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Chicago Heroin v. Please refrain from offing yourself.

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^ We can't tell you where to score, and that includes trying to dance around the rules by giving vague hints.
 
Seems things are really hot.
Not sure if the law is making up for numbers lost during the brutal winter or what...but everyone i talked to said the same thing.
Cops are everywhere. They are definately out showing force.
Honestly why bother. Not worth it unless you absolutely have to.

-envee
 
Also fantom13 hope you are doing well. Your story was intense. Good luck and good fortunes.
-enVee
 
man this whole sober shit is getting real fucking old so sick of my whole household on my dick about being clean and when i leave the house for more than 30 min everybody starts arguing and just makes me feel like shit wut they dont get is now that im on 30 mg of methadone i cant go and get treatment for anxiety all my old anxiety medications dont mix welll wit the done for somebody wit extreme anxiety im really considering gettin back on the H at least i had a sense of relaxation/calm now i get no chill time or me time
 
I know exactly what ur talking about (Sry, posting from phone) in regards to anxiety. I get it real bad sometimes, especially after I would kick. But I got no experience with done. I'm on subs, and my other doc has me on kpins. Both docs know the story, it's not like I'm hiding anything. Anyhow, I'm trying to taper off the kpins, been over a year now, and every time I get down to a low dose, the physical effects start in my chest and heart rate, then eventually in my thinking. I guess one day I'm just gonna have to put my mind to it and suffer thru if I wanna get off the benzos.
 
I know they must be reluctant to prescribe you benzos on top of the done, and I don't know what the answer is to that.
But hang in there man, maybe up the dose, idk... It would really suck to get back on the dope, or get popped and kick that done in cook county.
Just something to think about.
What does the clinic or counselor say about the anxiety?
 
Clonodine (sp?) Works good for anxiety too. Lowers heart rate and can make ya sleepy as its a heart/blood pressure medicine. Its specifically made to lower heart rates which is tied to anxiety.

I dunno but tmrws friday and i wanna parrrrrrty. Fuck this sobreity thing too. Hopefully tmrw getting 2 jabs. Thats the plan at least.

-eNVee
 
..and shayjay youre on MMT, not doing anything wrong, and both you and your family are stressed out..them because theyre suspicious of when youre gone or alone and you coz you cant get free. Dont go back on the H. It will create more stress and anxiety which you cant treat properly regardless. If you go back down that road you will cause more stress and anxiety for both you and your fam. They have somewhat of a reason to be suspicious although that doesnt mean they cant have boundries...
I cant properly illustrate my thoughts but dont go back on dope coz the stress and anxiety is stacking up. We all know it gets worse by orders of magnitude when youre using. Good luck w your decision either way. Hopefully you find some peace and quiet. Dont stress. Easier said than done i suppose.

NV
 
shayjaychi said:
man this whole sober shit is getting real fucking old so sick of my whole household on my dick about being clean and when i leave the house for more than 30 min everybody starts arguing and just makes me feel like shit wut they dont get is now that im on 30 mg of methadone i cant go and get treatment for anxiety all my old anxiety medications dont mix welll wit the done for somebody wit extreme anxiety im really considering gettin back on the H at least i had a sense of relaxation/calm now i get no chill time or me time
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maybe you need an increase in your methadone. I had anxiety till my dose got high enough to somewhat hold me the whole day.
 
shay-j -
I sent you a pm basically just giving you support to stay clean for right now.

I totally get it, like I said earlier with the anxiety, it feels like the whole world is crashing down on you right now and you gotta escape and nothing helps and you freak out. At least that's how it would get for me. And like I said, I'd like to kick the benzos, but when my dose gets low and after 6-8 hours I feel it start, it's physical but it's more mental, because my brain tells me I know that freight train feeling is coming, so I haven't been able to get more than one day clean from that med, because it will wake me up with weird dreams and then the immediate anxiety when I wake in the middle of the night.

But I hope some of what I said - we all said - helps you out, because I also know that when I was using and I would cave in and get high (it felt so great to have that feeling lifted), my anxiety would just get worse when I would come down again, like double, so that's no escape route for sure.

All these guys with methadone experience are saying try a little more - I gotta figure that you have to go to the clinic daily because you basically just started a month ago, right? So if you can get through tonight, or even if you can't - talk to the clinic, man. Work with them. I hope you got a good relationship with them.

Anyway, that's my piece. I know what it's like to feel trapped by the using and the anxiety and the family, and to just walk out and split and try to come up with an excuse later...that shit sucks. I'm sorry to hear it.

Good luck, man.
 
Im in the same boat. Went back on the bupe for a month. I have been doing good with my month breaks. I try to take them quarterly. Lol. But the bitch has just been calling my name, and tomorrow is the day. I'm excited as fuck to go cop. I really think that is the heart of my addiction. The moments leading up to copping are always the most exciting part aside from the first rush. As for the anxiety, I totally get it bro. When I go on the bupe they absolutely refuse to prescribe any benzos. I know they say it's a bad combo and they are probably right, but the anxiety is what kills most recoveries I think. Anyways, team nod assemble and wake the fuck up!!! I'll be back tomorrow with a big shit eating grin. I want some good stories from the weekend. And for my fellow west side riders, stay outta trouble and happy noddings.
 
I've personally had some beige-sandy chunks of fire directly from my Chi-town homie. These were the fattest bags ever too (well the dope was in foil-folds). At first, when I put this shit in the water, I was a little worried. It turned into that golden-solution that I love to see, but it was kinda white and cloudy (guessing it's that Dormin/DPH cut that's common up north), but still somewhat transparent. There was some visible cut on the cotton. Like I said the solution was still heroin-gold though and transparent enough for my crazy ass to register blood and... OMG warm, heavenly rush with the classic morphine pins n' needles, definite rush from some sedative or with the lack of legs and short-lived, INTENSE rush possibly a fentanyl cut (familiar with China White here in Dayton, but that shit is completely transparent and no cuts leftover). Nodded heavily with the rig still in my arm. I rarely ever do that shit!

I miss that shit, only ECP up there with the China White I come across here in Dayton, OH. Supposedly a South Colombian heroin pipeline.
 
^^ didnt you say in a recent thread that rules were for suckers or meant to be broken? The thread regarding cheating and getting a leg up on the competition???
 
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