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Totally Clueless

T

the one.O

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 14, 2013
Messages
8
Location
Wichita KS
Okay, I'm going to try and make this some what long story short. Okay well I am currently engaged to an amazing guy. We have been together for almost 3 years.We started dating when I was 18 and I am currently 20. He was my first, if you catch my dift ;). Anyhowzers he was also my first real boyfriend. I know what a loser lol. He is currently in prison, for some past drug issues. And he is sentenced for 3 years. It tears me up to be without him, since he literaly was my bestfriend and my first love. I have every intent on waiting for him. It was hard when he first went in but as the days went on, it got some what eaiser, a small amount. Well to get on with it. He always tells me that if I want I could just move on and try other things with other people and he will just hit me up when he gets out. I guess since I've only done it with one person (him) I do sometimes get curious about what it would be like with other people. But I love him way too much to just give up and look for other guys. He, being a boy has had many previous sexual relations. Sometimes that bugs me, because it seems like I had to share him but I didn't at all since I did not know him when he had those previous relationships. But I don't know how else to describe it. I guess my main point is or my question is, I have no idea what to. I want to stay with him, yet I want to live my college years how a college girl is suppose to you know. Go out and have fun without having to worring about getting in trouble or doing something bad that your sig other will disapprove of. It kinda sucks being engaged going through college. But yet I don't want to break it off with him. I still want to be with him. And I'm afraid if I do take the chance he gave me to go out and try, our love/relationship won't be the same once he gets out and get back together. I am so lost and I don't know where to go. I hope I covered everything and any help at all would very appreciated. :D
 
You are young and in three years you will both be different people due to gaining three years of experience....apart. I say do whatever makes you happy. If you were older and more experienced in life in general, I might be more proactive about sticking it out ...but... that's not the case.
 
Thanks Azure Cloud, that helps. But what makes me happy is being with but I would also be happy, living like a wild college kid. I go to some parties and stuff but it always ends up upsetting him. And it doesn't make sense because he is 3 1/2 years older than me and he partied and stuff and did drugs and had a good time, but when I talk about doing drugs and having fun like he did, he gets upset and it starts a fight. I understand where he is coming from though, because he doesn't want me to get addicted to the wrong one and go down the road he did and end up in prison. But I want to experience things on my own and find what I like and don't like. I guess I don't know what I want to do. I just want to have fun but still have the love of my life by my side.
 
I'm a firm believer of only telling someone what they need to know. He is in prison and it is not your fault. In this case if you are going to try to stick it out, leave out the details that upset him. Or look at it this way, if he can't love you unconditionally -with you being as you truly are, a young person still growing into adulthood - consider if this is really the best relationship for you anyways.
 
Honestly, if my boyfriend went to prison, I don't think I'd be able to be with anyone else, even if he didn't care. I mean, maybe in an open relationship or something. But in a serious monogamous relationship? I don't know if you'd be able to keep things the same when he's out...
 
Some people are lucky enough to grow stronger as a couple and fulfill many of their dreams, but those people are few and far between. On the other side are all the people who got married before they truly knew themselves, grew apart and maybe get divorced by the time they're in their 30s and have to try and restart their lives. If this guy is truly the one for you, then it doesn't matter if you're apart for three years or ten, it will eventually turn out right, so for now I think you should give yourself a chance and explore the limitless potential you might have within you.
 
the one.O said:
Thanks everyone it really means alot. I will take your advised and see how it goes. You guys rule :)
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You've gotten several points of view here. Follow your heart but don't sacrifice yourself.

Just to reiterate my point one last time: No single person is the "one" for anyone. For a ltr to work requires work, compromise and acceptance. You are 20. You probably don't even know who you really are yet (I'm not trying to be judgmental or say anything negative. I just know that @ 40, I'm much more completed than I ever was at 20); how could you possibly know who your "soul mate" should be.
 
I feel ya. I understand where you're coming from totally. I know for sure I have no idea who I am, I question myself literally everyday. Always changing my mind on what I want to do or what I want to be. Sometimes I feel, like truely deeply feel like he is the one. But then there are those times when I feel like I would be better off without him, but I only feel that way when we are in an argument or if I am upset with him. So I mainly feel that way out of anger or sadness. But he is my first real boyfriend and fiance so how would I know since I haven't experienced any one else. you know?....
 
Well I wish my heart was easy to read. I don't know if I want to stay so bad because I'm afraid to be alone or what. I guess I don't know what life would be like without him. But I'm starting to see what it would be like slowly. We don't talk everyday and I hate to say this but sometimes I'm just like oh yeah I'm engaged and have to remind myself. Which is kinda sad. But I still feel love for him. Its either love or I'm deeply infatuated with him.
 
Change is scary for most people...well the idea of change is scary; positive change is always empowering.

I don't want to come off like I'm encouraging you to leave him but it is a fact that you'll be a better life partner to someone once you've discovered that you are a complete person all on your own. The best partner is one that wants to be in a relationship, not one that's in a relationship because they are scared to be on their own or because they "need" the other to be complete.
 
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