Hello, I'm hoping this is the right place for this kind of thing, this is my first post on this website, but..
The story I'm about to give primarily begins in my freshman year of high school. There was a kid named Kyle who used to be a bully/tormentor sort of type to me during my middle school years, but ended up befriending in my freshman year of high school. I made the decision at one point to let him into my life, and although I smoked weed a couple times before high school started, for some reason or another I had this mindset that I put into myself beforehand that I would choose to start smoking weed on a daily basis. Me and Kyle became very good friends at a certain point, and basically had a relationship that formed off of weed itself, though I wasn't really aware of that fact at this time. Me, him and his best friend Matt would smoke weed in the woods every day before school, and we would always hang out after school with my other friends I've known since childhood. To cut to the chase, the real problem foremost that he continued his bullying, particularly to me. Because of this, we would be friends on and off, and each time I would stupidly let him back in to my life.
I really don't know where to begin with the specifics of why this kid was born broken, and how he pretty much destroyed everyones self esteem around him, a lot (most of) the times his own friends, he did a hell of a job feeding off of people's energy for his own well-being. He was very manipulative, and it was hard to even talk to my own close friends about the bullshit, as he would get people on his side in terms of his own perspective and constantly negative opinions on everybody.
It would probably seem to most people that the obvious thing to do in this situation would be to find a consensus among everyone else who observed this behavior, to leave the asshole. However, I was one of the two people whose entire perspective on life was ruined, simply because we let him. My only real justification on this is because of his manipulation: He brought the faults of people to light. The faults of my own friends that I recognized, that annoyed me personally, I could relate to his frustration in people's tendencies, which made me understand his anger a bit better in general. He manipulated me strongly into realizing that my situation with my childhood friends was beginning to dull, and that my own life was declining because i stuck with the same friends.
And that may partially be true- In fact, part of his manipulating was that not everything he said was wrong, and together we would talk about these issues that my we saw in my friends. Then he would go farther, and point out that downright hypocrisy of people. When it came to hypocrisy, he would point out my flaws the most, where I would complain about people's tendencies after he did, but then he would point out the same things in me. This is where most of our arguments centered, and if there was anyone standing up for themselves at this point, it was me. Still, our friendship continued because of our mutual interests, though the interest we shared besides drugs together, playing guitar, dulled as we would play together and he would constantly bash my inferior playing skills to his.
Thankfully, this man is not living in the same state as me anymore, he moved to Arizona to become a hardcore tweaker and lose his sanity completely. This would be completely fine with me, after all, he asked me to move there with him, and I didn't. But his old best friend Matt did, and after seven months of living with him, Matt has come back to our city with horrifying stories.
Matt was now the only friend Kyle had left. For the first two months they lived together, it was apparently going well. But Kyle started using meth, and started beating Matt senselessly every day. Matt, also one that was never quite wired right in the first place, was taken complete advantage of, and would accept Kyle's treatment, because Kyle would always apologize and let Matt do meth with him. Matt's own addiction dragged him down along with Kyle's abuse, despite other details too disgusting for me to go into detail at the moment.
I can relate to Matt in the sense that Kyle has scarred us. Kyle scarred me mentally, I feel. Even though Kyle is no longer here, his voice stays in my head EVERYWHERE. Criticizing and judging my ego, as well as everyone else around me, friends and society alike. It laughs with me, as it makes fun of the things that my original mind would have laughed at to begin with; but now, for some weird reason, I guess he really branded his shit into my brain, possibly permanently, my own thoughts are somehow connected with his. He has smashed his own ego into mine, at least that's how I perceive it.
Matt now suffers from PTSD, and has flashbacks of being beaten. I think that our minds continue to justify Kyle's actions on the basis of the intelligent, humorous that Kyle once had.
I was an idiot for dealing with Kyle as much as I did. So now, the only things here that I can ask other people in hopes of some sort of ability to relate: How do I move on? Kyle helped egg on my addiction to drugs, and I often wonder if the only way to stop the association is to quit drugs altogether. I can't help Matt anymore, as his bad habits will only drag me further down; Therefore, as sad as it is for me, I no longer talk to him.
Kyle has destroyed friendships and minds, to those whose love he undeservingly recieved.
How do I get his fucking annoying and exhausting voice out of my head? How do I overcome myself, after I let a part of him into me forever?
At least he's dying from cancer, and maybe that's proof there is a God after all.
Sorry for the long rant..
The story I'm about to give primarily begins in my freshman year of high school. There was a kid named Kyle who used to be a bully/tormentor sort of type to me during my middle school years, but ended up befriending in my freshman year of high school. I made the decision at one point to let him into my life, and although I smoked weed a couple times before high school started, for some reason or another I had this mindset that I put into myself beforehand that I would choose to start smoking weed on a daily basis. Me and Kyle became very good friends at a certain point, and basically had a relationship that formed off of weed itself, though I wasn't really aware of that fact at this time. Me, him and his best friend Matt would smoke weed in the woods every day before school, and we would always hang out after school with my other friends I've known since childhood. To cut to the chase, the real problem foremost that he continued his bullying, particularly to me. Because of this, we would be friends on and off, and each time I would stupidly let him back in to my life.
I really don't know where to begin with the specifics of why this kid was born broken, and how he pretty much destroyed everyones self esteem around him, a lot (most of) the times his own friends, he did a hell of a job feeding off of people's energy for his own well-being. He was very manipulative, and it was hard to even talk to my own close friends about the bullshit, as he would get people on his side in terms of his own perspective and constantly negative opinions on everybody.
It would probably seem to most people that the obvious thing to do in this situation would be to find a consensus among everyone else who observed this behavior, to leave the asshole. However, I was one of the two people whose entire perspective on life was ruined, simply because we let him. My only real justification on this is because of his manipulation: He brought the faults of people to light. The faults of my own friends that I recognized, that annoyed me personally, I could relate to his frustration in people's tendencies, which made me understand his anger a bit better in general. He manipulated me strongly into realizing that my situation with my childhood friends was beginning to dull, and that my own life was declining because i stuck with the same friends.
And that may partially be true- In fact, part of his manipulating was that not everything he said was wrong, and together we would talk about these issues that my we saw in my friends. Then he would go farther, and point out that downright hypocrisy of people. When it came to hypocrisy, he would point out my flaws the most, where I would complain about people's tendencies after he did, but then he would point out the same things in me. This is where most of our arguments centered, and if there was anyone standing up for themselves at this point, it was me. Still, our friendship continued because of our mutual interests, though the interest we shared besides drugs together, playing guitar, dulled as we would play together and he would constantly bash my inferior playing skills to his.
Thankfully, this man is not living in the same state as me anymore, he moved to Arizona to become a hardcore tweaker and lose his sanity completely. This would be completely fine with me, after all, he asked me to move there with him, and I didn't. But his old best friend Matt did, and after seven months of living with him, Matt has come back to our city with horrifying stories.
Matt was now the only friend Kyle had left. For the first two months they lived together, it was apparently going well. But Kyle started using meth, and started beating Matt senselessly every day. Matt, also one that was never quite wired right in the first place, was taken complete advantage of, and would accept Kyle's treatment, because Kyle would always apologize and let Matt do meth with him. Matt's own addiction dragged him down along with Kyle's abuse, despite other details too disgusting for me to go into detail at the moment.
I can relate to Matt in the sense that Kyle has scarred us. Kyle scarred me mentally, I feel. Even though Kyle is no longer here, his voice stays in my head EVERYWHERE. Criticizing and judging my ego, as well as everyone else around me, friends and society alike. It laughs with me, as it makes fun of the things that my original mind would have laughed at to begin with; but now, for some weird reason, I guess he really branded his shit into my brain, possibly permanently, my own thoughts are somehow connected with his. He has smashed his own ego into mine, at least that's how I perceive it.
Matt now suffers from PTSD, and has flashbacks of being beaten. I think that our minds continue to justify Kyle's actions on the basis of the intelligent, humorous that Kyle once had.
I was an idiot for dealing with Kyle as much as I did. So now, the only things here that I can ask other people in hopes of some sort of ability to relate: How do I move on? Kyle helped egg on my addiction to drugs, and I often wonder if the only way to stop the association is to quit drugs altogether. I can't help Matt anymore, as his bad habits will only drag me further down; Therefore, as sad as it is for me, I no longer talk to him.
Kyle has destroyed friendships and minds, to those whose love he undeservingly recieved.
How do I get his fucking annoying and exhausting voice out of my head? How do I overcome myself, after I let a part of him into me forever?
At least he's dying from cancer, and maybe that's proof there is a God after all.
Sorry for the long rant..
