MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

[derok]

i had cognitive problems , memory totally messed i couldnt remember the thing i just ate. i couldnt write very good, also my hand were trembling doing it harder. i notice my logic mathematic skills going low , i felt totally tarded for 1 year and more, also i heard myself with other voice, i wasnt me!! scary

 

[happy_dude]

I just want to clarify for some..... you do mean 8-9 years AGO. Not suffered for 8-9 years.


regardless, its really refreshing, no matter how many time i read this, that people recover from this and get the color back into their life.

Yeah, 8- 9 years ago. Good spot.

My problems last a couple of years max, and that was because I did stupid things like weed etc.

 

[pmz]

Ive been thinking about having edible weed lately. I believe the high is much different when smoked. I want to try something that might help my body to relax more. If I pick the right strain, I might be able to get a real good body high and not have it mess with my head too much. I live in Colorado so Its legal here, and I would be able to get help picking something up.

 

[ro4eva]

See my thing about meds is I don't want to be dependant on them long term. Aren't you still on meds now? Or is that someone else?

Understandable.

But yeah, I'm still on some medications for other issues, although, I have begun to taper as I don't wish to remain on them for the rest o

I don't see why this can't be done naturally as others had. I do feel like I'm getting better slowly. Not the rate I want. But I have made improvements in the last 2 week's even. Now that I'm even finally sleeping better I'm hoping I should get better faster.

Oh I'm sure it can be done without yet more drugs (prescription or not) being introduced into the sick person's body. It may even be a better long term solution.

I'm starting to feel emotions that are coming up once again for me. I was actually seriously feeling emotional about a friend what will be traveling for the next 2 month's that I realize I'm gonna miss the shit out of her. That I think is huge to feel that again. I'm getting a feeling of love in my body again. Subtly, but yes.

Fantastic - I guess whatever you're doing in slowly but surely helping your recover, and it's a great feeling. Keep up the good work

I think I struggle the most because I still lack that energy from my favorite music and my vision and feelings of Disassociation are still there. But I Guess that will just take time

Hopefully with time, patience, effort, and a healthy lifestyle, your lack of energy, disassociation, and any other symptoms will leave you.

If however you begin to feel frustrated and desperate because of the slow progress, or the sheer difficulty of managing your responsibilities while chronically ill, there's always plan B if needed.

 

[thejibberman]

Sup guys, I'm pretty much on 3 months now. Things are way better, I'm feeling again, I am happy most of the time and I'm still slowly recovering. It was just the panic I had whilst tripping. I didn't really abuse MDMA, but I had a panic attack on it. The only problem is, the thing I panicked over that day still hasn't gone away! I know I'll be at full ease when my root problem is gone hahaha. I'm still getting floaters and a little bit of visual snow though. Anyone have any idea when this goes away? Even if it doesn't I'll be happy enough to function again soon.

 

[happy_dude]

Sup guys, I'm pretty much on 3 months now. Things are way better, I'm feeling again, I am happy most of the time and I'm still slowly recovering. It was just the panic I had whilst tripping. I didn't really abuse MDMA, but I had a panic attack on it. The only problem is, the thing I panicked over that day still hasn't gone away! I know I'll be at full ease when my root problem is gone hahaha. I'm still getting floaters and a little bit of visual snow though. Anyone have any idea when this goes away? Even if it doesn't I'll be happy enough to function again soon.

Think they were one of the last things to go for me, perhaps upto 2 years in my cases. But as I say, I prolonged my problems by continuing to do stupid things. It seems like you are recovering much faster than me, unsurprisingly, so maybe they will be gone in a few months maybe?

I'm confident that you'll be back to normal anyway. All the evidence strongly suggests you will

 

[me2point0]

@thejibberman I am on a 2 1/2 ltc from panic attack on mdma too. So I guess we're pretty similar. If you find stuff that really helps or helped you, feel free to pm me to share, as I will do the same .

My badtrip happened in a music setup so obviously its like food you puked; your body feels weird going there again. But I did, sober. Here's the strange part: I went to a techno event, same setup as the badtrip night. 3 days ago, sober. I thook my morning concentration pill so I could stay up a little longer to enjoy this fantastic event. After the event, I actually felt healed. Like when you remove a bandaid and feel renewed. I then had to go to work for 6 hours. I thought no sleep would worsen me 10x. But holy shit, it did NOT. After 30h no sleep, I felt reallllly good, no head presure no motion sickness. That feeling stayed for the most part, I feel better, alot. I can notice the difference. But when I usually wake up, im wrecked, everyday. Seems like staying up loosen up the symptoms for a short duration.

Thought i'd share.

New find : Hppd-like symptoms seems to worsen by 200%-300% when i'm doing exercise and I take a break, maybe the heartrate, maybe the fact that I notice my heartbeat and get anxious.

 

[Tpchan85]

Hey bluelight
Been lurking for a while and made an account just to finally post my story.
About a year and a half ago I started abusing MDMA.

I'll try and recall my usage:
- November 2012 - March 2013, roughly monthly usage of unknown doses, never experienced negative effects
- March 2013 - September 2013, I used ephedrine daily to cut body fat, worked very well, didn't use MDMA in this period
- October 2013 - December 2013, I got a hookup for clean dutch pressed pills and used roughly 1 200mg pill every 2 weeks, started to get depressing comedowns
- December 2013 - February 2014, no MDMA use but used either Adderall or Ritalin almost daily to cram for exams

This is where negative effects began. After taking the Adderall I started to get horrendous panic attacks about 20-30 mins after, so I stopped.

- March 2014, Took some MDMA on a night out, things started to go a bit off about 20-30 mins after dropping. Felt a panic attack coming on and started violently shivering. As I started to peak the panic attack went away and I felt great. Stupidly redosed about 3 times through the night with no negative effects in total probably dropped anywhere between 500mg - 1g. Came home and slept fine afterwards. Woke up the next day feeling apathetic but not horribly depressed. Started taking 5-htp daily with no immeadiate negative effects.

4 days later I take 50mg 5-htp and lie down to sleep. I'm suddenly very aware my feet are so cold they physically ache so I put 2 pairs of socks on and get back to bed. Now I'm aware my heart is pounding a bit. I try to ignore it and just sleep. This is where things go really wrong. I feel my heart skip a beat and immediately go into panic mode. Having experienced panic attacks before I calm myself down and then am left with violent full body shivering which passes and I managed to sleep.

The next day I wake up feeling horrible anxiety and as if I can't breathe. What follows is 2 months of multiple daily panic attacks so bad I had to go to ER a number of times, the breathless feeling is there the whole time, I'm constantly manually breathing for a good 2 months, derealization sets in, I get random dizzy spells, my digestive system shuts down. A full examination by a cardiologist tells me I'm experiencing a fair number of ectopic heart beats but nothing serious (never had any before this). Luckily I never experience any sleep disturbance but my short term memory is bad and I struggle to focus on things. I also have bad OCD like symptos, I can't stop counting in my head, I feel like I'm losing my mind at times.

Eventually this all begins to lift, incuding the irregular heart beats. I'm in my 3rd month now and feel far better. Exercise, diet, multivitamins, cod liver oil and L-tyrosine seem to have done wonders. I would say I'm 95%. Cognitively I'm fine apart from feeling mildly edgy from time to time and being totally unable to touch caffeine. But I am still having physical symptoms which frustrate me, I have violent muscle spasms down my left side, a tremor in my left hand when I hold things and a feeling of pressure that comes and goes in my right sinus and behind my right eye.

Last night I took some 5-htp again to see if it would help and an hour later I experienced a panic attack and some ectopic heart beats again. Thankfully I had a valium on hand.

It's left me wondering what was / is actually the problem in my brain. Low serotonin? Low dopamine? Some kind of actual damage to serotonin system? I would have assumed it was mostly serotonergic but L-tyrosine worked fantastically for me whereas 5-htp makes things significantly worse even in small doses.

 

[pmz]

@thejibberman I am on a 2 1/2 ltc from panic attack on mdma too. So I guess we're pretty similar. If you find stuff that really helps or helped you, feel free to pm me to share, as I will do the same .

My badtrip happened in a music setup so obviously its like food you puked; your body feels weird going there again. But I did, sober. Here's the strange part: I went to a techno event, same setup as the badtrip night. 3 days ago, sober. I thook my morning concentration pill so I could stay up a little longer to enjoy this fantastic event. After the event, I actually felt healed. Like when you remove a bandaid and feel renewed. I then had to go to work for 6 hours. I thought no sleep would worsen me 10x. But holy shit, it did NOT. After 30h no sleep, I felt reallllly good, no head presure no motion sickness. That feeling stayed for the most part, I feel better, alot. I can notice the difference. But when I usually wake up, im wrecked, everyday. Seems like staying up loosen up the symptoms for a short duration.

Thought i'd share.

New find : Hppd-like symptoms seems to worsen by 200%-300% when i'm doing exercise and I take a break, maybe the heartrate, maybe the fact that I notice my heartbeat and get anxious.

Were you able to enjoy the music the same way? Did it feel as good as it used to? or you just had fun and stayed out all night?

 

[coderbrah]

Okay I thought I'd contribute some of my own research and experiences about our LTCs.

So what has happened isn't brain damage, far from it. Our brains do a healthy thing. Whenever there is a large amount of a certain neurotransmitter, our brain then pulls back some of the cellmembrane receptors that respond to this neurotransmitter.

Our brains were just a bit TOO plastic when it came to the XTC and pulled back quite a bit.

This means that theres nothing wrong with our LEVELS of serotonin, it just doesnt get used. There's nothing to recieve the serotonin on our cellmembranes (this is why 5htp and l tryptophan doesnt do anything for us). Not because something is damaged, but because the receptors have become desensitized (downregulation) to such a large burst of serotonin. Similar to how SSRI withdrawal works, except in one short burst instead of chronic use.

All side effects are then because of high levels of other neurotransmitters and your genetic makeup. Which means that the anxiety we all feel is because of high levels of noradrenaline. Or depression which is caused by high levels of acetylcholine.

Serotonin is also used by our body for sensory perception which is why dp/dr is also so typical for these things.

Here are some things ive learned from own experience (which is just anekdotal amd doesnt mean the same things happen to you):

- keep in mind your body is way out of balance, so any supplementation of tyrosine or choline is usually a bad idea

- even though in theory inositol should sensitize serotonin receptors, they also do this with acetylcholine receptors. I found that in high dosage inositol made me very fatigued and depressed

- it appears that low serotonin (cant remember my source) also equals high sensitivity to foods and drugs. Which is why its a bad idea to do drugs while not recovered

- since what were going through bears a lot of resemblence to ssri withdrawals, it might also be helpful to read some forums on this topic. As this is a very small group of people and since these are pretty rare reactions, it might give some hope to read that there is a very large body of peopld that undergo similar things.

- something ive read and am currently practicing is that in the case of ssri withdrawals, healing the mind usually means tending to the gut. People had great success with eliminating gluten/dairy and sugars (not to mentioj caffeine) when going through their withdrawals (because of heightemed food sensitivies)

A very important part to brain plasticity is also sleep. I've used melatonin in a very low dosage (only 0.3mg is needed) to sleep in the first month when sleep was literally impossible. I'm happy to announce that 3,5 months in I sleep for a full 8-10 hours and I feel it does aid recovery.

Also I see a lot of people recommending exercise. If you are able to exercise then definitely do so. But if youre experiencing fatigue don't push yourself. I learned this the hard way.

Also also. Since one of my most major symptoms is reactive hypoglycemia (feeling waves of anxiety when blood sugar drops/feeling depression first hour after eating a big meal) I experience what food does to you. Should you experience very nasty anxiety or depression, keep an eye on your bloodsugar levels and ask yourself if anxiety worsens a 2 hours after eating a big meal or an hour after eating something sugary (morning anxiety might also be aleviated by quickly eating a banana and then cooking a nutritious slow carb breakfast).

Also dehydration is a major culprit in anxiety.

 

[thejibberman]

Okay I thought I'd contribute some of my own research and experiences about our LTCs.

So what has happened isn't brain damage, far from it. Our brains do a healthy thing. Whenever there is a large amount of a certain neurotransmitter, our brain then pulls back some of the cellmembrane receptors that respond to this neurotransmitter.
Also dehydration is a major culprit in anxiety.

Are you implying that our receptors regrow/sensitise in time? I definitely know I didn't do any brain damage, and there are a lot of people who have really convinced themselves they have, but I agree with you that I have altered it slightly.

@me2point0 Just forgetting about it all and forgiving myself was the best treatment for me. I've done so well in the last month, I get some anxiety here and there but it's definitely gotten better than what it once was, meaning my brain is going back to optimal power. I was so convinced I ruined my career, relationships and overall happiness, but coming to realisation that nothing has really changed (apart from me not going out to drink so much) I've allowed myself to be happy again, and doing this has made me improve so quickly. It feels like I probably would have ended up in this anxious state from another drug in the future, because I was pretty oblivious, but I've learnt a huge lesson about a lot of things. I'm not saying I'm glad I've felt like this for the last 3 months because it has easily been the hardest emotional battle I've ever been through, but I have matured and realised that I shouldn't take drugs for a short period of happiness when I could potentially get a sentence for long-term sadness.

I'm enjoying life again, I think I just have to forget about this whole thing now!

EDIT: In fact, writing on this website gives me anxiety and memories from all this, so I'm not gonna check this website for a long while! Bye!

 

[pmz]

Okay I thought I'd contribute some of my own research and experiences about our LTCs.

So what has happened isn't brain damage, far from it. Our brains do a healthy thing. Whenever there is a large amount of a certain neurotransmitter, our brain then pulls back some of the cellmembrane receptors that respond to this neurotransmitter.

Our brains were just a bit TOO plastic when it came to the XTC and pulled back quite a bit.

This means that theres nothing wrong with our LEVELS of serotonin, it just doesnt get used. There's nothing to recieve the serotonin on our cellmembranes (this is why 5htp and l tryptophan doesnt do anything for us). Not because something is damaged, but because the receptors have become desensitized (downregulation) to such a large burst of serotonin. Similar to how SSRI withdrawal works, except in one short burst instead of chronic use.

All side effects are then because of high levels of other neurotransmitters and your genetic makeup. Which means that the anxiety we all feel is because of high levels of noradrenaline. Or depression which is caused by high levels of acetylcholine.

Serotonin is also used by our body for sensory perception which is why dp/dr is also so typical for these things.

Here are some things ive learned from own experience (which is just anekdotal amd doesnt mean the same things happen to you):

- keep in mind your body is way out of balance, so any supplementation of tyrosine or choline is usually a bad idea

- even though in theory inositol should sensitize serotonin receptors, they also do this with acetylcholine receptors. I found that in high dosage inositol made me very fatigued and depressed

- it appears that low serotonin (cant remember my source) also equals high sensitivity to foods and drugs. Which is why its a bad idea to do drugs while not recovered

- since what were going through bears a lot of resemblence to ssri withdrawals, it might also be helpful to read some forums on this topic. As this is a very small group of people and since these are pretty rare reactions, it might give some hope to read that there is a very large body of peopld that undergo similar things.

- something ive read and am currently practicing is that in the case of ssri withdrawals, healing the mind usually means tending to the gut. People had great success with eliminating gluten/dairy and sugars (not to mentioj caffeine) when going through their withdrawals (because of heightemed food sensitivies)

A very important part to brain plasticity is also sleep. I've used melatonin in a very low dosage (only 0.3mg is needed) to sleep in the first month when sleep was literally impossible. I'm happy to announce that 3,5 months in I sleep for a full 8-10 hours and I feel it does aid recovery.

Also I see a lot of people recommending exercise. If you are able to exercise then definitely do so. But if youre experiencing fatigue don't push yourself. I learned this the hard way.

Also also. Since one of my most major symptoms is reactive hypoglycemia (feeling waves of anxiety when blood sugar drops/feeling depression first hour after eating a big meal) I experience what food does to you. Should you experience very nasty anxiety or depression, keep an eye on your bloodsugar levels and ask yourself if anxiety worsens a 2 hours after eating a big meal or an hour after eating something sugary (morning anxiety might also be aleviated by quickly eating a banana and then cooking a nutritious slow carb breakfast).

Also dehydration is a major culprit in anxiety.

I actually really agree with you here.

I also find it interesting how folks with no drug use get Depersonilization and the exact same symptoms. They might have had a similar shot to their system through general anxiety which caused a similar down-regulation. Who knows. But I cant help to ignore the fact that if non drug users get the EXACT same visual snow, depression, numb emotions, anxiety and ect, it simple cant be brain damage.

Go to this site http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/
Its flooded with people describing the exact same stuff as we are. and many of them have it from smoking pot, LSD, Mushrooms, a near death experience, childhood trauma and many other events. But the fact is that they all have the same symptoms regardless of the trigger.

This down regulation also might be why antidepressents dont work for us. The receptors simply arent available to make use of the serotonin that the drug adds.

I do agree sleep as much as possible, learn to relax and eat right.

Ive been drinking about a gallon of water a day and been feeling great lately.

 

[me2point0]

Seems like this theory checks out. At first I started reading and I was like ''another shot in the dark by some pseudo-scientific scumbag yay''... but then it kinda made sense in a way that everything is linked to each other and explains itself pretty clearly.

 

[coderbrah]

Are you implying that our receptors regrow/sensitise in time? I definitely know I didn't do any brain damage, and there are a lot of people who have really convinced themselves they have, but I agree with you that I have altered it slightly.

Yes thats where DNA comes in. Every cell "knows where it needs to be" in a way. Cell receptor upregulation is a way for the brain to then get back to homeostasis. However I have been unable to find how this process works.

The thing is, our receptors down/upregulate all the time anyway, which explains fluctuations in symptoms.

Also meditation seems to work because studies show that it increases the hippocampus and decreases the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls fear response, which is usually larger in people that suffer from anxiety).

Also also it might be useful to avoid situations with loud noises (like clubs etc) initially because loud noises have also been shown to tax the serotonin system.

That is not the say that the serotonin system is the curlpit for EVERYTHING though, again this is just my theory. For example I'm not sure why people like PMZ have such anhedonhia.

 

[pmz]

Yes thats where DNA comes in. Every cell "knows where it needs to be" in a way. Cell receptor upregulation is a way for the brain to then get back to homeostasis. However I have been unable to find how this process works.

The thing is, our receptors down/upregulate all the time anyway, which explains fluctuations in symptoms.

Also meditation seems to work because studies show that it increases the hippocampus and decreases the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls fear response, which is usually larger in people that suffer from anxiety).

Also also it might be useful to avoid situations with loud noises (like clubs etc) initially because loud noises have also been shown to tax the serotonin system.

That is not the say that the serotonin system is the curlpit for EVERYTHING though, again this is just my theory. For example I'm not sure why people like PMZ have such anhedonhia.

I mean I get the anhedonia thing I guess. Think about how much better everything feels and sounds while rolling. So if serotonin has been down regulated. The opposite would happen. I guess for me it's to am extreme level where music no longer has that pulse to it.
At the same time. Through so much anxiety for So long. I think my body almost forgot how to feel as well. I can get mad and angry. Which are emotions. So I'm not totally numb. Its the positive side which is lacking. Though I've been Much happier. In a good mood. Able to have fun. Slowely starting to feel again. So I think it's really just a combination of letting the brain rewire it self and learning how to relax enough into feeling emotions. Even when I don't feel anxiety I still think there is a level and anxiety that may be blocking higher emotions.

This is why I practice meditation and yoga and relaxation activities to often. I tthink my body needs to learn how to Relax again

 

[coderbrah]

I mean I get the anhedonia thing I guess. Think about how much better everything feels and sounds while rolling. So if serotonin has been down regulated. The opposite would happen. I guess for me it's to am extreme level where music no longer has that pulse to it.
At the same time. Through so much anxiety for So long. I think my body almost forgot how to feel as well. I can get mad and angry. Which are emotions. So I'm not totally numb. Its the positive side which is lacking. Though I've been Much happier. In a good mood. Able to have fun. Slowely starting to feel again. So I think it's really just a combination of letting the brain rewire it self and learning how to relax enough into feeling emotions. Even when I don't feel anxiety I still think there is a level and anxiety that may be blocking higher emotions.

This is why I practice meditation and yoga and relaxation activities to often. I tthink my body needs to learn how to Relax again

Ah okay so its not lack of emotion its more like a lack of good emotions?

Also I have some questions regarding DP/DR. When it goes away do you then "know" or feel your "in the world" again?

 

[pmz]

Ah okay so its not lack of emotion its more like a lack of good emotions?

Also I have some questions regarding DP/DR. When it goes away do you then "know" or feel your "in the world" again?

Pretty much. Yet most of my emotions are very numbed out. Even the bad ones. Even like sadness. Then again. Sad was ever exactly an emotion I remember feeling all my life anyway. So I'm not concerned abut that. I don't feel as if o get as angry or effected by much. Could also be that I have bigger things to really get stressed about so I don't let my self get as angry or mad as I used to. So yeah. I would say it's more of the good emotions I have trouble connecting with

Especially to music. Music just doesn't make me emotional or amped up anymore. If that comes back tomorrow I can consider my self good and everything else I would not care about. But it just lacks that energy. Yet it's not just music. Its many aspects I just have trouble getting genuinely excited as I used to. Music was the one thing I connected to the most. So I miss it. Maybe in trying to hard to connect to it and one day it will just light me up again when I figure out how to stop searching for it.
I mean I can still enjoy music. It just doesn't carry me and I don't fall in love with songs like I used to. In due time I guess

 

[coderbrah]

Pretty much. Yet most of my emotions are very numbed out. Even the bad ones. Even like sadness. Then again. Sad was ever exactly an emotion I remember feeling all my life anyway. So I'm not concerned abut that. I don't feel as if o get as angry or effected by much. Could also be that I have bigger things to really get stressed about so I don't let my self get as angry or mad as I used to. So yeah. I would say it's more of the good emotions I have trouble connecting with

Especially to music. Music just doesn't make me emotional or amped up anymore. If that comes back tomorrow I can consider my self good and everything else I would not care about. But it just lacks that energy. Yet it's not just music. Its many aspects I just have trouble getting genuinely excited as I used to. Music was the one thing I connected to the most. So I miss it. Maybe in trying to hard to connect to it and one day it will just light me up again when I figure out how to stop searching for it.
I mean I can still enjoy music. It just doesn't carry me and I don't fall in love with songs like I used to. In due time I guess

What are you proactively doing so far besides meditation? Also are you still using drugs?

 

[imatowel]

During my obsessive phase of my comedown, I read through a lot of Somedud's posts in an attempt piece together his story and understand what he went through from the Summer of 2010 until his death in December 2012. That 2.5 year journey took him through an unimaginable hell until his life ended. If you sift through his posts, you'll realize that here is a happy kid in his early 20's, in college studying physics, super popular, good with the ladies, athletic, and living life to the fullest possible for any 20 something year old guy.

What follows is a steady and utterly complete destruction of his life until his ultimate demise. He posted on here quite a bit, so that you can really see the suffering that he endured in detail. He lost his friends, developed severe anxiety and depression, lost his cognitive abilities, and most importantly lost his sense of self. He did MDMA three more times after his long term comedown started in 2010, the first time 8 months in. Each time his symptoms worsened, developed new symptoms, and further declined cognitively. He died 4 months after his last time taking MDMA. He really struggled to find a solution over this time and went through a lot of medical literature. Even though he was suffering, I could tell based how he was able to reason through the articles he read that he was a pretty smart kid.

He had no history of mental illness or cognitive problems before all this, so I truly believe this was all largely due to the effects of toxicity from MDMA. This drug really took his life from him, well before he physically died.

I read his online obituary. There was a post on there that alluded to suicide being the cause of death.

Even though I never knew him, his story hits me pretty heavily. I was a lot like Somedud when I was his age, and I suffered immensely through this comedown, so I can understand what its like for someone like him who has seemingly everything to be left with nothing after a few bad decisions. He died 6 months before my comedown started, but I wish he was still alive, so I could have told him to not do any more MDMA.

I have made some good friends on this website throughout this hell, but I consider all of you suffering for months to be my friend, because we have gone through a unique suffering that the outside world cannot even comprehend. And so I'm telling you all with these long term MDMA effects not to do any more MDMA. The risk of further injury causing worsening symptoms is just too high. Just like anyone else, even physicians, I did not know much about the potential risk for toxicity causing such long term symptoms after MDMA before this misery started for me. But I know a LOT about the brain. In fact, those who know me would tell you that I can be considered an expert on the brain. Based on everything I know, and what I have learned about MDMA over the months, if you are currently suffering from long-term effects of MDMA, you really run the risk of causing a significant more, permanent damage by doing it again. While it may not physically kill you, you may no longer be able to accept the life you have after the damage, like Somedud.

My symptoms were horrible for me. They utterly shut down my way of life, and for a long time I saw no further point in continuing to breathe. Those who I have stayed in touch with throughout this nightmare will tell you that after 10.5 months, I have really started to turn the corner, and this comedown seems to be nearing its end. This has been only possible by changing the way I live: no drugs, no alcohol, no caffeine, good diet. I have pushed my mind harder than ever to overcome this. But through this I have gained a true understanding of suffering and empathy and what is important in life. The most important thing I have learned about is self-acceptance, a trait that I never had before.

Keep fighting my friends. Things cannot stay the same forever.

RIP Somedud.

Thank you for this... really.

 

[coderbrah]

For those interested (following up on my earlier theory): it seems that high glutamate activity is to blame for feelings of derealization/depersonalization. For example dissasociatives like ketamine release large amounts of this neurotransmitter. This makes sense in the theory since the Serotonin/GABA system should normally put the brakes on chemicals such as glutamate and norepinephrine.