little poster on one of the doors at my methadone clinic that says.. I looked to a drug for courage and it made me a coward. Wow...Initially I thought methadone might be different. I always had reservations about it and there is definitely a social stigma but I do not feel bad about using it nor do I feel guilty and that it makes me into a junkie, which would sometimes happen with dope. That is not the reason I feel this way.
When I first started, three weeks ago today, I took the methadone and it didn't fuck me up but it gave me a good sense of well being, which ok is nice, but more importantly it leveled me out. I wasn't emotional, I didn't get sad or happy. I was in between. Don't get me wrong I definitely could feel if something upset me (like more bs about getting my license back at the DMV) or happy (when I found out all I had to do was give my PO three clean urines to get it back) but it kind of kept my emotions in balance. At first I didn't like it, I kind of felt like a zombie. It slowly went away which I didn't mind but now I feel like coming off dope where I am not high but not sick but still my emotions are fucked up. I feel more insecure on methadone then I do when I am totally clean. I feel like I am walking on eggshells with everyone. I am more worried about what people think about me or if I am bothering them. This is how I am when I am on dope. I hate this. I hope this is just an off day. Usually at light I guess when the methadone wears off I feel better but man I don't know if I can take this. I don't mind it when i am on heroin because I physcially feel amazing.
Anyone experience this with methadone or any opiates in long term use. Mind you I have been doing pills then dope for five years with gaps of abstinence, four months, three months, two months, a shit load of three week periods (three weeks always seemed to be my breaking point if I went cold turkey) I don't remember it being like this when I was on suboxone four years ago at this time. Again, a lot has happened since then. I am a different person, and have been through out, and have changed a lot.
Could this be a hormonal problem? If I took something, not necessarily the injections or shots, maybe the androgel? Don't get me wrong I know I have low self-esteem and self-worth, especially coming off a run but man by this time I would feel like I'm the man once in a while. It is such a tough thing because I COULD NOT stop doing heroin for anything and the methadone helps so much with my cravings. Even if I got that vivitrol shot I know I would probably still have cravings even though I would know I couldn't get high, which would most likely make me substitute dope with IV coke which is IMO the devil. I might have to deal with acting like a wuss and not doing dope to my life gets good enough where I could get off methadone and not want to go back to dope. I am sure I will save money because I won't be dating any women because I got know sex drive! lol, gotta laugh at it sometimes.
Tl;dr Opiates and now Methadone make me much more sensitive
Edit for belfort: I have had these symptoms long before methadone, I am tired all the time, no energy, I have zero fat on my stomach but all my fat goes to my tits and love handles. I can get an erection but unless constantly stimulated

won't maintain. I never have morning wood, except when I am clean. If I was coming off cold turkey I wake up with a boner and get fucking wet dreams which I hate, especially in jail.