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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

EADD Heroin Discussion Nininininineteen [19] (I wasn't really sure what was going on)

F.U.B.A.R. said:
I also used to break open the sharpsafe box and go through all the old, clogged up rigs to find the sharpest ones.
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Nice. But I can kind of understand that kind of behaviour becoming perfectly 'normal' and 'rational' in the long run.

I didn't end up doing the deed in the end through being too fucked to trust myself, but the bleach and flushing method would've been more than adequate, probably. The pin in question probably had the cap removed for all of a couple of minutes after all.

In the interests of HR I'll probably get a fresh swap pack today, but if I don't then I know what to do.

Cheers all.
 
Im sick of the sight of it..... I'll definitely be missing it again soon though :\ thats kind of the problem with the bloody stuff
 
yeah I got sick of it too which is partly why I quit but still I wonder what's the alternative. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
 
From what I've read of your posts, you're definitely better without it. Though I can understand your thinking.

That's easy for me to say from this distance though, isn't it?
 
Sammy G said:
From what I've read of your posts, you're definitely better without it. Though I can understand your thinking.

That's easy for me to say from this distance though, isn't it?
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Isn't everyone better off without it though? I think it's probably more difficult for someone like me to see the shitty side to the drug when I never hit rock bottom, never had a habit and the only reason I quit was to keep other people happy. I would love to not want to use but I feel as though I've run out of options. That was how I felt when I first started using, I could either smoke this shit or top myself. I never wanted to kill myself, I never wanted to take heroin but after numerous counsellors and ineffective antidepressants I felt I had very few choices. I know I should probably stop being so self indulgent and accept some responsibility for my shitty life decisions.
 
Hitting rock bottom is part of the shitty rhetoric of some of the older junkies attending NA or AA meetings. Everyone has a different bottom, you don't have to be shooting cotton shots you picked out the bin or be using puddle water to hit rock bottom, your parents finding out your drug usage could, in fact, be your rock bottom.

Everyone is better off without a drug addiction. Everyone is better off without heroin.

What you are feeling now is temporary, it is not an ongoing feeling. Feelings, they come and go, and people such as you and I, who have used chemicals to cope with bad feelings are more susceptible to being overwhelmed by them. You will learn to deal with this, we all have to learn to deal with this.

Please don't do heroin, class-a-team. Don't dig yourself into a new rock bottom. That shovel can really dig you know... rock bottom is where you stop digging.

Stop digging and start climbing.
 
class-a-team said:
Isn't everyone better off without it though? I think it's probably more difficult for someone like me to see the shitty side to the drug when I never hit rock bottom, never had a habit and the only reason I quit was to keep other people happy. I would love to not want to use but I feel as though I've run out of options. That was how I felt when I first started using, I could either smoke this shit or top myself. I never wanted to kill myself, I never wanted to take heroin but after numerous counsellors and ineffective antidepressants I felt I had very few choices. I know I should probably stop being so self indulgent and accept some responsibility for my shitty life decisions.
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And maybe go a little easier on yourself as well while you're at it? :)

I've also never really fallen into a proper long-term heroin addiction that's totally ruined my life - I've done a fine job of ruining my life heroin aside, as it happens! I have seen an awful lot of lovely people in desperate and sad situations. I've seen one or two die as well; not as many as a lifelong addict would see, but enough to remind you that even the people on the fringes of the scene - the people that you and I like to see ourselves as - aren't immune to all the potential pitfalls. It really does suck you in one way or another into a lifestyle you don't want.

I'm typing this partly to convince myself that I shouldn't dip into the box where I have a small amount of very nice heroin and a few Oxynorms. I've not has a break since Monday so it's a bad idea, but it seems like the best idea too.
 
Yeah I know what you mean about the 'rock bottom' bit but what I was trying to say was that I never thought heroin had a major impact on my life, and I'd probably still be using now if I felt I could get away with it.

I don't believe what I'm feeling is temporary, I can't remember ever being content with life. No matter what I do I always end up unhappy and alone.
 
Sammy G said:
And maybe go a little easier on yourself as well while you're at it? :)

I've also never really fallen into a proper long-term heroin addiction that's totally ruined my life - I've done a fine job of ruining my life heroin aside, as it happens! I have seen an awful lot of lovely people in desperate and sad situations. I've seen one or two die as well; not as many as a lifelong addict would see, but enough to remind you that even the people on the fringes of the scene - the people that you and I like to see ourselves as - aren't immune to all the potential pitfalls. It really does suck you in one way or another into a lifestyle you don't want.

I'm typing this partly to convince myself that I shouldn't dip into the box where I have a small amount of very nice heroin and a few Oxynorms. I've not has a break since Monday so it's a bad idea, but it seems like the best idea too.
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Same as myself - heroin didn't fuck my life up, I already did that myself! Still nobody else saw it that way, family members maintained that my depression would go away if I stopped using. No such luck. I'm still as depressed as ever just don't have heroin to sap my energy and mess with my health (I'm an insulin dependent diabetic). And you're right about the feeling of being immune, I never saw using heroin as a bad or dangerous thing. Even though I know quitting was a good idea I'll never see the drug as the scourge that other people view it as.

And what I find helps when I'm trying to resist temptation is to say to myself 'I won't use now, I'll leave it another while and see if I still want it' and keep myself busy in the meantime. It's worth a try at least :)
 
class-a-team said:
I don't believe what I'm feeling is temporary, I can't remember ever being content with life. No matter what I do I always end up unhappy and alone.
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That is just your craving trying to trick you into taking heroin. You, like everyone else, have been happy and content at some point of your life, even if it was for a short time.

Heroin won't give you this, but if you take a long hard look at yourself and your decisions, you will improve yourself greatly and will be on more than half way through your road to being happy and content.
 
class-a-team said:
And what I find helps when I'm trying to resist temptation is to say to myself 'I won't use now, I'll leave it another while and see if I still want it' and keep myself busy in the meantime. It's worth a try at least :)
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I'll give that a go. Thanks! :D

Really sorry to hear that things obviously aren't going to well, and I hope you find some solutions sooner rather than later. From what I recall, youth is very much on your side, as is intelligence. Both of which are wasted on the young of course, but at least try to count them in your favour during the shittiest times. For what it's worth.
 
so i was gonna take a month off last thursday but now alreadyy set up scoring tomorrow - get an 1/8th of okish and 10 bags of the dogs, plus a few white cany wait - just wish i knew where all this massive crop is going - tere is more to suppply than meets demand and there is now over 200.000 hectares growing 5'500 tonnes of opoiium thats 550 tonnes of gear in the uk at the peak we use to get ythro' 30 tonnes......ah well we shall see tbh as long as i get my head in a my lap i dont really care as i use less than i use to as toillerance is enforceably low - when the geare was pukka in the 90's early 2000's i would bang .4 no problem - if i did that now i would die...if i coiuld hit a fucking vein, still thinking about the groin and knowing me the more i think about it the more im likely to do it - if i had someone with me who had done it then i know i would have a bash, well wine and vallies taking over now nite nite
 
If I were you blondin, I'd knock scoring off and try sober living. Seems like a lot, are you having some kind of blowout? Anything that's put you in the mood to do such a thing?
 
Green Taffy said:
That is just your craving trying to trick you into taking heroin. You, like everyone else, have been happy and content at some point of your life, even if it was for a short time.
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Funny you should mention that .....

My brain just dreamed up a full-on edge-of-sanity™ nightmare to try to push me to crack into a stash I've been saving for tomorrow night!

Instead, I'm smoking a big, fat d00b, in the hope that it might wipe me out just enough to get another couple of hours' sleep ..... Stay tuned to see whether or not I cave .....
 
Floated up the stairs on the kind of haze of smoke that suggests "a" joint was whatever the opposite of an exaggeration is (inaggeration? Doesn't sound right). Spent time in a state barely distinguible from lying awake in bed, waiting for Vanessa to come oozing forth from the radio, but remember dreaming -- therefore I must have slept, however little effect it seemed to have had on me. And so to the kitchen, and the most important electrical item in the home; and while that was boiling, somehow the tinfoil fell into my hands and I was tearing off enough for the trifecta; tooter, plate and wrap.

Still, I have managed to save some for tonight, and that's the most important thing.
 
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