Mental Health I've been on speed for a decade and I might have to stop soon

[fuc]

Speed = adhd amphetamine type medications. (Adderall a bit mostly Dexedrine)

I have not stopped taking these drugs for more than 2 days since I was put on them 10 years ago (age 11).
I only started to like them when I was around 15 and actually noticed the effects (wakefulness no appetite focus etc).

Now I only take tolerance breaks every week or two (one day of being a complete slob groggy-tired(despite doubling my caffeine intake) eating a lot lying in bed just waiting for the day to be over so I can get up and have a normal day)
These tolerance breaks are obviously not what I would be like after a week without taking any, I imagine I would have some more energy maybe. BUT HERE'S THE THING:
I have been on this shit for so long I'm so scared of what type of person I would be without it because I don't know myself any other way.
A lot of my views and beliefs were made in my teens and I'm afraid I'll lose good parts of me.
I'm also scared I'll never feel motivated/energized/optimistic again and commit suicide.

I'm still in denial (can't even comprehend setting a date to quit but for financial reasons there's a 10% chance it would somehow be a good idea)

Discuss:
Something relating to this situation any insight advice or related talking words.

 

[Shrooms00087]

Most of what you typed is fear without basis of fact. If you fear you will 'lose the good parts' then you aren't focusing on quitting. God speed.

 

[herbavore]

I have been on this shit for so long I'm so scared of what type of person I would be without it because I don't know myself any other way.

Try to turn your mind way back to when you were a little kid. Remember when you didn't think about who you were but just what you were going to do when you woke up each morning? That's who you still are. Turn your focus outward to what is around you--what excites you about the world? What do you like to do or look at or think about? If those questions aren't easy to answer that is a good place to start investigating.

 

[fuc]

tysfm

 

[fuc]

Try to turn your mind way back to when you were a little kid. Remember when you didn't think about who you were but just what you were going to do when you woke up each morning? That's who you still are. Turn your focus outward to what is around you--what excites you about the world? What do you like to do or look at or think about? If those questions aren't easy to answer that is a good place to start investigating.

thank you thats insightful (sincerely)