Is there hope for me?

[Wicked702]

I was wondering if there are any of you out there who dealt with prolonged psychotic symptoms after abstaining from meth.....I mean they could be a shadow here or there but nothing like the psychosis where I lost touch with reality....Also does pot bring out some psychosis and by this I mean confusion, racing thoughts, anxiety?.

Hey sonic, I'm a bit late to the party but I wanted to contribute a couple things to you.

No, I've never had prolonged psychotic symptoms from meth, however, I did get them from weed (and eventually a little with MDMA abuse). But it's the weed I'd like to focus on. Started smoking at 21 (ha, late I know to start drugs). Smoked for a few years, near daily. Long story short, I started experiencing auditory hallucinations (hearing voices). They manifested as the voices of friends and family saying mean and hateful things about me behind my back. Thought they were real for a while too. Eventually confronted some people about what they were saying. In the end, I realized it was the weed. Not real. Probably still a few people out there that think I'm nuts, but most of them I'm still friends with.

See, a lot of people don't realize that weed is a fairly strong hallucinogen. There have been a few studies that show about 1% of the people that smoke weed experience some sort of mild-moderate hallucinations. This is especially prevalent with schizophrenia like mental disorders. Sometimes weed helps, sometimes it makes the symptoms worse. I have (had, they both died in the past year) two schizophrenic relatives. It's quite likely I carry the recessive gene within me. Not enough to get the full-blown deal, but enough that certain chemicals don't mesh well with my brain. Sadly, for me, weed is my mortal enemy. Really sucks too, considering generally how safe of a drug it can be. But like anything, a small percentage of people SHOULD STAY AWAY! Weed isn't safe for everyone. No "drug" is safe for everyone.

So my honest advice, stay away from marijuana. Now that you've broken past the barrier of psychosis like I have, it may have turned into something that worsens your symptoms. Might no longer be the drug for you, ya know? You might be part of the lucky 1%, like me... Anyway, on the subject of the psychosis symptoms: I guess I'm lucky in that I'm so grounded in the corporeal, that it didn't take me long to push aside the voices. No therapy (though I'd love to get some one day), just pushed them away. Even now though, more than half a decade later, I can honestly say it never goes away 100%. Sometimes people say things, and your paranoid mind thinks they are talking about you. For me, my only recourse was to force myself not to care what others think. Not react, move on. Yeah deep down I do, but at least if I live with a "fuck it" attitude, I can always remind myself that the symptoms aren't real and that I am in control of my destiny.

Dunno if that helps at all. Feel free to ask questions.

 

[sonicwhite]

That actually helps a lot Wicked702, I did the same thing before I started to let head doctors screw with my head and make me believe I have this and that.....It was all background noise. The voices that I did hear where little whisper and it was like a thought broken down into words.....I was a little sensitive to convo's on TV but I never fell back into that grip of full blown hell if ya know what I mean? I do consider myself lucky and blessed. I just think that when I started to see a doctor they put fear into me that there was something serious wrong even tho the first pdoc I had said she thinks I have a little anxiety and that the psychosis went into remission....I have never lost my crap like i did in 05 again but i often have nightmares which I think are a side effect plus food eating at the wrong time.....Man, how all this started was I was in my GED class. And I was looking around for something to read so I look at this mental health book and it scared the crap out of me cause it named a lot of what i went thru in 05. I mean when the psychosis left i never went to see a doc so I never had it instilled in me that I went thru a psychosis.......I thought it was a actual supernatural event to change my life for the better and even tho i have seen doctors for the past six years. I still believe it was a tool being used by my higher power to help me.....Wulp that's pretty much it in a nutshell.

 

[sonicwhite]

So I'm thinking MJ. is the problem.....When I smoked meth in 08 I just got very obsessive compulsive and I didn't flip my lid but, every time I have ever smoked weed after may of 06 I start to trip out crazy.....I mean like racing thoughts and impending doom....It lingers for about a day....One day I finally accepted the truth. that I will no longer be able to toke.

 

[Wicked702]

It was all background noise. The voices that I did hear where little whisper and it was like a thought broken down into words.

This is pretty much it. Almost like it's just on the edge of your hearing, but you know there's no actual sound waves in the air. So you try really hard to listen and you start "thinking" you hear certain words. And unfortunately, those words ended up being negative.

We've some sort of confidence or self-esteem issue, you and I both. I mean, I like myself. I'm confident in myself and my abilities. But obviously, deep down, we've got unresolved social barriers and stuff. They manifested themselves as negative words and attacks in our minds. The voices are our own self-doubts coming to the surface. But it's not who we really are. It's (and I know this isn't easy) another challenge we have to conquer. Don't dwell on them too much man, they're just vapor in the wind.

On the subject of MJ. It's pretty straight-forward. You won't know if it's a problem until you abstain for a while and see how you feel. Certain strains are supposed to produce less anxiety. I think Indica is better over Sativa for that? (Someone more pot savvy might have to weigh in.) Also, I think you'd want to try to maximize CBD content over THC? I think that's what Indica does. CBD is supposed to have anti-psychotic properties according to wikipedia and other sources. But unfortunately, since everything is mostly still black market it's going to be difficult to know what you are getting. But, I'd say your best bet is to stay away for a while, see how you feel, do some research, and then try it again once or twice at some multi-month or ~1 year future date. Every time I tried it, I got the bad effects so I finally came to realize I had to be done with it forever. But you never know, everyone is different.

 

[sonicwhite]

When I come to think of it. I'm pretty please and proud how far I have come.......That those times i was hanging around my old friends doing dope I would run as far as i could to get away from that stuff. It also amazes me to see how delusional I was on that stuff and how witty i have become from abstaining from it......I think my life will only improve as long as I stay away from meth....I'm not bashing meth heads I know the struggle and also the trouble we can get caught in without hardly even know it.

 

[Ozekat]

When I come to think of it. I'm pretty please and proud how far I have come.......That those times i was hanging around my old friends doing dope I would run as far as i could to get away from that stuff. It also amazes me to see how delusional I was on that stuff and how witty i have become from abstaining from it......I think my life will only improve as long as I stay away from meth....I'm not bashing meth heads I know the struggle and also the trouble we can get caught in without hardly even know it.

Yes, exactly. The delusion of meth is out of this world. It seems to affect everyone from the first use, because of its highly(x100) addictive nature.

I've been able to abstain a handful of times when I was around the stuff.....but meth is so insidious man, it will sneak right up on you in the blink of an eye and cravings will come out of nowhere. This year I spent 1 solid month not touching it (In January) and then dabbled a bit then put it down again for 2 months! But it is so tricky.....at least I have a moderate usage rate, even though my tolerance keeps shooting through the roof with every use.

I've been doing too much of it here lately. Its all about those delusional lies we tell ourselves man, especially with this stuff.

I hope more people can contribute to my thread in TDS asking for "true meth recovery stories".....btw sonicwhite, your story sounds good so far sounds like you are making it just fine.....its good to know someone else fighting the good fight.....I try everyday.

:D